Chapter 2-Amara

As soon as I made it home, I let my tears fall. I'm humiliated and confused. Sophie followed me home and just hugged me while I cried, not saying anything. I feel Tamisra's white-hot rage start flowing through me; she's furious that our mate disrespected us, furious that he would do it with a pack member who we have to face. It seems she missed the part where I realized I didn't feel a thing. She's pacing around in my head, growling, but stops in her tracks when she realizes too. 

'How is that possible, Tamisra?' I ask her, hoping she has an answer. She thinks for a minute, but her answer only makes everything worse. 

'The only logical answer is that he's not our mate.' 

'You use the term 'logical' loosely; you identified him as our mate; we marked and mated. How does that make any sense?' 

'I don't know, I don't know! But if he was our fated mate, we would have felt it; there's no way to block that off! Not even a witch who can manipulate bonds can block off the pain of a betrayal!' 

"What are you thinking?" Sophie asks, pulling away from me and looking me in the eyes

"I didn't feel his betrayal, Sophie; I didn't feel a thing," I tell her looking down at my hands. She stays quiet, not knowing what to say. The only reasonable explanation is what Tamisra said, he's not our fated mate. But why? For what reason would he seek out a fake bond? And how? As far as I know, the few witches that resided in our lands were elemental; there was no spirit witch who could manipulate a bond. Any witch with that power in our lands would know it was a crime against the pack and the Moon Goddess herself. I knew all of the witches on the land because they had to go through Felix to be granted permission to stay on the land. 

"It makes sense, you know," Sophie says quietly

"What does?"

"That he's not your fated. I would do anything for Colton; my soul is connected to his. You never felt that for Felix; everything makes so much more sense now. I can't believe I didn't pick up on it sooner. You never were wild about sex with him. It made no sense to me; when you dated Derek in high school, you guys were at it all the time." 

My hands are trembling as her words sink in. I thought it was me, that I was faulty for not being head over heels for him. But the whole time, he had me tricked. I felt dirty and used. Tamisra kept trying to say it wasn't my fault, that she should have realized he wasn't our fated. 

'We both missed it; he tricked both of us,' I say to her while her sadness and humiliation bleed into me, mixing with mine. 

"How did he do it, though? There are no spirit witches on our territory; I don't think any of the allied packs have any spirit witches. They're a liability for this exact reason." she adds.

"Any witch who wants to settle in our territory is handled by him. He probably made a deal with one or something or just paid her. I guess I don't know him like I thought I did, so I don't know what he's capable of." I sigh, "You know, I'm not even heartbroken. I'm just embarrassed that I have to face the pack now, and Goddess only knows how long it will be until everyone finds out. I'm actually relieved he's not my mate, the whole time, I thought I was too broken to even love my own mate. Now I know why I felt that way. I don't know how he tricked me and Tamisra. Neither of us picked up on it or how odd it was that we didn't love him. I feel so stupid. I feel dirty and used and stupid," I say, putting my head in my hands and sobbing. 

"Amara, he fooled all of us. But you're not stupid. Do you hear me? You're not his used goods. You're still Amara, you're a badass bitch, you can kick the ass of any man out there on that warrior squad, and you'll look hot as hell while you're doing it. You're still a queen, the same queen you were before he did this to you." she tells me while I smile through my tears at her. 

"Yeah, you're right. I won't cry over some little boy I never even loved. But Sophie, what am I going to do? I can't stay here with him. God, I barely wanted to sleep in the same bed with him before all this; now I don't even want to be in the same house as him."

"You can stay with me and Colton," she says

"No. That would put you in a shitty spot; Colton is the gamma. He won't go against his beta, which is also one of his best friends," I say, shaking my head. "I want to leave the pack…" I say quietly, and Sophie gasps. Goddess she can be so dramatic. 

"You can't leave the pack! Where would you go? One of the allies wouldn't give you asylum; you're the beta female, for Goddess' sake. They all know you. There's no way you'll go rogue. Are you seriously not thinking about going rogue? That's a death sen-" she panics, but I cut her off.

"Stop it! I'm not going to go rogue," I think for a minute while I bite my lip. Shit, I would really need to think this through and tread lightly if I wanted to see this plan through. Tamisra butts in and reminds me that we could seek asylum in my brother's pack. The Ivory Moon pack. My heart starts thumping erratically. That pack is lethal and not an ally. My brother is mated to the alpha's sister. Despite being so close, we hardly talk because the alpha wants to avoid mingling with other packs. A cold shiver runs down my spine at the thought of Alpha Roman. I've heard his name brought up in pack and ally meetings. He's known to be merciless; he's wiped out entire packs with not even half of his warriors who have crossed him. The man is seen as untouchable by all the allies. 

"What? I can smell your fear and hear your heart rate; what is going through your mind?" Sophie says while grabbing my hand

"Ivory Moon…Seth would try and get the alpha to let me in if I could contact him and tell him what happened…" Sophie pales at this and doesn't say anything. She just stares at me with wide eyes.

"Amara… that's a horrible idea; Alpha Roman would kill you on site for even stepping on his territory. Even if he didn't, who knows what would happen to you in that pack? No one knows what happens there; even Seth isn't allowed to talk about the pack when he's allowed to speak to you!" 

"I'll find a way to contact Seth, but this is my only option!" I say back, mentally exhausted from trying to think this through

"You won't be able to even see me anymore…" she says with tears in her eyes. I grab her hand and squeeze it, knowing she's right. 

"I haven't been happy here since my parents died; you're the only thing I have here. I can't stay around and be humiliated, scrutinized, and laughed at every day. That only adds to my misery here… I'll find a way to stay in contact with you; nothing can keep us apart. Nothing," I say, having made up my mind. 

Sophie just hugs me, knowing I'm too stubborn to listen to her objections. I felt my heart breaking at the thought of not seeing my best friend every day. We just hold each other for a while, not saying anything. There's nothing to say that could make either of us feel better. We've been friends since we were toddlers; her parents were like mine. They took me in without even a second thought when my parents died, and they were planning on letting me stay until I found out I was "mated" to Felix. I wanted more time with her, but I had to leave tonight. I couldn't stay here for another second. I stood up and started to walk to my room and throw a duffel bag together. I can't bring much, I would have to go there on foot, and Tamisra can't carry a lot in her mouth while we run in wolf form. 

It's not long before Sophie walks in behind me and silently starts to help me pack. When I'm satisfied that I have enough to get to the pack, I see Sophie walk to my dresser, and she pulls out my box of my parents' things. I immediately start to tear up. I would have been heartbroken if I realized I had forgotten the small things I had left of my parents. Thank god for this she-wolf; what would I do without her. 

"I guess I'm ready…" I breathe out

"What's your plan? You know you can't cross the border in broad daylight." Sophie says

"I know. I will just leave Felix a note saying I'm staying at my parents' old house for a couple of days while I think about things. He didn't even follow me home, so he's obviously not too upset and will probably just be exhausted like he always is when he gets home. Hopefully, he just goes right to bed. They don't have the men on night patrol to cover the far east border and only pass through once or twice, so I'll head out through there. I just need to grab my map of the area so I know how to get to Ivory Moon without getting into any of the allies' territories."

"Be careful, please, Amara. You know some of that land is dangerous. Stay low, and avoid the areas infested with rogues. You're just a lone she-wolf; you'll be an easy meal for them." 

"I will; I know the surrounding areas well enough from sitting in on all the meetings. Some of us actually paid attention," I tease, and she smiles, but it doesn't reach her eyes.

She goes in for a hug and grabs my hand before exiting out the front door. I watch her walk away, knowing it will be the last time I see my best friend in person.