4 - Mixed Feelings

I watch her walk up to the rest of the pups for their 1st shift, her long black curly hair flowing around her curvy body, her dark green eyes staring at us as she stands off to the side of the rest of the group.  She turns her head from us and looks out into the forest.  My cock twitches in my pants as I see her foot rub the back of her other leg, making the t-shirt rise slightly up her thigh, it's plain white and the thought of her naked under it makes my cock harden.  I stare at her as Melody, kisses her cheek and I feel jealousy run through my veins, her scent is swirling around me and I lick my lips.  I call out to Melody, "let's go," she smiles at me and walks seductively towards me, swinging her narrow hips and the sight makes my stomach churn, she has nothing to shake, not like Ashley.  I glance at Ashley, who isn't looking in our direction and a sigh leaves my mouth as I push my hands in my pockets and walk towards the car. 

I open the door for Melody and let her in, then go around to the drivers side and slide in, my hand curl around the steering wheel and look out at the pups.  Melody voice is low, "what's wrong Maddy, you seem nervous." 

I shake my head, "nothing, just hoping they shift well, that's all." 

She smiles at me, "that's sweet, I hope Ash does well and I can't wait to see her wolf, it will be so cute, like a puppy, she's so small."  I smile at the thought and Melody laughs, "well at least that got a smile out of you, just don't make fun of her or her wolf."  I drive away, my knuckles white on the wheel as her words sink in, I'm sure that's what she thinks too, I'll make fun of her, I always have, made her feel like she was worthless, not good enough, not what anyone would want. 

I pull in front of Melody's apartment building and she looks at me, "I thought we were going out?" 

I shake my head, "sorry, I have something important I have to handle tonight, I'll make it up to you, I promise." 

She pouts, "you better," she leans over to kiss my lips and I turn my head and she catches my cheek.  She gives me a look like she's hurt and then gets out of the car.  I don't look at her as she shuts the door and I leave, heading back to the field that the pups will shift at. 

I mind link Gamma Luke, "have they shifted?"  He responds, "yes, well all but my sister of course, her fat ass take forever to do anything, so we left her, I'll go back once the runs over and check her then." 

I chuckle through the link, "that sounds like her."  I cut the link and shout in my car, "what the fuck, you don't leave a pup alone to shift I don't give a fuck who it is."  I pull into the field and get out, running towards where she should be and she's nowhere to be seen, I look for her shredded shirt, but nothing. 

I pick up her scent and follow it, my wolf Zion howls in my head, "hurry we need our mate." 

I scoff at him, "she's not our mate, I rejected her remember." 

He laughs, "you are stupid, you can't reject her without her wolf being present, what you did was cause her more unnecessary pain, but our bond is still there, that's why your chasing after her." 

I freeze in place, "is that why she's affecting me this way, the bond?" 

He chuckles, "yes, so hurry up get our mate and make up for everything you've done for the past 5 years." 

I gulp at his remark, "oh for fuck sake, she's never going to forgive me for all my shit, she'd be an angel if she did."  I ran towards her house, her bedroom light was on and I knocked on the door.  I stood there waiting for a few minutes, before I walked around to the kitchen and walked inside.  Her scent was everywhere and I walk to her bedroom.  I inhaled deeply and knocked, no answer, I turn the knob and slowly open the door, calling her name, "Ashley."  I walk inside and my heart sank, as I looked at the empty hangers in her closet, her backpack was gone, I turn and the picture was staring at me, her sad dark green eyes looking at me, I snatch it and put it in my back pocket.  I run down the stairs and out the back door, following her scent.  Running deep into the forest  I feel a pack bond snap and my wolf howls in my head, "it's her, she's denounced you and the pack."  I fall to my knees, my head lifts to the sky and a anguished howl leaves my lungs, my heart clenched in my chest and tears fill my eyes.  I get up and walk slowly back to my car talking to myself, "I did this, I got exactly what I wanted,  she's gone, I have Melody and I'll just live with what I've done.  I can do this, I'll move on without my fated mate and make the life that I have dreamed of for as long as I can remember."  I get in my car and drive home, when I get into my room, I threw my jeans into the hamper as I took a shower, I walked out and crawled into bed. 

I lay there with my hand over my forehead and close my eyes, her face tilted up to me fills my mind, her long black curly hair wet hanging to the side, her big dark green eyes filled with tears as she screams out in pain at me, "WHY?" 

I shoot out of bed, running into the ensuite and grab the picture out of my jeans.  I stare at her eyes, saddened looking at me, I slap myself in the forehead, "you're a fucking asshole, you don't deserve her, she deserves someone that will see just how amazing she is without this bond."