Chapter 3 - Man in the Planetarium

The dinner was uneventful, and I meant that in the worst way possible. Finn and I just had small talk, and when the food came, we just ate in silence. He did ask why I practically just got dessert, but didn't make any comments, so neither did I.

We're now driving home, and while we agreed to not go to the planetarium to use the telescope for stargazing, I kind of expected us to do what we usually did: walk around and talk it out. I don't even know if we're fighting because we never really fought before except for some petty arguments over trivial matters that we easily resolved.

"Can you park a couple of blocks from my house?" I asked him.

"Why?" He asked back.

"We really need to talk. This–" I vigorously pointed to the two of us, "–is bothering me so much. Please tell me what's happening."

He was silent for a moment, eyes on the road. When he saw an opportunity, he pulled over, killed the engine, and sighed heavily.

"I just…" he started. "The Matching," he said, as if it was an all-encompassing answer to my question. It wasn't. Well, not exactly.

"What about it?" I asked.

"It's just…it will be hard for the both of us if we don't Match," he said, eyes still on the road.

"So, you're saying we won't Match?" I can hear my own voice breaking as a lump grows in my throat and the knot in my gut twisting even more. I feel sick.

"I'm not saying we won't. I would want nothing else than to spend the rest of my days with you. But you see, we might just not," he raised his hands, shook his head, and slammed it on the steering wheel.

I wanted to hate him for saying that, but we both know the truth: there is a possibility that we won't end up Matching.

"What do you suggest we do, then?" I asked him, defeated, knowing what exactly he would say. I would have said it, but for some reason I didn't want to be the one who lets go.

"I love you," he said softly, finally looking at me with pain in his eyes.

Surprisingly, I didn't know what to say. I have always thought of this moment and I always thought I would be able to say it back. But now that he has said it, I don't know what to think any more.

Did I really love Finn? We've been together for six months, but is that enough time to tell if you love someone?

"You don't have to say it back," he said, and smiled sadly. "I just thought you should know."

"I know," I said, no more than a whisper. "But…"

"But I think we do need a break," he finally said. "Just so it's not hard if things don't go the way they should."

I just nodded because I don't trust myself to say anything, or else the lump will grow and turn into tears, and the tears won't stop falling. I may not know if I do love him, but I do like him. A lot. And I do care about him. And it stings to end something that was so beautiful.

"I'll get you home now," he said. And I just nodded again, hugging myself tighter and looked out the window. There are so many people out tonight, and I wondered if any of them would be Matched together. Or if one of them would be my Match. Or Finn's.

Or if I would be Matched with Finn, and we would be reunited and I can finally figure out if I do love him.

The ride was too short. Finn parked in front of my house but left the engine running. He won't be staying long. And so, I looked at him and I said, "Thank you."

I think he knows I was thanking him for everything, not just for tonight.

He smiled and nodded. Then, he reached out to tuck my hair behind my ears and lightly caressed my cheek.

"See you, soon."

I finally cried as I got out of the car, never looking back.

– @ –

I've been surprised by my own reaction to breaking up with Finn. I did cry, but not as much as I thought I would.

But I do think it helped that I was busy at work. New shipment came, so it means there are new books to sort. My family and friends, especially Ren and Madi, also helped me a lot. They didn't ask for specifics; I guess they knew why it happened. And whenever I feel like drowning into the thoughts of what ifs or now whats, they would pull me back to the present by giving me something new to talk about. I thank the heavens for them.

That's not to say that I was entirely okay. For the past few days, my anxiety for the Matching has grown tremendously. There's only one day left, and after submitting my details for the registry, I grew even more nervous. There's the constant knot in my gut, and no amount of high-school gossip from Ren or mundane facts from Madi can take that away.

"I feel so sick," I groaned as I sat down on our usual park bench at lunch, Madi already opening her lunch.

"Relax, Skye. Take deep breaths," she said. She's actually been saying that for the last few days when I look like I'm about to cry, throw up, or both.

I did, and it did help the feeling of faintness, but I still feel so sick to my stomach that I can't even get myself to open my salad. I buried my face in my hands.

