Josie has been going through a lot recently hence the suggestion of making use of the outdoor hot tub on the roof of our apartment. We use it a lot in the summer not so much in the winter. I fly into Josie’s room where she is watching friends snuggled against Austen, well really she is asleep and he is just watching her with love and adoration. Again, really happy she has him as a boyfriend he loves her so much and is by her side through everything. His gazes flickers to mine. “Is there something you wanted?” he asks. “All good, I’ll ask when she comes too again. How was last night?” referring to the faint noises I heard from her room which weren’t pleasant in the slightest. “She was in a lot of pain and spent it in the bathroom most of the night. It’s hard Em really hard.” His gaze raises to mine and I can see the utter pain and helpless in it. We are still getting to know each other for Kingston and Josie but I can see he needs someone to confide in as neither of us ha
I’m 21 today. I didn’t think I would make it here honestly. But I have the best boyfriend who I love, the most amazing best friend and friends, and then my family, my brothers and little sister who I love and adore with my entire heart.21.5 birthdays since my parents passed, this day has always been hard. This year I’m determined to make a change unlike the previous years with Cole, Josie and Miles coming over to watch movies and eat ice cream because that’s all I’ve been up for. This year well I don’t really have a reason to stay in bed and wallow. I’m happy, in love and so freaking proud of myself and how far I’ve come after everything. “Morning beautiful” Kingston says whispering into my hair from behind before placing a soft kiss on my neck behind my ear that turns me on more than he’ll ever know. I roll over to met him and I’m met with breakfast and coffee oh and of course my fucking drop dead gorgeous handsome boyfriend who made the breakfast in nothing but his
The only one I have at home I won’t part with was last years matching set we got for Addison and her birthday. In our colours with our symbols. Its lace and satin fucking gorgeous. I grab my go to colours, light blue and white and hit the change rooms. I come out at the girls huddle around the door to admire it from the front that’s all they see nothing more. Josie throws in a light yellow set for the out of the comfort style. We pay well Sutton does because if she is using daddy’s money anywhere it’s on us girls. She’s the kindest soul that her dad knows nothing about which really sucks because she is fucking gorgeous and smart and one day a guy is going to love her with everything he has because she deserves to be loved like Josie loves donuts or I love greys, it’s that simple. Same with Addison. “So how do you feel about 21 Em?” Addy asks after her I was the next one to turn 21. Josie and Sutton’s are still coming. “Pretty good, like that was the end of a chapter and
“Please fasten your seatbelts and prepare for takeoff.” The flight attendant says over the PA. Em cuddles further into my side as we settle in to head off on our week away. I didn’t think about her anxiety really and I felt shit when I saw her tense up at the airport. She nuzzles her head into the crook of my neck so she can’t see or hear anything around us. My arm is wrapped tightly around her shoulder. “You alright Em?” I ask. She doesn’t respond, all I feel is a nod against my chest. I start rubbing soothing circles on her back just to ease the anxiousness. “Just a little anxious not as bad as normal when traveling, I’m ok.” She says to reassure me and herself. She glances up at me as I plant a kiss on her forehead. She’s trying her best to be okay and I trying to just keep her calm. “Hey, why don’t we try the senses exercise.” I say knowing it works well in distracting her and takes her mind away from the anxiety. “Ok” she whispers peering up at me from
“That’s special and very cute and attractive.” I lean down and press a kiss on it where it is a little red. “It is, every birthday we incorporate something matching with our symbols. This one is just the most permeant.” She confirms pointing to her jumper with the butterfly in the corner which I remember every girl wearing with a different symbol this morning. “Hey Em you want something to eat?” I get no response and look over to my side and see Em lightly snoring. She must be really tired after being with the girls, her family and me today. I take her jeans off and pull out a pair of sweats that she wears to bed that are mine and put them on. I then lift her up so she is under the covers along with removing the scrunchie from the bun on her head along with taking her makeup off with a wipe and using some of her skincare. I don’t remember every step but I do what I can remember. She sighs and I kiss her forehead and decide to unpack our bags a little before exhaust
I wake up to faint flutters of chatter, let it be known that Em never wakes up before me well except for today I guess. I notice she’s sitting on the edge of the bed when my eyes finally adjust and I come to. We need coffee, I must mumble something because Em turns and flashes me a simple smile and then proceeds to hand me a coffee. Ok wow, she is up before me and has gone out for coffee. Where is my girlfriend really? I wonder if she woke up anxious or something, she would tell me though. We agreed no more running or hiding or retreating. I still have the question when she hangs up with her brother I assume. “Hey Em?” “Yeah.” She moves to lay down next to me as I open my arms for her fall into. “Are you okay?” “Yeah why wouldn’t I be.” “Your up before me?” “Only because my idiot of a brother, being Damien rang me and I know his ringtone and if I didn’t answer. Cole would then ring and then they’d probably ring you so I figured I’d just answer it and then
It’s been a month since New York which means it’s also the end of October. I’ve been doing really well mentally and physically. I feel better. But King has been distant and pulling away, we still see each other and spend time with each other, nothing has changed in what we do and how we act or feel. But what has changed is the atmosphere everything happens in. I don’t know if this is him slipping away but I want to help but don’t know how and now I know what seeing someone you love hurt and not knowing how to fix it. I know it’s his brother’s death anniversary coming up. 5 years. That hit me pretty hard and I ran, I can’t really blame him if he wanted to do the same. But for now it’s Halloween and we are going to party. After Josie convinced me, it didn’t take much and then Kingston surprised me with matching costumes. Well he told me what to wear for mine since I already own multiple pairs of them. We are a couple dressed in scrubs with our own little Grey’s Anatomy ba
She left. I’m mean I didn’t give her a reason to stay. I didn’t say anything. I didn’t fight for her or with her. I have no idea what I just did. Just that it hurts more than anything I’ve ever felt. I’m sobbing freely now still staring out over the balcony. I can’t look to my right because I know what lays there and I really don’t want to see it. It’s the butterfly ring I gave her in New York. The one that matches mine. Her words hit me. I want to fight. I don’t want to lose her. I can’t give up on us. Not when she didn’t at her lowest. I love her with everything. And I just shattered both our hearts. By not saying anything. I know she will go to her brothers. I want to ring and explain everything. But she’ll know it’s not everything. I asked for space and she gave it to me. But this fucking kills me. Not going to sleep next to her. No forehead kisses. No hugs from behind. No laugh filling me. No breathtaking smiles. No grey’s nights. No sil