Chapter four

My water broke two months later, on a Thursday afternoon. After a long bout of pushing and screaming, I heard it—The cries of a baby, my baby— I was extremely exhausted but just that brought me comfort.

"He's a bouncing baby boy!" I heard Dr. Brown say happily.

"Can I hold him?"

"Of course." She wiped the blood off him with a clean towel and put him in my arms.

I couldn't describe the way I felt holding my baby in my arms, he had caramel skin and beautiful brown eyes just like mine. He really was a gorgeous baby.

"What's his name?" A nurse asked with a register in her hand.

"Niguez." I said without thinking. It was as though the name had been on my mind forever. But I liked it. "His name is Niguez Dias."

She nodded, wrote it down and asked me for Niguez so she could check his weight. He weighed exactly 3.2 kilograms.

I waited patiently for her to finish so I could go back to holding my baby in my hands.

"You'll have to rest, Alina." Dr. Brown said when she saw me watching the nurse curiously. "The baby also needs some sleep, then later you can breastfeed him, but now you need your strength.

"I can't sleep and I don't want to sleep." I argued, frowning slightly.

"You will have to try to. Or do you want your new son to have a sick mother so soon?" She asked, raising an eyebrow.

I pondered it over. I was exhausted actually, but the rush of holding him was just too satisfying. But if she was right about it affecting me, then that was a risk I wasn't willing to take. I looked at her and shook my head slowly.

"Good. I'll give you something to help you sleep." 

"Pass the doxylamine, Claire." She said to one of the nurses and gave me the injection.

It had an immediate effect because I got knocked out almost immediately after.

I stayed in the ward for about two months after my delivery. You'll need to regain your strength. Dr. Brown had said. 

When it was time to be discharged, I signed the necessary papers 

"You now qualify for the government grant." Dr. Brown said, handing me a little paper where she scribbled the drugs I would be needing from the pharmacy.

"Grant? What do you mean?"

"It's part of the government's project to help new mothers like yourself, with low income jobs with a little money so they can still provide for their children."

I stared at her. I had never heard about it. I had been having some doubts about the free treatment but now I was assured, and now I was hearing that I was going to receive a grant? This was more than a miracle.

After waiting and signing some other things, I received a little cradle and a two thousand dollar cheque from the hospital. I was so grateful. I had been thinking where to start buying the things my baby and I needed, but this was a start, a good start.

I left the hospital that afternoon. I had been a bit anxious but I knew I would have to leave eventually, staying in the maternity ward for all this months hadn't been the most fabulous experience but it was warm and lively with women that were experiencing the same things as me, it was fun to listen to Gwen and Jennifer chat nonstop.

 But now it was over. It was time to go back into the cold world, again. But now it was different. I had hope. Something to fight for and that was enough. 

I went back to the lodge I was staying on Gordon's Drive. As I tried opening the door with the key in my bag, I heard a sound from the room beside mine. The door swung open and the a tall, dark, rough-haired man jumped out.

"Where the hell do you think you're going?" My landlord barked at me.

I was taken aback. I really wasn't expecting this.

"Hello Michael, is there a problem?" 

"Is there a problem?! Yes there's a problem. You don't just disappear for half a year and come back whenever you feel without telling anyone. I could've given this place to someone else, you know? Your rent was due last week." He said in a strangled voice. 

I sighed and opened my purse.

"Here's your rent." I said handing him the dollar bills in my hand.

He took it and wanted to say something but was distracted when Niguez gurgled in his cradle beside me.. Michael stopped and stared, finally noticing the baby. 

"I… didn't know you had already…" He blurted.

"Yes. I was at the hospital all this time and I gave birth to my son two months ago." I said, as he kept on staring at the little blue and white wooden cradle. "So if you had given this place to someone else then you would have rendered me and my child homeless." I said coldly and watched his countenance change.

"Look, I really d-didn't know you w-were there. Umm, congratulations dear.." He blurted scratching his head.

"Can I go inside now?"

"Huh? Oh y-yeah sure." He nodded stupidly.

"I smiled dully and went inside."

After trying to clean up the place, I went to the store with Niguez to get the things we would be needing; some powder, oil, diapers, tissues, baby food, milk, some beans, some vegetables and other things for the house. Niguez just needed to be well fed and clothed and that was exactly my plan. After that,I branched to the pharmacy and got the drugs Dr. Brown had prescribed for both me and the baby.

Niguez had already started crying by the time I got back home because he was hungry so I had to breastfeed him first. I was so exhausted, even married couples complained all the time about how stressful having a baby was. But look at me; a single twenty-three year old living alone with a child and with no sign of his father at all. Not even a text. It was incredibly pathetic. 

I adjusted Niguez so he could suck more freely, I brushed his face lightly with my fingers, he had Gomes jet-black hair, there was no denying that, no matter how much I tried to ignore it. But I was glad that he looked just like my father, the only difference was the eyes, instead of a dark shade like my father's, he had brown eyes like me. 

Merely looking at my son like this gave me the strength to keep moving. Either or both of us could have died during delivery but we didn't, God had kept us alive till this far, now I would try my very best and see what the future had in stall. I could do this shit!

*****

I noticed that Niguez's body temperature had gone up when I last fed him. He even rejected breast milk, which was very strange. He had been fine all these months. Where was this coming from? I thought it was a little fever so I gave him some of his syrupand put him to sleep, but by morning it had significantly increased. Now I was freaking out, not knowing what else to do, I rushed him to the hospital. 

I was sitting anxiously in the waiting room when I heard someone's voice beside me. I turned around and saw Dr. Brown's green eyes staring back at me. I didn't remember seeing her come close.

"How is he?" I asked, ignoring the fact that my voice was now a strangled whisper.

"He's stable now Alina, he'll be fine." She said. "But what's the matter?" She asked, staring into my eyes like she always does. Sometimes it felt like she was trying to read my thoughts.

"What do you mean, Dr. Brown?"

"You can call me Audrey, Alina, I've told you many times already. And I know there's something bothering you other than your sick baby."

I heaved an exhausted sigh and faced her. She was a doctor after all so I could tell her pretty much anything.

"I was just so scared when I brought him in, but now I think I'm even more scared, it's just— if something like this happens again, I can't take care of him.— I haven't been able to leave his side for all these months to look for a decent job, and I don't have any friends or anywhere I can keep in during these times so I just tried not to think too much about it. But I can't live with a child without a source of income, I want to be able to protect my child."

"I understand how you feel there." She said, holding my hand.

"No, it's not that easy." I shook my head. "Nobody agreed to employ me when I came to San Jose because I was pregnant, but now I have to work for the sake of myself and my child."

"Do you have any friends that might help?"

"None." 

"I might have a solution." She smiled.

Audrey had proposed that I keep him in a nursery home for kids during the day while I went job hunting, then pick him up later in the day. It was a good idea. And the best part was that it was close by.

I found a job as a part-time dishwasher in an eatery close to Gordon's Drive and as a washer in a laundry company. They were both lousy, but it was better than nothing.