I was about two hundred feet down the sidewalk when he caught up with me.“Wait! Wait – I’m sorry!” he said. He turned around and walked backwards so he could face me as he talked. “Was it something I said?” he grinned.I shot him a death glare.He put up his hands to ward it off. “Okay, yes, obviously it was what I said – ”“Women are not just sexual playthings for your amusement.”“I know that,” he said, a little taken aback.“Not from the way you act.”“Look, I’m just a sexual person – ”“Who’s only interested in fucking me?”“Whoa! Whoa, hold on there, potty mouth!” he laughed.“Oh – I’m a potty mouth, Mr. ‘Every other word out of my mouth is fuckin’ this and fuckin’ that’? Why am I a potty mouth, because I’m a girl?”“Hey – hey,” he said, his voice suddenly soothing. He moved beside me and touched my arm, but I shook him off roughly.“Please, will you just listen to me?” he asked, his voice low.“Go ahead and talk, it’s a free country,” I snarled.“Look… I think you’re absolute
I thought about it all night and all the next morning.Spending any more time with Derek was a bad idea. I knew this. That was not in question.But Kevin was still pouting and hadn’t called me back – so technically, whatever I did wouldn’t be cheating.For the record, I knew that was a total copout. I didn’t even think it held water as an excuse.…but it was, technically, correct.And it gave me a certain amount of psychological cover to play ‘What If.’At the end of the day, I could always scream like Ross on Friends, “We were on a BREAK!”But I still knew I was getting back together with Kevin. I was, there was no question in my mind of that.And anything I did with Derek would be cheating, technicality or not.But……if we never kissed……and we never touched……and we never had sex……was it really cheating?Of course it was. It was ‘emotional’ cheating.But since Kevin and I were broken up, ‘emotional’ cheating seemed like it wasn’t really cheating at all.And if I kept things in con
I was expecting our destination to be a nasty, old rundown shack sandwiched in between crack houses. And I was expecting Derek’s bandmate to be a drugged-out, long-haired scuz that we would wake up when we got there.I couldn’t have been more wrong.As I drove my beat-up Toyota, Derek directed me out to the suburbs. That is, when he wasn’t chatting with a newly friendly Shanna. We finally turned into a very pretty, upper-middle-class neighborhood with manicured lawns and kids playing out in the street.We pulled up in front of a brick McMansion with a long driveway that ended on the side of the house. “Whoa, your bassist lives here?” Shanna asked.“Yeah. Nice, huh?” Derek agreed.There was a new Honda sitting in front of a basketball hoop. I started to park beside it when Derek stopped me.“Park behind it – his parents aren’t home from work yet, and we don’t want to get blocked in.”His parents aren’t home from work yet?“He lives with his parents?” Shanna asked, once again voicing
They ended up taking requests for quite a while. Shanna really wanted to hear something by Katy Perry, so they did “I Kissed A Girl,” with Derek and Shanna singing together on the chorus. Shanna was giddy. It was really interesting hearing the song where one half was in a deep male voice. And uncomfortably sexy whenever Derek would look at me while singing.I have to admit, it also freaked me out a little to hear my roommate – who had seen me half-naked more times than I could count – singing a song about being bi-curious.Ryan switched instruments to mimic the deeper, driving notes of the backup music.He’d been good on acoustic, but he was outstanding on bass guitar.Afterwards, I teased Derek a little. “I didn’t know you liked Katy Perry.”“Ryan’s little sisters love Katy Perry, so we do it for them,” Derek said, scowling at me for impugning his manliness.I wasn’t sure how I felt about ten-year-olds (or however old they were) being huge fans of “I Kissed A Girl.” It made it even
