Lilly

Okay, I’ll be honest, I thought I could see this through with ease. I felt that I could torture Bastian and teach him a lesson not to mess with me. That was stupid of me because I am in the worst kind of pain.

I’ve heard plenty about the pain of rejection. I’ve also heard how it’s worse for Alpha’s, but I never expected this. Goddess, it feels as though I’m being burned at the stake! The flames then extinguished and repeated again and again. I also feel as though my gut and heart are being ripped out repeatedly. Add all of that together and multiply it by ten million, and it’s still not close to what it’s actually like.

I haven’t eaten since I got here. The guard brings food to my cell, but I don’t touch it because I’m not hungry. I sipped water for the first couple of hours, but I haven’t drunk anything in days either. Not eating or drinking is dangerous for wolves; if we dehydrate, we die. Right now, dying doesn’t seem such a bad idea.

I haven’t slept in two days, and I’ve clawed chunks out of my stomach and chest. Sure, it heals within seconds, the joy of having both shifter and vampiric blood. However, I can’t take the burning need inside of me to be with Bastian. My body and mind ache with wanting him, and no matter how much I wish I didn’t, I can’t help it. The mate bond is so strong, and because I didn’t accept his rejection, it’s only growing stronger by the hour. I need Bastian to make this pain stop because no one else will ever be able to. I need to mate with him thoroughly to make the pain go away.

But the stubborn Alpha in me also doesn’t want to give in to my desire. I know it’s stupid; if I give in, all of this will end. However, I won’t give in because I don’t want to look weak in front of these animals.

‘Please, Lilly, please. We need our mate; he’s the only one who can free us from this pain.’

‘No,’ I tell my wolf before groaning in pain. I can’t even sit up; all I can do is lay on the bed curled up in a ball.

My mind drifts to my little boy. Harry wasn’t born from my body, but he’s mine, nonetheless. His parents were killed when Harry was just a few days old. He’s three now, and since the moment I met him when he was a few months old, the bond between us has been unbreakable. That little boy imprinted on my soul.

Harry calls me Mummy and has since he could say the word. I used to correct him, but I stopped when I realised that am his Mummy. I live for that little boy, he owns my heart, and nothing else in the world will ever come close to what he means to me.

I never gave any thought to what it would mean once I found my mate. I took it for granted that if I ever did find the man for me, he’d accept Harry without question. If my mate couldn’t accept Harry, then I’d reject them, I would because my little boy comes first.

Why didn’t I accept Bastian’s rejection?

I could have found a way out of here, somehow, eventually. I could be home right now with my son, holding him and making sure he knows that no one will ever come before him.

‘Well, you didn’t accept Bastian’s rejection because all you could think about was hurting him. Now our cub is at home wondering where the hell you are! I hope you’re happy, Lillian Dalgaard!’

‘I’m not happy, Vasara. I want nothing more than to go home to Harry, but I can’t.’

I hate myself right now because Harry will be wondering where I am. My poor baby will think that I’ve left him, and I can’t bear it; he needs me.

When I brought Harry to live in the mansion with my family and me, things weren’t easy to start with. Harry was nine months old, and I believed I’d waited long enough to have him home with me. I’d only met him three months previous, but three months of having to leave him in a group home killed me. A few wanted to adopt Harry, but I made sure his caregivers knew that I wouldn’t allow it. I would make sure my father didn’t approve of any adoption for that little boy. I guess I always knew that he’d be mine in the end.

My father wasn’t happy that I’d brought this little boy into our home. Dad didn’t think the people of Zidiah would understand why their Princess would adopt an abandoned rogue child.

I fought tooth and nail for my son. No one on earth could have stopped me from being that boys mother. I explained to my parents that I wanted to raise Harry as my own and how much I loved him. I cried because I couldn’t help it; thinking they’d take my son from me hurt so much.

There have been very few times in my life that I’ve cried. Once my mother saw my tears, she knew what Harry meant to be with me. With a little convincing, Dad finally agreed to the adoption. A ceremony was held just three days later, something simple just for the Royal pack. Everyone welcomed Harry into the family, and we’ve been happy ever since.

