He began to stroke my clit – just little up-down movements, probably no more than a centimeter in length, and no firmer than if you were softly caressing your eyelid.But Jesus it felt good.He stayed right on one spot. Not all over my clit, like I was used to with guys – if they could even find it at all. But one teeny, tiny spot on the upper left.His touch was electric. Literally, that’s what it felt like: an electric current running from the tip of his finger to that tiny spot on my clit – but an electric current made of sugar and honey and sex.A quiet moan escaped my lips.Soft, rolling, sweet contractions began in my pussy. Little flutters at first… not a hard, intense orgasm, just gentle pulses. They started in waves… intensifying the slightest bit, then easing off… the pleasure getting higher… and the contractions starting all over again, just a little more intense. Another 30 seconds of that, then receding… then starting all over again, but higher, more pleasurable, sweeter…
He put his finger back on the spot, and I felt the ahhhhh of that instantaneous electrical sweetness. Then he began to stroke, which sent me off into another whirlwind of ecstasy.But this time, instead of using the tip of his thumb, he slid all of it inside me. Not only was I getting more sensation, and the feeling of being slightly more filled up – but he began putting pressure against my inside wall, gently massaging towards the left.Sweet baby Jeebus.That pressure, against that place inside me, wasn’t something I normally felt. The novelty and pleasure of it – combined with being on the orgasm rollercoaster again – made me let out a strangled moan.Then he began moving his thumb, putting more pressure in other places… like down, towards my ass, softly stroking me inside.I could feel my pussy grasping him tighter, and I wished I was feeling his gorgeous, thick cock completely filling me up. That thought sent me into another series of crazy contractions.Suddenly, the pressure sl
So began a period of utter happiness and domestic bliss.Our mornings were leisurely and spent doing naughty things between the sheets. Breakfast in bed or naked in the kitchen, it didn’t matter – there was a fair amount of both. We took horseback rides in the afternoons. I refused to go back into the hills for several days after the cougar, but Ryan offered to take along a rifle. After making him prove his marksmanship against a dozen tin cans lined up on a pine fence, I finally consented… and we never saw hide nor hair of the mountain lion again. Ryan joked that it was a variation on the ‘if you have an umbrella with you, it never rains’ law. So I made sure we never left home without an ‘umbrella.’There were also occasional trips into town, but the rest of the time I spent working my way through the library of paperbacks while Ryan did his thing in the studio. I would occasionally surprise him by walking in completely naked. He didn’t get much work done on those afternoons.Evenin
Somewhere in the midst of all the sex and lazing about, Shanna called.“What the fuck, you can’t answer my texts or calls?”It was true – she had texted me numerous times since Derek’s very public implosion, and called at least twice. During the first couple of weeks, I had been too depressed to answer. During the last couple of weeks, I’d been too busy. Or something like that.More than that, though, I had been avoiding the conversation I knew was about to occur.But when I was sitting in the library and my cell phone rang, I knew I didn’t really have an excuse not to answer.“No, I’m sorry, it’s just been… a little crazy,” I apologized.There was a pause on the other end. “You don’t sound like you’re depressed over Derek.”“I’m not.”There was a longer pause. “You actually sound pretty happy.”“…I am.”No pause at all: “Did you hook up with somebody new?!”I groaned and tried to obfuscate. “Why do you just automatically assume that? People aren’t all like you, you know. They can be
I talked to Ryan about it afterwards.“What’s the problem?” he asked.“Other than feeling like I’m not good enough, that I’ll screw it up and never get another chance?”He smiled. “I felt like that at Derek’s and my first frat gig – the one where we had to pay in beer?”I nodded. “I remember that story.”“I felt like if I screwed up, nobody would ever hire us again, and we’d be banned from playing any party in Athens, forever. Then I felt the same way at my first paying gig. And then at our first club date. And then on our first tour. And then at our first stadium show.”I stared at him. “Seriously?”“The feeling never goes away – not if you keep reaching for bigger and better things. But that’s okay; you want that feeling to be there. Because if it’s not there, it means you aren’t reaching very far. Do you worry about getting more small writing gigs?”“No.”“But I’ll bet the first one you ever got, you were really nervous.”“Yeah,” I admitted.“But you probably did a great job.”Fals
I went into the studio to find Ryan. He was hard at work on a piece of music on the computer.“Hey,” I said.“Hey, what’s up?” He grinned, pulled me down into his lap, and started kissing me. “You lookin’ for a little ‘afternoon delight’?”“Um… that sounds great… but actually, I just got a call from my mom.”He backed off and got a mildly concerned look. “Everything okay?”“Yeah, yeah… she just wanted me to come visit before my brother goes back to college, and since we’re already flying back together in a couple of days – ”His entire face lit up like a pinball machine. As in, super-happy. “You want me to meet your parents?”“…what?!”No. NO. BAD IDEA.He could read me like a book, and his expression fell accordingly. “…or not…” he said, failing to hide his disappointment.I tried to recover. “No! No, I mean… I just hadn’t thought about it, that’s all.”“It’s cool, I just thought you meant – ”“No, I mean – I’d like you to meet my parents, I just… you know, I didn’t think you’d want
