Chapter 4

"WHY DO YOU LOOK ANGRY?" I asked him when we had finished ordering our meals. Jeremy frowned at my question.

“Angry? What should I be angry about?” 

I raised an eyebrow at him. He didn’t meet my gaze and just focused his attention on his food, making me roll my eyes heavenwards. Okay, he likes to act clueless, then?

"A while ago. You even left me there and went inside the cafeteria first.  What the fuck made you angry?” I sipped on my soup and moaned in delight. The soup is still hot, which makes it even more delicious. 

"Yummy,” I mutted. Licking my lips, I threw my gaze at him. He gulped upon looking at me and when he noticed that I was staring at him, he immediately averted my gaze. My forehead knotted in confusion. Sometimes, I don’t really know what’s going on inside his mind.

"Nothing. I wasn’t angry. Just hungry,” he playfully replied and shrugged. My eyebrow arched. Really? 

I didn’t bother to make a reply. Obviously, the fool is just lying. If he doesn't want to tell me the reason, then okay. I won't force him. If I do, maybe he will just get mad at me. Also, it’s not my thing to force people. Duh.

“The soup tastes great, Jem. Try it.” I spooned some soup and blew on it then brought it to his mouth. Duh. It's not new to us to share the same spoon, straw, or whatsoever. We kissed directly a lot of times already. But, I’m the only one who know about that.

He looked at my spoon and put it inside his mouth. He paused for a while as if tasting the soup and I was just staring at him, waiting for his reaction. Then, he nodded and looked at me with delight. I smiled.

“Tastes great. But I might get sick because of you. Ew,” he playfully said which made my eyes go wide. The hell is he saying?

“Woah, acting as if I have a TB, huh. If I do, I will really cough in front of you every day and you will be the first one to die,” I said in a threatening voice. Jeremy just chuckled as he spooned his chicken soup and brought the spoon to my mouth. I accepted it without hesitations.

The taste exploded on my tongue. Salty, sour, and spicy all combined in one soup. Woah, this is one hell of a soup. 

I nodded to show my satisfaction. “Delicious.” The corner of his lips lift.

“Yeah, it becomes even more tastier especially when I ate a pussy before I went to your clinic.” My eyes widened and my cheek swelled at what he said. What?

He burst out laughing at my reaction. I feel like throwing up. Is this fool fooling me?

"Just a joke." He still laughed out loud. I gave him a threatening look and raised my fist. This jerk is playing with me! 

He laughed even more and I rolled my eyes heavenwards before putting my fist down. I don’t know what to do with this fool anymore. Fuck. Why did I fall for him?

“Don't make fun of me like that! You’re disgusting. How would you feel if I say I sucked a cock and didn’t even bother to wash my mouth?” He seemed taken aback by what I said and frowned.

"You won't do that," he said while grinning. I raised an eyebrow at him. What does he mean?

“What do you mean? Sucking cocks?” If he only knew! I’ve already sucked his cock. But I just don’t do it always because he’s too big for me. I’m still not used to his size. The first time I did it, my cheeks became swollen.

“Yep,” he said, popping the ‘p’. I pursed my lips to keep myself from telling him the things we’ve been doing.

"How sure you are?” I sipped the soup again. I could see his forehead furrowed as if he doesn’t like the idea of me, sucking dicks.

“Why? You've been sucking dicks?” I almost choke on my soup. Damn. I don’t know if I find it funny or not. Jeremy’s really clueless.

“What if I do?” I raised an eyebrow at him and looked at him with a streak of arrogance.

“Do you really know how? You're a virgin, aren't you? Oh, maybe you bought a dildo and gave it some blowjobs.” I chuckled loudly. I don’t know which part I find funny. Jeremy thinking that I’m still a virgin, or him thinking that I bought a dildo and used it to practice.

“Shut up, Jem. Our topic is getting weird,” I stated, chuckling and ate some meat.

"Our topic is weird every day. Get used to it.”

"Yep, it’s because you look weird.” Jeremy smiled, and as if to show me how handsome he was, the jerk winked at me and my heart leaped. Fuck.  What is he doing?

I tried to mask my emotions. “Ew.”

He burst out laughing. Damn, the arrogance of this jerk. But on the serious side, Jeremy really looks good. With his thick eyebrows, pointed nose, red plump lips, and sharp jaw. Who wouldn’t be attracted to him? No wonder why a lot of women swoon over him. And, unfortunately, I’m one of them. Huge shit.

"I’m handsome, rigth?” he brags. I just rolled my eyes at him.

"Too arrogant.” I shook my head to show how done I was with him. We just talked about a lot of things while we were eating until we were finished.

“I will pick you up by four. Let's go home together,” he said as we cleaned our table. I turned to look at him for a moment and frowned.

“Duh. Don’t tell me I’ll seat at the back again because you will be bringing a whore.” I experienced that a lot of times. Me, on the back seat and his whore on the passenger seat. At first, it hurts. And until now, it still hurts. I’m still not used to it, especially when the motherfuckers flirt in front of me. But then, I’m used to pretending that I’m fine. I’m an expert when it comes to masking all my emotions.

