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2023-07-27 19:04:13Related chapters
Affair with the Rockstar Ryan and I went to the
Ryan and I went back to the house and packed. We made love afterwards, then collapsed and drifted off to sleep.4AM came brutally early.I barely remember it, actually. I sleepwalked through my shower, then slept most of the way in Mr. MacCruder’s truck with my head on Ryan’s shoulder. Same with the airplane. I woke up for our connecting flight in Dallas, and stayed awake the rest of the trip – which I wished wasn’t the case, because all I did was worry about seeing my parents in Savannah.Ryan tried to soothe me. “It’s going to be great.”“Yeah,” I said half-heartedly.He hesitated. “…you know… I could just not go.”“What? What do you mean?”“If you’re uncomfortable about me meeting your family, I could wait until after you’ve left, then rent a car and drive to Athens. You could tell them I had to change plans at the last minute.”Once again, I felt horrible.“NO! What are you talking about?!” I yelped, even though I knew exactly what he was talking about.“You just seem a little… p
Last Updated : 2023-07-27Affair with the Rockstar i cried for a good
I cried for a good five minutes. Finally I sat back and dried my eyes. Mom got up and brought me some Kleenex, then poured out some more wine for her – and a glass for me.“Just for the record, Kaitie-bear, I think you traded up,” she said as she handed me my drink.“Ryan?”She nodded.I half-sobbed, half-smiled. “Yeah… yeah, I guess I did.”Mom stared into my eyes as though searching for something. I had to look into my drink, because I didn’t want her to find it.“Sometimes,” she said gently, “after you’ve been on a rollercoaster ride, it can take awhile to fully appreciate a really, truly good man.”I looked up at her, a bit annoyed. “I appreciate Ryan.”“I know.”“I love him,” I said… and remembered my phone conversation with my mother while I was still in South Dakota.Your boyfriend? I’m so looking forward to meeting him! What’s his name?I remembered which name I had started to say.“I love Ryan,” I repeated, almost too insistently.“Okay,” Mom said, and left it at that.“Speak
Last Updated : 2023-07-27Affair with the Rockstar we left under a dark
We left under a dark cloud. My mom and brothers were great; it was my dad that was the problem. He was cold and distant the entire time.On the other hand, my mom was a total sweetheart. “Come see us again soon as you can,” she said as she gave Ryan a hug.Tim and Rob tried to be cool, but that only lasted for about 30 seconds. Then they were begging for one last selfie with Ryan before we hit the road.While the boys were busy, Mom came over and got me alone. “I love you, honey.”“I love you, too.”“Is everything okay?”“It’ll be fine.”“If it’s your father, don’t mind him – ”“It’s fine, Mom. Seriously, it will be okay.”She gave me a long, searching look, then finished with a hug. “Don’t be a stranger.”“I won’t,” I said – and meant it.Before we left, I hugged my father, and Ryan shook his hand. It was awkward – more like keeping up appearances than anything else. But then it was over, and we were off.Tim drove us to the nearest rental car place, and he and Rob helped us get our
Last Updated : 2023-07-27Affair with the Rockstar the doorbell rang
The doorbell rang while Riley was still around. She was acting sulky and sullen and tossing gravel in the goldfish pond, trying to hit the fish.“Leave the fish alone,” Ryan called out as he went in the house to answer the door.“They’re fuckin’ fish, they need some excitement,” she yelled back.I followed Ryan into the house.“What’s up?” Ryan asked.“Nothing. I just don’t want to be called ‘Yoko’ anymore.”“She quit doing that.”“Yeah, except when she mouths it silently when your back is turned.”He grimaced. “Ah, Riley.”As we got closer to the door, my heart sped up. I knew it couldn’t be Derek – the flight from LA to Atlanta was probably five hours, and then there was all the time at the airport beforehand, not to mention the hour-plus drive to Athens. And he’d only been released from rehab about four hours ago, according to the text from Miles.But I was nervous just the same until Ryan opened the door.There stood a certain short, long-haired guitarist dressed all in black – an
