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107 | Lose yourself in me
Last Updated:
2023-07-08 23:59:36Related chapters
An Affair with the Alpha 108 | Hurt, used, alone
Rhiannon’s POV“Nothing happened,” said Caleb, his eyes narrowing on something I couldn’t see. I watched Caleb as he watched the window. I wet my lips at the sight of his strong muscles bunching and relaxing with every slight shift of his weight. My core clenched, but I had no desire to drag him back to the bed. Not right now. Not with so much else playing on my mind.That wasn't all. Something about tonight had bothered me. We'd both wanted to put aside our feelings for a while, to use each other to forget about the world, but an emptiness had taken the place of the strong emotions I usually felt when we got close.I sat up, plumping the pillows behind me and leaning on them. Rather than feeling relieved after we’d finally got close again, after we’d finally been able to put our shit aside for a while and just be with each other, I felt uneasy. It had been amazing – believe me, it had nothing to do with that – but something about it hadn’t felt right. And now Caleb was pretty much
Last Updated : 2023-07-09An Affair with the Alpha 109 | So close, yet so far
Kieran’s POVBeing so close to Ames again was like the kind of agony the poets described. It was the sort of agony that haunted the midnight hours, the kind that cleaved souls in two.Goddess, it was worse than being apart from her. I’d thought nothing could come close to how I’d felt on my arduous journey back to Night Wind, not ever knowing if I was too late, not knowing if I’d find her, not knowing how she’d react if I did. My imagination ran me ragged, picturing her smiling and running into my arms – and being able to – one moment, only for that image to be shattered the next by visions of her sneering at me and sidling closer to Alpha Caleb.‘You’re just a barrel of laughs, aren’t you?’ teased Bo. ‘I still think you should’ve gone with my last plan to win her back–’‘Oh, my goddess, absolutely not.’ I rolled my eyes at him. ‘Bo, buddy, you wanted to find a railway track – which, might I add, don’t even exist anywhere near us; they’re a human thing – then get someone to tie Ames t
Last Updated : 2023-07-10An Affair with the Alpha 110 | I have to warn him
Kieran’s POVAmes rushed over to me and grabbed me by the shoulders. Her eyes were wide, and wild with fear, but she tamped down her emotions quickly. Her expression smoothed out; she cleared her throat. “What do you mean, they’re here? How do you know?” She looked towards the window. “Can you hear them? I can’t.”“I can hear their mindlinks,” I said. All thoughts of my semi were long gone. My mind was fixated on the conversation taking place somewhere outside. “I re-joined their pack, Ames. I’m still a part of Moon Chasm; I never officially left. So I can hear their pack-wide mindlinks.”“Well? What are they saying?”My gaze flicked to the window. I crossed the room swiftly, already missing her touch the second I pulled away from it. “They’re trying to get through – past the border, maybe? – but they can’t. Something is blocking them. But two of them have, from what I’ve heard. And–” I cut myself off sharply.They’d seen Caleb having sex with someone else. Someone I presumed was Rhia
Last Updated : 2023-07-11An Affair with the Alpha 111 | Beyond comprehension
Hyacinth’s POV“Why did you… no, no.” I could hear Stephen’s voice. I latched onto it, grabbing it with both greedy hands, the way I’d taken glasses of raspberry juice as a kid. “Okay, okay, I’ll try again. Why did you – no, I can’t, Brian. It sounds too aggressive. Okay, too abrupt, then. I need to lead into it.”Silence followed. I wondered what Brian was saying. I also wondered why Stephen was speaking aloud, and what he was speaking about.Then came other concerns: where I was, why I couldn’t seem to open my eyes, and how I’d ended up here. The last thing I remembered…I remembered Stephen kissing me. Had it been a dream? It had to have been.‘That was no dream, sweet thing,’ said Dolly. Then she yawned. ‘Gee, I feel like I could sleep forever.’‘Me, too.’ I tried to open my eyes, but I still couldn’t. ‘Do you know what’s going on?’‘I wish I did.’“How about this?” said Stephen. He cleared his throat. “I just want to understand why you did it, Cin. It doesn’t make any sense to me
Last Updated : 2023-07-12An Affair with the Alpha 112 | Like the lost pages of a book
