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But so am I
Last Updated:
2024-02-26 23:26:21Related chapters
37 Days Tomorrow it is
POVMillie I hate this. I hate that he still has an effect on me and I hate that I still love him. Those words that just came out of his mouth made my heart sink and my stomach flutter with butterflies. It’s such an awful situation, being in love with someone that you just simply can’t be with. What he did has gone past the point of no return for us. I hurt for him, I hate that his mom did that to him, for all of the things she did to him. I may have ill will feeling towards this man but I don’t wish him any of this. I don’t wish this on anyone. He’s clearly torn apart inside and for good reason but it killed me to see the evidence run down his face. I wanted to take that pain away for him, the way he wanted to take it away for me the night I told him about my mom’s passing. We have a unique relationship each other but at the end of the day, we both want something that we just simply cannot achieve despite best efforts. I’ve really known this all along but I fought it, I fought ag
Last Updated : 2024-02-2637 Days Go time
POV X I drive away from the shit motel feeling at peace with how the time spent with Millie went. She has her guard up and understandably so. I fucked up and I have to pay the price for that. My phone rings from the pocket of my jeans and silently pray it’s Millie asking me to come back. Nope, it’s fucking Julian. “What is it, Julian?” I ask harshly not even meaning it. “Yo, Hugo is here and wants to talk to you,” he says. “Ugh great…okay I’ll be there soon,” I say annoyed. “Julian, do me a solid, get Adria to the meeting too,” I say sternly. “Uh..you sure man?” He asks confused. “Yeah I’m fucking sure,” I say and hang up on him. I pull up to the house, parking my car in the private garage. I get out, taking my time, and waking to the meeting room. I stand outside the door with my hand cradling the gold door knob. Go time. I open the door to see Hugo sitting in my chair again, his two guys on either side of him, Julian beside one of them and Adria looking nervous as fuck
Last Updated : 2024-02-2637 Days First day jitters
POV Millie I make it up to my new room at the Hollywood Inn, when I open the door I’m astonished. X booked me a suite that must’ve cost a fortune. It looks like a high-end apartment, the place is huge. It has a beautiful kitchen with black countertops and all the appliances are also black and high-tech looking. Lights hang from the ceiling over the kitchen and it looks so cozy, definitely not a hotel vibe at all. There are two bedrooms on either side of the room and in between is the living room that contains a gas fireplace, floor-to-ceiling stone, and a thick wooden mantle that a TV sits above. Everything in here screams expensive, I may not ever want to leave. I know I shouldn't do this but I pull out my phone to text X. Thank youHe texts me back almost immediately. Anything for you Ugh, why does he have to say that? Why couldn’t he just say you’re welcome or something more stale? I set my phone on the counter and get myself showered and ready for my big day tomorrow. Than
Last Updated : 2024-02-2637 Days Take her when you go
POV XThere’s a knock at the penthouse door, who will it be now? Julian, Adria or Hugo? I open the door and it’s Stephanie. Last person I’d expect to see knocking at my door, I figured she’d want to avoid me for the rest of her life. “What’d up liar..?” I ask but in a slightly playful way. I’m not exactly happy that she lied to me but she did it for my girl. She was there for her when she needed her the most and I can’t be bothered by that. She rolls her eyes, “sorry.” She says and I know she’s not. “I gotta pick up Millie’s bags,” she says. I nod my head slightly. I knew this time was coming but I secretly wished it wouldn’t, I wished Millie would come back and not be able to live a day without me but that would be naive of me to believe. “I’ll be right back,” I say and walk away to retrieve Millie’s belongings. I walk into the bedroom and grab the handle of the two bags, praying they’ll make their way back here again.I walk back to Stephanie with discontent in each step, l
Last Updated : 2024-02-2637 Days Second best