Last Updated : 2023-07-27Affair with the Rockstar We eventually wound up on the back
We eventually wound up on the back patio, with Ryan grilling up burgers for all of us.Derek stood around drinking a bottle of sparkling water. He seemed calm, collected, almost zen. He cracked jokes, smiled, told stories about rehab – like how he had tried to escape five times in the first three days.“I didn’t adjust so well at first,” he grinned.However, Miles had posted rotating shifts of roadies surrounding the walls of the property. Every time Derek got out, a big, burly dude had chased him down, tackled him to the ground, sat on him, and then called his fellow guards to help carry Derek back inside, kicking and screaming.“The first time it was Otto – remember Otto, with the beard?” Derek asked Ryan. “He sat on me and I was screaming, and the whole time he was shouting, ‘I’m sorry, man! I’m sorry! Miles is making me, dude! Don’t hate me, bro!’”He went on to talk about long hours of therapy, and even longer hours of solitary soul-searching. About how he realized that he was al
Last Updated : 2023-07-27Affair with the Rockstar we drove downtown
We drove downtown and parked in front of the gyro shop.“We’re going in there?” I asked, surprised.“I was planning on it. Why?”“I don’t know – aren’t you afraid you’re going to get to mobbed by people?”“Naah, I hang out downtown all the time. I get asked for pictures and stuff, but people in Athens are used to seeing me, so it’s no big deal.”“If you say so,” I muttered dubiously.We walked into the gyro shop. The restaurant was just the way I remembered it: grease-smudged wallpaper, rickety tables, the smell of roasting meat in the air. It felt like not a moment had passed in over four years – especially when the shaggy-haired alterna-dudes behind the counter immediately shouted out welcomes.“Derek! What’s up!”“Hey man, how’s it goin’!”“D – good to see you, dude!”The guys were different from four years ago – at least I think they were – but otherwise it was complete déjà vu.Derek walked over to the counter and shook hands all around. “How’s it goin’, Bennie? Dwight, my man! Z
Last Updated : 2023-07-27Affair with the Rockstar it took me a long while
It took me a long while to compose myself, but when I finally did, I drove back to Ryan’s. The guard waved me through the gate, and after five minutes of winding through his neighborhood I parked in the garage.I thought about what I was going to say as I sat there in the darkness.I could tell him the truth… but then he would quit the band, I was sure of it. He would sever all ties with Derek, and it would all be my fault.I didn’t want that. But that would be what happened if I told him.…or……I could lie.I could tell him about the rest of the evening. Nothing had happened at the dorm or the gyro place. I could leave out the part in the parking lot. I wouldn’t even have to leave out all of it – just the part at the end.It wouldn’t be a full-on lie; more like bending the truth.No… if you’re going to lie, at least don’t lie to yourself.I felt sick.I hadn’t wanted any of this to happen. I hadn’t wanted Derek to come back, I hadn’t wanted to feel these feelings, I hadn’t wanted thi
Last Updated : 2023-07-27Affair with the Rockstar After that
After that, we were joined by the producer and the sound engineer. Avi was from New York and Bob was local. They all knew each other from doing the last record together, so there were a lot of hugs with the hello’s, not to mention numerous comments about how good Derek looked after rehab. They were both polite to me, though I couldn’t shake the feeling that they knew all about the romantic drama and were walking on eggshells.Then the band went into the recording studio. Like their casual rehearsals on the road, Ryan was a stickler for recording everything, just in case a nugget of brilliance emerged.I stayed in the control room with Avi, Miles, and Bob, and tried to keep out of everyone’s way.“Well, we could do ‘When It Was Through.’ Or ‘Gold and Diamonds,’” Ryan suggested, referencing two of the songs I had heard them practice on the road. His words piped in through the speakers in the booth, making him sound like the voice of God.Avi clicked a button on the console and spoke. “W
