4. Genevieve

I am definitely not wanted here.

Freya and Phillipe are polite enough but clearly, having the grief-stricken mate of her brother around is cramping her ceremony planning. It has been almost a week since the funeral pyre. Ten days since I last saw Nikolai. 

Ten days since my brother suggested there is something sinister about him. Questions I cannot possibly ask of his family, I am still a stranger to them.

His lack of presence defines me. Every servant, courtier and member of the public sees me on my own. I imagine I am the Lonely Luna or some other cruel nickname.

Does he regret marking me? My fingers frequently run over the small, raised bumps under my collarbone. 

I remember how he did it. I was on top of him, naked, riding his dick and moaning my way through a third, maybe fourth earth-shattering orgasm when he just did it. No asking, no checking it was what I wanted, he just bared his teeth and sunk them in.

I’m not complaining. It gave me a blindingly intense orgasm. My body had spasmed in response, clenching him viciously inside me as his eyes glittered almost entirely red with ruby.  At the time I had found it daring and sexy, immediately returning the gesture. I don’t know why but the fact he just took what he wanted from me made my heart skip a beat.

He was unlike any man I've ever met. Every other guy from Shadowlands is a joker, mischievous and flirtatious. He is as steady as a rock, knowing only I saw that raw, ravenous side to him was thrilling.

Not that I’d seen him since, his absence forming a joke that only got more bitter inside my head. The other bitter idea was that maybe he hadn’t come back because I was awful in bed? He was my first in every way, perhaps I had been useless without realising? 

Maybe my kisses were sloppy, my body not attractive to him. Had he actually found me less than ideal as a mate?

All these competing thoughts are dangerous. /Now you’re being foolish/ Priya chided, /he was brought to his knees in pleasure just the same as you. /

I have taken several long lonely walks down to the lagoon. Silver City itself is too bustling and vicious for me. I’m used to pleasant market towns, kindly traders and positive people. Here there is steeliness. People either sink or swim. 

Which result is in my destiny?

Three more times the wailing cries have interrupted my sleep. Every morning I am forced to socialise with either Alpha Alexander or Freya and Phillipe. It is a needlessly awkward affair. 

At every occasion, Phillipe acts as like a businessman. Wearing a grey suit, his shock of bright white hair dazzling against his blue, purple and green eyes. He and Freya are only four years older than me, yet you would think I was a baby from the lack of intelligent conversation. 

His ever-changing eyes still unnerve me, though it would be rude to ask what the hell is going on there. Blue, green and purple. Wolves since childhood, he didn’t gain his as a teen from Changing as the rest of us did.

Alpha Alexander, as always, is wearing a white shirt, with a deep v-line cut into it. Paired with a sweeping black cloak he is a typical White Forest man.

“Alpha Alexander, have you heard anything from Nikolai?” I openly enquire whilst buttering my toast, keeping my desperate hope light and airy.

“No.” was the immediate slap-down response from the blazing dark eyes of Alpha Alexander. Well screw him. I don’t have to stay here. Another night of abandonment and I shall get the carriage to take me back to Shadowlands.

“Do you expect to?” struggling to keep my composure.

“I do not, he does not check in with me as to his coming and going.”

“Of course, it is a shame he does not, we are likely to miss each other,” I reply coldly, stirring my tea with venom. For if he returns tomorrow I shall already be gone. That will teach him to mess about with my heart. 

"Do not think of travelling far," he muttered as heart skipped a beat. "Four dead rogues have been found on the border of our mutual packs."

I nodded mutely, wondering whether my vengeful brother or Nikolai was involved. So escape home is out for now.

This frustration is why I am stomping my way around the lagoon on my own. Every pebble I toss into the water is aimed at my invisible mate’s head.

I know my own mind. I won’t be controlled by my pitiful longing for a man who is absent. The problem is that every time I close my eyes I either see my beautiful parents, or Nikolai stripping me. The memory of his unshaven face brushing against my inner thighs still makes me shudder with desire.

He was demanding, rough and sexy as hell. I gave over control willingly, but now? I’m so furious now that even if he turned up naked in my bed with a bunch of roses and a grovelling apology I’d turn around and walk away.

/You wouldn’t/ Priya chuckles dirtily. /Not if he was naked/ and I grin, continuing my walk around the huge lagoon. At least there is peace of mind out here. Shadowlands is landlocked with no huge lakes and rivers, so this lagoon is a revelation. 

The sheer joy of lying on a jetty and listening to the gently slapping water helps ease my fevered imagination.

/Not the dirty side of your imagination though/ Priya joked, knowing just thinking about Nikolai made my skin tingle and breath shorten. 

It wasn’t until sunset that I returned to the castle. After reading until my eyes hurt I climbed into bed. I thought of my parents, how Cillian and I had grown up basking in their adoration of each other.

That’s what I deserve. Not a one-night stand runaway.

/What is that!/ Priya exclaimed, her senses on high alert. The sound of heavy boots on carpet. Undeniable. 

Approaching, definitely coming nearer as my ears desperately analysed the thudding sounds. I sat up in the dark room, the only light from the dying fireplace. My flimsy, short white nightgown could not hide the goosebumps on my skin.

As the footsteps silenced, I realised I was holding my breath. Pathetic, I grumble inwardly to Priya. We hear one servant walking and I’m up like a rabbit in headlights. 

I hate feeling like this. 

I’m locking the door. Considering my parents were murdered by someone sneaking into their room and injecting them with wolfsbane it should be locked anyway. It’s only my stupid, pointless hope that Nikolai will return that’s making me leave myself unsafe.

I pad softly across the room in my bare feet. Suddenly the handle turns, and I freeze. The wooden door slowly opens, and a shadowy, dark form enters. Tousled obsidian hair down to a sharp jawline, body twice the size of mine draped in a black cloak steps inside.

I’m frozen on a rug in the centre of the room. Pretty certain my mouth is hanging open too. The conversations and accusations I’d enacted in my head melt away like sand through an hourglass. Only one word remained.

Mate.

Nikolai said nothing, merely stepped inside. But his eyes, ruby flecks dancing in the darkness, looked devastatingly hungry.