Chapter 1

Death. Death is how I felt as my ear piercing screams echoed in the dark damp stone room. The piercing screams echoed along with the snaps of my bones. One by one my bones slowly shifted and bent in ways no human could imagine. I was too young, this should not be happening now.

Another howling scream escaped my mouth as I buckled down on the stone cold floor with my back arching.

I wish my Mom could help the pain away.

Another scream.

Claws pushed through my fingernails now slowly growing dark brown fur around it. My body started now to itch with pain as fur started to make its way onto my body.

Another scream. . . no a howl of pain.

My vocals now changed I was howling and whimpering in pain as my face grew a snout and my teeth becoming sharper.

Then the big silver door slammed open as the big bad man came in finally to see what all the commotion was about. Breathing rapidly I look up to see him looking down at me with an evil smile. I did not like that smile it meant no good will come soon.

My body started to feel better as I felt my wolf emerg wanting to introduce herself to me happily but the moment was short-lived as the big bad man started to whip me causing me to howl in pain. The whip burned on my skin and from what mummy and daddy told me long ago only wolfsbane and silver can do that. He was torturing my wolf and me.

"Mom!" I cried bolting upright in bed. My lugs working overdrive as I gasped for air trying to calm myself down. My sheets clung to my sweat dripping body as I tried to calm my fast beating heart and panic-stricken wolf.

The door to my room swung open with a bang scaring my wolf further as she mentally hides deeper in me with her tail in between her legs.

The lights in the room turned on as Brendon, my Alpha stood there with a worried look edged on his face. "Calm down, Alexa. It was just a dream." He tried to calm me down walking slowly to my scared body.

A single tear rolled down my face as I looked to my Alpha. "But it wasn't just a dream."

Brendon's face fell into a frown as he sat next to me on my bed hugging me. My head in the crook of his neck which I now let dampen with my tears. Brendon's hug brought my wolf back from cowering as she felt our Alpha's hug feel like a net keeping all the demons away from us.

Sighing into Brendon's neck, I pulled away from him desperately trying to get the dream out of my head. "Thank you," I whispered softly feeling ashamed of my weakness in front of my Alpha.

Straightening up, Brendon put on the softest smile he could, "no need to thank me, Alexa. Are you feeling better now?"

I looked up to my sandy blond hair Alpha gazing into his light blue friendly eyes. "I will never be better Brendon but I will live for now. Dreams can't hurt me." How many times have I told Brendon the same thing since I was thirteen? Too many to count that is for sure.

Rubbing my now dry eyes I ask, "what time is it?"

"About five in the morning, the sun should be up soon."

Heaving a sigh I ask him to leave the room before getting out of bed. What a lovely way to start such a bright sunny day.

Collecting clothes from draws and closest I go straight to my bathroom that connected to my room. All rooms in the pack house had their own bathroom some were just bigger than others. Mine was one of the bigger ones since I was the Alphas cousin.

My bathroom like most others had a cheap modern white look since we were a small pack we did not have much money for luxury. My room, on the other hand, was themed with a pale greens, blacks and whites. Some items silver. You could say my favourite colour was silver but if not silver then green.

Taking my drenched pyjamas off I put them in the laundry basket. I've learnt fast when a child to have more pyjamas then less since I was always cleaning them from my nightmares. Shacking the thought out of my head I turn the water on in the shower adjusting the heat to be bearably hot setting.

Getting in I let the hot steamy water run down my pale freckle body causing it to turn a light shade of red. A nice hot shower always helped after the nightmares. It took my thoughts away and replaced my mental pain with hot bearable pain. Even my wolf enjoyed the showers.

When I finally felt better I continued to wash before leaving the shower. When I got out I dried down my body with a white towel standing in front of the mirror over the vanity. When I was dry I whipped the mirror from the steam created by the shower and looked at my reflection.

I had a lightly freckled face from my nose down which showed more on my arms and became lighter on the rest of my body. Other than my freckles I was a pale girl but still pretty in my own opinion. My mother would always compliment me on my appearance telling me that my freckles did not make me ugly but pretty so I believed her not letting anyone say otherwise.

