Cailen decided not to dwell on anything for too long.
It never helped and it only made more people worry about him.
So Cailen ignored the way he'd rather just lay in bed than go hang out with the boys.
He ignored the way it feel like a chore to smile most of the time. He ignored all the urges that had him wanting to escape, to just be alone with himself so he didn't have to pretend like he was okay, so he didn't have to act like another person.
He loved his family and he loved his friends. That's why he was doing what he was doing. But he couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to live in a world where he could be himself- his true self and not have to worry about losing the people he cared about.
He wondered what it would be like to talk to William about boys, or even Stella since she'd probably be a little more interested.
He wondered what it would be like to bring a guy home on Christmas to me
Cailen wantsome peace and quiet.Not that he didn't like hanging out with the boys but lately,he just felt off.He felt like he was being watched, his every move being analyzed, his every word trying to be deciphered like it had some hidden meaning even he wasn't aware of.He honestly just felt trapped, like there was nowhere he could go where there wasn't someone watching him or asking him questions.He wasn't sure if he was just paranoid or not but he felt like maybe,someone suspected something.What exactly that was, he wasn't so sure.It was just that Williamwas coming into his room at night a lot, asking him if there was anything he wanted to tell him or talk about.Cailenwould always say no, of course, and when that happened,Williamwould either assure him that he could tell him anything or he would open up about something that was apparently bothering him.Cailen&nbs
"No,"Cailenanswered, looking into his lap where his fingers began fiddling with each other."Okay,"Ashersaid simply, crawling over the bed to sit by him. "You don't have to talk, but can I?" He asked."Something bothering you?" Cailenasked, feeling a little guilty.Everyone's been so concerned with him, himself included, that he never bothered to check in on Asheronce in a while."No, not- Well, sort of... I guess,"Asheranswered, leaning back against the headboard of the bed.The thing with Asheris that Cailenconstantly haveto remind himself how to act around him. Right now,he wanted to hugAsher, maybe kiss him until the frown on his face disappeared and assure him that whatever it was, was going to be okay.But that's not what friend's do, not really."What is it?" Cailenencouraged, squelching the urge to reach out tohim."W
He almost broke down and told them because the looks they were giving him were so hopeful and sincere and he knew they thought they meant it.He knew they thought they were telling the truth but they had no idea what they were promising to do.They had no idea what secret Cailenwas keeping. They had no idea what part of himself he was hiding from them and when they found out, he knew they wouldn't be able to fulfill their promises and he wouldn't blame them.He also could tell they suspected something.He wasn't that thick and neither were they. They've all been acting odd this summer, Cailenincluded, and maybe it was only because he was acting odd but it didn't matter.They knew there was something going with him; they probably just didn't realize how big it was and how much it could change their lives."Anything you want to tell us?" Matthewasked,and there it was.The same question they've been
As Cailensat on his bed,he couldn't help but wonder if Asherwas okay.He seemed pretty upset when he left and it wasn't like him to make excuses to not hang out with them. He didn't know what was going on between him and William.Maybe Williamknew something Cailendidn't or maybe Williamthought there was something to know,just like he thought there was with him, but he really had no idea.Cailendidn't understand why Williamwas trying to interfere the way he was. He didn't understand why Matthewand Noahwere trying to help him either.There was a lot he didn't understand right now but he really only had one concern at the moment.Digging into his pocket, Cailenpulled out his phone and opened the messenger app, scrolling to Asher's name and typing out a quick message to see if he was okay.He only hesitated for a second when he thought that maybe Asherwas u
"Is this...""I could only find two people with the same name that lived here the year you were born. They've both moved, though I'm not sure if those are current addresses or not,"Edenexplained, taking a seat beside Cailen."If you know how old she is, then we'll be able to tell which is her,"she went on,but he was still stuck on the fact that he had her information in front of him.One of these people was his biological mother.He could possibly go talk to his biological mother."She was fifteen when she had me,"Cailenmumbled, still a little shocked.Edenthought for a moment as he stared down at the paper.ArabellaRavenCosswas born May 23rd, 1971 and now lived in Doughnel, or at least that was her last known address. ArabellaFreya Cosswas born February 16th, 1976 and her last known address was in Hamdover.There wasn't any other information
