Chapter 4- Losing Him

　　　　“I just wanted to say goodbye in private once more”, he explained.

                "Do you really want to do this, love”, he inquired with a straight face. “We could become chosen mates. Your fated may not be alive anymore or might already be committed to some other girl. Pursuing him would simply lead you down the path of being a homewrecker, then."

                "We can make it work, hon," he almost begged as he tenderly took my hand.

 Johnston is two years younger than me and has not found his mate either. To be precise, he never made any effort to look for her. For as long as I can recall, he only had eyes for me, and all of his emotional investments were into our relationship.

We bumped into each other at kindergarten and after that encounter he never left my side. When I took a tumble and scraped my knees, he helped me up with care before planting a gentle kiss on them and cleaned up my dirty hands like a real gentleman. At the age of four, he had already decided to make me his mate and made sure everyone was aware of this fact. His father held an important position within our pack as Gamma which only added fuel to the speculation regarding this possibility between us becoming mates one day.

                                Negative.

 “Johnston”, I sighed, eyeing him displeased. “We’ve already been there and done this. You're aware of that."

                I am tempted to succumb to his pleas, believe me, nothing was more certain than that accepting this man would lead me to a safe and fulfilling life. But this is not about me only, I have to consider my fated when making a radical decision like that.

                “I really love you, babe. But it's hard for me to overlook the possibility that there could be someone out there who is meant just for me and waiting patiently. Additionally, consider the trouble we would face if he shows up in the future, after we have completed the mating process”, I reminded him. "It would cause immense pain for all three of us."

 However, there is no sign of resignation on his face.

 “Or your own mate may appear. Don’t forget that you also haven’t yet found your other half. What if... ”, I attempted to illustrate to him all the potential risks associated with defying our traditions and making choices on behalf of ourselves.

Similar cases had occurred frequently in other packs before.

Werewolves who couldn’t wait any longer, gave up on finding their fated mates. Once they went through the mating ritual with another partner of their choice, destiny intervened and presented them with the long-awaited true mate.

Although rejecting your fated is an option and may seem like a viable choice, it is easier said than done. When the bond between fated mates is potent or one party is not willing to accept the rejection, there is where trouble in paradise starts. The chosen one will have to keep a distance, watching the pull go all out and accept being the third wheel in the relationship.

Such catastrophes could result in suicide on the side of the one left behind or even pack wars.       

In my case with Johnston, no drama is expected as we are from the same pack and no one has shown up yet to claim one of us. Moreover, our age is close to the point where werewolves believe that one had better accept he will never find his fated mate anymore.

 “I have to do this, Johnston. Please don't make this difficult for me," I pleaded earnestly. “Since he hasn’t shown up, I feel obligated to go out looking for him. He may be detained or stressed out wondering why I haven't reached out to him.” I tried to make sense. “I’m on my own. It is me who has to step out of my comfort zone since he seems not to be able to come to me. Please understand”.

                As we maintain eye contact, I discern the thoughts racing through his mind.

Johnston is an amazing person; we began our official relationship when I turned eighteen, while he was only sixteen. It was passionate kisses and eager touches, I know his body like no other. But we kept drawing the line there, we wanted to keep our relationship pure until our mating ceremony.

                When I turned eighteen and didn't experience the same emotions Ezra described, I already knew it was hopeless. Johnston and I were not fated, all the plans we had for our future would have to involve other people. Nonetheless, there was one last glimmer of hope, so we stubbornly continued the relationship until he turned eighteen himself two years later.

                It came as no surprise to me when even with him, the mate bond did not activate. Not with me, nor with any other she-wolf. This provided a small consolation since it only delayed the inevitable outcome.

 We were very attached, and saying goodbye and going our separate ways was not an option. As a result, we continued with our relationship. But now two years later, I realize that something needs to be done, we could not keep burying our heads in the sand and ignoring the situation.

                Last night we said our goodbyes, I wanted to shield him from having a total breakdown when he saw me leave. But this stubborn guy persisted and even trailed after me.

                My heart is now hammering against my ribs. What if I really do meet my destined mate in one of these packs and Johnston has to witness him running up to me, kissing and holding me against his body? My desire is to spare him from such agony—the ache and devastation that comes with losing me forever.

                But this scenario also applies to me. Johnston may find his own other half and I could be left empty-handed. A sudden sharp sting at the thought of that cuts off my breath.

                Johnston with another woman!

                No, that's not possible! ...