Chapter 2: The moment we met

I came out of my room and found the room messy, it was dark and it felt suffocating in the living room, empty bottles of drinks lay on the floor and my mother sat down on the sofa with a picture album and tears in her eyes as she clipped through it.

I exhaled softly and walked over to the window and pulled the window open to let in the cold air. It was daylight but since the curtains and windows were closed it felt like it was late at night here.

"Robin." I heard my mother's soft voice and turned around to look at her. "Come over here." She taps the chair next to her, she looks so pale and I was not sure if she had any sleep last night since there were dark circles under her eyes.

I walked over to her and sat next to her like an obedient child, my mother had lost a lot of weight and it makes my heart bleed to see her this way, like someone who had lost her reason to live.

"Look at this," she pointed at a picture and I looked down at it. "Isn't this so lovely, aren't we both happy together, just you and me?" She looked at my face and I could still remember the time we took this picture. It was my four years birthday and the last time I saw my mother smile broadly.

"Mom..." I looked at her eyes and her eyes were suddenly covered with fear.

"I can not let you go, Robin," she said without hesitation like she already knew what my words would be. "I know he is your father, but I just can't." She shook her head and pulled me in for a tight hug.

"He is trying to take you away from me too," I pressed my lips together as I could feel my mother's heartbeat fast and her body trembled. "Your dad wants to go to the state with him, but if you tell him you won't go he will not take you..."

"I will go, mom." My words seem to make her still and she pulls me to an arm's length and looks at my face with a troubled expression.

"You would?" Her voice quiver and the look on her face was as if I had also betrayed her by saying that and tears filled her eyes. "Robin I would be so lonely, I would be lonely."

"Mom..."

"He is taking you away for a long time, don't you even think of my feelings? How can you say that Robin?" Tears rolled down her cheek and I wanted to lift my hands and wipe them off but I stopped myself.

"Mom, you have been lonely even when I am this close to you, you just care about your drinks and get wasted all the time." These were not the words I wanted to tell her, this was not the fuel I wanted to add to the flames, but would you blame me for this?

"Robin..." A line appeared in between her brows and her eyes searched mine with tears in them. "Not you too, you also think I am an irresponsible mother, how could you?" She began to sob.

"Not that mom," I said loudly.

"Then what Robin?" She cuts me off. "Stay with me and I will change my drinking habits." She begged me but I shook my head. I had pleaded with her over and over again on this issue but she had ignored me and had kept it up.

"If I stay with you, you will lose me forever..." 

"What are you talking about Robin?"

"I saw it." Tears filled my eyes but I never wanted to cry, crying was for weak people. "I saw the court file, I read it..."

"No, you didn't..." She looked at me with a furrowed brow. She must have thought I was naive to all that had been happening, but they have made me smart, they have made me this way.

"I did and it says that dad has the right to take me away from you once I turn seven and that if you refuse, he would take me away and you would never see me again."

"Robin..." Tears flowed uncontrollably from her eyes and she held my shoulder with sadness.

"Don't you want to see me again mom?" I looked into her eyes and I could feel the pain she felt. "Don't you want us to meet again?" I held her hands. "I want to meet you again mom." The tears I had been holding back flowed down my cheek.

"I want to be with you too, but...not now," I shook my head. "Not now mom, let me go with dad and when I get my right, the rights to make my decisions, I will return to you," I assured her and the tears in her eyes seemed to stop flowing.

"Robin..." She pulled me into a hug and I felt so small in her embrace. "My child, I am so sorry to have laid so much burden on you son, I am truly sorry."

I know my mother loves me, just like she had told my father, I was the only joy she had left, she had never hit me before, no matter what,  just wanted her to stop all the feelings she had for someone like my father, perhaps that way she could feel less lonely.

"Just promise me one thing mom, promise me you would stop drinking and start a new and better life." I let her warmth envelop me, who knows, this might be the last time I see her.

She pulled me from her embrace and locked eyes with me. "For you son, I promise this." I forced a smile and raised my hands as I wiped off her tears. I wish this was the last time she cries and wishes this was an honest promise she was making.

I looked out of the window and exhaled softly as I got up from the sofa. "Since I would be leaving soon, let me go look around one more time." She nodded and I walked out of the house after picking up my coat.

I was not going to miss this country, I had no friends in it, no friends in school either, I was more like a kid without feelings and I love keeping to myself, all I did was to watch my mother cry and lock my heart.

I stepped out of the house and the cold breeze welcomed me. I rarely leave the apartment, not because I wasn't allowed to, but because I didn't want to. Seeing joyful kids only makes me jealous and makes me wish I could be like them and I hate that feeling.

I hate feeling jealous, I hate thinking so little of myself and I hate it when I just couldn't live like these other kids, with their smiles and carefree nature, ever since I read the court order, just like the smiles left my mother's face, it also left mine.

I looked up to the sky and wished I could freeze the moment and stay with my mother forever without going with a father with whom I barely see or had interactions.

I walked down the park, if I could be an adult and make my own decisions then I won't have to follow the rules or any order that says I have to go with my father after turning seven.

"Ouch!" I heard a sharp voice and looked down to see who I had bumped into and I saw a notepad scattered on the floor.

"I am sorry." I squatted down and picked it up.