"...Clingy, you know?" Cailenheard Asher's voice come into earshot as he descended the staircase.Noahmust have called him over when he was in the shower. He wasn't planning on eavesdropping, he was planning on going right in but then he heard his name and he just kind of stopped outside the kitchen."Caiwon't- I mean, like- I don't know,"Ashersighed and even though he couldn't see him or who he was talking to, he could imagine Ashershaking his head in frustration. "No one likes clingy, Wil,"Ashercontinued.He wasn't sure what was worse.The fact that Asherwas talking about him behind his back or that he was talking to Williamabout him behind his back."True... Maybe just distance yourself?" Williamsuggested.Cailencould feel something bubbling inside him, though he couldn't put a name onit.Betrayal, maybe. Hurt could definitelybe used t
"Caileeenn!" Ashersaid, dragging out his name and ending it in a chuckle.The girlhuffed and snatched her hand away, spinning around and stumbling over to another bloke leaning against the wall. At least he didn't have to feel too bad about shooting her down.Asheradjusted himself on the couch, flipping so he was on his back with his head in Cailen'slap.There was something off about him.There was a flush in his cheeks and his pupils were blown out. He had a dopey grin on his face and his movements were sloppy.If he didn't know any better,he'd say Asherwas drunk but he did know better so he was slightly confused."Caileeenn," Ashersaid again. Only this time,it was more of a whine."Yes?" he asked, smiling fondly down at the boywhose head ison his lap.He wasn't able to help himself. Asherwas adorable like this-all giddy and cuddly. It's not
"Yeah, yeah, I know. But you gotta let me go so I can get in,"Cailenexplainedand pacified Asher, pulling himself awayand Asher's arms dropping to his side with a small pout.Asherpouted for as long as it took him to circle the truck and hop into the driver's seat. When he was buckled in,Asherrolled his head to the side, smiling at him who returned it because he couldn't not return it.Asher reached for his hand,flippedit andthread their fingers together whilejust continuouslysmilingat him.Cailenfelt the heat rushing to his cheeks and was a little confused as to what was going on. But then he realized Asherhimself probably didn't know what was going on so he just went with it, squeezing Asher's hand and sending him a smile before starting up the truck and pulling away from the curb.The drive wasn't long but Asherseemed to grow bored and started f
"Hey, hey, it's the superstar, finally making an appearance!" Matthewcalled out when they entered the kitchen.Cailengrinned at this while Williamlooked a bit sheepish. He knew he was never around much and constantly apologized for it, but they all understood and were all proud of their friend."Shut up, I've been busy!" Williamdefended just as the two girls at the counter turned in their stools and gasped.They each climbed their way down from the stools, Aariyahalmost taking a tumble but she caught herself and then they were each latched onto one of William's legs, the older man chuckling."Uncle William!" Maddisonsquealed, squeezing William's leg tight.Williamawkwardly bent down as far as he could without hurting or squishing the small girls, reaching out to rest a hand on each of them."How are two of my favorite girls?" he asked.It was truly adorable how much they each loved
Cailenonly had to look over the boy's shoulder to see his brother saunter in, but Ezekieland Ellianahad to turn around and Cailencouldn't say he was exactly surprised by the reaction.Ellianagasped in surprise while Ezekieldarted forward and threw himself at his uncle.Williamchuckled and wrapped Ezekielup in a tight hug, rocking him back and forth slightly before letting go."Uncle William, you made it!" Ezekielsaid happily.It had been a while since Ezekieland Maddisonlast saw him."Papasaid he didn't know if you were coming," Ezekielexplained.William mockscoffed."Of course I will! I wouldn't miss my favorite nephew turning fifteen!" Williamexclaimed.Cailentook a peek over at Ellianato see a look of confusion mixed with awe and nearly lost it. He would never understandthe effect Williamhad on teen
Both Matthewand Cailenlooked over to where the girls were sitting.It was instinctive now, whether it was your own child saying it or not, when you heard 'Daddy'or ‘Papa’, you look.Maddisonwas standing from her spot and making her way over to where Cailenand Matthewsat, a sheet of paper in her hands."Look, isn't my flower pretty?" she asked holding up the paper to Cailenwhere he saw a simple flower drawn on it.It was pink with big petals and a small green stem and looked like every other flower drawing she'd ever done but Cailenstill nodded along, smiling at his daughter."Yes, it's beautiful, love," Cailensmiled, his arms still bouncing Mishaup and down on his knee."But- But isn't mine beautiful-er?" Aariyahstood in a hurry, rushing over to them and nearly tripping as she held up her own drawing of an almost identical flower.Cailens