Hyacinth’s POVMy world collapsed in on itself. He knew? How did he know?And, if he knew, what did he think about it? Why was he bringing it up now? Was he angry? Happy? Sad? Confused?I squinted at his face, trying to pick apart his emotions. It was carefully blank, which told me he was hiding how he felt, but not what was going on underneath that blank canvas.Great.And what should I say? Yes? No? Maybe? Roll again? Was this some sort of trick? Or trap? Was I still dreaming? Gah! I couldn’t see a way forward; the path was blocked by words and options and imagined scenarios playing out, as thick as a thorny hedgerow.‘Try talking to him, doll. Just be honest. He’s asked for a reason. He wants to talk about it with you. Is this not what you wanted?’I squirmed under Dolly’s scrutiny. It was what I’d wanted – but, oh my goddess, it terrified me. I’d tried to leave this behind, but it had followed me regardless.Was that what fate was? Was it the fact that any choices I made would alw
Last Updated : 2023-07-13An Affair with the Alpha 113 | Within their grasp
Rhiannon’s POVI yanked my jumper so it was the right way round and laced up my boots before I hit the ice. Then I added a coat and was sprinting – okay, waddling – across the ice, trying to skate on flat feet and just about managing it.My mind was still spinning from the ghostly exchange I’d just had. What would they hold off? What salvation could be found in the truth? Who were they? Why had they spoken to me?And could it really have been the Moon Goddess? Again? If it was, why was she helping me, of all people? Why didn’t she sound the same as she had before? Why was Tigs so certain it was her?She’d already given me my wolf back. That was incredible, more than I could ever have asked for. That was a crazy, once-in-a-lifetime, exception to the rule, huge kind of deal. That sort of shit didn’t happen twice. Did it?‘You aren’t going to find an answer in your own head,’ said Tiger sagely. ‘To any of it. Just focus on your sister. That’s one good, straight-forward thing, at least.’
Last Updated : 2023-07-17An Affair with the Alpha 114 | Not a whisper
Rhiannon’s POV“I’m coming to help you look.”Amelia gave me a sideways glance, then nodded, resigned. “Of course. Do you have any idea where we should start?”I raised my eyebrows at her, surprised by the careful respect in her tone. “By my cabin,” I said. “That’s where I last saw him, and that’s where he went to search for the person watching us.”Oh, goddess. I couldn’t believe I’d let him go alone. ‘Regretting it won’t change it,’ said Tiger. ‘And he was acting like a prick. You were upset, rightfully so. All you can do now is try to find him. Besides, this could all be a big drama over nothing. He might be in the woods, like you were.’I chewed on my bottom lip. ‘That’s true,’ I replied, but I didn’t really mean it. My mate bond with Caleb was often unreliable. Because I’d chosen to be mated to Stephen before I’d realised Caleb was my true mate, and had let Stephen mark me, the two were sometimes… muddled. They could both be blocked out or both be running at full power. Sometim
Last Updated : 2023-07-18An Affair with the Alpha 115 | Unreal, unearthly
Rhiannon’s POVDespite Tiger telling me that thinking of what ifs and if onlys wouldn’t help anything, I couldn’t help but think of them. My mind heaved and spun as we shifted out and headed towards Moon Chasm.As we neared the border between our packs, almost two days after we’d left Night Wind despite the rapid pace we’d set off at and the lack of breaks we’d taken, Luna Amelia ordered the rest of us – Kieran, Harley, and I – to hide behind her, a good distance away.Kieran replied to her group mindlink. ‘No. No way, Ames. We need to stay close so we can protect you.’She snorted at that. ‘I can protect myself, thanks.’‘We don’t know what their plan is. They could be anywhere. We have to be ready for anything. I just think–’He cut off in the middle of his sentence. The conversation ended as abruptly as that, and I figured that Amelia had started mindlinking just him. After all, there was no point in Harley and I listening to their bickering.But awh – wasn’t it sweet? I tried desp
Last Updated : 2023-07-19
Latest chapter
An Affair with the Alpha 127 | Epilogue
Rhiannon’s POVSix months laterThe Night Wind Pack needed this, I realised, beaming around at the crowd as I stepped off the stage. Though there was a notable sadness still clinging to the wolves – my wolves, I realised with a heady burst of shock, not unlike being doused in cold water – most of it had been shoved aside for tonight.It was a celebration, after all.The night sky was alight with glittering stars and the full, fat orb of the moon. Our unnatural spring had blurred into the real thing, and now the first signs of summer were in the late-evening warmth and glossy green leaves on every deciduous tree.Lamplight lit up the stage and the seats before it. Smaller bulbs were strung over the heads of the crowd, fluttering slightly in the wind. Something made the back of my neck prickle, like I was being watched – but of course I was being watched. I brushed my fingers over my new ring, and my smile widened impossibly further. Caleb helped me down the last step, his grin even bi