Ryan and I went back to the house and packed. We made love afterwards, then collapsed and drifted off to sleep.4AM came brutally early.I barely remember it, actually. I sleepwalked through my shower, then slept most of the way in Mr. MacCruder’s truck with my head on Ryan’s shoulder. Same with the airplane. I woke up for our connecting flight in Dallas, and stayed awake the rest of the trip – which I wished wasn’t the case, because all I did was worry about seeing my parents in Savannah.Ryan tried to soothe me. “It’s going to be great.”“Yeah,” I said half-heartedly.He hesitated. “…you know… I could just not go.”“What? What do you mean?”“If you’re uncomfortable about me meeting your family, I could wait until after you’ve left, then rent a car and drive to Athens. You could tell them I had to change plans at the last minute.”Once again, I felt horrible.“NO! What are you talking about?!” I yelped, even though I knew exactly what he was talking about.“You just seem a little… p
I cried for a good five minutes. Finally I sat back and dried my eyes. Mom got up and brought me some Kleenex, then poured out some more wine for her – and a glass for me.“Just for the record, Kaitie-bear, I think you traded up,” she said as she handed me my drink.“Ryan?”She nodded.I half-sobbed, half-smiled. “Yeah… yeah, I guess I did.”Mom stared into my eyes as though searching for something. I had to look into my drink, because I didn’t want her to find it.“Sometimes,” she said gently, “after you’ve been on a rollercoaster ride, it can take awhile to fully appreciate a really, truly good man.”I looked up at her, a bit annoyed. “I appreciate Ryan.”“I know.”“I love him,” I said… and remembered my phone conversation with my mother while I was still in South Dakota.Your boyfriend? I’m so looking forward to meeting him! What’s his name?I remembered which name I had started to say.“I love Ryan,” I repeated, almost too insistently.“Okay,” Mom said, and left it at that.“Speak
We took little breaks, drank water and wine, talked and whispered, touched and caressed… but we most definitely did it again.Three more times, by my count.It was after four AM when we finally dropped off into a deep slumber, our bodies intertwined.I woke up sometime after ten AM. I looked around me in wonder, hardly believing what had happened – or how lucky I was. Two gorgeous men on either side of me, the golden sunlight kissing their naked bodies, their cocks looking delectable as they slumbered.Neither of the boys was awake yet, so I carefully extracted myself, went into the bathroom and freshened up. Then I came back and reinserted myself back into the mix.Both guys opened their eyes sleepily as I slid between them.“Holy shit… did we do what I think we did?” Derek murmured.“Several times,” I giggled.“Wow,” Ryan muttered. Then he looked at me. “Did you… was it everything you hoped it would be?”I kissed him. “Without a doubt, last night was the best night of my entire life
Derek kissed me, his cock pressed hard against my belly – and then he pushed me back onto the bed. He stood above me, his erection jutting hard and stiff into the air, as he placed the condom on the head of his cock and slowly rolled it downwards.Ryan was looking left out and forlorn, so I gestured to him. He sank down on the bed and began to kiss me, his left hand playing with my breast.“Um…” Derek said.“I want to be able to kiss and touch both of you,” I said. “Not just one at a time.”Derek sighed. “Alright, fine. Just remember the rules, dude.”“Don’t worry about me,” Ryan said darkly.Derek lowered himself between my legs and began to lick his way up the inside of my thighs. I sighed and moaned as Ryan kissed me – and then he pulled away and stared into my eyes.At just that moment, Derek reached my pussy and slowly began to lick up my lips to my clit.One man going down on me, another staring into my eyes and caressing my face – it was one of the most erotic things I’d ever e
Ryan was the first to move. He cupped my face in his hands and leaned over and kissed me, slowly… sensually.As I closed my eyes and gave myself over to the kiss, another pair of hands slowly touched my waist. Derek.He brushed aside my hair, and I felt his warm lips on the back of my neck.I shivered, and a jumble of emotions surged through me all at once: fear. Excitement. Desire. Shame. Love. Longing. Uncertainty.Were we really going to do this?Was this really going to happen?As Ryan continued to kiss me, one of Derek’s hands tugged at my blouse, pulled it up out of my skirt, and brushed across my bare skin.Holy SHIT, this really WAS going to happen.I parted lips with Ryan, then felt a gentle tug at my hair. I turned my head slowly, as though in a trance – and Derek’s lips were there to meet mine.With Ryan’s taste still in my mouth, now I had Derek’s, as well – the slightly darker, smokier taste of his lips, his tongue.It felt wrong.But it was sooooo hot.Ryan began to nuz
A couple of times there was some angry shouting from the bedroom, but most of the talk was in hushed whispers. Under ordinary circumstances I might have been interested in eavesdropping, but I was so drained, I really couldn’t work up the enthusiasm. Besides, I knew what they were talking about: me.And they talked for a looooong time.After about ten minutes, I gave in and opened the wine. Like the classy lady I am, I swigged it right out of the bottle.Twenty minutes later I was finished with the wine and had a nice buzz going – probably due to my exhaustion as much as the alcohol – when they finally walked out.The stood in front of me, and this time it was me who waited anxiously.“Well?” I finally asked.“…okay,” Derek said.My eyes almost bugged out of my head.“What?!”“I said okay.”“I know what you said, but – ” I turned to Ryan. “You’re okay with this?”He looked unhappy. “I wouldn’t call it ‘okay,’ but… I can’t lose you. I won’t lose you.”“Same goes for me,” Derek agreed.