POV Millie Steph arrives with my bags in hand just after 7 o'clock. I’m curious about the interaction between her and X but I don’t dare ask. “Holy shit this place is incredible! How much did this have to cost him?!” Steph asks looking around at the beautiful suite. “I don’t know, I feel kinda bad about it though,” I say feeling guilty. “Oh god, don’t! It’s the least he could do.” She says walking to the fireplace to get a better look at all the details. “Yeah,” I say quietly, just talking about him is hurting, and Steph notices. “I’m sorry,” she whispers.“He’s got it bad Mills, he’s going through it too,” Steph says as though she can read my mind. “Mm.” Is all I say praying she’ll spill more. “He’s desperate for forgiveness,” she says and it pulls at my heart. “Well, he should’ve thought about that before he did what he did,” I say crossing my arms over my chest and gaining attitude in the process.“Girl, I know, say no more, if it were Julian I would’ve actually killed hi
Last Updated : 2024-02-2637 Days The weight of hate
POVMillie Wednesday morning. Another morning of not waking up next to X. I silently cried myself to sleep for yet another night but it’s a new day and it’s time to put on a happy face for work. I pull into the parking lot, doing a glance over at my makeup in the rearview mirror. Today, I decided to amp up the makeup only by a fraction from yesterday and straighten my hair which has picked up a little lightness from the sun's rays. Steph teased the hell out of me before leaving because of my extra effort in my appearance thinking it was all for Nick but it’s not, it’s for me. I feel as though when I look better, I feel better and any ounce of hope for achieving that I’ll do. I walk into the modern-style building and find my way to Nicks's office. I gently knock on the door waiting until he calls out for me to come in. Shit, he looks better than yesterday. His medium brown hair is slightly longer than X’s overall. The light wave in his hair is pushed back with minimal product mak
Last Updated : 2024-02-2637 Days Farewell contracts
POVXI slap on a generous amount of ointment on my hands. Apparently, they’re infected now which I sort of figured. I got a lecture from Slim's sister Evelyn on why you shouldn’t keep foreign objects in your body. I wasn’t fucking planning on keeping glass in their for the rest of my life, I had bigger issues to deal with, so yeah it got a little infected, big deal, I didn’t need a lecture. Julian will be here soon so we could talk about my “irrational decision” with Colombia. Don’t give a fuck what anyone thinks about my decision, I’m not partnering with some deceiving prick. I texted Millie earlier today and I almost wish I didn’t. She was so short with me, she could’ve just been busy but I’d be naive to believe that, she was purposely doing it. Did she really not want to talk to me or was it a front? Either way, it hurt. There’s a knock on the door, I walk over and turn the handle. I could punch Julian in the fucking face right now, he’s here with Tank, Adria, and Penelope. “
Last Updated : 2024-02-2637 Days The air I need to live
POVMillie I’m driving to the hotel from work feeling on cloud nine. I’m getting my own office? Already? I’m so excited and a bit nervous at the same time to take on such a big role already. Nick is a good teacher so if I keep my mind straight, I’ll be fine. I felt a touch disappointed and relieved at the same time when he told me about his transfer. There’s a definite connection between him and me, but one I don’t want to pursue. I pull into the hotel parking lot and walk through the lobby and into the elevator, when I make it up to my floor I get out ready to just become a vegetable for the rest of the night. Oh… but how wrong I could be about that when I approach my room. My heart constricts at the sight of him. X is sitting against the hotel door with his head leaning against it and his knees brought up. He’s wearing the famous black hoodie with the hood up over his head and black cargo shorts. Why does he have to look so attractive without any effort? His green eyes make cont
Last Updated : 2024-02-26
Latest chapter
37 Days Epilogue