I miss my baby boy right now, and all I want to do is go home and hold him in my arms. I never want Harry to think that I’ve left him. He doesn’t remember his birth parents, all he knows is me, but I sometimes wonder if he feels their loss. He looks to me now and again, worried that I’ll be gone if I so much as leave him in the next room.

I promised Harry that I would be gone only an hour, but it’s been days. I left my son with my parents while I went for a walk, and look where I ended up.

What the hell must my family be going through right now?

‘Bastian is in pain too, you selfish, bitch! Don’t you care what this is doing to all of us?’

‘No, I don’t care, Vasara.’ I say with little effort.

‘Why are you doing this? I know he rejected us, but I don’t think he meant it, Lilly. Something made him think that he had to do it,’

‘He did it because he’s a discriminatory piece of shit! I bet once he realised who I was, then he wanted to take it back. I will not be used for my power and status, no matter what.’

‘He needs us, and you’re hurting him because of your stubborn pride. What about our cub? Are you even bothered what it would do to him to lose you? But if he means nothing to you, and you want to die that badly, I’ll help you.’

I scream so loudly when I feel Vasara clawing to get out, clawing but getting nowhere. I’ve never had any problem shifting in the past. But being locked in this cage-like prison cell, chained in silver, my wolf is stuck. Yet, she’s so angry with me that she’d tear me apart from the inside out. The pain in my chest is too much, and the bitch doesn’t care! Okay, I told her that I didn’t care what happened to Bastian, but I didn’t think she’d turn on me.

My wolf is much more powerful than the average Alpha wolf. She’s also much larger than most wolves, stronger, faster, and more liable to rip someone apart if they’re not careful. I have control over Vasara most of the time, but there are times when I can’t control her, and bad things happen.

I can’t let her take control right now. Shifting while locked in silver isn’t always possible, not even for a Royal, but if she wants it, Vasara will force it until my body has no choice, consequences, be damned.

Shifting while in heat in a strange place is not a good idea, even if we could transform. The slut would only end up running straight to Bastian, forcing his wolf out, and having sex with him for hours on end. If she did that, we’d end up with cubs with a man I can’t stand.

I fall onto my back, screaming in agony as I claw at my body yet again. I can’t breathe; my shirt feels restricting, even though it’s torn.

‘Vasarsa,’ I sob to my wolf. ‘Please stop, I can’t take any more. I’m sorry, please, I’ll do anything!’

‘It’s not me, Lilly. I’m angry with you, but I’d never physically hurt you, you know that. It’s the heat. It’s unbearable because you’re an Omerian Alpha. I know you don’t want to hear it, but you need Bastian. Only then will this pain stop.’

“Oh, Goddess!” I scream to the heavens as blood pours from my body and to the ground.

I’m going to die here, and there’s nothing I can do about it.

‘Yes, there is. Call for the Beta and have him take you to Bastian.’

I ignore Vasara and continue screaming and clawing. I feel as though I’ve torn something in my chest because I’m suddenly choking on blood, and I’m not healing quickly enough.

What the hell is happening to me?

“Oh, my Goddess, what have you done?”

I don’t know who’s talking because I can’t see them through my wolf vision. I also can’t stop clawing at myself. I feel like I’m dying, and there’s nothing I can do to stop it.

‘Yes, you can, and you know what.’

‘Shut up!’

“Micha, what do we do?”

“I’ve called for help. They’ll be here soon, baby. But we need to hold her down so she doesn’t hurt herself any more than she already has.”

I scream when they grab my arms and try prising them away from my chest. If I don’t claw, the pain won’t stop!

“Micha, her eyes are violet. Could it be true what everyone is saying? She’s an Omerian?”

“Yes, Mel, it’s true, and she’s also the future Queen of Zidiah.”

“Oh, my Goddess, we’re all going to die for this.”

There are suddenly more hands on my body, holding down my legs and arms. But I don’t stop thrashing against them. I’m sweating profusely, and my ears are ringing. The pain in my chest increases, and so do my screams.

“We have to get her to the infirmary before she kills herself.”

“We also need to get Bastian down there. He needs to hold her, or we’ll lose her. The bond must be mended, or we’ll all lose our damn lives.”

I feel as though I’m losing my consciousness, and I’m also floating through the air. I thought I was getting a reprieve from the pain, and even though I can feel prodding and poking in my chest, the pain comes back tenfold.