I was a thin girl about 5'7 tall with bright green doe-like eyes which seemed brighter by my dark brown lightly wavy hair. My boobs were not small but not large either I was graced with a decent size boobs much like my mother. So many people would tell me I looked like my mother and I agree even though she was much more freckled than I.

Looking away from the mirror I put on my skinny blue jeans and white loose top before brushing my teeth. Brushing out my hair I look myself up and down satisfied but a little upset. No matter how much I let mothers words comfort me that I was pretty it never helped the fact that I will never have a mate to say that to me.

Werewolves are supposed to find their mate at the age of sixteen to nineteen and if unlucky twenty but me I was twenty-one now and still unmated. The reason I have not found my mate yet has everything to do with my wolf. Female wolves when of age let off pheromones causing there mate anywhere around the world to be able to find them but mine never wanted to do that. She was too scared and frightened of finding our mate.

My wolf was the first one in the world to be too frightened to find her mate. As to the reason why would have to be the torture put on us when I was younger. She was scared of men in general and she knew that our mate could possibly be evil or dangerous.

I wanted a mate to love me on the other hand and I was running out of time to find my mate. I just knew he won't live much longer if I did not be with him to make him stronger. I had a gut feeling he needed me as much as I needed him.

My wolf did not feel the same way.

Looking away from the mirror I took those thoughts out of my head. No need to be upset about something I can not help all I can hope is that fate is on my side and not my wolf.

'What's for breakfast?' I mind linked my Luna and best friend Ashely. I became friends with her when my father (the past Beta) died from heartbreak of my mother's death. I made friends with her when I moved into the pack house since I had no other family left but my cousin, aunty and uncle. When I first moved into the pack house I was timid and shy but once I felt comfortable Ashely and I were the loudest in the house.

We were known for our loud giggles and taunting of the boys in the house growing up.

Our pack house was not as big a most pack houses being as we are a small pack but it was still quite large. The house (more like cabin like mansion) had about ten to eleven rooms which held one to three people in them depending on which room it was. Not many of the pack decides to stay at the pack house but live on the pack lands in their own little cabins. The people that live in the pack house usually consist of young adults wanting to move out of their parent's cabin to people like me without anymore family to live with.

'I'm making waffles, your favourite.'

Ashely finally mind linked back sounding very chipper.

'Let me guess are you making my favourite because Brendon told you about this morning?' I asked knowing fully well that was the truth. She always made my favourite after I have had an episode even when we were younger she did this. It was her way of trying to help me even though there was no helping my mental scarring.

'Ugh, I can't lie to you. Yes, that is why but is it that bad that I want to make my friend happy?'

I walked out of my room going down the hall to the stairs to make why way down to the kitchen while still talking to her. 'It's not bad it's just I wish you didn't have to think you have to make me happy.'

Making it down the stairs I turn a corner almost to the large white kitchen. 'Well, it's too late now since I have already made the waffles or do you want me to throw them in the ben?' Ashely asked teasingly.

Walking into the kitchen I see Ashely holding the plate of waffles over the bin ready to drop them. "No!" I screeched running to her yanking the freshly made waffles from her. "How dare you almost kill the precious delicious food." I hissed at her air patting the food before putting them back onto the countertop.

"I swear, Alexa, you have found your mate because food must be it." Ash giggled with a bright smile plastered on her perfect pale porcelain doll-like face. Ashely was a stunning sweet looking girl with long strawberry blond wavy hair and pale blue eyes. She looked just like her personality. A sweet caring Luna.

Also very easily amused.

"My long search has ended I have finally found you my one and only love!" I picked up a waffle holding it up before giving is a smooch. Ash's giggles filled the large room as I did this making me extremely happy but then she stopped.

Pulling the waffle from my face I turn to what stopped Ash from giggling replacing a deep blush on her perfect pale cheek and neck. The cause being the Alpha now stood leaning on the door frame of the kitchen looked at us with an amused smirk.

"I knew you and food had a thing going on but being your mate makes total sense now." Brendon chuckled deeply before looking to me. "I am glad you are feeling better."

"It only takes one second with your mate to put a smile on my face." I nudged him when he came to stand next to me.

