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Affair with the Rockstar So began a period
So began a period of utter happiness and domestic bliss.Our mornings were leisurely and spent doing naughty things between the sheets. Breakfast in bed or naked in the kitchen, it didn’t matter – there was a fair amount of both. We took horseback rides in the afternoons. I refused to go back into the hills for several days after the cougar, but Ryan offered to take along a rifle. After making him prove his marksmanship against a dozen tin cans lined up on a pine fence, I finally consented… and we never saw hide nor hair of the mountain lion again. Ryan joked that it was a variation on the ‘if you have an umbrella with you, it never rains’ law. So I made sure we never left home without an ‘umbrella.’There were also occasional trips into town, but the rest of the time I spent working my way through the library of paperbacks while Ryan did his thing in the studio. I would occasionally surprise him by walking in completely naked. He didn’t get much work done on those afternoons.Evenin
Affair with the Rockstar Somewhere in the midst of all the
Somewhere in the midst of all the sex and lazing about, Shanna called.“What the fuck, you can’t answer my texts or calls?”It was true – she had texted me numerous times since Derek’s very public implosion, and called at least twice. During the first couple of weeks, I had been too depressed to answer. During the last couple of weeks, I’d been too busy. Or something like that.More than that, though, I had been avoiding the conversation I knew was about to occur.But when I was sitting in the library and my cell phone rang, I knew I didn’t really have an excuse not to answer.“No, I’m sorry, it’s just been… a little crazy,” I apologized.There was a pause on the other end. “You don’t sound like you’re depressed over Derek.”“I’m not.”There was a longer pause. “You actually sound pretty happy.”“…I am.”No pause at all: “Did you hook up with somebody new?!”I groaned and tried to obfuscate. “Why do you just automatically assume that? People aren’t all like you, you know. They can be
Affair with the Rockstar I talked to Ryan about it
I talked to Ryan about it afterwards.“What’s the problem?” he asked.“Other than feeling like I’m not good enough, that I’ll screw it up and never get another chance?”He smiled. “I felt like that at Derek’s and my first frat gig – the one where we had to pay in beer?”I nodded. “I remember that story.”“I felt like if I screwed up, nobody would ever hire us again, and we’d be banned from playing any party in Athens, forever. Then I felt the same way at my first paying gig. And then at our first club date. And then on our first tour. And then at our first stadium show.”I stared at him. “Seriously?”“The feeling never goes away – not if you keep reaching for bigger and better things. But that’s okay; you want that feeling to be there. Because if it’s not there, it means you aren’t reaching very far. Do you worry about getting more small writing gigs?”“No.”“But I’ll bet the first one you ever got, you were really nervous.”“Yeah,” I admitted.“But you probably did a great job.”Fals
Affair with the Rockstar i went into the studio
I went into the studio to find Ryan. He was hard at work on a piece of music on the computer.“Hey,” I said.“Hey, what’s up?” He grinned, pulled me down into his lap, and started kissing me. “You lookin’ for a little ‘afternoon delight’?”“Um… that sounds great… but actually, I just got a call from my mom.”He backed off and got a mildly concerned look. “Everything okay?”“Yeah, yeah… she just wanted me to come visit before my brother goes back to college, and since we’re already flying back together in a couple of days – ”His entire face lit up like a pinball machine. As in, super-happy. “You want me to meet your parents?”“…what?!”No. NO. BAD IDEA.He could read me like a book, and his expression fell accordingly. “…or not…” he said, failing to hide his disappointment.I tried to recover. “No! No, I mean… I just hadn’t thought about it, that’s all.”“It’s cool, I just thought you meant – ”“No, I mean – I’d like you to meet my parents, I just… you know, I didn’t think you’d want
Affair with the Rockstar Ryan and I went to the
Ryan and I went back to the house and packed. We made love afterwards, then collapsed and drifted off to sleep.4AM came brutally early.I barely remember it, actually. I sleepwalked through my shower, then slept most of the way in Mr. MacCruder’s truck with my head on Ryan’s shoulder. Same with the airplane. I woke up for our connecting flight in Dallas, and stayed awake the rest of the trip – which I wished wasn’t the case, because all I did was worry about seeing my parents in Savannah.Ryan tried to soothe me. “It’s going to be great.”“Yeah,” I said half-heartedly.He hesitated. “…you know… I could just not go.”“What? What do you mean?”“If you’re uncomfortable about me meeting your family, I could wait until after you’ve left, then rent a car and drive to Athens. You could tell them I had to change plans at the last minute.”Once again, I felt horrible.“NO! What are you talking about?!” I yelped, even though I knew exactly what he was talking about.“You just seem a little… p
Affair with the Rockstar i cried for a good
I cried for a good five minutes. Finally I sat back and dried my eyes. Mom got up and brought me some Kleenex, then poured out some more wine for her – and a glass for me.“Just for the record, Kaitie-bear, I think you traded up,” she said as she handed me my drink.“Ryan?”She nodded.I half-sobbed, half-smiled. “Yeah… yeah, I guess I did.”Mom stared into my eyes as though searching for something. I had to look into my drink, because I didn’t want her to find it.“Sometimes,” she said gently, “after you’ve been on a rollercoaster ride, it can take awhile to fully appreciate a really, truly good man.”I looked up at her, a bit annoyed. “I appreciate Ryan.”“I know.”“I love him,” I said… and remembered my phone conversation with my mother while I was still in South Dakota.Your boyfriend? I’m so looking forward to meeting him! What’s his name?I remembered which name I had started to say.“I love Ryan,” I repeated, almost too insistently.“Okay,” Mom said, and left it at that.“Speak
Affair with the Rockstar we left under a dark
We left under a dark cloud. My mom and brothers were great; it was my dad that was the problem. He was cold and distant the entire time.On the other hand, my mom was a total sweetheart. “Come see us again soon as you can,” she said as she gave Ryan a hug.Tim and Rob tried to be cool, but that only lasted for about 30 seconds. Then they were begging for one last selfie with Ryan before we hit the road.While the boys were busy, Mom came over and got me alone. “I love you, honey.”“I love you, too.”“Is everything okay?”“It’ll be fine.”“If it’s your father, don’t mind him – ”“It’s fine, Mom. Seriously, it will be okay.”She gave me a long, searching look, then finished with a hug. “Don’t be a stranger.”“I won’t,” I said – and meant it.Before we left, I hugged my father, and Ryan shook his hand. It was awkward – more like keeping up appearances than anything else. But then it was over, and we were off.Tim drove us to the nearest rental car place, and he and Rob helped us get our
Affair with the Rockstar the doorbell rang
The doorbell rang while Riley was still around. She was acting sulky and sullen and tossing gravel in the goldfish pond, trying to hit the fish.“Leave the fish alone,” Ryan called out as he went in the house to answer the door.“They’re fuckin’ fish, they need some excitement,” she yelled back.I followed Ryan into the house.“What’s up?” Ryan asked.“Nothing. I just don’t want to be called ‘Yoko’ anymore.”“She quit doing that.”“Yeah, except when she mouths it silently when your back is turned.”He grimaced. “Ah, Riley.”As we got closer to the door, my heart sped up. I knew it couldn’t be Derek – the flight from LA to Atlanta was probably five hours, and then there was all the time at the airport beforehand, not to mention the hour-plus drive to Athens. And he’d only been released from rehab about four hours ago, according to the text from Miles.But I was nervous just the same until Ryan opened the door.There stood a certain short, long-haired guitarist dressed all in black – an
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