"Hey, just one more sleep, okay? Tomorrow, everything will be over and you'll finally have peace," she gently rubbed my back.

"I'm not sure about peace. I may have to marry someone from the other side of the country and leave everyone. Or I might even not get Matched," I grumbled, feeling sicker at the thought of another year of waiting and not knowing what my fate lies.

"Well, we'll be going together next year if you don't get Matched tomorrow," she said matter-of-factly as she chewed on fish and chips.

"Stupid Matching," was all I said.

HarmonyMatch and the Matching has been around for a long time, apparently to help with the once dwindling humankind population. But now that humanity's numbers are stable, I sometimes wonder why HarmonyMatch is still a thing. But I guess it's been too embedded into our lives now that it will be almost impossible to take it out.

It didn't really bother me before, but now that the time is near, I found the whole thing incredulous. Still, there's really nothing I can do and I'd feel relief once the whole thing is over and I can't wait for it to be done.

Lunch was quickly done as I managed to get a few spoonfuls of salad into my system. But the afternoon was painfully slow. I have rearranged the shelf by the window a couple of times already, and sorted through boxes of old books to store away, but as I looked at the time, I still have two hours and a half left for my duty.

That is until Mrs McCarthy stepped out of her office and into the store. She's a short and stout woman with raven black hair and little heart-shaped lips with thick glasses. She owns the shop and she's one of the sweetest people I know.

"Vivienne?" She called me.

"Yes, Mrs McCarthy?" I answered and peeked through the boxes I have been sorting through.

"You're part of the Matching tomorrow, yes? Go now, my dear. Take the rest of the afternoon off. Madison and I can take over. I feel like it'll be a slow day, anyway," she said, sweetly.

Madi gave me a two thumbs up and mouthed "Go." So, I stood up, thanked Mrs McCarthy, and reluctantly timed out.

"Chill at home. We got this. I'll call you later," Madi said, giving me a reassuring squeeze.

I didn't want to go home yet, so I hopped in my car and drove around for a while, mindless of where my destination was. I only noticed the planetarium when I saw the big domed structure come into view. At the last minute, I decided to go there instead.

I parked my car. Besides mine, there was only another car in the parking lot…I don't know much about cars, but I knew it was expensive, and it was definitely owned by someone not from here.

I wondered if the planetarium's owner came. I shrugged it off and told myself it was none of my business, and went in.

There weren't a lot of people, and all the ones I did see worked there. I liked it better, though. No noisy kids running about, so I was free to roam around quietly and really look at moon rocks and pictures of supernovas and nebulas.

I even looked through the telescope on a courtyard that I was supposed to check out with Finn and found Saturn and Mars and the Moon, but it was still a little sunny to find stars and other celestial bodies.

Finally, I made my way to the domed structure for the planetarium show. As I went into the massive room, I was in awe. It was dark and there were beautiful nebulas that turned into the Milky Way. It was so beautiful.

I was absentmindedly walking around, my neck craned to the sky, not wanting to miss a beat of the show, when I bumped into someone.

"Oh shi–" I feel myself stumbling, my stomach dropping and my heart pounding. I was expecting the ground, but before I could, strong, firm hands were on my shoulder and waist, preventing my fall.

"Be careful," the hand's owner–a man–said. His voice was soft and deep and ethereal. He steadied me.

"I'm so sorry," I said, bowing a little a few times, more to hide my face and embarrassment than anything.

"Don't worry about it. You probably would have done yourself more damage," he fixed his black cap and lowered it even more. He was wearing a black windbreaker and black pants. In the darkness of the planetarium, he was almost a shadow.

"The show is pretty, but do look where you're going," he said gently, then ducked his head once, and walked away.

I just looked at him in awe, the beautiful show around me quite forgotten–a stunning backdrop. There was something oddly familiar about the man, from the way he sounded to how he looked, but I really only got a quick look at his face, so I can't really tell. I just looked at his retreating from because I can't not look at him. He has a certain aura of magnetism.

He smelled so good, too. His perfume lingered in the electric air of mint leaves and green apple, and of geranium and cedarwood, and vanilla.

And then he was gone, and I was left surrounded by thousands of beautiful stars.