They stood there staring at me mutely for what seemed like ages.Derek spoke first.“…what?”“I want both of you. I need both of you in my life.”“We’ve both been in your life the last few weeks, and I think we’ve seen how that worked out,” Ryan said darkly.“Which means you two are going to have to work it out and learn to live with each other – if you want to stay with me.” I turned to Derek. “I know you can’t be faithful. Not forever, anyway – ”“I can and I will,” he protested. “You just have to give me a chance.”“I already gave you a chance,” I said. “You even said back in Vegas that you would have cheated no matter what.”“That was the old me!”I shook my head. “I can’t – I won’t – be with somebody who would lie to me, who would rip away everything we built together like that,” I said, snapping my fingers.“I wouldn’t do that,” Derek protested.I just looked at him for a moment like, Really? REALLY. He sighed in pain. “You won’t ever trust me again, will you?”I hesitated for
“Jessie’s Girl” finally ended and they launched into one of the new songs, “Gold And Diamonds.” Derek didn’t alter anything in that one, but the shenanigans weren’t over yet. Not by a long shot.As soon as it was over, he announced to the crowd, “I’m thinkin’ another cover… what about ‘My Best Friend’s Girl’?”The Cars’ 1978 hit.He was sticking to a theme.Again, Killian looked panicked.Again, Ryan nodded his consent… but he looked like he might pop out a switchblade or a Saturday Night Special any second.Derek sang the song.I felt sick.Derek was trying to tear Ryan apart, all on account of me. Just because he was doing it by fucking with his head didn’t make it any less painful or brutal.Next up was a Bigger song – “Girl, Please Stay.” Which kind of stuck to the theme.The crowd sang along.Another spontaneous cover followed: Blink 182’s “Dammit.”Ryan agreed again when Killian looked at him, even though it was evident what Derek was doing. It was hard to miss when he changed t
After the interaction with Miles – one more strand of loss in my personal Gordian Knot – I lost my taste for any further drinking and went back upstairs.Ryan was already in bed. As soon as I came in, he rolled over. “Hey.”“Hey,” I said as I sat down on the edge.We stayed in uncomfortable silence for awhile.“I still want to be with you,” I said quietly.A long pause.“…but…” he said, waiting for the other shoe to drop.“I don’t know. I’m… I’m…”I started to cry. Not out of any attempt to get out of the discussion, but because I was so tired. And so worn down. And so unhappy about hurting so many people – including myself.Ryan is nothing if not a softie. He lay there for a few seconds listening to me, then stretched out his hand. “Come here.”I sniffled and crawled across the covers until I was nestled against his bare chest.“I want to be with you,” I whispered.“Are you absolutely sure that’s what you want?”I nodded ‘yes,’ because I wasn’t entirely sure I could convince him with
I hastily wiped my tears off my cheek, then the taste of Derek off my lips.“Just a minute – ”There was the sound of a beep, and the click of the lock.The door opened before I could get it, and there stood Ryan.He looked furious.I cringed, imagining him about to say all the horrible things about myself I knew I deserved to hear – “Did he hurt you?” he asked, striding into the room and enveloping me in his arms.Oh my God…I was feeling so guilty about my desires, and all he could think of was if I was alright.“No,” I sobbed.“Tell me the truth – did he hurt you?” He held me out at arm’s length, his face a mask of fury. “I’ll kill him – so help me God, I’ll fucking – ”Our eyes met, and suddenly he knew.All the anger drained away and was replaced by hurt. But when he spoke, his voice was dead. “…you kissed him.”I exhaled shakily. “He kissed me.”His arms went slack and he let go of me. Just stood there, looking at me. Then he walked past me like he was in a trance, sat on the e
Austin City Limits was only a week away.Bigger almost didn’t go. In fact, they wouldn’t have gone except for Riley.“You fuckin’ pussies can bail, but I’m not, and fuck ALL y’all if you try to say it’s cuz of me,” she said angrily as she sat up in her hospital bed.It was a band meeting with Derek, Killian, and Ryan in her hospital room on Sunday night. Miles was there, too, as was I. Megan had wanted to stay, but Riley forced her to catch a redeye back to New York so she could return to her med school classes Monday morning.“Riley, your health is the most important thing here,” Ryan said.“I’m fine.”“You’re not fine. You almost died.”“Well I’m not dead NOW, am I? So we’re playin’ the fuckin’ concert!”“Riley, you’re in no condition to play,” Derek said.“Fuck you – I’ve done gigs where I was beat up, bleeding, almost dead and I still played.”“Not with Bigger, you didn’t,” Miles growled.“No, not with fuckin’ Bigger, cause you’re all a bunch of pussies!”“As manager – ”“As manag