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At Break Time 014
" Are you really all right? " Loretta asks me as soon as we enter the room. She quickly puts together a new look for me from the clothes in her small closet. " This will look wonderful on you, better than the other one, put it on! I agree with her, after all I don't have much choice or head to choose a new combination. If I took too much time to think about the episode I might not even want to return to the party. " Tell me. What was that all about? " Loretta asks after a while watching me get dressed. " An incident. No big deal. That's what everyone saw. " I try to cover it up. I touch up my lipstick and take one last look in the mirror before I leave. But Loretta is still sitting on the bed, her gaze inquisitive. Since when had she become my mother?" What? " Aria, you have to be more careful. " Why are you saying this? " I don't need to state the obvious. I think you already know how much trouble you're in if you keep this up.Oh, come on... Moral lessons at this hour? Bes
At Break Time 015
Arriving at the room, making sure that no one had seen the three of us together in the hallways, I summarized the whole imbroglio to Loretta and Ethan." And to think I underestimated you. " Ethan mocked with a somewhat mournful tone." Just one last question for me, Aria. " Go ahead. " I say to Loretta." You're not brothers at all, are you? Ethan, who is all the time pacing back and forth across the room, suddenly stops and looks at me, curious about my answer. This was the part I hadn't made clear to her yet. " We are considerate brothers. He is the son of my father's wife. " That's right. Fate brought us together. " Ethan reiterates, making little hearts with his hands. What a stupid kid... And hot." And then you hit it off.Bingo. Loretta didn't miss a thing. There was no need for an answer. Our expression already gave everything away. " Your faces and mouths during the party were the biggest signs. And unlike you, Ethan, I never underestimated Aria. " Loretta completes, c
At Break Time 016
Loretta returns to her room around five in the morning. We wouldn't have our first class on this post"party day, even though she ideally wouldn't have seen me and Ethan like this. Half naked and cuddled, lying in the same bed. A giant question mark was drawn on her face. Surely, I was some kind of hopeless piranha even on her levels, in her head, of course. In my conception, I was and am just a free woman.Free of labels, free of the need to explain myself, giving satisfaction to one or another, free even of prejudices.But she came in without saying anything, just grabbed some clothes to get ready in the bathroom. She saw that I saw her, so I thought I had to get Ethan out of here before she even got back to her room." Come on, wake up, Ethan. " I move him as soon as Loretta closes the door. " Huh? What? He wakes up slowly, still trying to locate himself." You gotta get yourself home, come on. " There, okay, okay. He gets up, still a little confused, gathers his clothes and in l
At Break Time 017
With no answers, Max shuts me up with a kiss. He smells of sweat, tobacco, and alcohol. His attitude is consistent with his slightly altered state. Apparently while I was spending the night with Ethan in the bedroom, he had continued partying and had a few, or several, drinks. " Stop playing with me, okay? " he says, finally, after taking my breath away with his intense beer"flavored kiss. " I can't tell who is playing with whom." I think I'm going crazy, this has never happened to me before, with any student... " He brings his hand to his forehead, in a second of sobriety. " Then we are both crazy, because as far as I remember I have never even kissed a teacher before. We stared at each other in silence for a while, reflecting on what we were doing. A movie flashed through my mind. We didn't know where we were going with this. We couldn't even explain how it had started, or why it had started. The only thing I was sure of was that I wanted to continue this adventure that still h
At Break Time 018
Before she could answer, a movie flashed through my mind about the moment Peter and I first met. " Peter? Like Peter Parker?I had thought he was cute the first day, but so much had happened since then. At least now, I no longer saw myself in this position of being Peter's candidate for a boyfriend. I saw him more as a friend, almost a brother..." Do you really want to know? It happened. And it was a lot, baby! " Loretta finally confessed, snapping me out of my reverie. She was clearly excited about the news, to the point of infecting me with her happiness." Oh, tell me about it. How did it go? I want details! " Oh, sordid details, please don't! " she says, finishing her lipstick. Only she herself would not neglect her lipstick to go to class, so early in the morning. ". No, I won't. Tell me! You know all about me and my fumbles..." Wait, fumbles? I wouldn't put it that way... " Adventures? " I say, smiling, naughty. " All right, I'll tell you... but... " she says, in a whisp
At Break Time 019
The class went about as close to normal as you could consider normal, if you consider that I was in a notorious anxiety crisis the whole time. Every time Stephen looked in my direction, I tried to disguise my discomfort. I looked away, poked Loretta, contracted my leg muscles involuntarily in the motion of closing them. My mind wandered to places far away from verbs, pronouns, nouns.I think that if I had a surprise test today, I would get a zero. I don't think so, I'm sure." Hey, wake up. Class is over. " Now Loretta was nudging me, hurrying us to go. I looked one last time in Stephen's direction, I wanted to make sure I wasn't going crazy, or that there really was a different atmosphere in this class. No other way. When I did, he looked back at me at the same moment and then turned away, trying to disguise it by coughing, as if he were scraping his throat. " See you next week, guys. " He concluded.Next week? That long?" I don't know what you're getting at, Aria. Are you going t
