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After Everything 28
She gets this little grin that tugs on her lips when something is making her all giddy. She hasn’t stopped giving me that look for the past 30 minutes. As I much as I love planning dates and making her feel special because that’s everything she deserves. The look on her face right now shows me that maybe I should let her plan some more. She does love her routines and planning. I have seen her google calendar, it’s all colour coded and perfect. The way she meticulously follows every step of her routine in the morning or before bed its freaking adorable. She has small little quirks she does like dancing to no music when she’s brushing her teeth or how she recites grey’s anatomy whilst doing her makeup. Or how she always stands like ‘a superhero’ in front of the mirror and repeats the line of Amelia Shepherd ‘only freaking superheroes’ Which she totally is. She is so strong and brave I admire her courage and strength. She has her days from time to time. This morning I coul
After Everything 29
The unfamiliar coldness of the other side of the bed hits me in an instant. That’s when I remember Kingston is away on a team building camp in the middle of the season with the byes and whatever. It’s been 4 days since he left. I miss him. It puts a time difference between us. Not the best thing to have in a relationship. But this could become reality… In 9 months or so. Not that I’ve been the best girlfriend during the past 6 days either. I could lie and say I don’t want Kingston to follow me wherever I end up but Damien raised me better and I don’t lie. This short week stint of long distance well it’s hard. Dependency has always been an issue of mine, I’m either super attached or so far away from a person, it’s like I’m in a different country to them even though they’re right next to me. Over the years I’ve fallen into dependency on a few people. Trust comes hard for me it takes me awhile to open up and fully trust someone completely. But that’s the thing about dependency
After Everything 30
He hangs up and I know what I need to do. I walk down the hotel corridor towards Coach’s room. I know he’s in here because I can hear the NHL replays on the TV in the background. I knock. “Hey Coach. I need to leave now.” “It’s her isn’t it?” “Yeah she is not doing okay at all everyone is trying to help her but she asked for me.” “You are going. My daughter loves that girl like her own sister. Hell, she is like my own daughter. So you go take all the time you need and don’t come back until she is okay. You hear me son. Emerson Tate Fitzgerald is a special kind of gem. Her heart holds the most love but it also means she feels the most pain and she is in an immense amount of pain right now. You go and save her. Save yourself because by the looks of your face I can see it’s breaking you too.” “Thank you.” Is all I can mutter in response as I hear his words and digest them. I walk back into my room to see Miles is packing my bag. “Thanks man.” “You are shakin
After Everything 31
I’m packing up the place I called home for the past two weeks. Two weeks ago. I hit rock bottom. I fell straight into depression. But everyone and I mean everyone never gave up on me. And him. He came when I said I needed him the most. He was there. Every step of the way. I honestly knew what I was asking for when I said I needed him. It was the biggest cry for help. I didn’t want to come back here for the reasons I told them that night but I knew I had to. I accepted it and believed these two weeks would help. And they did tremendously. I’m feeling a lot better now. I feel like the weight of the past five years is finally off my shoulders. I spent the past 10 days in a mental health facility for teenage girls. Lily owns and runs the place. She does an amazing job. Group therapy is good. But my thoughts and lightbulb moments usually happen on the pink plush couch of Lily’s office. She has many seating options but the pink couch has and always will be my favouri
After Everything 32
She’s back. I have spent the past two weeks on edge. I knew it was what she needed to recover, move on to finally allow herself to be happy for real. I missed her so much. Her smile. Her little routines. I missed it all. It was hard without her but we did it. And seeing her flash that smile at me from across the street made it all worth it. The time apart so she can heal and grow. I picked her up from the facility and she looked lighter and happier than I’d ever seen her. We spent the car ride talking and catching up. The ease she spoke with and strength to go through what she did. We went and got ice-cream continuing the tradition. We went home so she could see her brothers after we had spent the last couple hours together. The girls have a night planned for her tonight and Josie is going to spend the night with her. Per Em’s request. But Josie already made a group chat with me, Cole and Damien to send updates to because she knows she would want that. She is the lig
After Everything 33
The past week since I’ve been home has been the best. We didn’t have classes as we took it off for me, just ease into things mine for valid reasons and Kingston because Coach pulled some strings which I’m grateful for. We have spent most of the time together, we went on dates because I didn’t want to spend too much time inside. Mainly morning walks to campus for coffee from Glazes which we enjoyed on campus. We explored Boston a bit going to various places. We still had our ‘grey’s and cuddles’ nights which we both enjoy almost too much, we are both introverted in nature. We laughed and chatted over ice cream. We spent the time at both his and mine. So we could spend time with both his and my friends. We played games which always gets competitive and had movie nights at both places. He also may or may not have participated in karaoke once. We had dinner with my family. Tate loves him. Damien adores him after everything that happened before, after and during those 3 weeks an
After Everything 34
The butterflies swarm my stomach as we are driving to his family home in Boston. I’m going to meet his parents and sister today. Am I anxious? Hell yes. But Kingston assured me they know what happened as he asked if he could tell them which I didn’t mind, it isn’t something I try to hide but it also isn’t something I’m actively going around and telling people. I’m mean he already knew Cole and Damien is pretty good once he knows your intentions and Tate well she is harmless. I had Kingston tell me everything about them before I came. His mom is Lucy a physical therapist and dad is Johnathan an English professor at Harvard. Who was a Bruins fan hence knowing my father not personally but through a tv screen. Then there’s his baby sister Cora who is 10, 1 year older than Tate and she skates as well. We are actually going home so we can take Cora to the Fun Fair that’s in town here in there neighbourhood. I was going to bring Tate but she had a lot going on with school and ska
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Tonight is the night I plan to tell her. Josie asked me if I did that night and I said yes. But I wanted to wait so it wasn’t tainted by bad memories of pain, hurt and anxiety. I’ve shown her but neither of us have uttered the words yet. So taking her to see my family today had its ulterior motives, 1. she met my family and well they loved her, my dad and Cora both kept telling me I’m punching well above my weight, I know I am with her. Anyone would be. And 2. so Josie could set up their apartment with rose petals, and well everything that makes it lovey-dovey in a way Em would like because I know she isn’t one for full on romance and she appreciates the small things. The room is set up inspired by all our memories we’ve made along the way. We both fell fast and hard. With no barriers, nothing to catch us except each other and neither wanting to let go. I’m in this for the long haul well forever, really. Josie messaged me as we left the fun fair and dropped Cora home aft
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