How Does Everything I Never Told You A Novel Depict Cultural Expectations?

In 'Everything I Never Told You', the novel dives deep into the weight of cultural expectations, especially within an Asian-American family. Lydia, the central character, feels the crushing pressure to fulfill her parents' dreams, which are shaped by their own immigrant experiences. Her mother, Marilyn, projects her abandoned academic ambitions onto Lydia, while her father, James, pushes her to assimilate and be socially accepted in a predominantly white community. The novel shows how these conflicting expectations create a suffocating environment for Lydia, who struggles to find her own identity. It’s a poignant exploration of how cultural norms can dictate personal choices, often at the expense of individual happiness. The story doesn’t just focus on Lydia but also reveals how her parents’ own unfulfilled desires and societal pressures shape their parenting, making it a multi-layered commentary on generational and cultural divides.

The way 'Everything I Never Told You' tackles cultural expectations is both subtle and heartbreaking. Lydia’s family is caught between two worlds—her father, James, is Chinese-American, and her mother, Marilyn, is white. James’s desire for his children to fit into American society stems from his own experiences of being an outsider. He wants Lydia to be popular, to blend in, but this only isolates her further. Marilyn, on the other hand, pushes Lydia to excel academically, seeing her daughter as a second chance to achieve the career she gave up.

What’s striking is how the novel portrays these expectations as a form of love, albeit a misguided one. Lydia’s parents believe they’re setting her up for success, but their dreams for her become a prison. The novel also highlights the silence that often accompanies these pressures. Lydia’s siblings, Nath and Hannah, are sidelined, their own needs ignored in the family’s focus on Lydia. This dynamic shows how cultural expectations can fracture a family, leaving each member feeling unseen and unheard.

The tragedy of Lydia’s death forces the family to confront these unspoken tensions. The novel doesn’t offer easy answers but instead invites readers to reflect on how cultural and familial expectations can shape—and sometimes shatter—lives.

What struck me most about 'Everything I Never Told You' is how it portrays cultural expectations as both a burden and a bond. Lydia’s parents, James and Marilyn, are products of their own struggles—James as a Chinese-American man navigating a society that often marginalizes him, and Marilyn as a woman who gave up her career aspirations for family life. Their hopes for Lydia are a mix of their own regrets and desires, but they fail to see how these expectations weigh her down.

The novel also explores the intersection of race and gender. Lydia, as a biracial girl, faces unique challenges. She’s expected to be the perfect daughter, excelling in school and socially, but these demands leave her feeling invisible. The pressure to conform to her parents’ ideals isolates her, and her inability to meet their expectations becomes a source of deep insecurity.

What’s powerful is how the novel doesn’t villainize the parents. Instead, it shows how their own cultural and personal histories shape their actions. The story is a reminder of how deeply ingrained societal norms can influence family dynamics, often in ways that are unintentionally harmful. It’s a nuanced exploration of identity, belonging, and the cost of unmet expectations.