At Break Time 020
" But you're right, he really is hot. There wasn't anyone who didn't notice. - Loretta concludes, biting her lower lip." Is that so, Loretta? And Peter was right by your side, behave yourself, okay! - I imply." Here, ladies. Natural juice, no sugar for you and little sugar for you. - Klaus delivers with his usual kindness, like a programmed robot." Do they open part-time positions to work here? - Whisper to Loretta."Why are you interested?" I don't know, it seems relaxed working here, Klaus always seems to be in a good mood. Besides, at some point I'm going to need to become more independent of the money sent by my father..." Got it. And you've always been like this?" Like this?" Half crazy, half nerd, half nymphomaniac... - She says and starts laughing." I don't consider myself any of that. - I say, just before drinking some of my juice." Swear? Sometimes it's hard for us to have a more realistic notion of ourselves. Philosophy explains. But those who are outside see better
At Break Time 021
" So you can start, I'm all ears. I love hearing about your adventures. “ Mellanie sits on the bed, excited.I make an expression as if to say “Really? We haven't even brushed our teeth yet." But Loretta is happy to see you and her tongue itches to update you." Speaking of adventures, you're looking at a much more daring girl than me and you combined. In a week, she surpassed us. - Loretta says, provocatively, totally ignoring my presence.Mellanie opens her mouth in a big O in mock puzzlement, and then they both burst out laughing."Be more specific Lori, what do you mean by that?I roll my eyes and before they continue this game of talking about it in front of me, as if I were invisible, I join the conversation too." You mean I'm a free woman and a kisser, that's it! I don't see a crime in that, do you? - I question, directing the question to Mellanie." Of course not, but what you are not telling me, are the details that matter most! - She insists.I look at Loretta as if asking
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At Break Time 077
From the bus window, I begin to recognize the place where my father said he would be next to the new house. By my count, there's only another ten minutes to go.I don't know if it was reading during the trip, the many turns the bus took or everything together, but I feel extremely nauseous, hoping that the bus arrives at its destination soon.I avoid eating cookies anymore, I've come to despise them in the last few days, so these are the ones I love so much.I check my phone quickly, no messages. Screen light also gives me a headache. The truth is, I've been feeling weird with unprecedented frequency these past few days. I also felt that my hips are a little wider. I need to stop eating cookies at dawn.Suddenly, the cell phone rings. It's Loretta."Hey friend.""Hi, babe. Are you there yet?""Hmm... almost. Not long, why?""Nothing, I just wanted to know if it arrived okay."" Missing your crazy friend already, I know." Also." She nods. "Don't forget to say hello to Ethan." Never m
At Break Time 076
“This is about my first time with Doug. He was experienced and I was just a girl. I tried to describe in detail. Enjoy it!Being warm in Doug's arms inside the car was quite inviting considering the chilly Perth night. After the brief flurry of sincerities in the square, we decided to ease the tension with a lighter conversation inside the car. Talk, and some kisses, of course. We talk about different topics. College, family, future. Until, perhaps a little motivated by the effect of the beer, I decided to take the conversation to more uncomfortable paths. After the honesty shown in Doug's words in the square, and after, even after midnight and with a few pints of beer, he hadn't tried anything, I felt more than ever that I could trust him. I felt safe to the point that my desire increased every minute I stayed close to him."You must be quite experienced" I hinted.He chose to ignore it and placated the silence with a kiss. But I had to insist."Well, more than me for sure."What dif
At Break Time 075
Dear Chaos Diary,Not in a thousand lifetimes would I have imagined that everything would end up like this. My conscience is clear, I was honest all along. With myself and with them.I helped wrap up a story that wasn't even mine. So don't ask me again to feel guilt that isn't my place to bear.Loretta says I went too far. Ethan says I should be in psychiatric treatment with Peter. Everyone says something. But nobody lives for us.We are our choices.And I chose to just live. Live as you can. Live with fulfilling my desires whenever possible. Live Free. No strings attached. No label.Which is not to say without love. Love can be translated in other ways.Not just in that romanticized way, like in books and movies.The genuine love we feel for ourselves and our loved ones, that, yes, should be a priority.Then no. I will not take a fault that is not mine.I'm sorry, spare me, but no.The sick are the others.Those who hide behind trauma, I don't see courage. I see fear.I see cowardice
At Break Time 074
I get up scared, I almost lose time. Ironic how much my last readings spoke to the situation I was currently going through.A question mark insists on pondering in my mind. But after Loretta broke into a fit of laughter after my last comparison, I never brought up the subject again.It won't be now that I'll be back. I felt compelled to go ahead with my plan above all else. I do one last check of my outfit and make the last adjustments to my makeup. It is at the same time light and seductive.I grab my bag and walk discreetly to the teacher council room. It's three minutes to five o'clock, Max will be waiting for me by now. Fortunately in the conversation I had with Stephen in that same room, Max was busy, in another class, and they didn't bump into each other.Perfect.I'm in front of the luxury wooden door. I look around, assess whether there might be someone lurking in the hallway.Anything.Perfect.I give three soft taps on the door and push it open without waiting for an answer.
