Chapter Two

Af – the angel of light.

The next day, Meredith dropped me off at CRC. She didn’t say anything, maybe for fear of jinxing my decision to go out of the house, but I know that she was over the moon that I wanted to come back to the center.

“I have a meeting in the town center,” she called as I got out of the car. “I’ll pick you up in the afternoon. Keep your cellphone open.”

I nodded and headed towards the grounds. Meredith waved at the guard standing on the gate, who immediately let me in. I walked to the side of the building, towards the path of trees that led to the woods.

Last night, I thought about the words that Hunter said to me. I felt like with the limited words he said, in the short span of time that I spent with him… he really reached out to my soul. He spoke the words I couldn’t say to Meredith… the words I could not even admit to myself.

I hated to acknowledge it, but Meredith was right. I needed to talk to somebody. And somebody who knew exactly what I was going through.

As I reached the garden, I saw Hunter sitting on the bench, lost in his thoughts again, listening to every little sound around him. I knew that he was aware of my presence even before I was standing in front of him. The minute I sat beside him, I heard his sharp intake of breath. Suddenly, I felt self-conscious.

Could he smell me?

I smelled my shirt and caught the scent of the floral perfume I sprayed on myself after I took a shower this morning.

I looked over at him, taking slow breaths, so as not to make a single sound. He was wearing a pair of jeans, a white shirt over a red jacket. His hair was disheveled like he just combed it with his fingers after he took a shower. He was wearing those sunglasses again.

“Good morning,” he said.

“Good morning,” I greeted chirpily. “How did you know I was here?”

“I could smell your perfume the minute you walked towards the bench,” he replied.

“It could be anybody,” I pointed out.

He grinned and shook his head slightly. “I highly doubt that. The sense of smell is the most powerful sense and most likely the one that’s linked to the memory. I remember your scent from yesterday. You smell like… you.”

“Er… is that a good thing?” I asked.

“You smell like sweet strawberries combined with a scent of freesia and honeysuckle,” he replied. “It’s always a good thing.”

He practically enumerated the scents of my perfume, my soap and my shampoo. Being blind must have turned him into a bloodhound.

There was silence. None of us spoke for a while. For the first time in many months, I actually felt that silence could be peaceful. Not the deafening kind that brought the memories of that tragic night back into my reality.

I actually felt like I could be me again. I didn’t feel like a ghost… with nightmares chasing me.

“How old are you, Allison?” Hunter asked, breaking the silence.

“Sixteen,” I replied. “And you?”

“Sixteen turning seventeen soon.”

I tried not to heave a sigh that would make him sense my emotions. But inside, I thought… how bad was it for a handsome, agile sixteen-year-old boy to lose the most precious gift of sight?

“Do you get visitors often?” I asked.

He shook his head. “They gave up on me. They only come when I call them… if I needed anything.”

“Who’s they?”

“My dad,” he replied. “My aunt and uncle. They just read my progress reports from here. And then they wait for me to call.”

“Are you… having any treatments in this institution?”

He shrugged. “The doctors check on my eyes every other day. But mostly it was just… counseling.”

“Why did you say that your parents gave up on you?”

He sighed. “Just my dad,” he corrected me. “We fought all the time. He wanted me to undergo some… more aggressive treatments. I don’t see his point.”

“Why? Don’t you want to… you know?”

“See again?” he asked. I didn’t answer. “Didn’t you just say yesterday that seeing was not always a gift?”

“Yeah… I shouldn’t have said that.”

“But you were right. If I am able to see again… I would see that my mother was no longer with me. And I would remember that it was my father’s fault she wasn’t herself when she drove our car into a tree.”

I felt a pinch in my heart when I heard him say that his mother was gone. Because it reminded me that he wasn’t the only one. Mine was gone too.

Two gunshots.

The first one was for my stepdad, so he could no longer hurt me. My mother saved me. She made sure that I would live and the months of physical abuse I went through under the hands of my stepdad would be over.

The second shot was for… her. Because she couldn’t live with the fact that she killed the man she loved the most.

I hated her for it. Even though I would always love her, I know… deep inside my heart I would always hate her for not being strong enough. For not thinking about me when she pulled that trigger the second time around. For leaving me alone… knowing I was not old enough to take care of myself and her sister was not capable enough to replace her in my life.

I didn’t realize it, but my breathing became heavier. I felt the load that was inside my chest. It had always been there. I refused to acknowledge it. Not when I woke up that day in the hospital. Not during those times they forced counseling on me immediately after I was discharged by the doctors. Not all these months when Meredith encouraged me to talk to her about how I felt.

But now… here with Hunter, all the pain, all the burden I hid inside my chest just resurfaced, refusing to be ignored anymore. And before I knew it, I was whimpering. I was feeling that blinding pain of losing my mother… being saved by her… and being abandoned by her seconds after. The emotional and physical abuse I went through under my stepdad’s broken mind and violent hands were nothing compared to the pain I felt when I woke up in the hospital an orphan.

I felt Hunter’s arm around my shoulders. He gently pulled me to him so I could rest my head against his chest. And there… for the first time in probably months… I cried.

“Mama… where is Papa?” I remembered asking my mother when I was five years old.