"I am sorry too..." The soft voice said again as she squats to help gather the notepad that belongs to her, I raised my eyes and for a brief moment, I could look away.

"The moment I first met you." That was what I heard my subconscious say before I shook the thought away and handed her the notepad as we both got up.

"Thank you." She said softly and held the notepad close with a smile on her lips, this was different from the smile which made me feel jealous.

I looked from her hair down to her toe and she looked so adorable, her hair was painted into two simple locks and her eyelashes fluttered as it gazed at her notepad. She looked at it as if it was a treasure.

Her cheek was pink as her red lips turned up with a smile. She was the epitome of beauty. I have heard those words a lot from my English teacher at school. 

She was wearing a blue flowery dress that matches her eye colour and her shape was curvy even if she was just a little kid, and for the first time in a long time my lips turned up.

"You are pretty," I said softly. "At least I saw a pretty damsel before I had to leave."

She looked at me with a confused expression, I was sure she didn't understand my bullshit but she smiled. "Thank you for the compliment."

My eyes flickered to the hairpin on her hair. "Lovely hairpin." I wanted to drag the conversation since this might be the last person I ever talk to in this country.

"My mother made it for me." She touched her hair and blushed.

"Can I see it?" I asked politely and she nodded. I took it off from her soft blonde hair gently and looked down at it and I noticed two letters written on it. "I.K?" I looked up at her curiously.

"My mother transcribed the words in it." She beams and I wait for more answers. "It is my name and surname."

I looked down at the pin and then back at her. "What is your name?" The way the letters were transcribed in the hairpin was admirable and it makes me curious to know her name.

"My name is..." She was about to say her name when my phone rang and I took it out from my pocket and looked down at the caller ID.

"I should take this," I answered the phone and placed it on my ear. "Hello..."

"Robin, son." I heard the male voice that has always made my mother cry and the smiles that had just appeared on my face not too long ago disappeared.

"Dad..."

"I am coming to pick you up, today son."

"So soon?" I was shocked and my pupils enlarged, it was only yesterday I had heard him speak to my mother, why was he already coming over with this short notice.

"Yes, you should prepare."

"You shouldn't do that, not so soon..."

"Just do as you are told." He told me coldly. "I am hanging up now." 

"You can't do that...dad, dad..." I looked down at my phone in anger and held back my urge to smash it. I didn't want to act like my mother right here.

"Is something wrong?" I heard a tiny voice and looked up, I had almost forgotten there was someone here and was looking at me curiously.

I looked down at her hairpin I was holding and placed it on her hands before walking away. I was no longer in the mood for chitchat, I just had to hurry home to see the sadness on my mothers face.

"Son." My mother squats down as she looks at me with tears in her eyes. My father stood close watching us as our plane would be leaving in five minutes. "You can still decide to stay with me." She searched my eyes.

I looked at my father, a tall man with a cold shoulder and a face without a smile. I still can not figure out why my mother had to fall in love with a person like him.

"I would be okay with dad and I will be back to your side and I won't go back, just keep to your promises and stop drinking, lead a good life." This should be what a parent would tell their children, but for me, it was the other way round and I hope she listens.

She pulled me into a tight hug. "I will, I promise you, I will miss you so much, I really will..." She broke down in a sob and I patted her back, something my father should do.

"Stop crying mom, if you cry how can I go?" I looked at her face and she wiped off her tears.

"Okay, I will be strong." She looked up at me and heard footsteps on my father draw nearer.

"Let's go, Robin." I looked up at him and his eyes were dark without expression, I couldn't tell what this man acts this way. "Come on."

"Mom, it is time for me to go." I looked at my mother with tender eyes and she nodded and got up.

She looked directly at my father and her tender eyes turned into a glare. "Benny, you better take good care of him, don't ever let him get hurt and do not hold him back from his rights!" She said in a sharp tongue and my father scoffed.

"Look who's talking," he seized her and I told them they were about to start the regular argument, but I hope they stop since we are at an airport and not at home. "I am a better parent unlike you." He turned to me. "Let's go now."

"Bye, mom..." I said softly before turning to go with my father and with a heavy heart.

"I love you son." My mother called out. "I love you so much and I will wait for you, I will wait until you come back to me..." Her voice broke into a sob as she kept repeating her words.

I clenched my fist as tears struggled to flow from my eyes. I didn't want to look back, but what could a child who has lived with his mother for seven years do when he is being taken away.

"Mom!" I called out and turned around. "Mom!" I shouted as tears rolled down my cheek as I made my way back to her open arms.

"Oh, son, oh my Robin." She held me close in her embrace and the tears I have been holding back forced their way out.

"I love you mom, I love you so much and I promise I will be a good son and always think of you no matter what." I closed my eyes, who cares about being weak this time.

She took off the rash on her neck and wore it around my neck. "Have this, think of the mother that loves you whenever you look at this, wear it and I will always be close to you."

She was wrong, even if I don't have this necklace on, I would always have her in my heart. "Okay, mom."

She wipes off my tears and nods. "Now go on, your father is waiting." She nudged me and I looked back to see my father watching us. "Go on." She forced a smile and I know she wants that to be the last memory I remember of her.

"Okay, mom." I nod and touch the necklace she had put around my neck before going with my father, this time I didn't glance back.

I had to leave my mother to be with her again.