"Dude, she'll be here soon," Trippsaid, leaning across the island in the kitchen to reach for the bowl of crisps that Cailenhad put out. "Calm down or you'll start getting sweat stains," he added, scrunching up his nose in distaste.Tripp, if possible, had grown up to be even bigger than Ezekiel, though that wasn't much of a surprise with how much taller he's always been than Ezekiel. He still had his blonde hair,though it wasn't quite so golden anymore-more of a dirty blonde, and has acquired glasses over the years.Cailenremembers the first day he had come over with them on, the boy had been mortified but he's grown to love them, claiming the girls were really into the 'nerdy' look these days."And no girl likes sweat stains," Aireneadded from her spot at the island.Airenehad grown up to be quite the beautiful girl, her hair still a fiery red and her green eyes bright and enchanting.Ezekie
Cailenstopped a ways back, pulling his coat tighter around him as the fall breeze blew and made him shiver.He was always surprised sometimes when he really looked at Ezekieland saw how much he's grown.Up until last year,it seemed as though he had missed the puberty bus until one day,Cailenreally looked at him and noticed he had grown about a foot and was stealing his cologne to wear.It was a bit of a shock that he quickly got over and went out to buy Ezekielhis own cologne along with some shaving supplies since he had noticed the boy had also started growing some scruff.It was something he never had a problem with in the first place because until now, he never had a single hair grow on his face, well aside from his eyebrows and his head, of course.Cailenknew he was going to be one of those teenagers that looked way olderthan they really were just because puberty decided to randomly
Maddison rushed over to them, throwing herself into Asher's legs hard enough that her feet left the ground and she was able to crawl into Asher's lap, with his help of course."What do you mean ‘Zekeleft’?" Asherquestioned as he wrapped his arms around his daughterso she wouldn't fall off.She had nestled herself nicely in his lap so her legs dangled over the edge but she was able to look up at them both with her big blue eyes.They adopted Maddison out of the orphanage when she was six years old, soon after Ezekielhad come up to them one day and asked if they were ever going to adopt another child.It was completely random and out oftheblue and had taken them both by surprise so much that they didn't know what to say.They honestly hadn't thought about adopting again, but when Ezekielexplained that he was only wondering because he thought it might be nice to have someone to play w
Seven years later…"Alright," Cailenheard come from down the hall.It was only a couple steps further so he made the small venture to poke his head around the corner and into the hall to see Asherjust coming up from the basement."The basement isofficially 'Teen-Proof'," Asher said around an exhausted sigh.Cailenfully stepped into the entrance of the hallway, crossing his arms over his chest and waiting for his husband to meet him at the end of the hall and proceeding to follow him into the kitchen.Cailenstill cringed slightly whenever he walked into the kitchen, more so when he had company following him.They were in the middle of renovating the kitchen, the last of the house's renovation, thankfully.When they purchased the house four years ago, they had gotten it pretty cheap because it needed so much work done to it. They just hadn't realized how much work it ne
"Yeah, I love you too," Cailensaid with a small smile before hanging up his phone and slipping it into his pocket.He went to turn around but paused as a man in a suit rushed by him, obviously in a hurry.They were at the airport saying goodbye to Noahbefore he got on a flight to Scotlandand apparently,he was not the only one planning a trip that weekend.You could barely move without bumping into someone and Cailenhad to step away into a corner in order to answer his phone because it was so loud.Once the man had passed,Cailencontinued back towards the small group that was gathering outside the gate Noahwas to go through to get to his flight.They were all there, Matthew, Hazel, and of course Aariyah, William, Asherand Ezekiel, all hugging Noahgoodbye before his departure.He had been in the middle of saying goodbye when his phone rang and he excused himself to answer
Cailen is startled from his sleep by a sudden weight crashing into him and then a wet nose sniffing at his face.He knows who it is instantly and groans, not caring if he wakes Asher up at this point.It's his dog, if Loki is waking Cailen up, then Asher can get woken up as well.Cailen brought his arms up, having to untangle himself from Asher's grasp in order to do so, and shielded his face from the intruding nose.It's not like this has never happened before, but it didn't happen often.Loki was usually pretty good at just sleeping at the foot of their bed, but recently, he's been cuddling up to Ezekiel in his so it was a bit strange.Either way, Loki was waking Cailen up so he started to sit up, just remembering to be gentle in case Asher's arm or leg was in the right position to get squished."Loki, down," Cailen mumbled, his tone firm.Cailen heard a groan come from behind him and knew Asher was now awake.