002 - I am so...drunk!

A searing pain crashed into me and my hand instantly flew to my burning chest.

Impossible.

This has to be - it's impossible.

But the pain I was feeling was too real for me to assume that this was a dream.

The pain was so nerve wrecking it could have brought me to my knees if I wasn't sitting down.

“Why?” I gasped staring at Roy but he didn't look concerned, not even a little bit. The gaze he gave me was a cold one.

“You know you've got to accept it so the pain can be reduced,don't you?”

Accept it?

I have to accept his rejection?

Tears slipped down my eyes.

Accepting it would make this real.

Accepting it would mean that Roy is no longer mine - after years of loving him, remoulding my life, myself to fit into what he wants, years of making my whole revolve around him because I loved him.

Accepting it would mean throwing all that away — and the question was if I am ready to do that.

If I'm ready to throw it all away.

“I have somewhere to be, Selene. Just accept it and go home please. No need to make this more complicated than it should be.”

I closed my eyes, so tightfully as if that would somehow ease the turmoil, the volcano of pain after pain erupting inside me.

But It didn't help.

I opened my eyes, and my heart was broken and bitter when I looked into Roy's cold town.

“You called me nothing today - I'll make you eat your words,” I murmured unsure he could hear me, “Under the sky and stars, with the goddess and the universe as my witnesses, I accept your fucking rejection!”

༺༺♡♡༻༻

“Do you want me to kill him?” Jax asked, sitting down beside me on the bed and handing me a glass of juice which I took with shaky hands, “because all you have to do is say the word and I'll do it.”

I chuckled, grateful that at least I had my best friend around me.

I know Jac would want to go that far for me, but he was such a sweet soul. Definitely, getting his hands dirty isn't his style.

“Thank you Jax, but I doubt he's worth it.”

“What do you mean? He hurt you - in one of the worst ways possible. He deserves to feel pain, to suffer.” His eyes flashed and I could have sworn that I felt waves of fury rolling off him, despite his calm composure.

“I'm just glad that you are here.”

Jax nodded, placing a hand on my forehead, “mmmhmmm. So how are you feeling now?”

“Like hell.” The pain wasn't there anymore. No, it instantly disappeared the moment I accepted his rejection, but even though it was gone, there was that void space left in me, the aching in my heart, and the way my bones felt like they were just melted over a furnace.

It was only heaven's grace that led me home, because I couldn't tell how I was able to stand straight, or even walk considering that the whole world kept spinning, and spinning around me.

“I'm so sorry about this. I mean I always knew that Roy is a douchebag but I never assumed he was this big of a jerk.”

“I can't blame him,” I said with a shrug, “I do not blame him. I understand him honestly.”

Jax leaned back and stared at me as if I had just grown horns, “Excuse me? You understand what?”

“I understand him. He is to be our Alpha soon and that's a heavy responsibility. With such responsibilities comes certain and necessary sacrifices that have to be made. He's right, I do not fit in, I'm really nothing or no where in the society so —”

“It would do you good to shut your mouth this instant because you are provoking me with each silly word that comes out of that hole of yours.”

I laughed, “what would you have me say, Jax? I do not know.”

Jax leaned closer and cupped my chin with his fingers, his intense gaze boring into me, “I want you to be angry and mad. That's what I need. I want you to be mad at the bastard for wasting two years of your life and walking all over you. I need you to be mad at him for breaking you this way.”

I shook my head, “believe me. I feel that - but the truth is that it doesn't change anything and it won't. No matter how much rage I feel, he still rejected me and he's still married. That won't change.”

“Revenge is always sweet, baby.”

“I know,” oh don't I know it, “but there's nothing I can do. Unless there's a way I can magically attain a status higher than that of Roy Moondrop, and make him grovel at my feet,” I laughed at that, shaking my head, “I just have to let it go and move on. That's it.”

Jax's expression shifted to an unreadable one as he stared at me as if he wanted to say something but couldn't.

“Find. What you need right now - both of us - is ALCOHOL! You need to get drunk and forget all about that asshole. And me? I have to distract my mind from seeking him out and jamming his skull into a wall.”

I laughed and he blew me a kiss before leaving the room.

Minutes later, Jax came back carrying a bucket that was filled with at least a dozen bottles of beer.

“Are you trying to kill me?” I laughed.

“Didn't you hear me? You need to get drunk. Come on, stop moping around and cheer up.” He handed me one cold bottle and took one for himself, “here here. Cheers to bastard exes.”

I laughed again and started drinking.

Several minutes later, I dropped my fifth bottle with a loud belch which made Jax laugh.

My head was spinning but in a very good way, and my vision was all blurred and distorted.

“I'm so … so … so… drunk!” I yelled and hiccuped.

“Yeah, you have mentioned that before.”

I tilted my head and looked at Jax, really looked at him. Something I barely allowed myself to do - but at least now I have alcohol to blame it on.

I sighed.

How is it allowed for a gay man to be so deliciously hot? How could a hot man like this be gay?

Goddess have mercy on me.

He has beautiful eyes, so beautiful that I just want to get lost in them.

“You are staring too much Selene,” he murmured with a grin and I grinned back, then leaned closer to cup his face.

“How gay are you?” I asked and placed a loud peck on his lips.

“What?” Jax asked, his eyes wide.

“How gay are you? On a scale of — one to gay? How gay are you? Because believe me Jax you are a very very hot specimen.”

“Thank you for the compliment.” He laughed but even through my drunk mind I could tell that the laugh was forced, and tense.

“Oh no no. It's more than a compliment, mister. You are HOT. And sometimes I wonder what it would feel like…” I stopped and swallowed, “are you one hundred percent gay? Or is there a loophole somewhere? You know? Like being bisexual or stuff?”

“What is going on inside that beautiful head of yours Selen?”

I dropped my hands from his face and pouted, “I notice you - a lot. And it doesn't help that we are roommates. You know what would have been very cool?”

“No I don't. But I'm sure you will fill me in.”

I smiled, “if you weren't gay, it would have been so perfect to kiss you right now. Because I really want to, I've always wanted to - for weeks now. Not just kiss you, tonight would have been perfect to have a hot sex with my best friend and just forget about it tomorrow. I'm single after all.”

Jax said nothing and when I looked up he was staring at me with that unreadable expression again.

Something crossed his face and his eyes darkened.

Before I could laugh and wave my words off as a joke, Jax leaned forward, gaze falling on my lips which I licked because they suddenly felt too dry under his heated stare.

“I'm sure we can have that arranged.” He said in a low growl and cupping my cheek, slammed his lips on mine.

I moaned.