"And it only takes me one second to make her scream for mor—"

"Ew stop!" Ash screamed at Brendon smacking his arm repeatedly.

Brendon and I laughed at Ash's embarrassment as her face turned red as a tomato. "Thanks for the much-needed information that was totally not TMI," I sarcastically said unable to keep a smile off my face.

Brendon pulled his mate to his side giving her a gentle kiss on her head. Her face was already red from embarrassment but somehow it got redder which made me believe that Brendon probably most likely told her something very inappropriate threw mind link to her.

This made my heart a little sad as it cried out for the same kind of attention but I quickly pushed the feeling away not wanting to make my friends upset.

"You kids go do your dirt stuff." I shood my hand to them. "While I go outside for a walk." I grabbed three waffles feeling very greedy before walking out of the room not letting them say anything else.

I loved those two to death but sometimes there lovey doveiness gets too much for me. It makes me sad and I don't like that it does that to me.

Munching on my waffle I shove it into my mouth to have a free hand to open the door. Opening the big back door I walk out into a beautiful big open field. A field that we train on, play on and have parties on. The field was as big as a football field reaching out until stopped by a wall of thick forest that every wolf in the pack enjoys running in.

I take a deep breath enjoying the sun on my face still munching on my other waffles.

It was a wonderful day and only some people were up since it was six thirty in the morning now on a Saturday. Kids, parents and other pack members were still asleep but for those on patrol and early risers.

I wasn't much of an early riser. I hated mornings actually but my episodes did not help me by waking me up so early. I am just glad I only get them three to two times a month now instead of every day.

I walked through the field saying my hello's to the early risers that were doing their morning jogs making my way to the dense forest edge. Going behind my favourite big tree I strip down my clothes and quickly take my wolf form so people didn't see me standing there naked.

I really don't know how people can rip their clothes without a worry or stand around naked unfazed. I like my clothes to stay as they are if I can help it and I really don't like shopping. There are too many people at the shops which makes me uneasy.

I might be loud and fun around my friends and family but I am really fucked up since my incident when I was younger. Being around a lot of people makes me anxious, shy and gives me panic attacks. I always felt so broken when I saw happy smiles on strangers faces.

With my pack, on the other hand, was like my family. They made me feel safe.

Shaking my dark brown wolfs fur, which had speckles of white, I did little stretches preparing my wolf to not become anxious about being outside in the woods. She was scared we would run into trouble every time I took her for a run. She wants to run but she lets fear take over her so I always have to push her which I know she thanks me for in the end.

My form was large because I was not a weak wolf (being the previous Beta's daughter and all) but my wolfs spirit was broken making her unfit to show her true strength. She always held back scared to get hurt. I tried training her to be the strong wolf I know she is but she always held back timid. Most of my training is in human form because of her. I needed to be strong even if my wolf didn't think so.

I started walking deep into the forest shaking my legs out each time before taking off into a run. The wind felt great on my fur and the smells of the woods made me feel at home and free. Even my wolf laid back happy for the run instead of being fearful.

I just had to show her all will be alright.

I was running around the woods for a good hour before an announcement was mind linked to everyone from our Alpha, 'Pack meeting tonight at five pm sharp.'

Huh, a pack meeting is happening today. We don't do many of those unless there something is really important. What must be so important? Nothing has happened for months now and the last pack meeting we had was to celebrate the Luna's birthday.

Well, whatever it is it seems really important the way Brendon told us about it.

Having enough of running for today I start walking back to my tree. When I made it to my tree I quickly shifted back into my human form putting my clothes back on making sure no one was watching me. I really don't know how other female wolves can just walk around naked after shifting.

It was probably eight or nine o'clock now which made sense when I noticed some more people were walking around the pack house now. Some doing morning jogs, others just chatting and the rest just getting ready for the day.

Walking halfway down the field I suddenly smelt a delicious scent hit my nose. It smelt of breakfast waffles, burning wood and sweet candy. It smelt good enough to eat and I know my wolf agreed with me but her reaction to the smell was more scared than wanting to eat. She both loved the smell with me and was scared of it.

What's her problem?