Chapter 1 - What is Happening?

Beep, beep, beep... 'What is that awful beeping sound and why is it getting louder?' Elaine thought until reality starts to set in. She was alive! 'How many more times will it take for me to die? How am I still alive? How can I go on living like this?', one question after the other is running through her mind causing the monitor to pick up the speed of the beeping.

Someone squeezes my hand gently, making my heart almost stop in fear of who it could be. The voice is trying to coo me, telling me over and over that I'm safe. 'The voice sounds so familiar but who does it belong to?, calm down and think! It would be so much easier to figure this out if I didn't feel like a building just collapsed on top of me. Just breathe and focus on the voice not the pain.'

"T-T-Tommy?" my voice comes out sounding like it's made of sandpaper. "Shh, yes it's me El, hold on let me get Nickoli and some water." 'Oh thank God that it's Tommy and not him?' I think to myself. I try to open my eyes however my left eye won't open at all, I try reaching my hand up to reassure myself that my eye is still there but it won't move! Panic starts to set in as I'm realizing just how much of my body I can't seem to move, am I paralyzed? The monitor sounds as if it's going to explode at any moment as my heart rate continues to spike.

The door slams open causing me to jump, "Hey! Hey Elaine you have to calm down!" , Tommy says in a whisper yell. He comes over and grabs my hand letting me know that I'm okay and it's safe. 'Breathe Elaine, this isn't the first time you've woken up in a hospital bed' I chastise myself. "I've brought Nickoli in to explain everything to you, I'm going to set you up just a little more, can you please try to open your right eye? " Tommy says.

I try nodding my head as I feel the bed slightly shift as a pillow is placed behind me while I slowly try opening my eyes again. All the while reminding myself that Tommy has been my only true friend for the last two years. In truth he is my only friend over the last couple of years as I've slowly isolated myself away from the world.

Tommy is Dimitri's right hand man and they grew up together so Dimitri knows he won't double cross him when it comes to me.

As much as Tommy is basically a man whore and will sleep with anything that has a pussy, I have never seen him raise a hand to a woman. In fact I've never seen him even raise his voice to a woman unless Dimitri ordered him to and even then he never used his full strength but just enough to please Dimitri.

However, as soon as the woman was out of Dimitri's sight Tommy would pick them up bridal style and take them straight to Nickoli all the while he was apologizing to them.

He hated this part of his job but the mob is all he knew and he has even went as far to tell me that I'm the only reason he stays at all. Since the accident nothing has been the same and Dimitri is slowly becoming a monster.

I know Tommy loves me as a little sister just as he knows I love him as a big brother.

Any woman that Dimitri has taken his rage out on Tommy is always there to make sure Nickoli fixes them and some of them he has even helped escape this life. I envy those women that were able to escape, I want to escape so bad but I would never put Tommy in that position.

A thought came in my mind, one I haven't had in a few weeks, one I've never wanted to go through with but this time is different. 'When I get out of this bed and back to my own room I'm going to end it, I can't live like this any more.'

A little piece of myself breaks at the thought of ending my life but it seems to be the only option I have left because I will not give him the satisfaction of killing me!

"Elaine?! Elaine, can you hear me?" Tommy's voice sounding a little panicked. I look up at him and before I know it I feel the tears streaming down my face.

"Shh, it's going to be okay El, I know you're in a lot of pain right now but this was the last straw! I need you to listen to Nick so you understand the extent of your injuries. "

Tommy's voice cracked just a little but is laced in anger but he's not angry at me is he, no he can't be. He brings a straw to my mouth allowing me to take a much needed drink. "Tommy, are you mad at me?" I ask not knowing what his answer will be. I hate feeling this timid, I was never like this before the accident.

"No" he said rather harshly before he softens his voice, "no of course I am not mad at you El, I'm angry at myself for not being here in time and if wasn't for the fools errand he sent me on I would have been here to stop him!!" "Oh Tommy you couldn't have-" "Of course I knew!" he cuts me off, " he only ever tries this shit when im not here but this needed to be handled by me, or so I thought."

"Tommy" I say as I squeeze his hand "I don't blame you and I never have, you are not the monster, he is and you are my only friend. I know I can always count on you no matter what." He squeezes my hand back in return as I hear Nick clear his throat.

"Sorry to be so much trouble Nickoli," I say quietly. "Stop El, you're no trouble and never have been it's all on him. He has become more of a monster than a man at this point and my respect for him has long been gone." Nick says in a low tone.

"Thank you for always putting me back together Nick," even though the thought of killing myself still sitting in the back of my mind, "so tell me how bad was it this time?" Nickoli looks at Tommy and back at me, I look at Tommy and back at Nickoli, something is wrong and it is written all over their faces.

I take a depth breath as I look at both of these men who have helped me survive for the last two years, they have helped as much as they can without getting themselves killed. The worry that is etched on each of their faces makes my stomach drop.

Nick starts rubbing the back of his neck looking down towards the floor as he starts to speak "I'm not really sure where to begin-" " How about the fact that she fucking died on the table and thank God you were able to bring her back! Or the fact that she has been in a fucking coma for five weeks!!! Maybe that's where you should start Nickoli !" Tommy says as his entire body starts to shake and I tense instantly.

I squeeze his hand " Tommy, Nick is not at fault so please don't take it out on him." He sighs trying to calm him self , " I'm sorry Nick and I'm sorry El for raising my voice, I didn't mean to scare you."

"I know you didn't Tommy, please Nick just start from the beginning and work your way till now." Tommy is still holding my hand, while Nick places a hand on his shoulder and he takes a deep breath before he starts telling me the details of this last episode my husband had.

I feel Tommy's entire body tense as Nick starts to talk. I look at him trying to figure out what exactly he is thinking. Trying to let him know that I'm alive, and as if he hears my thoughts he looks up at me and there is a battle happening within him.