Chapter 2

TW // contains sexual words that may be too explicit for others, read at your own risk.

"Everything dies once - except for love."

While on the bus, what kept running through my mind were Michelle’s smiles. Back in the day, I was still the cause of her smiles. When I was the one wiping her tears every time she cried. During the times when even she was hiding me, we were happily in love. Those days when she still loves me.

Right, instead of thinking about my leaving twin brother, Michelle is the only one I think of. Why did she suddenly call me again? What did she and Charles quarrel about again? And how long will I beg for her attention? Things I wouldn't have thought of if I were still her girlfriend.

An on-call ex-girlfriend, that is what I am.

When I saw the only condo standing in our small town, I immediately got off the bus. I almost forgot to even pay because of the rush. I was so excited to actually see her!

I immediately ran into the condo. Doorman Symon gave me a huge smile, it looks like he also missed me so I smiled at him too. I was even a little taken aback because the building's only elevator is under maintenance. The condo is a little old, and because Dako Paroon is a poor town, the buildings here are not being renovated. I quickly ran up the stairs. I don’t care if I’m still far away or if I get tired.

I desperately needed to see Michelle. Something good is going to happen.

When she says she needs me, I understand exactly what she means. That is her s*x desire. Yes, not only am I unlucky, but I'm also her f*ck buddy when she and her boyfriend aren't getting along.

I was panting for air when I arrived at her unit and entered without knocking. I noticed her in her bed, wearing nothing but her underwear. My lips create a naughty smile, and I can already feel the heat from just seeing her, let alone if we do 'it.' As I approached her, I quickly shut the door and began removing my clothes.

And then, I made her happy.

When we finished, I was almost out of breath, this girl is so active, and she could go round after round without tiring. She clings to me closely as I brush her hair; she's on top of me, still brushing herself against mine. Even after we're done, she's still sucking on one of my breasts.

Michelle requires my aid in turning her on. Michelle considers Charles to be a saint. Before they can do it, he wants them to get married first, but my little devil here is impatient. I am actually her ex-girlfriend and we broke up because she is a Mormon. However, when she met Charles and learned that he is saving up for marriage, she informed me that she needs my help.

Sometimes I am thinking if she gets deja vu when he is with her. When he cuddles her, does she remember how I cuddle her? When he looks at her, does it remind her of how I look at her? Can he also see the universe in her eyes? Does he also listen to her every story of adventures like I did? Is he better than me?

I bet yes. He is indeed better than me. Because with him she will never be ashamed if ever her family ever sees them. She can never do that with me, that is why I have to be kept.

That is why I am just a f*ck buddy.

I know what we are doing is wrong, but I like doing it with her. And there is nothing wrong as long as we keep it a secret.

I think a lot of things when I'm the one she hugs. If I'm not a woman, am I the one she hugs and kisses every day and not Charles? Am I the one she will marry? Maybe, but it is not me anymore.

She had to let me go to live a normal life, to have a normal relationship.

I didn't notice that Michelle is already sleeping on top of me. I gently pushed her beside me so she can sleep well and so that her body won't sore when she wake up later.

"I hope I can always be with you too," I said under my breath. Trying to hold my tears back. Trying to cover the fear of letting her go again when the day is over. When it is him again. When she doesn't need me anymore. Or when she is finally ready to officially let me go.

I combed her hair while staring at her. How can I leave this girl? Her brown eyes, black shoulder-length hair, and her heart-shaped pink lips. Her being the sweetest, most caring, and loving best friend I had before I have crossed the line and destroyed our friendship.

She was there for me when I was on my suicidal days. When I tried doing drugs and got addicted to alcohol, and I was caught by some police officers, she bailed for me. She told me to get cured, she told me she will never stop believing in me and that she still have faith in me, even though we broke up.

That I can still have her in my side.

She is the only person who understands me, so how can I let her go?

I can't.

I guess 6 years of being best friends and 3 years of being girlfriends is hard to let go of. Because I am sure that when we are really done, we can't be friends anymore, even at least friends.

We can't be friends with the person that we kiss passionately. We can't.

But before the day comes that we have to finally let go of each other, I hope I can move on first. For now, I hope time slows down because I'm not really ready yet.

I didn't notice that my eyes were getting heavier until I fell asleep. Next to my dearest Michelle.