Six Years Ago (Before Confession)

           “Alliah, come with me?” My eyes opened slowly in the darkness of the barracks, a light hand shaking me awake as I slowly came to my senses. Was there something wrong? What was happening? I quickly sat up in bed, grabbing my sword that sat on the floor beside me in the process. Could there possibly be another skirmish on the borders?

          “What’s going on? Are we in danger? Why isn’t anyone else awake?” I felt the panic rise in my chest as I watched all the dark lumps sleeping in the warn white cots. They where all lined in small, neat rows in a large room. I heard a small chuckle in the dark as a hand slowly traced the top of my shoulder to where my hand rested. I felt my self-tense at the presence, my hand gripping around the leather hilt of my sword. I rubbed my bleary eyes, and in the shadow of the moonlight, I could make out Nicklos’s face. Cursing silently to myself, I placed the sword on the ground and laid back down on the bed. What was he doing up so early in the morning?

          “Jeez, you are always so paranoid. Come on I want to show you something.” He said gripping my hand in his and pulling me up in bed. I was only paranoid because I was the only young woman in a room full of testosterone filled men! But I followed him, anyway, knowing that he was really the only man that I would trust whole heartedly. I let him drag me out of the dark barracks and into a dimly lit hallway. There wasn’t one guard in sight. I wasn’t surprised though. After all a room full of Knights in training where sleeping down this way. If there was really any danger, than a bell would be sound, and we would all be up in a heart beat any way.

          Nicklos, not letting go of my hand, steered me out into the hallway. We jogged silently, listening for any guards that might be roaming around this early in the morning. It would be just about time for the guards to switch, so in this moment, everything would be left temporarily unguarded. Our feet fell on the marble floors as we continued to hurry. I could feel my chest start to get heavy, not really use to running at long distances yet. Sweat had formed on the top of my forehead despite the early cold morning.

           “Nicklos, where are you taking me so early in the morning? What is going on?” I hissed as we stopped at an intersection of the Palace. He casually and quietly peaked around each corner before tossing a silent smile over his shoulder. For some reason I felt my cheeks blush at his smile, and I looked away. My heart was fluttering ever so slightly. We spent lots of alone time together before, so why was he making me blush like an infatuated bride?

              The coast being clear, we took the hallway to the left. I knew where this was, this was towards our garden. We jogged quietly down the hallway once more. He seemed to get more eager with every step towards the gardens, his speed picked up. At first, I struggled to keep pace, but he kept his hand around mine until we reached the opening. The ceiling gave way to a beautiful night sky. Stars speckled and glittered in the dark. They where scattered around, some areas in large clusters, or some in small, separated areas. The moon hung quietly in the sky, slowly sinking towards the ground in the distance as it prepared for the sun’s presence. The trees loomed quietly in the background as the wind quietly whispered through the branches.

              Feeling confused, I went to ask him what we where doing out here. He stopped me with a finger to his lips. I could only clamp my mouth shut in utter confusion as he led me through the garden. The smell of roses fluttering through my nose as we passed through. We walked around the gazebo and towards the cliff that presided on the back side. I grew more nervous with every step, not sure what he had planned or if he was trying to pull something funny. So, when we got to the ledge, it surprised me when he sat down. His legs dangled over the edge, quietly kicking as he patted the ground next to him.

              I was reluctant at first, but he kept insisting with the quiet look of his eyes. His golden globes pleading with me to sit next to him in the quietness of the dark. With a small sigh, I sat next to him, my legs dangling closely next to his. Not once did he let my hand go, so it sat between us. My face burned brightly; I couldn’t think of anything but of his hand wrapped around mine. I couldn’t bring myself to say anything about it though. He was staring at the outline of the mountains in the distance expectantly. Like he was waiting for something to happen.

              “Nicklos, can you tell me why you woke me up so early in the morning? You know I am a grouch if I don’t get enough sleep.” I muttered under my breath. He let a small chuckle escape his lips. His eyes fell upon mine, a grin spread across his face.

              “If I have to tell you why we are out here, are you fit to even be Queen?” He asked, amusement plain in his voice. I felt the blood boil in my veins at his remark. How was I not fit to be Queen because I couldn’t read his mind. “Just watch Princess, I promise you it is worth the wait.” He gave my hand a light squeeze in reassurance as we sat quietly. Our feet kicking absentmindedly in the cool summer air. I could feel my body shake in voluntarily as a cool breeze rushed across my exposed skin. I hoped that Nicklos didn’t feel my shaking, I didn’t want him to think of me as weak. But to my dismay he let go of my hand, his warmth fading fast from my body.

              I watched as he untied his cloak from around his neck, and then placed it across my shoulders. His kind gesture was unexpected as he tied it around my neck, his fingers grazing against the exposed skin of my neck. My face brightened once again, not sure what to do with the close distance between our faces as he focused his gaze on the string he was tying. When he was done, his eyes locked with mine, and I felt my heart stop, my breath catching in my throat. Raising a hand to my forehead, his fingers lightly brushed the loose bed head strands from my face and tucked it behind my ear. He said nothing to me as he gently pulled away, his gaze returning to the dark mountain.

              I couldn’t help but stare at him. I was not use to such kindness. Every man that I came across would say I shouldn’t waste my book smarts and I should focus on being the beauty of the Kingdom and be the Queen that my mother was. But younger sister was already the beauty of the land, even surpassing myself with her golden locks and bright green eyes. She looked like my father, and he was a very handsome man. I had gained the looks of my mother, her long raven black hair and stern green gaze. I wasn’t horrible, but I wouldn’t consider myself a beauty either.