An Affair with the Alpha 126 | I want to mark you
Caleb’s POVNight Wind settled into our new spring with trepidation. Of course, there was joy too – so much of it I’d had to look the other way when most of my Omegas turned up to their cooking and cleaning shifts still drunk on honey mead and sweet berry wine – but it was undercut with uncertainty and loss.We’d had a day of silence for Luna Amelia. Her death was a dark shroud over the entire pack. Even when we were drinking under the stars, lying on the fresh spring grass and looking up at the blooming buds on the branches above, we were toasting to her memory. I’d heard more wet-voiced, “Three cheers, in honour of our fallen Luna!” in the last week than I’d ever wanted to. It was a knife through my heart every time.We still didn’t know what had caused the Eternal Winter and, even after Rhi had told me everything she’d experienced on the border between us and Moon Chasm, over and over again until she was blue in the face, I still couldn’t make sense of it. I’d paired her account o
An Affair with the Alpha 125 | The long walk home
Rhiannon’s POVReturning home was… confusing.I was torn between awe and heartache, love and loss, a giddy, child-like glee and the raw sort of grief I’d only known once before, after my father’s death. The sun glittered overhead, the sudden spring my death had brought on as unnatural as the everlasting winter had been before it. It was beautiful, too, the kind of beautiful that made my throat catch and my eyes glisten with unshed tears. Caleb’s hand in mine was steady and grounding, and whenever I stumbled his arm looped solidly around my waist. As always, he caught me.That bliss only compounded the unfairness of it all. I had lived, but Amelia had died. Kieran’s cries still echoed in my ears.He hadn’t come back with us. Nobody had been able to move him away from Maeve’s fallen body. I hoped he was okay but I knew, I knew, that he wasn’t. I inhaled sharply.“You all right?” murmured Caleb, squeezing me.I let my weight rest a little more on him. “Just thinking about Kieran.”He sh
An Affair with the Alpha 124 | Enough is enough
Stephen’s POVI hit the floor hard. I didn’t quite black out – but I wanted to.The pain was everything. There was no part of me not consumed by it. My blood burned and my skin turned to ash. But it was my heart that hurt worst of all.It was ripped from my chest, torn and bloody and, when I thought it couldn’t possibly hurt any more than it already did, some otherworldly hand took my heart and dunked it in acid. I had a vague, distant awareness of movement. I couldn’t focus on it, on anything but the agony echoing through me.When the pain started to ease, I opened my eyes. The world turned sideways as my vision struggled to cling onto a single spot, but eventually my focus steadied on Hyacinth’s face.My lower lip trembled. “Beautiful,” I mouthed, no sound coming out.It hit me then, full force, how striking she was. There was no way I could’ve been so blind, all of this time. Rose petal lips let out a small, relieved gasp, and icy blue eyes, never before so blue as they seemed rig
An Affair with the Alpha 123 | We'll wait for the dust to settle
Stephen’s POVHyacinth was kept under observation in the medical centre for a full day after Rhiannon left, despite her repeatedly telling various doctors and Omegas that she felt fine, thank you very much. I stayed with her the whole time, leaving only to collect a basket of fruit from my family and bringing it back to her.When we finally made it back to her cabin – our cabin, although it felt weird to say that, knowing I’d moved into it to be with her sister – there was a fresh fruit basket awaiting us on the kitchen table. I muddled raspberries and boiled water, and told her to wait on the sofa, under a blanket, for her tea.“So.” She swung her legs and gripped her mug. She still looked even paler than usual and sleep-deprived, with heavy bags under her eyes and sallow cheeks. “What happens now?”My throat bobbed. “What do you mean?”She gestured vaguely towards me. “With us.”An awkward silence sat between us. I glanced at the fire, remembering the feel of the rough wood against
An Affair with the Alpha 122 | Why did it have to be her?