At Break Time 073
“It was a fifteen-minute drive to a modest little house that was located among a few dozen trees, in an area far from the center. Louis and his brother, Gustave, were curious about our search for Jimmy's whereabouts and decided to also embark on “the investigation” after we summarized the story for them along the way." Is there anyone at home? " Paollo asked, as soon as he got out of the car, when he saw the whole place closed." Mary almost never leaves the house. Unless today is really not your lucky day. " Gustave said, trying to relax. Louis went ahead and knocked on the door, which a short time later opened. I breathed relieved. There was still hope of learning more about Jimmy after all." Hi, Mary. I've brought a visit. " Louis said, in a joking tone. The petite woman looked at us with an expression similar to that of the Indian lady. I would also be wary of foreigners on my doorstep. Louis explained the story quickly and she seemed to understand right away. In the end, she
At Break Time 072
“I also thank you for being honest with me, Professor."“And you said you had a proposal. I'm curious."“I know you're…” I smile slyly.“Okay, I'm listening."“First, I'd like to know how much you're willing to invest, not financially of course, in this pseudo relationship of ours.""After everything I just said, do you have any doubts that I would invest big? Max smiles."“High really high?”“What are you up to, Aria Thomas?” he inquired, completely anxious." I wanted to know if you would really do anything for me… including… trying a threesome."“And do you have any friends who would be up for it?” Or would it be a call girl?“No, you don't understand. I didn't say it would be with one more woman."Max briefly widens his eyes. Clearly, he hadn't expected this one."Well, I confess that it's something I've never done."“Everything has its first time."" I agree, but… it's audacious of you."“I'm proposing this to you because I figured you were an open-minded guy."“I'm open-minded.
At Break Time 071
When class ends and all the students leave the room, including Loretta who runs to the next auditorium, I remain seated to talk to Max.I see he sent a message on his cell phone."Wait for me here or in the council room, please."Geez, he really doesn't want to let me get away.But before I even got the message, I was already determined not to go out to have this conversation with him. A conversation I rehearsed several times, in my dreams, in the shower, in different places, even when awake. A proposal whose content even scares me, due to such audacity.But now I won't go back on it. I need to try. It's stronger than me."Hey professor." I start with my sly voice, which I know always drives you crazy.Max finishes gathering his stuff on the table on the small dais and looks at me over his glasses.“Hi, Aria. How are you?" He asks, seemingly unconcerned that we're alone.“Now I think I'm calmer. Some things are back to normal apparently"."And truth." He pauses. “Well, most things at
At Break Time 070
I arrive late at the auditorium, but miraculously arrive before the professor. Looks like he had to sign the end of his suspension at the rectory first before he came to teach.Unlike before, I wave to Loretta in the distance and take a seat in one of the last rows, blending in and practically disappearing behind the heads of the taller crowd.There are two reasons for this: I really want to hide from Max's gaze during class. And I arrived late, which makes the first option even more viable, as the first few rows of seats are almost all occupied.Before class starts, I text Stephen. As strange as that sounds, it's part of the plan. My strange plan, to be exact. I think of a phishing-style message, to hook him without him noticing.“I miss you and your class. I wanted to see you today, is there any way?”That's pretty straightforward.The students chat excitedly about the latest events of the week as they wait for Max to arrive. Two minutes later, my phone flashes the new message notif
At Break Time 069
Like after a long bad dream, after facing several days in the dark, Monday arrives again, with new air, a new glow. Classes resumed, the case was covered in the local press and the movement of students walking all over the campus returned with a vengeance.Peter is still in recovery. His lungs were badly affected by the water he ended up breathing in."Are you going to make it in time for the first period?" Loretta asks, finishing touching up her lipstick.I still need to brush my hair, which, now waist-length, keeps getting knotted.“I just need to stop by the closet in the main hall to get some books. But I'll meet you in the auditorium.“Okay, don't be too late. She winks mischievously.She knows I'm in an internal battle looking forward to seeing Max again after a week of not making contact. After all.It takes me a few minutes to find the key to the little padlock that opens my hall closet. I know it's in some bag, but it's that old story, which one? I turn everything over, find