The kitchen was lovely – more Real Simple ideas at work, with a couple of pretty flower arrangements and a tiny herb garden in one of those round, space-age terrariums you buy at Bed, Bath & Beyond. There wasn’t too much in the cupboards, so we ate potato chips and carrot sticks with dip as we sat around the island in the middle of the kitchen.After a few minutes, I heard whispering behind us. Two little brown-haired girls, about 9 and 12, were poking their heads around the corner, watching us. As soon as they saw me look at them, they burst into giggles and darted out of sight.“Hey – who’s that back there?” Derek said loudly.More giggling, and then the little girls came tearing around the corner and slid into the kitchen on their socks.“Hi Derrrrrrek!” they both shouted at once, and dissolved into giggles again.“Hello, ladies!”“Out!” Ryan shouted.“AWWWWW!” they complained.“Come on, man, they can stay,” Derek said good-naturedly.Ryan grumbled and ordered them to behave. They
We’d been trailing Ryan and Shanna for about three aisles when we turned the corner and found ourselves in the kids toys area. There was one of those six-foot-tall containers, a big rectangular wire structure, full of brightly-colored rubber balls.Derek went over and grabbed a pink, swirly-colored one. He served it volleyball-style to me – And I just let it hit the ground and bounce twice before I grabbed it.“Come onnnnn,” Derek complained, like If you were cool you would do it.“No,” I whispered, and looked around in alarm. “We’re going to get in trouble.”“So?”“I don’t want to get in trouble.”“You just know I’d kick your ass in grocery store volleyball, that’s all.”“I don’t think so. I was on my high school team.”“Yeah, right.” He started imitating a chicken. “Baawwk - bok - bok - bok!”“Oh yeah?”“Yeah.”“Fine.” I picked up the ball. “Ready, punk?”“Ready, Ms. High School Volleyball Queen.”I hit it to him. He hit it back – and then I jumped up and spiked it at his feet.“Bo
Shanna, Derek, Ryan, and I stepped out into the warm night air. Crickets were chirping in the woods, and the moon was shining down through wisps of clouds.As we reached my car in the driveway, Ryan put out his hand to shake mine. “It was really nice meeting you, Kaitlyn.”“You, too. I had a great time – you have a wonderful family.”“He does, doesn’t he?” Derek agreed. “The best.”“Yeah, well, you try living with them,” Ryan mumbled.“I did. Didn’t work out, remember?”“Whatever.” Ryan turned back to me and asked hopefully, “Maybe I’ll see you around sometime?”“Uh… yeah. Maybe.”“I’m going to UGA next year,” Ryan said shyly. “I’ve got to live at home, but – ”“He could’ve gone to Yale or Brown, but he’s staying here for the band,” Derek chimed in, slapping his friend on the back.“Yeah, also ‘cause my parents are too cheap.”“Aaah, they’ve gotta pay for two more kids to go to college, dude. Ease up.”“Anyway,” Ryan said to me, “maybe I’ll see you around campus.”I looked over at Der
It was about 9PM when Shanna and I made our way up to our dorm room. Our voices echoed through the stairwell as we talked.“I’m just saying he’s hot. You should do him,” Shanna said.“No.”“Why not?”“I have a boyfriend.”“No you don’t – you broke up!”“We’re getting back together.” At SOME point.“But you’re not with him now. While you’re still single, you should totally – ”“No.”“Come on – it doesn’t have to be so serious. Just think of it like chocolate and indulge yourself – ”“NO.”“Why not?”“Because… because I love my boyfriend,” I said feebly. “And I don’t want to do anything to hurt the relationship we have.”“The same relationship you guys have ended, like, six times since October?”Ouch.“I don’t want anyone else but Kevin,” I lied through my teeth.“Give me a break – I’m sure your EX boyfriend is great, but he’s not that great.”I turned back to Shanna as I opened the door to the hallway.“Yes he is! Kevin is… he’s a really good person.”“I’m glad to hear that,” a famili
