6 weeks later

Emma's pov

"Jay stop this please!" the evil in his eyes is terrifying and the pressure in my chest increases with every second.

"shut up you fat worthless piece of shit!" I hit out to try and get away from him but he's closing in on me while the pounding in my ears is getting louder as he lowers the knife to my stomach freezing me to the spot.

"JAY STOP!" he brings his face closer to mine until our noses are touching and his breath makes me want to throw up.

"any last words bitch?" he holds the knife firmly on my stomach and just knowing what's to come brings tears to my eyes...

I jump up frantically looking around, my chest pounding so hard I swear I'm heading for a heart attack. I'm drenched in sweat and so are the bedsheets and it takes me a few seconds to realise that I'm in my bedroom, that I'm safe and that Jay is dead, he can't hurt me anymore.

It's been 6 weeks since Jay attacked me and both the nightmares and panic attacks are still going strong. There hasn't been a night that I haven't dreamed of him. The dreams feel so real that most of the time I wake up still smelling him, still feeling his touch and I spiral into a panic attack. I have learned to manage most of the panic attacks but sometimes they are too much and I completely blackout and when this happens no man can touch me not even my dad, my brothers or Alex.

I do my usual breathing technique but it's not getting easier I feel like someone's squeezing my lungs, I can still feel his touch, can hear his voice. I look up from the bedsheets and I see his face and any air that I had left in my lungs quickly leaves me as I scream out begging him to leave me alone, in this moment he's not dead to me he's here and I'm suffocating.

"Emma, calm down sweetie, I'm here, moms here!"

"I...can't...he's...here!"

"He's not here baby, it was a dream, breathe, that's it!" I squeeze her hand hard as I try and pull myself back into reality, my lungs and chest burning, the sweat soaking every part of my body.

Finally, after what feels like a lifetime my vision slowly returns to normal but I'm still a panting mess I look around my bedroom but I can't see him anymore, there's only me and mom in here. My dads standing by my bedroom door but hasn't come in, none of the men do when I'm like this until I give them the ok.

"Dad," I whisper out and he's straight at my side pulling me in for a hug that only a dad can give you.

"It's ok princess, I've got you!" both he and my mom engulf me in a warm hug and I feel myself calm even more, goddess I love these people.

I'm not sure how long we stay here, no one speaks we just hug until I'm ready to face the world again, ready to face my fucked up brain.

Before long I let them know it's ok to leave, it's 7 am and I know they need to get ready to start their day but I'm not ready to be alone yet and before I even realise what's happening I'm standing outside his bedroom and slowly opening the door.

"Alex, are you awake?" I whisper out just in case he's sleeping but I'm praying he's not. After I have a bad attack I always end up going to one of my brothers or Alex, I won't disturb savannah and Theo, she needs her rest with growing 2 pups inside her and if I'm being honest I always end up with Alex more than my brothers, he helps me calm down so much quicker and never seems to mind. He even leaves his bedroom door unlocked now just in case I need him and right now I need him.

Alex's pov

It's 7 am and I'm laying in bed, there's no more sleep in me but I can't find the energy to get in the shower yet, my mind's overthinking as it does so often when I'm in bed lately. It's been 6 weeks since that prick Jay attacked Emma and even though his death was slow and painful it still doesn't seem like it was enough.

He's no longer here, no longer suffering yet Emma is and it's heartbreaking to watch. She's suffering from nightmares every single fucking night and sometimes they are so bad that she wakes up in a full-blown panic attack. I'll never forget the first time I saw her having one, it broke my fucking heart and made me want to bring Jay back from the dead and make his second death even more painful.

The worst part of Emma's panic attacks are having to watch her suffer and not being able to do a dam thing about it, when she's too far gone she's terrified of any man touching her including her own dad, only her mom or Savannah can calm her but she's now stopped Savannah from going near her when she's like that, afraid that she'll hurt the babies.

None of the guys thinks bad of her for it, in fact, we all know she doesn't mean it because once she comes out of the panic attack she always seeks comfort from one of her brothers or even me and I'd be lying if I said I didn't love the moments when she comes to me. Of course, I wish it didn't mean she had suffered an attack but to know that she finds comfort with me, to know she feels safe with me warms my heart.

From the first moment I laid eyes on Emma I knew I wanted her in my future and she has always done little things that have made me believe she could feel the same, of course with all she has been through with Jay I don't expect her to just declare any feelings for me. She needs time to heal and time to trust again but I'm still holding out hope that one day she'll be mine and until that day comes I'm happy to just be here for her in whatever way she needs.

Fuck after Anna and Ella I never thought I'd feel this way about another girl, yes I was hopeful about finding a chosen mate and having a family but I assumed that the feelings wouldn't be that strong that it would be more about finding someone who I could be happy with but with Emma...

Honestly, I already love that girl and I have for a while and it's not a forced or a settling kind of love, it's weak at my knees, lay my life down for her kind of love, a love I haven't felt since Anna, a love I never thought I'd feel again and if anything this love feels even more special. Maybe it's because it isn't a love that was put on me by fate, it's a love that's pure, a love made from a clear head, a clear heart and my decision. I just hope I'm reading all the signals right that I've been getting off of Emma and I'm not just imagining it because I want to, but it doesn't matter because whether it's real for her or not I still know I'd lay down my life for her, no questions asked.

I'm distracted from my thoughts of Emma by my bedroom door being opened, who the hell is that this early? as I drag my ass out of bed and stumble towards the door I hear her angel voice just before Emma comes in to view and my heart flips as it always does when I see her beautiful face, but any happiness I feel quickly leaves as I see her big green eyes laced with tears, her cheeks are pink and puffy and her cute little button nose is red raw and I quickly realise that she's had a bad attack again. She goes to speak to me but the moment she opens her mouth a choked sob is all that leaves her mouth and her body starts to shake as her sobs wreck her body, fuck.

"come here, sweetheart!" I grab her hand and pull her into me and she instantly wraps her arms around my waist and buries her face in my chest, I wrap my arms around her and slowly walk backwards while holding her and quickly shut my bedroom door, as my chest gets soaked with her tears and I feel my heartbreak all over again.

"I...had...had...another-" she doesn't even finish her sentence before she's sobbing again, fuck I'd do anything to take this pain away for her.

"It's ok angel, I know, I know, shh it's ok I've got you, shh shh!" I keep one arm wrapped around her and bring my other hand up to her head and gently stroke her hair, it often seems to help calm her down and thankfully seems to work again now as I soon feel her body starting to calm down and her tears start to dry up. I hock my finger under her chin and lift her head until our eyes meet and I swear I'd burn down the world not to see this look on her face again.

"Alex is Emma with you?" Theo's tired voice echos out through my head and as always holds a hint of worry for her.

"yes she's here with me, she's ok."

"Thank goddess! ok, we'll see you guys at breakfast yeah?" I let him know we'll be there on time before closing the link and putting all my attention back on Emma, where it should always be.

"How are you feeling now sweetheart?"

"better than I did a few moments ago, thank you Alex!" she graces me with her beautiful smile and I swear it takes everything in me to stop my knees from giving out, her smile never fails to take my breath away. We chat for a little while longer as I try to keep Emma calm and distracted then she heads back to her room to get showered and dressed and I do the same before I head to meet her for breakfast. fuck seeing her like this is so hard.