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CHAPTER 114
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2024-10-29 19:42:56
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A vow of hate CHAPTER 115
The next day we were sitting at the ENT’s office again as he gave us more information about Hazel’s sickness. He said everything the other doctor had said to Hazel before, and whenever I cast a quick glance her way where she was sitting next to me, her eyes were glazed over. I didn’t know how much of it she actually heard. Her hands were grasping the arms of the chair in a white-knuckled grip, so I didn’t think my touch would be welcome. Instead, I asked every single question that came to my mind about her upcoming unavoidable surgery.“After we see the results of your MRI and the CT scan, we’ll schedule your surgery.” Hazel cleared her throat and interrupted the doctor. “I’m sorry for interrupting you, but I’m claustrophobic—is there any way we can avoid the MRI scans if we already know from the samples that this is a CSF leak and I’m gonna have surgery anyway?” “I’m afraid not, Mrs. Walker. Since you didn’t have a head trauma or any other injuries that could cause a CSF l
A vow of hate CHAPTER 116
“Since you were worried about the leaking, we’ll put this paper down under your nose so hopefully it won’t distract you too much. Also, it’s going to be loud in there, so here are your ear plugs. The sounds are completely normal, so don’t let them panic you.”The technician offered another pair to me as Hazel took them without a word and placed them in her ears. “Ready?” the girl asked, her gaze moving between mine and Hazel's.Hazel cleared her throat. “Yes.” She secured her head in the contraption, and I helped her lie down on her stomach. Her eyes were already tightly closed. Before the technician could disappear behind the door, I got her attention. “Can I touch her?”“Yes, but try not to move her.”The door closed, and Hazel and I were alone—if you didn’t count everyone else on the other side of the glass, that is. A few seconds later, the technician’s voice filled the room as she spoke into a mic from the other side. “Okay, we’re about to start, Hazel. I’ll be talking and letti
A vow of hate CHAPTER 117
HAZELThey had scheduled my surgery for the following Tuesday after my eventful MRI. I'd moved up my date with Valerie because I felt so faint, and thankfully, my little girl was so sweet about it. I’d spent the next few days barely eating and rotting away in my room, but today was finally the day. I made my way over to Valerie’s room, lightly bouncing in my feet. Sunlight streamed through her windows, painting golden stripes across her face. She stretched as I entered the room, and my lips immediately lifted in a smile.“Morning sleepyhead.”“Mumeeee!” Valerie bounced onto the bed, a whirlwind of pink pyjamas and boundless energy. Her pigtails which had been braided by Tina just yesterday, already spotted a few rogue strands. “Mummy, are we going on our date today?”I scooped her up into a hug, the scent of strawberries and sunshine tickling my nose. “We sure are, are you ready?”“Yeah!” She exclaimed, super excited.I helped her make her bed quickly before we both went down to the k
A vow of hate CHAPTER 118
“Valerie?” My voice was a panicked strangled cry that was somehow still low that nobody paid me any mind. I looked around me again, she had just been there a second ago, so she couldn’t have wandered far, right? Wrong.As I scoured the general area of the truck, looking carefully into the faces of every little kid close by, much to the disapproval of their mothers, I was quickly starting to realize that I might have lost my daughter. The open bottle of water that I was holding fell from my hand,bouncing off the ground at my feet. I didn’t pay it any mind. I suddenly felt nauseous and lightheaded, like I had eaten something bad. My heart was starting to thud like crazy in my chest, like if I even moved the wrong way, it would come flying out and end up at my feet, right next to the discarded bottle of water.“Valerie,” I whispered, my eyes wide open like a deer caught in the headlights. I looked around the area rapidly again, before something clicked in my head. The driver! “Dennis…”
A vow of hate CHAPTER 119
The men that Christian had called scoured the amusement park once more, but there was nothing. The police came, took down statements from me and a reluctant Christian, but we still didn’t find Valerie. It was clear that she wasn’t within the gates of the amusement park anymore. Dennis drove me home, and I cried the entire time. Christian didn’t come home until the next day. And I’d spent the night in the living room with Mia and Olivia, barely moving, barely even breathing. Christian must have told them what had happened, but I didn’t want them. I didn’t want anyone. I just wanted my daughter. Morning came after the night dragged on forever, and they both had to leave for their respective jobs. I was alone again. And I thought it would bring me some kind of relief, but it didn’t. The only thing it did was highlight the fact that I still hadn’t found my daughter. Tina hovered around me, not coming close but not straying too far either. And by the time Christian finally came home at abo
A vow of hate CHAPTER 120
CHRISTIANI watched my wife go paler than a ghost, sheet white, and I knew I’d completely fucked things up this time. I reached out to her, not knowing what I was even going to say or do, but she recoiled away from me like you would a viper. And I guess in a way, that was exactly what I was. She stared wide eyed, almost like she was looking right through me.“Hazel, let me explain..”I was cut off by the shrill sound of my phone ringing and I practically raced to get it. Hazel seemed to notice the urgency too, because she inched closer to me. It was one of my men calling. I clicked on “answer” and placed the phone against my ear, listening to what he was saying. I moved closer to my desk and my computer as he spoke and Hazel followed after me.“Who was that? What did they say? Have they found her?”“They found footage from the recordings of some of one of the women at the park that day.”“Huh? How is that even possible?” She asked.I looked at her for a second as I opened my computer
