Chapter 6 : The Dean

Rory's POV

My eyes stared down at the hall long after his office door had closed. I used the thudding of the music to guide me back, and I found it helped even out my own racing heart.

l wasn't sure what I was supposed to do now, but turning on my feet, l slowly moved toward the stairs.

I cut my eyes in Needy’s direction and honed in on her. She didn’t see me coming as the guy I didn’t know leaned in toward her, kissing her neck and smelling her. It looked creepy from what I could see.

When he pulled back, I filled up the space between them, my face emotionless and annoyed. Without giving him a second thought I grabbed Needy’s hand and led her away. I had a fairly good idea of where I was going and knew this conversation was meant for our ears only.

“What’s up, Rory? They said you had my father throw him out of the house for no reason whatsoever!” she yelled, looking at me as if l was the one who'd lost my mind.

“Seriously?" l replied in disbelief. “He attacked me, Needy. He tried to force himself on me after l told him repeatedly that l wasn't interested. So, based on your understanding of me over the years, did I falsely accuse him? You can go ask your dad what's going on.”

I walked away angrily, and Needy grabbed me.

"That's not what I meant,” she said. “He helped me out a few times. He has always found you cute, and he just worked up the courage to ask for an introduction. What era are you from? It’s a kiss. It’s not that big of a deal,” Needy said, tossing her hair aside and adjusting her swimming suit, though it was already fine.

I couldn’t believe what I’d just heard. Stealing a kiss wasn’t a big deal? To me it was a big deal… hell, it was to most women. Needy had disregarded what l told her and tried to push him on me anyway.

“Rory, I know, and I'm sorry," she pleaded. “I believe what you said Rory because you’re my best friend.”

“I told you that I wasn't interested or ready to date. I’m over Justin, but that doesn't mean I'm ready to just go out with another little college boy who is probably like Justin or worse. Then the best you could send my way was Mike, your own personal sidekick,” I added.

“He’s not my sidekick.” she groaned.

I sighed, feeling like everything I’d said went through one ear and out the other. That seemed to be happening a lot more with Needy if I were being honest.

“Listen, I'm sorry,” she said. “I shouldn't have pushed him onto you. He can be a lot. I just don’t know what kind of guy you’d be interested in and I want to help. I will talk to him and make sure he apologizes to you.”

Both her facial expression and words seemed sincere, but something about her tone made me think she just wanted us to stop fighting.

“I said something wrong just now,” she said. “You have always been the best in my heart. Will you forgive me? l just want you to be happy again, sweetheart. l don't want you to never try to find love again just because of him.”

There was a sincerity in her words that made me hesitate in my response. l had never heard her say things to me like that before. Usually, she was quick to push away the topic of something bad and tell me to forget it.

Yet, here she sat, drunk and crying, when it should have been me who was upset.

“Okay, I forgive you.” I hugged her.

Perhaps she was still the girl l used to know.

I wasn't ready to let my guard down just yet though.

Something inside me told me to be careful.

***

*Three Days Later*

For three days l had avoided him, and l was becoming more nervous every day. I didn't know how to face him after what had happened to me the other day.

I thanked him for saving me. Thinking back to Mike trying to rape me the other day also made me scared.

But what made me even more embarrassed was that Scott had seen it.

How he comforted me softly, how he punched the bad guys one by one, how he gently applied ointment to me... I remembered all these scenes in my mind.

Every bit was loving and yet, l knew l couldn't have him.

The sound of a car passing through the campus pulled me out of my thoughts. As I glanced into the distance, I noticed a Maserati approaching.

Through the car window, I caught sight of Scott. His high-bridged nose and deep-set eyes made him handsome, but I couldn't bring myself to look at him.

As the Maserati drove past me, I took a deep breath. Scott casually glanced in my direction, a faint smile playing on his lips. But as the car quickly passed by, I felt a mix of relief and a hint of disappointment.

I closed my eyes, taking in the scent of flowers on campus, reminded of the night Scott's breath lingered near my lips. Many thoughts flooded my mind, but I lacked the courage to voice them. I needed to cut through the confusion.

I needed to bury my deepest feelings for Scott deep within my heart forever.

I turned the corner and headed for the dean’s office for my scheduled appointment.