"Nah. Just you and me, I promise. You know? Diet.” I almost burst out laughing. Diet? What the fuck?

"I don’t believe you. Are you sure?" I put the tissue I used on the plate and sprayed alcohol on my hand. After I used the alcohol, he immediately took it from my grasp.

"Of course," he said proudly. I didn’t bother to make a reply. I don’t know if I’ll believe that. Jeremy? No women? Hah! What a miracle!

"I'd like a drink tonight,” he said out of the blue which made me stun. I could feel a hollow pit at the bottom of my stomach as my chest tightened. Alcohol again. I smiled bitterly.

“Diet? Tell that to my ass. Surely, you will fuck someone after you drink.” I averted my gaze and pretended I’m busy with my cellphone. I don’t want to meet Jeremy’s eyes. I’m scared he might find out about what I currently feel once I do.

“You will probably come with me, won't you? Watch over me.” I swallowed one after another as the pain in my heart intensified. He returned my alcohol to me. 

"Please?" he said in a soft voice as if tempting me to come with him. I close my eyes tightly. I really hate it when he acts like this.

I could do nothing but nod at him as I opened my eyes. I saw the smile on his lips as if he just brought home the bacon.

Fuck. Why am I so weak when it comes to him?

“ARE YOU sure you want to drink? Remember, we’re going to Sumilon tomorrow and you will be the one to drive. You might get a hangover!” I buckled my seatbelt on. Jeremy chuckled.

"I’ll just drink lightly, then,” he said as if he was sure of that. My eyebrows rose in disbelief. 

“And then another thing, you know I can easily recover from a hangover. Oh, shit. That rhymed!” He whistled, making me roll my eyes.

Yes. It's really easy for Jeremy to recover from a hangover. One milk, and the jerk’s already fine like he didn’t have a hangover. Fortunately, he can't remember the things he did in his drunken state which is a good thing, actually. I can’t seem to stand if he knows what’s going on between us when he’s drunk.

That thought made me think. What if Jeremy found out about it? What will happen to our friendship? Will he distance himself?

My heart pounded in pain at that thought. I don't want out friendship to fall apart. I would choose to be hurt rather than to break our friendship. I don’t want that. 

"Oh, what happened to your face?" I looked at Jeremy. He was still staring at the road. My forehead furrowed. What does he mean?

"What's with my face?" I looked in the mirror. I don't have any dirt on my face. What is this idiot saying?

“Nothing. It's ugly. ” He even burst out laughing. I made a face. Seriously?

"Wow! The arrogance of this jerk! What do you think of yourself? You’re not even handsome! Watch up once I let my hair down and apply some make-up on.” I took my curler and curled my eyelashes. I saw him look at me for a moment.

"All right," he challenged. I did my other eyelash before replying to him,

"Nevermind. I changed my mind. You might fall in love with me.That would be horrible.” I even acted like I was disgusted. The thought of Jeremy falling for me is. . . I don't know. I can’t pinpoint what I feel. Maybe, because I've long accepted that he will never like me?

I let out a sad smile and sighed. Jeremy falling for me is too impossible to happen. During the time we were together ever since we were still kids, he always treated me like a friend. I know he doesn’t see me as more than that.

"Me? Fall in love? With you? Hell no! Maybe, you’re the one who’s already falling for me,” he stated with a streak of arrogance. I pursed my lips. I tried to mask my emotions by acting disgusted. Despite that, I know what he said were all true. Of the two of us, I was the only one who loved. Only when he's drunk I take the courage to confess. I’m confident he will just forget about my confession.

"You think so highly of yourself, you idiot!" He laughed loudly. I snorted. This jerk is really full of himself. Why did we become friends, anyway? 

I clicked my tongue. If he hadn't caught the ball then and just let it hit me, I would have a boyfriend now and I would never like him. I think that ball has a curse.

"Facts only, honey." There he goes with his endearment again! 

I felt butterflies swarm inside my stomach and I immediately shrugged it off. He sometimes calls me ‘honey’ and even though I know it’s just a joke, I can’t help my butterflies to fly. Fuck him. Who wouldn’t like to be called that way by the man you love?

“Honey, my ass. You really are a flirt, aren’t you?” He smiled widely. His eyes were still focused on the road.

"Well, that’s my talent, honey." I could see him turn to me for a moment before speaking again, “Why? Are you affected?” 

I gasped loudly ande looked at him. He was biting his lower lip as if preventing himself to laugh so hard. I could see his shoulders shaking. What the fuck?

“What are you talking about, Jeremy? Aren't you terrified? Yuck.” His laughter grew louder. Damn, he really likes to annoy me.

I just breath out a harsh sigh before turning the radio on. I looked out the window. Jeremy's words are still ringing in my ears. 

I close my eyes tightly. When he tries to flirt with me, I always try to mask my emotions. Gladly, I didn't fail. According to him, I am the only woman who didn’t fall for his charms.

A sigh escaped from my lips. If he only knew. I'm just really good at hiding. When he's drunk, that's when I can fully express what I really feel. I always tell him how much I love him whenever we. . . fuck.

I bit my lower lip when I felt the pain in my heart. How long can I hide how I really feel?