Kabanata 1: Job

"Always put in your mind the reasons why we're doing these—helping other people, giving them their needs, and providing everything we can to make their life be more comfortable... for them." Tiningnan niya kami nang isa-isa at saka tinanguan.

This is how I see my life—meaningful. Ang makatulong sa ibang taong nangangailangan ang isa sa mga gusto kong gawin. Ganon naman talaga 'di ba. When you have the means of helping other people, you must help them without expecting in return.

"Ash, sabay tayong umuwi huh? Ayusin ko lang ang mga gamit ko." ani Gizelle.

Ito na ang ika-labing buwan ko rito sa organisasyong ito. At sa loob ng limang buwang iyon, naging malapit na rin ang loob ko sa ibang mga miyembro nito kagaya na lamang ni Gizelle.

Tumango ako sa kanya at dumiretso na sa mga gamit ko upang mag-ayos na rin.

Katatapos lang naming magbigay ng mga medicines and ready-to-eat foods sa mga taong nakatira sa lansangan. I want to give them a house that they can live with. But I don't have the means to do so. The only thing I can provide is my service, this is the means I have that I was talking about.

Natigil lamang ako sa aking ginagawa nang may isang grupong pumasok sa loob ng organisasyon. They are loud. And it seems like they arguing about something. Natutok ang paningin ko sa isang lalaking kausap ang babaeng seryoso ang mukha. I think I've seen her before but I just can't figure out where and when.

I just shrugged off all the thoughts running in my mind.

I continued fixing my bag when Gizelle bumped my shoulder.

I looked at her and raised my right eyebrow.

"Tara kain muna," anang niya habang ngumingiti.

Tumango ako at kinuha na ang lahat ng gamit ko. This is Gizelle's nature. She always asks and invites me to eat before going home. And throughout the months that I am beside her, I get familiar to this kind of actions by her.

"Balak ko pa man sanang mag-tipid pero dahil ang daming pagkaing masasarap ngayon nagutom tuloy ako," napatigil lamang siya sa mga sinasabi nang bigla akong mabunggo ng nagmamadaling lalaki.

"Hala! Ash nagkalat ang mga gamit mo!" Gizelle stated the obvious.

"Miss, I'm sorry."

"Hindi na ako na," saad ko nang lumuhod siya upang pulutin ang mga gamit ko na nagkalat. Pero parang wala lang sa kanya ang sinabi ko at pinagpatuloy niya pa rin ang ginagawa.

Nang matapos ay tumayo siya kasabay ko at nilahad sa akin ang mga gamit ko.

He smiled "I am very sorry, Miss." I returned his smile pero hindi na niya nakita ito sapagkat nagmamadali siyang umalis. And when I looked at my back, him rather, I saw him on Atlas' office.

"Hmmm, I don't believe in love at first sight because I never felt it before. But looking at my friend right now, I think I'm gonna believe that it happens to other people." She then giggled.

Napatingin ako kay Gizelle na ngayon ay nakalagay ang kanyang kamay sa kanyang baba na parang nag-iisip.

Umiling na lamang ako sa kanya at nauna nang umalis. Narinig ko pang tinawag niya ako pero hindi ko na siya pinansin dahil alam ko namang hahabulin niya ako.

Nang palabas na ako sa organisasyon ay nakita kong ang lalaking may kausap ay nakatingin na rin sa akin.

Naputol lamang ang tingin ko sa kanya nang nakita kong palapit na si Gizelle. I opened the door and wait for Gizelle. At sabay na kaming umalis sa organisasyon upang makakain at makauwi na rin kagaya nang napag-usapan.

Nakatingin ako sa notebook ko habang hawak-hawak ang gitara ko. Gustong-gusto kong magsulat ng kanta pero hanggang ngayon hindi ko pa rin malaman kung para saan o para kanino ba ang isusulat kong kanta.

I'm humming the tone that I want to use in my song when my phone beeped. Nakita ko ang isang unregistered number doon. Hinayaan ko lamang iyon hanggang sa mamatay ito.

Ngunit naputol lamang ang pag-iisip ko nang mag-ring ito ulit. Dahil sa inis ay sinagot ko na lamang ito.

"Yes?" I tried my very best not to be rude but I think whatever I do, it will still come naturally.

"Ash, can we meet again? Promise... my fianceé and I had already broken up and I already called our engagement off-" I cut him off.