We took little breaks, drank water and wine, talked and whispered, touched and caressed… but we most definitely did it again.Three more times, by my count.It was after four AM when we finally dropped off into a deep slumber, our bodies intertwined.I woke up sometime after ten AM. I looked around me in wonder, hardly believing what had happened – or how lucky I was. Two gorgeous men on either side of me, the golden sunlight kissing their naked bodies, their cocks looking delectable as they slumbered.Neither of the boys was awake yet, so I carefully extracted myself, went into the bathroom and freshened up. Then I came back and reinserted myself back into the mix.Both guys opened their eyes sleepily as I slid between them.“Holy shit… did we do what I think we did?” Derek murmured.“Several times,” I giggled.“Wow,” Ryan muttered. Then he looked at me. “Did you… was it everything you hoped it would be?”I kissed him. “Without a doubt, last night was the best night of my entire life
Derek kissed me, his cock pressed hard against my belly – and then he pushed me back onto the bed. He stood above me, his erection jutting hard and stiff into the air, as he placed the condom on the head of his cock and slowly rolled it downwards.Ryan was looking left out and forlorn, so I gestured to him. He sank down on the bed and began to kiss me, his left hand playing with my breast.“Um…” Derek said.“I want to be able to kiss and touch both of you,” I said. “Not just one at a time.”Derek sighed. “Alright, fine. Just remember the rules, dude.”“Don’t worry about me,” Ryan said darkly.Derek lowered himself between my legs and began to lick his way up the inside of my thighs. I sighed and moaned as Ryan kissed me – and then he pulled away and stared into my eyes.At just that moment, Derek reached my pussy and slowly began to lick up my lips to my clit.One man going down on me, another staring into my eyes and caressing my face – it was one of the most erotic things I’d ever e
Ryan was the first to move. He cupped my face in his hands and leaned over and kissed me, slowly… sensually.As I closed my eyes and gave myself over to the kiss, another pair of hands slowly touched my waist. Derek.He brushed aside my hair, and I felt his warm lips on the back of my neck.I shivered, and a jumble of emotions surged through me all at once: fear. Excitement. Desire. Shame. Love. Longing. Uncertainty.Were we really going to do this?Was this really going to happen?As Ryan continued to kiss me, one of Derek’s hands tugged at my blouse, pulled it up out of my skirt, and brushed across my bare skin.Holy SHIT, this really WAS going to happen.I parted lips with Ryan, then felt a gentle tug at my hair. I turned my head slowly, as though in a trance – and Derek’s lips were there to meet mine.With Ryan’s taste still in my mouth, now I had Derek’s, as well – the slightly darker, smokier taste of his lips, his tongue.It felt wrong.But it was sooooo hot.Ryan began to nuz
A couple of times there was some angry shouting from the bedroom, but most of the talk was in hushed whispers. Under ordinary circumstances I might have been interested in eavesdropping, but I was so drained, I really couldn’t work up the enthusiasm. Besides, I knew what they were talking about: me.And they talked for a looooong time.After about ten minutes, I gave in and opened the wine. Like the classy lady I am, I swigged it right out of the bottle.Twenty minutes later I was finished with the wine and had a nice buzz going – probably due to my exhaustion as much as the alcohol – when they finally walked out.The stood in front of me, and this time it was me who waited anxiously.“Well?” I finally asked.“…okay,” Derek said.My eyes almost bugged out of my head.“What?!”“I said okay.”“I know what you said, but – ” I turned to Ryan. “You’re okay with this?”He looked unhappy. “I wouldn’t call it ‘okay,’ but… I can’t lose you. I won’t lose you.”“Same goes for me,” Derek agreed.