              I doubt I would ever find a husband. The way I was looked down upon for my decision as a Knight said as much. I wouldn’t come to regret this choice, because I know that in my heart, I can help my citizens as a Queen, and as a defender. They never disregard a King who gets his hands dirty, so why can’t a Queen do the same for her people? I pulled his cloak tightly around my shoulders. Nicklos noticed the movement and, without a word, placed his hand atop of mine once more. Why was he doing this? Was he not appalled that I was a woman Knight in training?

              “Look.” He whispered, pointing out to the mountain. I looked to where his finger pointed and saw the change in the sky. It was a light blue at the base of the horizon. But as time slowly passed, the sky stared to get brighter, light pinks and yellows filled the sky as the golden rays reached from behind the mountain. All my life I had been holed up in the castle, getting groomed to take my fathers place one day. Never once was I able to experience the beauty of the rising sun. With the sun rising from the mountain, it gave it such a Majestic appearance. It stood so tall and proud as the sun crested the peak. I couldn’t pull my face away from the beauty of this nature. I was so very captivated by it, even when the sun finally finished rising, I was still staring in awe as the sky faded very slowly from pinks and yellows to the bright blue it always was when I woke up.

              “Since I learned of this place, I come out here every morning to watch the sun rise. Despite the hardships we are going through as Knights, this is a reminder that there is always beauty in the world. That everything will eventually be alright. I like to call it hope.” I dragged my eyes away from the sun rise to face him. He was calm, even smiling as he watched it. His gaze was softer than I had ever seen it. It was a different side to him that I only ever seldom seen. Normally he was passive and tight lipped with the other Knights. But when it was just him and I, this was a side only I could see. He was a very gentle and caring young man. I was glad that I could experience this moment with him too.

              “It really is beautiful. I am always taking care of my responsibilities as a Crown Princess, so I never get to experience things like this. So, I thank you for bringing me here with you. It was lovely.” I beamed at him, showing how gratuitous I felt for this moment. He turned to me, his hand tightly clenching around mine as his eyes rested upon mine. My heart did a little flutter as he just quietly gazed at each other. I didn’t know what this feeling was, but I knew that he was the only one that caused these little feelings in me, and I liked them.

              “The only lovely thing I can see here your Majesty, is yourself. The sun rise or set could never compare to you.” He spoke softly, my ears barely picking up what he said. I felt the blush rise to my cheeks and turned away from him. I didn’t want him to see how embarrassed I was.

              “Stop uttering such nonsense Prince Nicklos. Are you a Knight or a Scholar?” I heard him chuckle before letting go of my hand. There was a scuffling noise next to me as he rose to his feet. I hoped I didn’t offend him; I really did like what he said.  “But for what it’s worth, I do appreciate the compliment.” I spoke staring down the cliff and to the jungle below us.  The forest was so dense that you couldn’t see the ground underneath them. It was just a giant sea of green leaves.

              “I meant what I said Alliah. Tease me all you like, but my view of you will never change.” There was a crunching of footsteps as he started to walk away. Why would he say something like that? I was a woman capable of defending herself, so why was he treating me so warmly? I quickly reached out and snagged his hand, stopping him from walking away. I needed to know why he was being so nice to me.

              “Why do you treat me differently than the others. Does my wanting to be a Knight not bother you? Does a woman who can wield a weapon, not make you despise me like the other men?” I could feel the tears threatening to escape my eyes. I feared what he might say, and that he would take everything back he spoke to me. I feared he would laugh at my gullible sense of relief and would start treating me like everyone else. Sure, they treated me properly in front of General Bregus and other officials, but behind there backs I was a weak-willed woman they could torment. If I would run to my father or anyone else, then they would pull me from the Knight training program, and I would be seen as a coward.

              To my surprise though, Nicklos just knelt to one knee in front of me and cupped a finger underneath my chin. I was forced to look up into his eyes. I saw the pain that resided underneath them, like the blanket over his emotions came off when I was around. He didn’t see me as an unequal, he only saw me as an equal. It was why I respected him so much and befriended him so quickly.

              “I do not believe that men are the only ones capable of lifting a blade Princess. I think that is wonderful you are showing the world what woman can be capable of. I find it noble that you are willing to through you gender aside to step up to the plate to further protect your people. I don’t see you as anything other than a future amazing Queen who devotes herself to her people. Any man who is opposed to this idea is a coward. So don’t listen to them anymore. I know what they say to you when I am not there. It’s always on your face when I leave. You should be more proud of yourself.” With that he let go of my face and rose to his feet. With a brief smile, he turned on his heel and stalked off in the direction we came from. I couldn’t help but watch as he left. What was this feeling of warmth I felt?

              His words touched me in ways no one else had ever accomplished. His warmth made me want to pick myself up off from the ground and try that much harder to prove to everyone I could do it. I wanted to see the faces off the Council man the day I would get Knighted. I knew that I could do it, and Nicklos stirred the hope I needed to keep caring me through. I looked towards the mountains again.

              “Despite the hardships we are going through as Knights, this is a reminder that there is always beauty in the world. That everything will eventually be alright. I like to call it hope.” Thank you Nicklos, for always looking out for me.