Kieran’s POVI stared down at Maeve. I tried to see around the blood drying across her fur. I tried to see past the slack way her jaw was hinged, past the tiny sliver of glazed eye peeking out beneath her closed eyelids.I couldn’t. Not anymore. Those things were focal points now, the only parts of her I could really see. There was no life left in her. There was only death.My hands curled into fists in her fur. Another sob tore apart my throat. I didn’t feel like a person anymore; I was an empty shell, the wreckage of a ship left to drown. I was a scattered hull and deck, planks of wood and metal, all floating separately to drown in the darkness of an unforgiving sea.Gentle hands touched my shoulders, breathing a mimicry of life into my lungs. “Kieran? Kieran, is she…”I twisted around, my eyes as glazed as Ames’s as I looked up at Rhiannon. I would’ve frowned, had I been alive enough to do so. I hadn’t registered much in the last… how long had it been? Seconds? Minutes? Hours? Day
An Affair with the Alpha 121 | A million miles away
Rhiannon’s POV “Rhiannon?” Caleb cupped my cheeks. His hands felt a million miles away. “Rhiannon, this isn’t funny. Wake up,” panic leaked into his voice, “please, Rhi, wake up!” I wanted to scream at him. I wanted to hold onto him. I wanted… I wanted… What did I want? The darkness was closing in. There was no way out of it, this time. That knowledge settled deep in me, heavy as a stone sinking to the bottom of the ocean. Even the pain of my wounds was starting to ebb away. My neck had been one burning, pulsing, point of red-hot pain, so sore that even the flow of blood over my torn skin had hurt, but now it felt more like the after-ache of getting a piercing. Soft, gentle, but still a little sore. Not the ripped-to-shreds agony of having my throat torn out of my neck. Instead of comforting me, it panicked me. The further from the pain I got, the closer I got to leaving my life behind. Caleb. Hyacinth. Stephen. Even Amelia and Kieran. And, oh my goddess, little Foxy Spangles.
An Affair with the Alpha 120 | All things end
Caleb’s POVI watched Rhi fall to the ground in slow motion. It was eternal, that moment, as her body slumped, her weight suddenly too much for her to hold up, and she fell to the earth. Her limbs cartwheeled; blood poured from her neck.I reached her as she hit the ground. “Rhi,” I rasped, pressing my bound hands to her wolven shoulder and shaking it gently, terrified of hurting her more. “Fuck, Rhi, oh, goddess, fuck.” I couldn’t think properly, couldn’t say anything more useful than the string of mumbled curses falling from my trembling lips.“Liam, enough!” roared Luna Fiona. “This is wrong! The war is over; we should never have… never have…” Her throat closed around a sob as she looked down at her daughter.But Alpha Liam wasn’t listening.And then he turned his attention to me.I snarled at him. My heart was beating so hard I couldn’t hear myself think, but I stared him down, in his huge wolf form, his jaws stained with my mate’s blood, and I knew – I knew – that if it came to i
An Affair with the Alpha 119 | Alpha Can't-Handle-His-Emotions
Rhiannon’s POVPaws battered my side, my neck, my cheek. Red-hot pain lanced across each of those places. Alpha Liam was too fast for me; he clawed me, pulled back, clawed me. I could barely see his movements before he landed each strike.‘Move!’ Caleb screamed into my mind. 'Move now, Rhi!'I darted back, letting Tiger take over as Alpha Liam lunged at us again. She ducked down, narrowly escaping the slash of his teeth, the lock of his jaw. I heard his teeth clack together above my head and shivered.Blood rolled down my side, burning hot against my chilled fur.I was, to put it frankly, fucked.“No, Liam!” cried Luna Fiona, from somewhere off to the side. “This isn’t right!”I turned to look at her, confused by her seeming to side with me, and saw her bowed over Amelia, her face set in a cold mask. The only emotion was in her eyes – and they were swimming with agony.I’d let myself be distracted a moment too long. Teeth clamped down around my neck.That was it, then. I squeezed my e