They stood there staring at me mutely for what seemed like ages.Derek spoke first.“…what?”“I want both of you. I need both of you in my life.”“We’ve both been in your life the last few weeks, and I think we’ve seen how that worked out,” Ryan said darkly.“Which means you two are going to have to work it out and learn to live with each other – if you want to stay with me.” I turned to Derek. “I know you can’t be faithful. Not forever, anyway – ”“I can and I will,” he protested. “You just have to give me a chance.”“I already gave you a chance,” I said. “You even said back in Vegas that you would have cheated no matter what.”“That was the old me!”I shook my head. “I can’t – I won’t – be with somebody who would lie to me, who would rip away everything we built together like that,” I said, snapping my fingers.“I wouldn’t do that,” Derek protested.I just looked at him for a moment like, Really? REALLY. He sighed in pain. “You won’t ever trust me again, will you?”I hesitated for
“Jessie’s Girl” finally ended and they launched into one of the new songs, “Gold And Diamonds.” Derek didn’t alter anything in that one, but the shenanigans weren’t over yet. Not by a long shot.As soon as it was over, he announced to the crowd, “I’m thinkin’ another cover… what about ‘My Best Friend’s Girl’?”The Cars’ 1978 hit.He was sticking to a theme.Again, Killian looked panicked.Again, Ryan nodded his consent… but he looked like he might pop out a switchblade or a Saturday Night Special any second.Derek sang the song.I felt sick.Derek was trying to tear Ryan apart, all on account of me. Just because he was doing it by fucking with his head didn’t make it any less painful or brutal.Next up was a Bigger song – “Girl, Please Stay.” Which kind of stuck to the theme.The crowd sang along.Another spontaneous cover followed: Blink 182’s “Dammit.”Ryan agreed again when Killian looked at him, even though it was evident what Derek was doing. It was hard to miss when he changed t
After the interaction with Miles – one more strand of loss in my personal Gordian Knot – I lost my taste for any further drinking and went back upstairs.Ryan was already in bed. As soon as I came in, he rolled over. “Hey.”“Hey,” I said as I sat down on the edge.We stayed in uncomfortable silence for awhile.“I still want to be with you,” I said quietly.A long pause.“…but…” he said, waiting for the other shoe to drop.“I don’t know. I’m… I’m…”I started to cry. Not out of any attempt to get out of the discussion, but because I was so tired. And so worn down. And so unhappy about hurting so many people – including myself.Ryan is nothing if not a softie. He lay there for a few seconds listening to me, then stretched out his hand. “Come here.”I sniffled and crawled across the covers until I was nestled against his bare chest.“I want to be with you,” I whispered.“Are you absolutely sure that’s what you want?”I nodded ‘yes,’ because I wasn’t entirely sure I could convince him with
I hastily wiped my tears off my cheek, then the taste of Derek off my lips.“Just a minute – ”There was the sound of a beep, and the click of the lock.The door opened before I could get it, and there stood Ryan.He looked furious.I cringed, imagining him about to say all the horrible things about myself I knew I deserved to hear – “Did he hurt you?” he asked, striding into the room and enveloping me in his arms.Oh my God…I was feeling so guilty about my desires, and all he could think of was if I was alright.“No,” I sobbed.“Tell me the truth – did he hurt you?” He held me out at arm’s length, his face a mask of fury. “I’ll kill him – so help me God, I’ll fucking – ”Our eyes met, and suddenly he knew.All the anger drained away and was replaced by hurt. But when he spoke, his voice was dead. “…you kissed him.”I exhaled shakily. “He kissed me.”His arms went slack and he let go of me. Just stood there, looking at me. Then he walked past me like he was in a trance, sat on the e
Austin City Limits was only a week away.Bigger almost didn’t go. In fact, they wouldn’t have gone except for Riley.“You fuckin’ pussies can bail, but I’m not, and fuck ALL y’all if you try to say it’s cuz of me,” she said angrily as she sat up in her hospital bed.It was a band meeting with Derek, Killian, and Ryan in her hospital room on Sunday night. Miles was there, too, as was I. Megan had wanted to stay, but Riley forced her to catch a redeye back to New York so she could return to her med school classes Monday morning.“Riley, your health is the most important thing here,” Ryan said.“I’m fine.”“You’re not fine. You almost died.”“Well I’m not dead NOW, am I? So we’re playin’ the fuckin’ concert!”“Riley, you’re in no condition to play,” Derek said.“Fuck you – I’ve done gigs where I was beat up, bleeding, almost dead and I still played.”“Not with Bigger, you didn’t,” Miles growled.“No, not with fuckin’ Bigger, cause you’re all a bunch of pussies!”“As manager – ”“As manag