POV Millie 6 months later “Ow!” I screech out. “Well if you’d just hold still!” X says looking up at me. “Are you sure you’ve tattooed someone before and I’m not the first?” I ask starting to regret my decision. He keeps his gaze on me and shakes his head in disbelief, “I’ve done this before baby, I’ve tattooed Julian plenty of times.”“Seriously? Julian? That’s not making me feel any better,” I say shaking my head back at him. He laughs, “I’m hurt you don’t trust me.” “Oh, whatever,” I roll my eyes at him and he gets back to work on my arm. The past six months have been quite life-changing but also in a good way. Julian proposed to Steph last month. I swear I question his mindset sometimes. He pulled another psychopath role-play scenario scaring her to death. “Marry me or I’ll kill you” I mean c’mon Julian…she’s been traumatized after walking in on me drenched in blood that day. My mind goes back to that day. It was a beautiful disaster. Stone worked overtime cleaning the
37 Days Eye for an eye
POVMillie & X XAs soon as the words fall from Stephanie’s mouth that Millie is in trouble I book it out of the door. I practically fly down the stairs, holding onto the railing for support but jumping four stairs at a time. Time is of the essence, every second that passes is a second closer to Millie’s death. I don’t know Dani’s motive here but I can only assume the worst. I’m finally on the third level of the house, sprinting through the hall. I hear Stephanie and Julian behind me, gasping for air as they try to keep up for Millie’s sake. A thunderous bang fills my ears and my heart plummets immediately. A gunshot. I want to fall to my fucking knees and die. “No!” Stephanie cries out but continues running behind. “309! It’s 309!” Stephanie sobs breathlessly. 312, 311, 310, 309! I instantaneously slide my master keycard in the door. “Fuck, hurry up!” I scream out kicking the door. Fucks sake an eternity later the green light appears. I hastily open the door barging thro
37 Days The truth be told
POVMillie I tell Steph I need some pain relievers for an oncoming headache but really, my nervousness has gotten the better of me. In the past two weeks, X has been a madman in his office for more hours than not. I’m not entirely sure what is going on or if it’s just investigating the incident from two weeks prior. Sure, I told him I thought it was Dani that one day but I chose not to press the issue after, for now at least. I roam the hall for a few minutes, something in my gut is feeling…off? I feel the presence of someone behind me, I go to turn around but I’m pushed against the wall, hard. “Don’t. say. A. Word” a husky voice from behind me demands. Fear strikes me within. Could this be X role-playing the way Julian and Steph did? Something tells me no though. I know X’s touch, his scent, his body and this is not it, it’s not him. The fear creeps over every inch of my body and into terror. I’m forced to move my legs to a black door and I’m slammed against it facing forward
37 Days + 34
POVX“Ah, what the fuck man,” Julian complains as I hit yet another solid ball into the pocket. I smirk his way taking all the glory as I’m currently kicking his ass in pool. “Gimme the lighter,” I say with my hand open towards his way. He hands me the red Bic lighter. I spark it up and light up my joint, take a hard hit, and hand the joint to Julian. “Good shit,” I say and then blow the smoke out in his face. “Fuck you, bro,” he says as it goes straight into his eyes. Oops. “Shoot your shot already,” I badger him.I sit on the crocodile brown leather bar stool and lean forward to watch him miss the shot. “Calm your tits,” he says concentrating on the yellow-striped ball. “Fuck yeah!” He yells out, dammit he got it. My phone vibrates in my pocket and I lean myself backward to reach inside the pocket of my black jeans to retrieve it. My spine stiffen from the text from an unknown number. +34 85601-1337You fucked up X. Now you’re going to pay. Blood will be shed Who the
37 Days Taking my advice
POV Stephanie I bring my computer to life, type in my password, and open up the browser to search for morning flights. “Do you think everything is okay?” Millie asks me laced with suspicion. “Yeah mills, don’t worry this isn’t unusual,” I remark calmly. “Okay,” she balls her hands into a fist on her lap. She notably looks uncomfortable as I go to work and it’s distracting me. “I think I’m getting a bit of a headache, do you mind if I grab some ibuprofen from your room?” She asks rubbing her head. “Oh yeah for sure,” I say handing her my keycard and she gets up stepping out of the office. Okay, now I can actually concentrate. I click on various flights, Julian didn’t say anything about a return flight so I choose a one-way ticket until advised otherwise. I book them their usual hotel rooms for three nights, once again, I can adjust it at any time. I text Julian that they have a flight booked for 9:30 tomorrow morning. I close my computer down, turn off my office light, and