I want to be strong, but I don’t think I can be right now. All the training I’ve done with my brothers and other pack members. All the broken bones I’ve dolled out and received to learn how to fight. All the hours I spent learning how to put a man twice my size on his arse, and I suddenly feel so fragile.

The agony racking my body is due to my status. Everyone feels the bond-breaking at different levels. But I never realised just how awful it would be for someone as powerful as I am.

I know the blood loss isn’t helping me any, and all the clawing I’m doing will only damage me more. But I can’t seem to tell myself to stop.

My arms and legs are suddenly strapped down, and I pull against the restraints, screaming. I need to do something; I have to stop this agony before it’s too late!

“Where the hell is Bastian?” The girl, Mel, I think Micha called her, asks someone.

“He’s not coming,”

“What the hell, Micha? He’s just going to leave her like this?”

As something sharp pricks my arm, I gasp for breath, and a warm substance rushes through my veins. Everything within me is suddenly calm, my wolf receding, and my eyes close. But I don’t lose consciousness; I can still hear the people in the room. They’re all trying to help me heal the wound on my chest. I don’t know what good it will do; it’ll heal on its own eventually.

“He’s as stubborn as she is, Mel. I don’t know what the hell to do for the best. A couple more days, and the heat and rut will be over.”

“It could be too late for Lilly by then, Micha.” I hear Mel sniffing back tears, but I don’t understand why. She doesn’t know me, so why shed a tear for me?

Of course, I’m stupid; she’s not crying for me; she’s crying for her Alpha. He’s in pain, and it’s all my fault.

Actually, no, it wasn’t my fault; it was his own. Bastian rejected me without even knowing anything about me. He brought this on himself, but I’m the one causing myself this pain.

“Baby, what can I do about that? Bastian won’t come down here, and no one can force him. He’s our Alpha, Mel, and we have to respect his wishes.”

“Even if it means the death of his mate?”

“Even if it means that,”

“She’s so beautiful,” I feel Mel stroke my hair back from my forehead. “I know she’s the future Queen of Zidiah, but she’d make a wonderful Luna for our pack.”

That would never happen, even if Bastian did take back his rejection, and I accepted him as my mate. I will never leave my home or give up my throne. I have worked too hard for twenty-four years to prove that I am the best person to take over when Mum and Dad step down.

I don’t want to be Luna of Greenrock. Though if Bastian and I were to mate, he’d be my King, the King of Zidiah. He’d be gifted with powers he didn’t know existed, but only if my father accepted our union. Dad would never refuse my mate; the choice would always be mine to make.

Bastian would have a home within the Royal pack. Greenrock pack would also be welcome to move to Zidiah and join my clan. They’d be welcomed with open arms, and they’d have all the opportunities our people have there.

But that isn’t going to happen because Bastian doesn’t want me, and he never will. If I make it through this hell, I’m going to tear his head from his shoulders!

I wonder if my parents are missing me?

I wonder if my brother’s know what happened yet?

I wonder if my baby is praying that I will be home soon?

I miss them all so much right now. I try reaching out to them one at a time, but nothing happens.

‘Luther,’ I call again. ‘Why can’t you hear me? I don’t understand what’s going on.’

‘Lilly?’

‘Luther? Is that you?’ Hope blooms in my chest. If there was anyone I could get through to, it’s Luther.

‘It’s me. Where the hell are you? We’ve been searching for you for days!’

‘Please,’ I sob, and I hear my brother gasp inside my head. I never cry, simply because I never have anything to cry about. But right now, I’m too weak and too emotional to care. I need my brother’s; they’re the only ones who can give me the strength to fight this. ‘Luther, I need you.’

‘Where are you? What’s wrong?’

‘I was captured … They ... thought I was ... a rogue.’ I’m losing the fight with consciousness. I can’t give up until I tell my brother what he needs to know so that he can rescue me. If there’s anyone who will save me, it’s Luther and Leander. ‘Found my mate... Rejected me,’

I hear Luther suck in a deep breath. ‘Oh, Lillian,’

‘Help me, Luther... I... I’m dying.’

‘Tell me where you are, Lilly!’

‘Greenrock...’ Is all I get out before I lose myself to darkness.