Chapter 2 - Creed

The flames lick the side of the funeral shroud, igniting the cedar twigs and leaves and sending the scent of fresh Spring rain into the Autumn air.

The familiar scent I’ve known since birth - my mother’s scent.

I’ve done nothing but stare at the white shroud since my father brought her body onto the pyre, I’ve felt nothing since her passing three days ago. Just a deep void of nothing, a chasm of numbness as the realization sets in deep.

This woman was my peace, she was my rock and the glue which held the pack together. I wanted to become a better man and Alpha for her, but now that will never happen. She’ll never watch me meet my mate, she’ll never see how her spirit will live on in my heirs.

I wanted to make her proud of me, I wanted to feel that pride radiating from her. Now all I feel coming from her is the heat of the funeral pyre.

This body is nothing but an empty vessel now, I know this. Her spirit has ascended since she was the reincarnation of the Moon Goddess and others need her spirit and guidance. She warned us of her imminent passing as well. I expected this…but it doesn’t make it any easier.

Caterina Volkova is dead. My mother is gone and she’s never coming back.

The entire pack is here, as well as others we’re aligned with including the rest of the Five and the DC vampires. I didn’t expect them all to be here to pay their respects, but I guess my mother gained the respect of everyone here.

My gaze falls on my father kneeling in front of the pyre with his elbow on his knee and a hand in front of his mouth. Silent tears are spiraling down his wrinkled face and his body is shaking with the emotions he can no longer control. His age is finally showing now that my mother is gone - blonde hair faded to a silver-grey, his blue eyes no longer shining with purpose. 

Everyone knew how much he loved his ‘little wolf’ and I should be more sympathetic towards him. He lost his mate, the woman who was his entire life along with me and my sister…but a small part of me resents him for his mourning.

His entire world revolved around my mother and he was a good husband and Alpha, but he was and still is a shit father.

“Creed,” comes the voice of my uncle and advisor, Viktor. He was recently reincarnated by the Goddess in order to help me - I still don’t know why the Goddess would even bother with someone like me. I’m nothing but a fuck up.

He places his hand on my shoulder and looks me in the eye. “How are you holding up?”

I scoff and laugh incredulously because I realize that this is the first time someone has asked me that. Everyone is always saying it will get easier, that my mother is watching us from the Goddess’ Plain but no one has actually asked me if I’m okay.

“It’s not easy,” I find myself saying instead of a lie, and a solitary tear slips down my cheek. “I didn’t expect to feel this…numb. She was my life.”

Viktor sighs and pulls me into an embrace. “I’m so sorry you lost her just as you’re making your mark in the world. But please know, Caterina was proud of you; I could see it whenever she spoke of you.” He says and his words slip around my heart like a thorny vine and my throat closes up.

That one tear gets joined by more and just as I am about to give in to my grief, I see split crimson eyes in my peripheral vision.

The anger I was trying to hold back now bubbles to the surface and I stifle a building growl. My hands are balled into fists and I can feel my claws extending as the seconds tick by. I don’t want to lose my shit at my mother’s funeral pyre, so I take a step back and run from the image in front of me.

/“You should let go,”/ Haze, my unwanted Lycan, whispers in my ear. /“Let go just for a few seconds and you’ll feel better.”/

“No.” I grit out as I sprint toward my wooded sanctuary. He laughs and fades from view because he knows how close I truly am to losing my temper and allowing him to take the reins.

But the scent of blood and screaming attempt to calm me down; it was what I eventually woke up to the last time I allowed Haze to steal control from me. Innocent people dead, an entire pack obliterated at my hands - no one was spared.

I can feel his grin at the memory and I fall to my knees as guilt weighs heavy on my chest. At times like these, even Nocte’s wise words cannot shake the way I feel. I’m a fucking monster and Haze won’t stop until he has full control of my mind and body. 

I need to forget; I have to make this nothingness go away; this absolute numbness I feel right now will eventually give way to anger before I can properly mourn. So I get to my feet and walk towards my private gym hidden in the middle of Volkov forest. 