37 Days Pressured to play
POV Millie It’s been an extremely interesting last couple of days. I sit on X’s lap wrapped in a light blanket on the balcony while we watch Julian and Slim risk their lives lighting off fireworks, the real Fourth of July. Although I hold my breath every time they bring a flame to the firecracker, the beauty of the lights over the ocean almost makes it worth one of them losing an arm. I snuggle into X’s hard warm body, wishing to be cocooned into him forever. I’m a lot more at peace now, X sat me down and explained his talk with Dani which I appreciate him doing. She’s still on my shit list though and I promise she’ll pay. …It’s Friday evening and It’s been two weeks since the Fourth of July. I’m physically and mentally in a better place but I of course still have my moments. X and I have been in a much better place as well since our brawl that one night. “Oh my gosh, you guys! We need to discuss chapter 23!” Mia says fanning her face. Oh yeah, somehow in the past two week
37 Days Flick you
POVXI pull Dani outside of the door and close it behind me. I run my fingers through my hair in frustration towards Millie. I don’t know what that shit was but this is obviously not working out right now. “Dani, look,” I start off as she looks up at me expectantly. “Millie is not okay right now and I apologize,” I say trying to be nice. “Look, X, it’s fine. She’s hurting right now and she needs someone to blame, it’s okay, I understand it and I’m not taking it personally,” she says being mature about the whole situation. “Thank you, but like I said, she’s not okay. Something about you is triggering her. She may be out of line right now but she is my main priority. I’m not firing you but I need you to stay away from me. As for work goes, I need you to go to Julian for everything. As for a friend, I like you as a person I really do but I need you to not text me anymore or come here unannounced or at all for that matter. Millie is my main focus and I need to respect her feelings,
37 Days The villain I’ll be
POVMillie I’m awoken by a knock at X’s door. X is still sleeping, miles away from me may I add. He was incredibly sweet to take care of me, holding me in the shower, dressing me, and sleeping next to me when I knew he didn’t really want to do any of it but he still did. For me. “X” I gently shake him awake. “What?” He grumbles out. “Someone is at the door,” I say. “Ugh!” He grunts, “stay here I’ll be right back.”He yawns and sleepily sits on the edge of the bed running his fingers through his hair and walks out of the bedroom. I rub my eyes and grab my phone from the nightstand, five o’clock?! My god that’s the longest I’ve slept in days, I really needed that. I have a text from Steph How are you feeling? Let me know if I can bring anything up for you. Do you need a spicy novel? Also, how’d the conversation with X go? That was two hours ago. Hey! Sorry I fell asleep. I’m feeling fine. We haven’t talked yet because we fell asleep. I might need some new yoga pants in a bit
37 Days Working overtime
POVXI’m on my tenth set of pull-ups, sweat glistening my entire body. My hair is drenched and pissing me off as it falls to my eyebrows, constantly needing to be pushed back. I’m trying to channel my rage without alcohol and working out is the only way I know how. I’ve been in my gym for two hours now, Julian joined for forty five minutes and then dipped like a weakling. I’m on my sixth rep when my phone vibrates and lights up with a notification. I finish my pull-ups, wipe myself off with a towel, gulp down some water and check my phone. Millie. I can’t do this right now. I do fifty push ups before I decide to text Millie back so I don’t lose my shit on her. She wants to talk tomorrow, I just don’t think I have it in me to face her yet. I don’t respond to her requests because it’s something I need to sleep on. We’ll see how I feel about it later. I do a few sets of Russian twists before I decide to end my workout for the night. I leave the gym dripping sweating, patting mys