Last Updated : 2023-07-27
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Affair with the Rockstar we took little breaks
We took little breaks, drank water and wine, talked and whispered, touched and caressed… but we most definitely did it again.Three more times, by my count.It was after four AM when we finally dropped off into a deep slumber, our bodies intertwined.I woke up sometime after ten AM. I looked around me in wonder, hardly believing what had happened – or how lucky I was. Two gorgeous men on either side of me, the golden sunlight kissing their naked bodies, their cocks looking delectable as they slumbered.Neither of the boys was awake yet, so I carefully extracted myself, went into the bathroom and freshened up. Then I came back and reinserted myself back into the mix.Both guys opened their eyes sleepily as I slid between them.“Holy shit… did we do what I think we did?” Derek murmured.“Several times,” I giggled.“Wow,” Ryan muttered. Then he looked at me. “Did you… was it everything you hoped it would be?”I kissed him. “Without a doubt, last night was the best night of my entire life
Affair with the Rockstar Derek kissed me
Derek kissed me, his cock pressed hard against my belly – and then he pushed me back onto the bed. He stood above me, his erection jutting hard and stiff into the air, as he placed the condom on the head of his cock and slowly rolled it downwards.Ryan was looking left out and forlorn, so I gestured to him. He sank down on the bed and began to kiss me, his left hand playing with my breast.“Um…” Derek said.“I want to be able to kiss and touch both of you,” I said. “Not just one at a time.”Derek sighed. “Alright, fine. Just remember the rules, dude.”“Don’t worry about me,” Ryan said darkly.Derek lowered himself between my legs and began to lick his way up the inside of my thighs. I sighed and moaned as Ryan kissed me – and then he pulled away and stared into my eyes.At just that moment, Derek reached my pussy and slowly began to lick up my lips to my clit.One man going down on me, another staring into my eyes and caressing my face – it was one of the most erotic things I’d ever e
Affair with the Rockstar Ryan was the first to move
Ryan was the first to move. He cupped my face in his hands and leaned over and kissed me, slowly… sensually.As I closed my eyes and gave myself over to the kiss, another pair of hands slowly touched my waist. Derek.He brushed aside my hair, and I felt his warm lips on the back of my neck.I shivered, and a jumble of emotions surged through me all at once: fear. Excitement. Desire. Shame. Love. Longing. Uncertainty.Were we really going to do this?Was this really going to happen?As Ryan continued to kiss me, one of Derek’s hands tugged at my blouse, pulled it up out of my skirt, and brushed across my bare skin.Holy SHIT, this really WAS going to happen.I parted lips with Ryan, then felt a gentle tug at my hair. I turned my head slowly, as though in a trance – and Derek’s lips were there to meet mine.With Ryan’s taste still in my mouth, now I had Derek’s, as well – the slightly darker, smokier taste of his lips, his tongue.It felt wrong.But it was sooooo hot.Ryan began to nuz
Affair with the Rockstar A couple of times
A couple of times there was some angry shouting from the bedroom, but most of the talk was in hushed whispers. Under ordinary circumstances I might have been interested in eavesdropping, but I was so drained, I really couldn’t work up the enthusiasm. Besides, I knew what they were talking about: me.And they talked for a looooong time.After about ten minutes, I gave in and opened the wine. Like the classy lady I am, I swigged it right out of the bottle.Twenty minutes later I was finished with the wine and had a nice buzz going – probably due to my exhaustion as much as the alcohol – when they finally walked out.The stood in front of me, and this time it was me who waited anxiously.“Well?” I finally asked.“…okay,” Derek said.My eyes almost bugged out of my head.“What?!”“I said okay.”“I know what you said, but – ” I turned to Ryan. “You’re okay with this?”He looked unhappy. “I wouldn’t call it ‘okay,’ but… I can’t lose you. I won’t lose you.”“Same goes for me,” Derek agreed.