A vow of hate CHAPTER 121
HAZEL“I’m coming with you,” I said to Christian as he came out of the safe with a bag full of money. I never even had any idea that we had that much money in the house, but I guess it was somehow working in our favor.“No, you’re not.”“Uh, yeah I am.” I stubbornly got in the car beside him as Dennis started the engine. “Hazel, it’s dangerous.”“All the more reason why you shouldn’t go alone. And I think we should call the police.”“Did you not hear what the man said? You think it was just empty threats? You of all people should know that Mark is going to act on his words, and I can’t risk it. And there’s no need to worry, I already have arrangements in place. Just in case things get out of hand.”For what must be the thousandth time that day, I flinched. You of all people. My reality slammed me full force in the face again and I remembered that the past year and half of my life had been a lie. I didn’t even know what was real anymore. “Right,” I mumbled and turned to face the wind
A vow of hate CHAPTER 122
CHRISTIAN I watched her yell in my face for what seemed like hours, even though I knew it was just mere seconds. And my heart twisted painfully as I saw the look of pure hurt on her face. Pain that was caused by me, it was all my fault.Yeah, I should have never lied to her. I thought I was doing the right thing, but in reality, I was just being selfish. I shouldn’t have spent all those years following her, just hidden out of reach. I shouldn’t have reached out to Mark when I found out that their relationship had been nothing but horrible for her. What was I even thinking? Had I really thought I could just come into the picture and sweep her off her feet? All because of a night that we had years and years ago? I shouldn’t have lied and punished her for things that I knew she didn’t do, all because I was desperate to have her. I definitely shouldn’t have looked her right in the face and lied when she asked me if there was anything else that she needed to know. I felt bad. But I knew t
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A vow of hate EPILOGUE
CHRISTIAN & HAZEL I chuckled as the doctor squirted the gel on Hazel’s tummy, making her squirm. Hazel always reacted to the cold. I kissed her and watched as the wand moved back and forth, and the image became clearer. “There’s your baby.” The doctor, Suzanne smiled, clicking and measuring. I held my breath as she turned on the sound, and I heard the heartbeat. The odd noise filled the room, the fast, steady sound like music to my ears. “You’re sure you want to know the sex?” “Yes!” Hazel and I exclaimed. “It’s a girl,” Suzanne announced. I laughed. “I’m surrounded. My own little harem.” Hazel’s eyes were focused on the screen. She tilted her head, looking confused. “It all looks good…” Suzanne’s voice trailed off. I frowned at the subtle change in the noise. It was faster, like an echo of itself, the strumming continuous. “Well, look who’s been hiding,” Suzanne mused and glanced over at us. She grinned and winked at me. “You did good, Christian.” She peered at the screen in
A vow of hate CHAPTER 169
HAZELI crawled into bed with Christian, snuggled into his side, and rested my head on his chest. He groaned as he shifted.“Are you all right?” I asked, worried that I had hurt him.He nodded. “Colin warned me that getting the sensation back in my legs was going to hurt. He’s fucking right.”Between rushing after Valerie, walking for everyone, moving around the house with his walker, and sitting on Valerie’s bed as he read to her for over an hour, I knew he was exhausted. But when I asked if he was ready to sleep, he said he wasn’t. I felt the same way too. Mentally, I was still wide awake. “Do you want some pain killers?”“No. As weird as it sounds, I want to feel it. I never thought I would get to this point, so aches and all, I’m going to go with it.”I laughed softly. “You’re right, Christian. You are weird.”He dragged her up his chest,causing a little gasp of surprise to escape me.“You wanna help me forget about the aches, Hazel?” he murmured in my ear, biting my lobe. “Make m
A vow of hate CHAPTER 168
The room around me buzzed with activity. Voices, people moving, talking to me, trying to get my attention. I held my breath, scared that if I even so much as breathed, I would miss something important.My focus was on one thing. The doctor examining Valerie. I had insisted, and finally Hazel relented, seeing how upset I was about her. My wife glanced up, smiling as she lifted Valerie to her shoulder. She tilted her chin, letting me know everything was okay. A fact that she was certain of, but I needed to be sure. She handed Valerie over to me and escorted the doctor out and I relaxed, pressing a kiss to my daughter’s head. She looked up, wrinkling her nose.“Hi, Daddy.” “Hey, baby girl.” She patted my hand. “Boo-boo better,” she cooed. “Good.” “Yeah, Daddy feels better.” I brushed a curl off her face. “How did you know?” She pushed on my cheek with her tiny finger. “You Daddy again. You smile.” I dropped my head, pressing kisses all over her sweet little fa
A vow of hate CHAPTER 167
