“Hey,” Shane murmurs as he grabs my hands and pulls me to my feet. I don’t say anything as he lifts my chin. It’s too late to try and hide it, he knows and when he sees my face, he’ll know I’m upset. When our eyes lock again, he laughs. He actually laughs.“I’m glad you think this is funny.”“Of course, I do. You’re jealous of something I cannot control,” he says between laughing.“What did you think of me the first time we met?” I asked.“I thought you were an angel,” Shane said. He said it way too serious to be a joke.“That’s funny,” I laughed. “Honestly though.”“I am being honest. I thought you were the prettiest person I’d ever seen. You took my breath away.”The sound of rainfall filled the room. It was loud yet soothing. I wasn’t sure if I was enamored with his words or the way he was looking at me.“You could have controlled it!”“I was a young kid. The girls didn’t even know what they were doing. They are nothing in comparison.”I exhaled deeply as if that was going to make
I leaned against his chest as we walked toward the bed. The last two years with Shane had been the best time of my life. He slipped into my room when the sun set and left before it rose. We had a way of doing things and it worked well for us. I wished I could be open with him. I wish I could walk out into the world with him, out into the pack with him holding his hand but that wasn’t in the stars for us. Not yet. It pained me to see him outside of these walls and act as if we were mere acquaintances but at night, he held my body and soul. Shane put me down on the bed and climbed in next to me. He leaned over and blew out the candle. I fought the surge of emotion that threatened to bring tears to my eyes. I wanted so much for us. I wanted, always wanted. It felt like that was all I ever had on my mind. Want. I buried my face into Shane’s chest. I wish I could stay here forever. Shane held me close, as if he were afraid I’d disappear if he didn’t.“Is something bothering you?” I asked.
There were rumors floating around. I’d heard from Ava that early this morning two people were found in a compromising position in the dining hall. She went on and on about how insane it was like she wasn’t into it herself.“I heard the maid walked in on them. The scullery maid was on her knees and the tall devilish chef was seated on the table. You’d think father would punish them but he didn’t seem to care about it since he didn’t see anything.” Ava huffed.“Did you say chef?” I asked. There’s no way it’s my Shane but if it’s a chef, it has to be someone he knows. Maybe a friend.“Yes. He’s tall and has black hair. She thought we had a visitor since only alphas have dark hair.”My stomach churned. Was she talking about Shane? He was the only person she knew of outside of her family, Ethan, and the other alphas who had dark-colored hair. Guests hadn’t arrived yet for the celebration and this wasn’t making sense. It had to be Shane. I could taste the bile on my tongue and I fought the
Hours went by of sifting through all the dresses. Since he was here, Ava decided it would be best to get a few dresses picked out and fitted for when I was to leave and join Ethan’s pack. The thought made me cringe but we spent a few more hours choosing styles. Ava had to run to relieve herself and I was left with Gabriel. He walked over to me and started to take my measurements.“Excuse me,” he said. He looked around and when he confirmed that we were alone he whispered. “Are you in danger?” He asked“Would you be able to help me if I was?” I whispered back.He chuckled.“I might be.”“You could be a spy for all I know. A mole. Someone chosen by my father to check me out, feel me out before the celebration.”“I’m not.”“Am I to take the words of a stranger seriously? Am I to take you as a traitor lightly? Especially so on our first meeting?” I asked.“You make a point. I was only seeing if you were in danger.”“I will be but there’s nothing I can do about it. A woman doesn’t get to m
Later that night when the guests finally departed. Ava walked me up to my room and I bolted it shut. She left and when I turned around I almost screamed. Shane was in the room. I hadn’t expected him to be up here. I still hadn’t come to terms with the rumors or decided what I thought about the. Yet here he was, he had jumped up from the floor and scared the life out of me. What do I say? Do I say anything? Do I ask him about it? Or do I ignore it and pretend I didn’t hear anything? I shake my head. No. That’s not me. I may keep my mouth shut around everyone else but not around Shane, not with him. We talk, we don’t hide things.“What took you so long?” Shane asked. His lips were down turned and I wondered what peed in his soup.“We had guests.”“What kind of guests? Who?” Shane asked as he strode across the room to us.“What if she caught you here?” I asked. “What if she came in?”“She didn’t come in, did she?” Shane asked.I didn’t like my question being answered with another questio
“Listen to me! I didn’t want to hurt you, Adea, even though deep down, that’s what I want to do. I want to hurt you. I want to see you cry. I want to make you bleed. I’m a sick man, Adea. I’m sick and disturbed. There’s so much you don’t know about me. You don’t know how I can be or what I’m like. I’m a different man with you.”“So you’re not yourself. This isn’t who you are? Then who are you? If you’re not Shane, if you’re not the man I know, then who are you?” I asked.“I’m the devil.”“Goddess. Do you hear yourself? For fucks sake, LET. ME. GO.”“No. I’m not letting you go. I’m never letting you go. You’ll never be free of me.”I’m crying now. My heart and mind are at war with each other. I want to tell him to fuck off. I want to tell him to get out of my room. Hell, I want to push him from my window. But at the same time, I want to hold him close. I want to climb into his arms. I want to cry on his shoulder. I want to mark him and I want him to mark me. I want to make him mine. I
“I hate you. I hate you so much,” I cried. Shane didn’t say anything. He clenched his jaw as he stared back at me. “Is that how you like it?” I asked.“Oh, Adea,” he groaned. “I’m a sick man but I’ve tried to be good for you. I’ve tried to be… I’ve tried to be something I’m not. You’re so innocent, so precious. As much as I wanted to soil you, tarnish you, dirty you, I can’t.”“Is that why you haven’t taken me yet?” I asked.“It’s one of the big reasons.”We didn’t say anything more that night. We didn’t mention it and we didn’t mention the women but after that night, Shane never touched me again. Sexually at least. He didn’t take anything and didn’t give any. We cuddled, we snuggled, and we held each other but after that night it was as if we’d pulled apart. Stayed apart. As soon as I knew about the other woman, I couldn’t bring myself to touch him, taste him, kiss him but I still loved him all the same. He visited me every night and stayed until sunrise but he never made any moves t
Two days before the celebration, one year older, I stood at my window afraid. Afraid I’d never see Shane again. Afraid that something happened to him and that I would be forced to leave with Ethan. I waited with bated breath as the sun slowly lowered below the horizon. When the moon was high in the sky, I steeled my resolve and threw my leg over the window. Shane had climbed up and down from here time and time again. It was my turn to figure it out. I ignored the warning in my head screaming that I would plummet to my death. Slowly but surely, I somehow managed to climb down the walls. My feet touched soft grass and I let out a breath of relief when I was on solid ground. It was dark out, with nothing but the moon shining above me. I didn’t waste any time and ran through the fields. There had been times when I woke up after he’d left but not long after. I’d run to the window and watched as he walked back. I knew nothing of where he was from or where he lived but I’d watched him walk b