Ch. 3 Hanging By A Thread

Finnick’s POV

“Fuck!!” I screamed as I slammed my fist into the steering wheel of my Jeep. After five long years I was going back to the one place I never wanted to be again. I was going home to RedWoods. Back to the place where I would have to face the memories of the one person I wanted to forget. Sarah. She was the reason I stayed away all those years. 

But despite my absence, my best friend, who also happened to be her brother, always stayed in touch. Seth stuck by me, never letting our friendship fade away as I’d thought it would when I left for reasons I could never share with him. But now, he needed me and I couldn’t let him down. Even if it destroyed me. 

When Seth had called me a few weeks ago to ask me to come to RedWoods to train him for his tryouts for the Lead Warrior position, I was hesitant to say the least. My sole tactic for surviving life without my mate was maintaining my distance. But I would have to be physically present to train him effectively. There would be no way to avoid the memories and the longing for her I’d become so good at burying. 

Despite not having Beta blood, I was a skilled fighter and had been able to earn my role as the Crimson Moon Beta by proving myself to the Alpha. I’d won multiple fighting championships throughout the nation and could probably challenge an Alpha and win if I wanted to. I couldn’t deny I was Seth’s best shot if he wanted to learn techniques to bring down any competitor. So, I’d agreed to help, even knowing it would mean a few weeks of hell for me. He’d been my best friend since we were five years old. So I couldn’t let him down, no matter how painful it would be for me to go back there.   

“Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!” I screamed again, as if cursing would make this nightmare all go away. I knew it wouldn’t, but it did make me feel a little better. 

“You can do this, Finn!” I tried a different tactic, positive self talk. “Just go in, help Seth with his little issue, and get out. You won’t even have to see her. Just hold yourself together and no one will be the wiser.”

Only Seth’s problem wasn’t little, probably requiring me to be there for weeks. And holding myself together with a wolf who desperately wanted his mate would be no small feat. My wolf, Callum, and I had been at odds since the day I left RedWoods without our mate five years ago. 

“Who’s fault is that?” He grumbled in my head. 

“I know you blame me, Callum. I blame me too. And I’m sorry you are suffering for my mistakes.” I apologized to him for the millionth time. 

“Hmmph!” Was his only response, stomping off to the back of my mind. 

As he walked away, I started to ponder just how I was going to survive the next few weeks. I thought back to the last conversation I’d had with Seth. It had at least given me a little bit of hope that I could get through it unscathed. 

“Hey, brother! How are you? Ready to come teach me to kick some ass?” He’d asked when I answered the phone.

“You already know how to kick ass. I’m just going to help you refine your skills, make you at least half the fighter I am.” I boasted teasingly. “How are you? How’s the family?”

I really was interested. Seth’s family had been as much mine as my own family had been growing up and I missed them. But I couldn’t deny I had an ulterior motive in asking. My wolf needed to know how his mate was doing and I needed to know how I was going to avoid staying in the same house with her while I was there.  

“Everyone’s good! Mom and dad are actually out of town and Sarah just told me she’s going to visit our cousin Hallie in Fair Winds pack too. I know you would’ve liked to see her while you’re here, but look on the bright side. We’ll have the place to ourselves, our very own bachelor pad. And don’t tell me you won’t enjoy that because I won’t believe you. Your reputation precedes you, my friend.” He rambled on.

His hint at my reputation as a player stung. But I couldn’t dwell on it too much. I’d mostly stopped listening, stuck on the part about Sarah being out of town. He actually thought I’d be disappointed that I wouldn’t see her during my stay and I let him believe I was. Well, part of me was disappointed, the part that wanted his mate desperately.

 But a bigger part of me, the part that knew having my mate wasn’t possible, was relieved. At least I wouldn’t have to face her. If that happened, there would be no controlling my wolf. He’d wanted her so long that if he ever came face to face with her, I wouldn’t be able to stop him from claiming her. The fact that I wouldn’t have to keep making excuses not to see her the whole time was a load off my mind. Just being in the same town, let alone staying in the house filled with her scent, was going to be torture. 

“It’s good we’re going home. We can wait for mate to come home and take her back with us!” My wolf started in again. 

He’d been repeating that argument like a broken record this week. He was trying to wear me down but as much as I wished he was right, that was no longer an option. It hadn’t been for a long time now and he knew it as well as I did.

“Callum, I’m not having this conversation with you again! You know we can’t do that and you know why so just drop it!” I snapped at him. 

I hated the distance this caused between him and I but I hated thinking about her even more. The pain of knowing she’d never be mine was more than I could take.

“I know it’s your fault we’re not with our mate! And I know you haven’t even tried to fix it!” He snarled back at me.  

I let out a deep sigh but I didn’t respond. Arguing with him was pointless. In the end, I understood what he never would. There was no fixing what I’d done. If I was a better man, I’d reject her so she’d be free to find a second chance mate. 

It was beyond cowardly of me to leave her trapped in this bond she wasn’t even aware of, probably wondering why she hadn’t found her mate yet. But every time I worked up the courage to let her go, I’d get as far as picking up the phone, determined to call and ask her to meet up, before losing my nerve. Of course my wolf never consented to that plan either, only further shaking my resolve. So here I was, still holding on to the threads of an unacknowledged bond.