"Don't you dare call me again. And what happened with us is a mistake that must be forgotten, it's disgusting." binaba ko ang tawag at pagkatapos ay blinock ko ang kanyang numero katulad ng aking dating ginagawa.

I've changed my phone number countless times but he still get it from whoever it is.

It's been three months since that thing happened. I didn't know that he has a fiancé and when I learned about it, I stopped and tried to do everything I could just to keep my self away from them.

Huminga ako nang malalim nang hindi ko na matuloy ang pagninilay-nilay ko. I jumped off my bed and get my self a bottle of milk.

I finished drinking it and gathered myself to sleep.

"Anak, kamusta ka na riyan. Sana naman hindi mo hinahayaan ang sarili mo riyan. Wala kami ng itay para alagaan ka," napangiti ako nang marinig ang napaka-lambot na boses ng aking ina.

"Sabihin mo 'wag siyang laging magpupuyat." mas lalong lumawak ang aking ngiti nang marinig ang sigaw ni itay sa telepono.

"Nay, pasabi kay tatay na hindi ko naman pinapabayaan ang sarili ko. At saka malaki na ako ano, kaya ko na po ang sarili ko," nakangiting saad ko sa telepono.

"Aba eh siguruduhin mo lang, Ash," tiningnan ko ang telepono ko nang biglang tumahimik ang nasa kabilang linya ang akala ko namatay na ngunit hindi pa pala.

"Uhmmm, anak nga pala baka hindi muna ako makapagpadala ng allowance mo para sa buwang ito, ano kasi ehh marami kasing b-bayarin"

Napatigil ako at napakurap nang mahimigan ang kalungkutan at panghihinayang sa boses ng aking ina. "Ayos lang po, 'nay. May pera pa naman po ako para sa buwang ito at baka magpadala rin po ako ng pera sa inyo sa makalawa." kinurap ko ang luhang namuo sa aking mga mata at pinasigla ang aking boses.

I don't want my family to think that I'm struggling here. I don't want them to know that I am going through so much pain and disgusting scenarios and jobs... just for me... to survive.

I help other people who are in need. And I also help others who are in need... of sex. Those who desire to fuck. And that's my job.

No one in my friends and my co-members in the organization know about it. Even Gizelle. Aside from it might ruin the image and face of the organization, I don't want them to think that I am that kind of girl.

Bayaran, mababa, malandi, at mukhang pera—even though these words are adequately fit to characterize me. To describe me.

I want to already end it but I can't. Everybody has the right to choose, but not everybody is given the privelege to benefit with the choices they have.

I used to think that our life will be in the right place when we choose what is right. But, for the people like me, who have this disgusting job and unwanted situation, whatever decision we make... we will never be in the right place... because the decision we made... was forbidden... to begin with.

Sa mundong ginagalawan ko, walang tama. Lahat mali. It doesn't include morality. When the client wants you, you have to oblige because the exchange is heaven. Pero kahit pa-paano marunong pa rin naman akong lumugar at pumili.

I always ask if they are committed to someone and when they are, I don't accept their proposition even though the payment is bigger than the value of my life.

Pero may nakalusot. I thought my client three months ago was single and not committed to anyone because that was what he said. But turned out, he was.

Diring-diri ako sa sarili ko. I didn't accept the money. My manager was very angry at me and didn't give me any client until now... but I didn't care.

Pero ngayong kailangan ko na ng pera, I think my decision was wrong. I could've just accepted the money and forget about everything. Kasi ayun naman ako, isang bayarang babae.

I got the call off and called my manager's number. It rang three times before he answered my call.

"What?! Nako Ash kung isa na naman ito sa mga katigasan ng ulo mo tumigil ka 'wag ka nang dumagdag pa sa init ng ul-"

"I need a job, Mama." Putol ko sa kanyang mahabang litanya.

Natigil siya dahil sa sinabi ko at mukhang hindi niya inaasahang ako mismo ang tatawag para sa trabaho.

"Uh-huh after three months ngayon mo lang ako ulit tatawagan? Kung kailan ka may kailangan saka kalang tatawag, huh? And do you expect that I'll offer you a job, hmm?" Panghahamon niya sa akin.

"What I did was wrong, Mama. And I'm very sorry for that. I just need a job right now." Narinig ko ang halakhak niya sa kabilang linya.

"Hmmm okay then. I'll just call you if I have something to offer you." then he cut off the call.

