Unforgiving memories

The rest of school went by in a blur. Not caring for all the prying eyes after my emotional display in English. I would say most of the looks were of pity... but in my life all I did was give them more ammo to make fun of my loss and bully me more. Thankful to be almost home, I see that my step father's truck is missing from the driveway. Praying that ment an easy night for me. I slowly crack the front door open, walking in. I stop for a few seconds listening to make sure I wasn't being deceived and he really wasn't home. I had learned the hard way a few times before. Thinking he was gone only to run straight smack into him earning me a split lip, a long cut down my back near my spine and no food for three days. Creeping quietly throughout the house I let out the breath I had been holding in, thankful he actually wasn't here.

I go to the kitchen in hopes of maybe finding some left over food he may have forgotten about. I search the fridge scooting all the beer to the side and out of the way. I never undrstood how he could drink sooo much. He would go to the liquor store five or six times a day. He drank beer like a fish needed water. Leaping with little bit of joy, that I found two pieces of pizza wrapped poorly in some foil in the very back. Just maybe this day wouldn't turn out so bad. I open the cabinet to grab a plate out to find theres none in there. Looking over to the sink full of dishes I sigh. I wasn't going to even let that thought cross my mind. Considering what happened to me last time I had washed them.

One point in time I had thought that maybe if I helped out around the house doing all the chores. He would see that I wasn't so useless, that I could be of service to him. But that was one of the biggest mistakes I had every made, to think that maybe he had an ounce of human decency left in his heart. He ripped me from the floor in my room by my hair. His grip was so tight on my head I could feel my skin pulling away from the bone. Kicking and screaming as he drug me down the stairs hitting my back on each step knocking the air from my lungs. He finally came to a stop throwing me at the tiled counter which held the dishes I had washed earlier that day.

" What the fuck is this? You think you can try to butter me up and be my little slave bitch and all would be forgiven?" He asks me in a tone so low and laced with hate, he sounded demonic. I try to scurry away from him, only to have him yank me back with so much force I cracked the back of my head on the edge of the counter. " I asked you a question fucking bitch!" he screams at me standing over me. My head was throbbing in amense pain. I could harldy see straight. Stuttering I try to tell him " I I I wwwas only tttrying to hhhelllp." " What ever made you think I would need help from scum like you, you aren't even worth enough to lick the dog shit off my boots," He growls at me.

Staying quiet I pulled my knees into my chest pressing my back hard into the bottom cabinets trying to get any bit of space between me and him. " You ever try to suck up to me again, I will make sure to bloody that pretty face of yours so good that god himself won't be able to recognize you!" He says to me, crouching down and getting as close as possible to my face. The sound he made with each word was a deep animalistic growl that sent straight fear through my whole body. I started to shake uncontrollably wanting nothing more then to get away from him. He stood moving over to the other side of the kitchen not once ever taking his eyes off me. I was to scared to move, petrified of what he might do to me next, if I tried to run away from him again. I could feel the blood dripping down the back of my head from where I had hit it on the counter. The pain in my head seeming to throb an pulse with every beat of my heart, making my vision dance with black spots.

I stayed in this postion for the rest of night keeping my knees tightly pressed to myself. He finally passed out after chugging a fifth of crown royal from the bottle. I watched out of the corner of my eye as he stumbled up the stairs falling and sliding back down them a few times smacking his face on the last two steps giving himself a bloody nose. Managing to finally get to the top of the stairs I hear him bouncing off the walls scrambling to keep his balance. Hearing the slamming of his bedroom door I took this as my cue to get up from the floor. My legs screamed at me in protest tingling and numb from falling asleep hours ago. Wishing I could move faster, I was scared he would come back down at any moment filled by the alcohol in a fit of rage.

My movements sluggish and slow. I think a snail could have moved faster then me. Felt like hours before I made it up the stairs and into the bathroom, closing and locking the door as quietly as I can. I walk to the shower turning it on. My head pounding even more from me tilting it down. I screeched out in agony clamping my hands to the side of my head. I struggled to get my shirt off, the blood had dried making it stick like glue to my back. Making my way into the shower I steady myself against the wall feeling the room start to spin. I stood there for a few minutes before I started to move again the spinning dissipating slowly. I washed the dried blood from my back moving my way up to my neck and then my hair feeling how bad the cut was. My fingers glided around the cut causing stabbing pains to radiate across the back of my skull, from what I could feel the cut was at least the length of a normal size thumb and as wide as quarter. I did'nt have the guts to feel how deep it was. But from just feeling the length and width I could image I probably needed staples to close it shut. 

 After getting out of the shower I wrapped and cleaned my head the best I could with what I could find in the first aid kit, which wasn't much. Just a few bandaids and luckily three butterfly strips that I tried to use to pull it close. I took the ace wrap that I had found in the first aid kit with half the roll of toilet paper and placed it over the gash wrapping the ace wrap tightly around my head in hopes it would work to help stop the bleeding and keep it form getting infected.

That night I slept curled up in the bottom of my closet, using my one blanket to support my head the best I could to help ease the pain. When I woke my blanket was drenched in my blood with a small puddle forming underneath. I didn't realize I had lost so much blood that I had been passed out for over two weeks in the bottom of my closet. My step father had thought I ran away since he hadn't seen or heard from me in that time. But of course he probably never looked for me anyways. Shifting back from my horrific memory of that night. Jumping in alarm when a loud knock arises coming from the front door. Moving deftly I speed walk over to the door peering through the peep hole to see who was standing on the other side. When I see coal black curls bouncing from side to side before I see my neighbor Tawnya's kind face. I open the door slowly only cracking it enough to pop my head through. " Ohh, hi Tawnya, what can I help you with this evening,"  I inquire. " As always lovely to see you Jasmine, I was wondering if I could ask a huge favor from you, I'm in desperate need of a sitter for tonight. My other sitter Carolyn bailed on me and I have a really important dinner party tonight to introduce new clients, is there anyway you might be able to babysit Tasha for me pretty please and of course your more then welcome to stay over. I would pay you a hundred bucks for the whole night. I'm not sure what time I'll be getting home at," she explains to me.

" You could order whatever you and Tasha want for dinner as well, to make it easier for you so you wouldn't have to cook...," she proposes to me with a pleading face hoping I will say yes. We both stand there as I ponder it over. I did always have fun with Tasha, she was one of the sweetest four year olds ever. " Sure why not, Tasha and I haven't had a girls night with each other in awhile and we can have that Tea party we never got to finish last time," I answer her with a chipper tone. " Thank you sooo much Jasmine you are truly a life saver!" she squeals out to me in relief. " The party starts at seven, if you can be over at my house by six thirty that would be perfect," she tells me. " Okay sounds good, I will see you in a couple hours then," I reply to her with a big smile. Tawyna quickly waves good bye heading back over to her house. She thinks I'm doing her a big favor, when in reality she's doing one for me. I would almost do anything to get away from him and babysitting for her gave me food to eat with drinks, a safe place to sleep in a comfy bed and giving me some cash to maybe go buy some new clothes and a few other things I've needed for awhile. Now I just hoped and prayed he didn't show up in the meantime and I would be able to leave with no problem.