One

Stephany’s POV

It’s been a year now.

I stare at the endless list of bills that seem to stare at me back. I could never get out of this black hole that continues to suck the life out of me. I feel the weight of the world press down on my shoulders as I sink deeper into despair.

How would I get out of this? There was no way I could? I’m stuck forever giving this man every piece of me till I run out.

Every time I fought my way to pay the bills, it seemed like I was drowning even deeper and the worst of it was that it isn’t even mine.

The large ocean of debt that swallowed me continuously belongs to my father before he passed.

I never understood how he managed to acquire such a large amount to owe someone, Don Mario for that matter.

Every time I think about it, I feel a mixture of anger and frustration boil inside me. Father must have had a reason.

I take a deep breath as I continue to swallow the hard lump that formed in my throat. I want to cry, to scream, to run away. I want to go somewhere far away where I and Elise could live peacefully.

Somewhere I didn’t need to dread every time I open my tired eyes or drag my exhausted body to go to work.

Someplace where every penny I work for didn’t go into the hands of that monster Don Mario. He was the reason my life was hell.

I suck in another deep breath, one that came from the deepest part of my worn out soul. I take another look at the bills, my teary eyes scan through the papers.

Electricity, water, rent…I mutter to myself before dropping it. Reading the list made me even more tired and the weight of gloom tug harder inside me as I list every word to my ears.

My phone buzz with a notification on it. It’s a reminder I set for myself for the afternoon shift I had in thirty minutes, one that I needed to prepare for. My eyes shift to look around the house.

The house my happy memories came to an end, the I was struggling to keep afloat.

I stand up from the chair I’m sitting on in the dining area and Elise walks in. Her face brightens up with a smile, her brown doe eyes sparkling, those sparkles I swore to protect from our cruel fate.

I force a smile on my face hoping it would mask the exhaustion that pulled on my eyes.

“Hi Stephany!” she waves hurrying in my direction. ”I didn’t know you came back early” she opens her arms to hug me.

“Yeah I wanted to change before going for my next shift at the grocery store” I say hugging her back, I make sure to push back every sadness that fought to stay in my voice.

I always told her we were going to be fine and I made sure she believed it. We’ll be fine…it’s crazy because I didn’t believe in that sentence anymore but I always told Elise those exact words with so much hope.

She didn’t need to know how much life was horrible for us, I couldn’t let her go through that now especially after witnessing my father’s dead body dragged to our doorstep.

I close my eyes every time the image flashed through my mind. The bloodied shirt, his twisted face frozen in fear, his eyes that were devoid of life, his slightly parted lips that seemed to have struggled to let in air in his last moment.

The image of it scarred me and I couldn’t imagine what it felt like for Elise who was much younger than me.

“I have to go now” I peel away from her hug turning to the dining table and packing all the papers into an organized file before folding them in half away from Elise’s sight.

“Have you had lunch yet?...I brought some leftover pizza from work”

“Pizza?” Elise asks “Where is it?” her voice bustling with glee “I ate at my friend’s place but think there’s still some space left for pizza” she giggles.

“it’s in the fridge.. you can reheat it in the oven” I chuckle at her excitement. Elise is the light of my life, the one joy I have in my dark, depressing life and I cherish her so much.

Her innocence fills me with so much joy and yet so much guilt, guilt that I can’t give her the life she deserves and all I have to offer is a measly thing like left over pizzas.

I walk into my bedroom and I am greeted by the scattered clothes on my floor and bed. My whole room was a mess just like my life and I barely had enough time to clean it up.

I often rely on Elise to do it for me. I take off the sky blue T-shirt that got stained during my first shift and shuffle through the scattered clothes in my room for a cleaner one.

I finally find one and rush out to go to my second workplace. The distance from the house to the store is a walkable one so I often stroll to work.

As I’m walking, every step I take feels heavy and my mind wanders about. From the pending fees I had to pay to the date of my next payment of Don Mario’s money that drew closer. I look up and the sky is annoyingly bright and blue.

I feel my stomach twist inside my body from the anxiety that latches itself unto me. My mind wanders again to the death of my father. The day his dead body was brought before us, the day I learnt the pain of losing someone close to you again.

First it was my mother who died after she had given birth to Elise. My father was the one who took it upon himself to give us the life he believed we deserve, a one full of Joy.

"But dad, those days are over. The day you left us, our lives turned out for the worse."

Sometimes I wondered if dad felt the same way, whenever I was bombarded with the list of things I had to pay for just to stay alive.

I wondered if he also felt exhausted but just pretended enough for us to think he was happy and the day he died, what went through his mind.

"Was he finally relieved? Or was he sad? Was he worried?"

I reach the junction before my last stop where the store is located. Across the street from where I’m stand is the family diner where Dad always took Elise and I every Friday after he got back from his workplace.

I watch as a little family of four chat and exchange meals. The air that surrounds them looks like it’s filled with joy.

"We used to be like that too"