“Come in!” a chipper voice called when I knocked on the door.

I opened it and poked my head in to see a pretty woman with wavy brown hair sitting at a desk. She looked up and flashed me a toothy grin as she waved for me to come in.

“You must be Rory,” she said, standing up from her desk and coming around to greet me. Much to my surprise, she hugged me.

“Hello, Rory. Please take a seat.” The dean gestured to the chair in front of her desk.

As far as deans go, she was pretty young. She pulled out a folder from under a pile of other folders and flipped it open. She scanned through it quickly before closing it again, looking up at me and removing her glasses.

“Hello, Dean,” I said. “I have a request. I don't want to attend one of my classes. I want to choose another course.”

“I see that you want to be reassigned from your film appreciation class,” she said.

“Yes please.” I said in agreement.

I couldn't hold her gaze. It was too intense, and I feared she could figure out why I wanted to switch.

The dean inhaled sharply. “In your own words, can you tell me why?” she asked, leaning back in her chair, folding her arms and waiting.

“Well, it's… um… written in the email I sent,” I stated, hoping that my advisor had sent it over to her.

Why should have to explain when I’d already racked my brain trying to figure out the best way to get out of the class without revealing the truth?

“I know, but tell me again,” she said.

I pondered for a moment. “Uh,” I started.

I couldn't just say that I’d slept with the professor and that I'd had the biggest crush on him, and that seeing him gawking at me with those eyes would have me panting as if I were in heat.

I definitely couldn't say that I’d met him at a club and after a very easy pick up line, I followed him to an hotel and let him give me every inch of him, so instead I said, “I don’t know if film study is for me. I guess when I watch a movie, I'm watching it for enjoyment and I’m not used to picking them apart. It’s not that I don't see the red herring, I do, but I file it away in the back of my head and when the real solution is found, I remember it. In class, we are so focused on everything but watching the movie. I don’t know, perhaps I'm just not appreciating it right.”

The room got quiet as I waited for her reaction. She sat up and flipped through the folder again.

“So, for someone who has grades like this, it seems like you're doing just fine,” the dean said.

Oh no, I thought. She’d talked to my mentor. He’d said the same thing.

“Though I know that getting good marks isn't an issue for you, you're closer to the end than the beginning of the class. Plus, I talked with your professor, and he says you have good insights and that you add to the conversation in class,” she continued. “I hope it's not because of Justin.”

She looked at me as if telling me not to be foolish enough to alter my life because of a boy.

So, there I was standing in front of my dean trying not to express that it was indeed because of a man, actually the man, the professor. I wasn’t one to keep spinning lies to cover up another lie, but I had no other choice.

“Of course not, Dean,” I said. “I've been thinking that maybe pursuing a career path in film studies might not be the best fit for someone like me, considering my average family background. I might not land a job that I'm really satisfied with after graduation. Instead of wasting time here, it might be wiser to choose a more practical subject. Plus, I don't think I excel in art, either.”

She appeared to be satisfied with my answer, relaxing her body and her very readable face.

“Rory, sometimes life gives us happy accidents. I once ordered a well-done steak and it came out medium rare and was delicious. I never ate another well-done steak again,” the dean ratted on. “You may not need this class, but perhaps staying and facing this adversity may be exactly what you need. No one is ever completely comfortable one hundred percent of the time.”

The dean gave me a sweet smile. "When I was your age, I went through something similar," she said. She patted my shoulder. "Back in my freshman year, I had a great boyfriend. But we broke up due to relationship issues. After the breakup, I saw him with a new girlfriend and felt upset. I started skipping classes and avoiding studying."

She stood up, walked to the desk by the window, and pressed the button on the coffee maker. She took out a paper cup and poured herself a coffee, then handed me one. I took the cup gratefully, and the aroma filled the office.

"If you decide to drop this course in the end, it's okay. I'll respect your decision," she said. "But I think you should give it a try. If I had let some guy influence me in college, I wouldn't be working in the field I love today, right?"

The dean's words struck a chord with me. She was right. Why let some guy hinder my future? Maybe I could turn something I'm not good at into something I excel at and do it well.

I took the loss and left the Dean's office. I walked, lost in thought, toward my dorm. If I could turn back time, I'd still wish I hadn't gotten involved with Scott and Justin.