I had never tried to comfort a person still caught between being a young man and a grown-ass adult. I had never reached out and been the role model.It was another lesson I was learning.Dennis was emotional. Filled with apologies. Begging for forgiveness. Once I broke through his stuttering words and barely held-back sobs, I set him straight.“What happened was not your fault. You didn’t put me in this wheelchair, Dennis. None of it is your doing. You need to stop blaming yourself.”“I can’t.”“You can. Get some help. I’ll ask Randy to take you on. He is an amazing person to help you sort things out and get your head straight.” I barked out a laugh. “If he can handle my shit, he can help you.”“But he’s here.”“Yes,” I agreed. “Which is where you need to be. You have a life waiting here for you, Dennis. A job you’re good at. Friends. Family.” I huffed out a breath. “Don’t let that day define you. Move past it.”“The guilt,” he said quietly. “It holds me hostage. That I’m walking arou
A vow of hate CHAPTER 166
I grabbed her hips, guiding her. Pushing her up and pulling her back down. She sobbed my name, her back arching as her release washed through her. I watched as she lost herself in the moment. I had forgotten how beautiful she was in her release. The way her entire frame shuddered. How she bit her lip and lowered her chin as if sinking into the feeling. The breathiness of my name falling from her lips. And how it felt when her muscles fluttered, tightened around me, taking all I had—giving me so much more.My body strained, the urge to thrust and grind against her eclipsing everything else. An orgasm hit me, obliterating everything in its path. I saw stars, the ecstasy was so great. I opened my mouth in a soundless scream, and somewhere, deep inside, I felt a flex, the pinching of muscles not used for so long now gripping, then vanishing as fast as they had engaged. A long, agonized sound escaped as my entire being surrendered. The pain, the pleasure, the sweet torture of it all.Hazel
A vow of hate CHAPTER 165
CHRISTIANThe taste and feel of my wife chased away the last lingering remnants of my dream. Hazel wasn’t walking away. She was right here, with me, in my arms.Right where she should be.I kissed her deeply, seeking out her tongue with mine, stroking hard and deep. Reclaiming her mouth. Reclaiming her. I yanked her tight to my chest, pulling off the towel she had draped around her body. I pushed down the blanket that covered me, needing to feel her. I dragged her over my lap, groaning at the feel of her weight pressing down on me. Still kissing her, I slid my hands over her silken thighs, parting them and settling her so she straddled me.She pulled back, gasping. “Is this okay?”“Fucking yes, it’s okay.” I pressed my mouth to her neck, licking up the damp, elegant column of her throat. “It’s fucking perfect.” I murmured. “You’re so perfect for me, Haze. And I’m such an idiot. Everything that has happened, it only made you stronger, but not me… I got weak.”She grabbed my face, holdi
A vow of hate CHAPTER 164
Valerie’s feet kicked in excitement as we turned down the street. I smiled at her in the rearview mirror.“Daddy waiting!” she crowed.I felt both excitement and trepidation as I pulled into the driveway. I wanted to come home so much, yet I was afraid of what was going to happen when we were alone. Would Christian continue moving forward, or would our presence once again cause him to slide backward? Once he got over the initial pleasure of seeing his child, would he again find her, and me, more of a bother? I wasn’t sure I could take it if that happened. I couldn’t watch the man I love disappear into the shell he used to be. But a small voice in my head kept telling me he wouldn’t. The gifts, the notes, the calls, and texts from him were all sent by the man I loved. He had made sure I knew how sorry he was feeling and how hard he was working to come back to us. He even opened up and expressed his worries, finally letting me know the depth of his fears. Finally letting me understand w
A vow of hate CHAPTER 163
HAZELChristian lifted his face from my neck, his eyes red, his cheeks damp. I had never witnessed him break down that way. The rare occasions when he cried, he still held himself in check, his pride unable to allow even me to fully see his pain. I grabbed the tissues Maddox had dropped beside us and wiped Christian’s face, cupping his cheeks. “Hey,” I whispered, looking up at him from where I crouched between his legs. “I guess I lost the last piece of my man card with that display,” he mumbled.“I doubt it. Maddox was openly weeping before you even finished walking, and Mia had to leave the room.” He frowned in confusion. “Why?” “They’re as proud of you as I am, Christian.” “Where are they?” “Maddox made sure you were back in your chair, and they left. I heard the car driving away, so I assumed they left to give us some privacy.” He looked down, surprised. “I have no recollection of being moved.” I softened my voice. “You were pretty emotional.”
A vow of hate CHAPTER 162
Hazel loved the spa. She sent pictures of them all enjoying the treatments, sipping champagne, even funny ones of Valerie getting a baby massage and having her toes done with the girls, holding up a glass of apple juice. They made me smile, even as my heart ached. I sent flowers to the hotel for Hazel. I added a box of her preferred chocolates. When she went back to mom and Grandpa’s, I sent a chef to make her favorite meal. A basket of bath products to indulge her love of soaking in the tub. I sent it with a stuffed bear, fluffy and cute with a card attached, reading: "Snuggle this until you’re home. I’ll take his place when you’re ready. All my love—Your Christian". One night, lying in our bed alone, I turned on some music. I shut my eyes and listened as the soothing voice of Neil Diamond played in the darkness. A song came on, and for some reason, the lyrics hit me as they never had before. “The Story of My Life” spoke of the depth of his love for the woman in his life