Alam ko namang hindi niya tatanggihan ang paki-usap ko. Malaki ang commission na natatanggap niya kapag ako ang pinapadala para sa isang client. Dahil mas malaki ang bayad, mas malaki ang hati niya.

I took a bath then prepared myself to school. At muntik pa akong ma-late dahil sa sobrang heavy ng traffic. Tinakbo ko ang natitirang distansiya papunta sa klase ko ngayon.

And when I showed up in the door, all eyes looked at me. I didn't know what's app but I didn't mind it and just got myself a seat.

I was about to sit when a voice halted me to do what I planned to do.

"Aren't you going to greet your professor before coming into this room? Aren't you going to say sorry because you're 10 minutes late?"

His cold voice sent shiver to my spine. He asked me those questions in a gentle way... but I felt nervous. He didn't even shout at me... but my heart is starting to beat fast already.

Napatingin ako sa harap dahil sa gulat at huli na nang makita kong may Prof na palang nakatayo roon! He looked familiar. Napakunot ang noo ko dahil para talaga siyang pamilyar.

Hindi ko na lamang iyon pinansin at tumingin sa paligid ko. Kaya pala napaka-tahimik ng buong klase.

I bowed my head and said sorry to him. I also greeted him a good morning and when he gave me the permission to sit down, I nodded my head and politely said 'thank you' to him.

Nagpatuloy siya sa pagtuturo at wala akong ibang ginawa kung hindi ang makinig. Alam kong malaki ang tiyansang magpapa-quiz o 'di kaya ay magbibigay ng activity kaya naman hindi ako nagsayang ng oras para sa ibang bagay.

And just like what I imagined, he really did give us a quiz. The 30-item quiz was checked after we finished answering it.

"Congratulations to Ms. Olivia for having a perfect score," Compliments started to praise her. "I am just a substitute so expect that your real world might be present tomorrow." Narinig ko pa ang pag-angal ng iba pero hindi na lamang ako nakisali roon.

I then started fixing my things when I heard my Professor called my name. I gave him my attention then ask him what he needs.

"Get these papers and come with me in Faculty." He then left.

Napakunot ang noo ko sa sinabi niya pero gayon pa man ay sumunod din. Nakasimangot kong tinahak ang daan papuntang faculty.

At nang makarating ay hindi ko muna binuksan ang pinto. I waited for almost three minutes bago ako kumatok. And when no one answered, I opened the door then let myself be welcomed inside the office.

Various desks are placed in the Faculty. Napaka-ayos at napaka-linis ng mga upuan nang bawat isa.

Naagaw lamang ng isang larawan ang aking atensiyon. It was a picture of a girl. She was smiling as well as her eyes, her black hair is fixed neatly, she has a chinky eyes, red lips, and fair skin color. Ang ganda niya.

Nilapitan ko ang larawang iyon. I was about to touch it when I heard a voice behind my back. I looked at it and saw the person whom asked me to come with in this office.

Kinuha niya ang larawang kanina ko pa tintingnan at nilagay sa drawer niya. He then looked at me and watched my whole being from head to body to my toes.

Hindi ko nagustuhan ang paraan nang kanyang pagtingin kaya naman ay tumikhim ako dahilan upang bumalik ang paningin niya sa mga mata ko.

"Have a seat," he then pointed his hand to the chair in front.

He sat down to his chair and I also did what he did.

"I called you to ask if you have been informed by your manager about the arrangement?" napakunot ang noo ko sa sinabi niya.

"Sir?" I asked him with furrowed brows. I didn't get what he said and before he answers my question a phone call interrupts us.

I excused myself to accept the call from my manager.

"Ash, I already sent in you email the job you are looking for. The payment, contract, and every detail are included in that file already. Gooluck!"

Hindi na niya ako hinintay pa na sumagot at binaba na ang tawag.

I checked my mails and saw the file he was talking about. I opened it and when I read the name of the client I am going to give happiness with, my body got frozed.

I re-read his name countless times but nothing was changed. Siya nga.

Jake Bryan Valenzuela is my new client for a month.

Ngayon palang nag-sink in sa utak ko ang sinabi ng professor ko kanina. About the arrangement, huh?

Huminga ako nang malalim at sumilip sa kanya na nakatingin na pala sa akin. And by the look of it, binabantayan niya lahat ng galaw ko.

Pumasok ulit ako sa loob and offered my hand to him.

"Deal."

"Deal, then." He then accepted my hand and we did a handshake before everything comes to where it is supposed to be.