Affair with the Rockstar They stood there
They stood there staring at me mutely for what seemed like ages.Derek spoke first.“…what?”“I want both of you. I need both of you in my life.”“We’ve both been in your life the last few weeks, and I think we’ve seen how that worked out,” Ryan said darkly.“Which means you two are going to have to work it out and learn to live with each other – if you want to stay with me.” I turned to Derek. “I know you can’t be faithful. Not forever, anyway – ”“I can and I will,” he protested. “You just have to give me a chance.”“I already gave you a chance,” I said. “You even said back in Vegas that you would have cheated no matter what.”“That was the old me!”I shook my head. “I can’t – I won’t – be with somebody who would lie to me, who would rip away everything we built together like that,” I said, snapping my fingers.“I wouldn’t do that,” Derek protested.I just looked at him for a moment like, Really? REALLY. He sighed in pain. “You won’t ever trust me again, will you?”I hesitated for
Affair with the Rockstar Jessie's girl finally ended
“Jessie’s Girl” finally ended and they launched into one of the new songs, “Gold And Diamonds.” Derek didn’t alter anything in that one, but the shenanigans weren’t over yet. Not by a long shot.As soon as it was over, he announced to the crowd, “I’m thinkin’ another cover… what about ‘My Best Friend’s Girl’?”The Cars’ 1978 hit.He was sticking to a theme.Again, Killian looked panicked.Again, Ryan nodded his consent… but he looked like he might pop out a switchblade or a Saturday Night Special any second.Derek sang the song.I felt sick.Derek was trying to tear Ryan apart, all on account of me. Just because he was doing it by fucking with his head didn’t make it any less painful or brutal.Next up was a Bigger song – “Girl, Please Stay.” Which kind of stuck to the theme.The crowd sang along.Another spontaneous cover followed: Blink 182’s “Dammit.”Ryan agreed again when Killian looked at him, even though it was evident what Derek was doing. It was hard to miss when he changed t
Affair with the Rockstar After the interaction
After the interaction with Miles – one more strand of loss in my personal Gordian Knot – I lost my taste for any further drinking and went back upstairs.Ryan was already in bed. As soon as I came in, he rolled over. “Hey.”“Hey,” I said as I sat down on the edge.We stayed in uncomfortable silence for awhile.“I still want to be with you,” I said quietly.A long pause.“…but…” he said, waiting for the other shoe to drop.“I don’t know. I’m… I’m…”I started to cry. Not out of any attempt to get out of the discussion, but because I was so tired. And so worn down. And so unhappy about hurting so many people – including myself.Ryan is nothing if not a softie. He lay there for a few seconds listening to me, then stretched out his hand. “Come here.”I sniffled and crawled across the covers until I was nestled against his bare chest.“I want to be with you,” I whispered.“Are you absolutely sure that’s what you want?”I nodded ‘yes,’ because I wasn’t entirely sure I could convince him with
Affair with the Rockstar i hastily wiped
I hastily wiped my tears off my cheek, then the taste of Derek off my lips.“Just a minute – ”There was the sound of a beep, and the click of the lock.The door opened before I could get it, and there stood Ryan.He looked furious.I cringed, imagining him about to say all the horrible things about myself I knew I deserved to hear – “Did he hurt you?” he asked, striding into the room and enveloping me in his arms.Oh my God…I was feeling so guilty about my desires, and all he could think of was if I was alright.“No,” I sobbed.“Tell me the truth – did he hurt you?” He held me out at arm’s length, his face a mask of fury. “I’ll kill him – so help me God, I’ll fucking – ”Our eyes met, and suddenly he knew.All the anger drained away and was replaced by hurt. But when he spoke, his voice was dead. “…you kissed him.”I exhaled shakily. “He kissed me.”His arms went slack and he let go of me. Just stood there, looking at me. Then he walked past me like he was in a trance, sat on the e
Affair with the Rockstar Austin City limited
Austin City Limits was only a week away.Bigger almost didn’t go. In fact, they wouldn’t have gone except for Riley.“You fuckin’ pussies can bail, but I’m not, and fuck ALL y’all if you try to say it’s cuz of me,” she said angrily as she sat up in her hospital bed.It was a band meeting with Derek, Killian, and Ryan in her hospital room on Sunday night. Miles was there, too, as was I. Megan had wanted to stay, but Riley forced her to catch a redeye back to New York so she could return to her med school classes Monday morning.“Riley, your health is the most important thing here,” Ryan said.“I’m fine.”“You’re not fine. You almost died.”“Well I’m not dead NOW, am I? So we’re playin’ the fuckin’ concert!”“Riley, you’re in no condition to play,” Derek said.“Fuck you – I’ve done gigs where I was beat up, bleeding, almost dead and I still played.”“Not with Bigger, you didn’t,” Miles growled.“No, not with fuckin’ Bigger, cause you’re all a bunch of pussies!”“As manager – ”“As manag