This should calm me down; I just need to focus the way Arkyn told me to. Picture a gold circle of pure light in the middle of your chest and feel it spread throughout your body right to the tips of your fingers and toes. Focus on that light and the way its warmth spreads through you.

Breathe in through your nose and exhale through your mouth, then alternate. Set your sights on the punching bag and start with slow punches before alternating to kicks and vice versa. Use your positive emotions to lead you; use the gold light to block out the negative. 

It’s your body, your emotions; you control whether you hold on to your sanity or snap.

My body is slick with sweat by the time I come to and when I look at my watch, I see that I’ve been here for hours…and no one attempted to call me or contact me through the mind link either. 

I should have expected it, but it doesn’t hurt any less.

“Creed,”

The one voice I didn’t expect to hear sets my hair on end and I spin around to see my father standing in the doorway. His shoulders are slumped as he looks at me, and from the way he’s only wearing a pair of ripped denim shorts, I can tell he’s just shifted.

I don’t know what to do, so I look away and continue to dry the sweat from my chest. We haven’t really spoken since he announced my mother’s passing, and to be honest, I don’t know what to say to him.

“What are you doing here?” I go with the easiest thing to ask. “I’m sure everyone is waiting for you inside.”

I can hear his bare feet over the gym floor as he walks towards me and I stiffen up, not knowing what to expect right now. My father and I haven’t been close since I was tortured in his place years ago. I would say it was that moment that broke me, but I’d be lying. 

I pushed him away because just looking at him reminds me of how weak I am.

“I’m sure they are, but I needed to come to see you,” he says and my head snaps toward him. The sincerity in his eyes I inherited makes me do a double take and I breathe out a strained sigh.

“What is it, Pappa?” I say and it comes out harsher than I expected and guilt has me in its grips when I see the hurt in his eyes. 

He stops walking towards me with his lips in a thin line. “I…I know the two of us haven’t been that close for the past few years-”

“Not that close is an understatement, Pappa,” I interject while wishing I could keep my mouth shut. He’s here to speak to me, the least I can do is hear him out. “I apologize for my interjection.”

He shakes his head. “It’s okay and I understand. I just want you to know…that I’m here if you need me. Just because your mother is…” he swallows deeply and blinks rapidly. “Just because she’s no longer here with us, doesn’t mean I won’t be here for you.”

“How will you comfort me if you’re grieving more than any of us?” I say and watch the surprise flicker in his glassy eyes. “I know you mean well, but…take care of yourself first before you worry about me.”

Chuckling sadly, he breathes out a sigh. “We’re Alphas, son; we put everything and everyone above ourselves,” he says and I watch as a wistful expression covers his face. The sad smile slips away and I see his bottom lip trembling when he finally shows me how much he’s truly hurting.

My earlier anger seems to melt away as he steps towards me, then he does something he hasn’t done in years…he embraces me. 

I am so stunned that I almost don’t reciprocate. But the second I do, I feel him slacken in my arms and inhale his familiar forest floor scent. That's the last thing I remember about our first emotional moment together. 

The scent of blood never changes, and it’s the metallic smell that hits me first before I hear the sound of my father calling my name. I can’t see anything but crimson in front of me, and the more he calls out to me, the more the crimson slips out of my eyes.

The color is like a vignette over my vision and when I blink one last time, absolute terror washes over me. Right now, I have my father pinned to the floor of my gym, my forearm against his throat and he’s covered in blood.

“C…Creed…” he breathes out, slapping my arm. “You’re allowing your Lycan to take over, son. Snap out of it!” After he says this, he releases an Alpha Roar that has me jumping back and bowing my head in submission.

Staying crouched like that with disbelief and guilt setting in my heart, I don’t dare look up at him when I hear him get to his feet. I block him out when he speaks, knowing I am not worthy of whatever apology he’s uttering. 

He shouldn’t be the one apologizing; it should be me… I lost control of my beast and he’s the one saying sorry!

My memories are still foggy as I clamp my hands harder over my ears. I have no idea what happened after he embraced me, but what I’m feeling right now is similar to when Haze took control of my body and slaughtered that pack.

It hits me then, that I nearly killed my father.