Guilt of loss

     Rose pov

      Seated at the back of Asher’s  car, with Axel at the front seat, he hadn’t said a word ever since the little fight over whose car to board, just occasional sighs and hisses ,quite different from what i had expected , we finally arrived at the hospital,and  miss lopez had just batted an handkerchief over her eyes as she  darts them around.

   she had been the first to catch  my attention from the view, before asher did, he quickly opens the door, then hops around, Axel did the same, he pulls the handle of the car but it seemed jammed, asher turns over pressing a button on his key before he leans over opening the door.

    For a second they stare heatedly at each other, then at me, I could feel my will sink down my gut, as they wouldn’t avert their gazes, even when I squirm, “ oh asher'' I hear miss lopez say, asher looks at her, then opens the door, before he walks over to his mother. 

     I haven’t had the opportunity to ask what was going on, as words had bartered each between them  on our way here. They acted as brothers, yes, but brothers at war, their similar features couldn’t be unheeded, it was as though they were the same people with different opinions and aura.

     Immobile.

      Axel taps my shoulder, “ come with me” he said , hooking hands with mine, we walk over to the crying lady, “ oh axel ”  she pulls  him  for a hug, “ baby” her teary eyes smeared on his suit as she sobbed even more, holding him at arms  length he wipes her tears with his thumb , “ it would be fine “ 

   She nods , then catches a glimpse of little rose, who had been so l engulfed in the moment, a  hug caught her off guard. “ Rose darling, thanks for coming” she said behind my ears, before pulling out. 

    “ I don't know what I would have done if you guys were not here” , wiping her eyes once more, “what happened to Anna?” Asher finally asks the question right out of my mind, she looks at Axel, “ you didn’t tell him?” Axel sniff then hides, 

   ” she got into an accident…”  

    “ she's in ICU,  we can’t see her” she said, breaking down even more, Axel pulls her  into her rms,  “her  fiancée died in the accident, i don't know if she can make it, i can’t lose my daughter, i can’t ..” cut shot in between tears, and a stuffy nose, she blows into her handkerchief. 

    “ nothing would happen to her and i can guarantee, anna would come out strong” this  had been the only moment i saw asher at the lowest, his eyes were clouded with  moist, i could tell he was holding back, same with axel  who had his fingers  stuck on his eyes.

        Mis lopez was sent home, while asher , axel and i sat  outside the hospital, hoping to finally hear something, then the doors open, “ you must be the family of anna lopez ” a bald head doctor said,  he pressed hard on his coat with grimace as he stares at us, if he hadn’t been quick to quench our taste I would have thought otherwise. 

     “ anna, would be fine, there were no internal bleeding, just some fracture due to collision,but she would be just fine, she’s awake and  had requested her  family with her” he said, axel was quick to jump to follow suit, followed by asher, he nods for me to follow him.

     Getting to her ward, whispers caught our attention. Her legs were held by plaster casts, held high, her hands were the same, her pale look was overshadowed by a faint smile as we walked in, she whimpered again trying to crane her neck towards us.  

     “ you had me worried,” asher said, rubbing his thumb on her leaking eyes axel was  quick to sweep it off, “ get your hands off her  you don't have to act like you some sympathy” he said, the sound of an angered man could be heard from there wards after this.

     “ not here”

    “ yea right, get out of here out of our life ” he said, i could her anna exhale her exasperation just staring at her brothers  barter words with each other gain, “ can… please leave now”, her eyes finds as she squinted apologetically, I try passing a smile but it passed as off as an irk.

      She rolls her eyes then stares back at them, Axel holds asher collar, with veins popping on his wrist, she sighs then said, “ I want the both of you out right now” her tone was low and sorrowful, but she stared at a glum look.

    Axel was quick to smile, as he stared at asher, “ you heard the lady, now move” but asher did nothing, I desperately wanted him to say something but instead, he straightened his collar, then leaned on the bed, placing a kiss on Anna’s forehead.

  “ i meant both should leave ” 

    “ Anna, I am  sorry, just…”  Asher pulls him by his shoulder , as they grumble through the exit. 

   “Brothers” she whispers, a faint smile takes form on her face, as she gestured for me to take a seat, “ do they fight like this all this time” I had to ask, never have I seen them  without some kind of rivalry.

     “i am sorry you had to be in the midst, I thought only I had asked that question”.

     “ ever since asher got lost, he was never the same, same  was axel” she said, her sorrowful tone was back, but this time it sounded more distant, as tears sipped from the side of her eyes, down to her ears, “he never told us what happened, he just told mom to take care of noa when locked himself off he world” she said.

   “Noa?.”

     Noa knows about his too?, 

      “He would stay away from everyone, never played like we used to, for years it had felt like we lost a brother’’, Axel isn't happy with the fact, he …he just doesn't want to accept it”, words failed her as she sobbed even harder.

  I had wanted to ask more, but knowing the state she had been in, asking further  wouldn’t be counted as one of my best moment, “ rest  for now” i said patting her head, more  tears flows out her eyes, images of the first day I had seen her flashes in my foggy mind, such charismatic smile replaced by such melancholic expression, she reeked courageous and dominance, reminds me hour one event could wreck so much havoc even to the fittest.

      “ it would be alright, once in a while, bad things happen” her tone came out as a whimper, but I could hear fragments of what she had just said,   “ she's gone right?” she added, picking my attention.

    I nodded, she smiles bitterly, “ i was driving, we, were going to get a gown for the wedding” she said, the endless thuds grew even more , “ she wasn’t  putting on a seat belt i was over excited and…” placing  my fingers between her lips, “ it's not in anyway your fault, just know that, she is still in a better place , just not by your side”.

   She smile  “ i hope so, i blacked out, i couldn't see her i ..I only heard screams” she said, i had imagined what she felt, in a car crash on such beautiful day.

      “ it's not your fault dear” 

   Holding her hands in mine, she cries, even more, till they weren’t any visible tears, just silent tears and hiccups, voiceless wishes, and an endless stream of passes memories.

 All this she did till our little moment was cut short, by a sudden voice,  “ rose dear”  the warm feeling of Deja vu, embraces me as the scent of roses filled the air, I could tell it was miss lopez in our presence without having to look at her, but once more she never disappoints.

   As she graced my view with a stylish look. 

    “ thanks dear”she pulls me in for a hug, before looking back at her daughter, “ thanks for everything, ‘ placing  a kiss on my cheek, before passing a wishful look at Anna, “ I  hope she heals” she said, 

     “ she would”

    “ thanks…” 

     “  you could leave i would like to take  over from here ” 

    “ alright…take care of yourself” .