She laughed. “You’re special, Allison. God created you so you could be all mine!” she replied, kissing me all over the face and then tickling me until I tapped out.

I know now that she tried so hard not to make me feel like there was something wrong with me. And how much she wanted to make me feel complete even though my own father walked out on us the minute she told him she was pregnant.

“I love you, Mama,” I said to her in my tiny voice.

“And I love you very much too, my little angel.”

“Sssshhh…” I heard Hunter’s soothing voice against my ear.

I pulled away from him, wiping my cheeks with my fingers. Hunter did the same to his although he tried to hide the fact that he was crying too.

“She took… took her own… life,” I stammered. “When my stepdad threatened to kill me… she didn’t have a choice but to pull the trigger. So I would be here today. So he could no longer hurt me. For months, he was physically assaulting me. He would beat me up and I remembered hiding under the bed whenever he came home. My mother was helpless to defend me sometimes.

“We loved him. And he would always feel remorseful when he sobered up. But one night, it went too far. In his poisoned mind, he saw me as a demon that he needed to torture and kill.” I looked up at Hunter, who was listening to me intently. “You asked me yesterday what was wrong with me. I have a scar on my face. He used a chemical on me… claiming that it would reveal the demon residing inside me. It burned my skin. The wounds may have healed. But the scars would always be here to remind me of that fateful night.” I took a deep breath and suppressed a sob from escaping my lips. “My mother was strong enough to kill him to protect me. But unfortunately, she wasn’t strong enough… to live with it.”

Too many months I held these emotions in. And now that I finally cried… I was afraid I wouldn’t know how to stop.

“I… haven’t cried since that night,” I sobbed. “I try not to think about it. But every night, it all comes back to me… when I sleep, the nightmares haunt me. Sometimes, I was scared to sleep at all.”

Hunter reached out for my face. I took his hand and guided it so he could touch my cheek. His touch felt warm against the cold, dead skin of my scar.

“This scar was not supposed to remind you of what you lost that night. It was supposed to remind you of what your mother gave up just so you could live,” he said in a soothing, calm voice.

I shook my head. “I hated her for it. How could she leave her little girl behind? We weren’t rich but we were happy. And I had everything I ever needed. Now… I have nothing. Just my aunt, who was too young to raise a kid on her own.”

Hunter touched my scar again.

“I look monstrous,” I muttered.

“I’m sure you look tough.” He gave me a reassuring smile.

My tears subsided and Hunter released my cheek. He turned to the direction of the lake. He heaved a heavy sigh and said, “My mother found out that my father was having an affair. She had been drinking when she picked me up from school. Then she started crying in the car, telling me bits and pieces of how my father had been cheating on her for years. She lost control of her emotions. Unfortunately… she lost control of the wheel, too.”

“You were in the car with her?”

He nodded. “I lived. She died. I wish I did too. There was nothing left for me here. A few months after my mother’s funeral, my father proposed to his mistress and brought her home. Now, you see… how could I come home? I could not… would not… bear to be under the same roof as my father and his new family. I came to this town because my uncle lived here. And he told my dad about this place. They figured it would help… fix me.”

“Did it?”

“Not even a little bit,” he chuckled humorlessly. “And honestly… I just lost the will to try. The perfect family I once had was gone… but not before I found out it wasn’t really perfect after all.”

“Do you blame her?” I asked him. “Your mom? For what happened to you?”

Hunter fell silent for a while, contemplating on his answer. “It was easier for me to blame somebody who was there to hear me curse and whine—somebody I could punish. So I never thought about blaming my mom for what happened to me… to us. Because none of it would have happened… if my father was not cheating on us in the first place.”

“I haven’t thought about my mom in a long time,” I admitted sadly. “I didn’t know whether I should thank her or… blame her. Love her or hate her.” Tears rolled down my cheeks again. “All I know is that… I wish she never left me. I didn’t want to talk about it. I didn’t want to cry. But I’m getting tired of being strong sometimes.”

Hunter nodded. “I know exactly what you feel.” He felt for my hand and gave it a squeeze. “Allison… you can be weak here with me. And I would never judge you or expect anything from you. Know that the things you feel about losing your mom… I feel the exact same things too. So you don’t have to worry. You’re on friendly grounds here with me.”

I smiled and I wished he could see it. It had been a while since I talked to someone who understood me… it had been a while since I felt like I really had a friend.

“Thank you,” I whispered. I leaned my head on his shoulder and I felt him put his arm around my back. I did what he said. I allowed myself to be weak… even for just a little while.

The next day, I asked Meredith to bring me back to the center. She was more than happy to oblige. She must have noticed something different in me yesterday. Sure, my eyes were swollen, but I did feel lighter. Slowly, I was able to face my demons. I was able to unload a little of those suppressed emotions… the emotions that prevented me from functioning properly and looking at life positively no matter how many times I tried to smile or laugh and say that I was okay.

When I hopped off the car and entered the grounds of CMC, I immediately walked to the path that led to the garden I shared with Hunter. When I got there, I was surprised to see that he had a basket with him and a guitar case.

“What’s all these?” I asked.

“Figured I was starving you, sitting here all day. So, I thought we should have some sustenance,” he replied, grinning.

“And the guitar is for?”

He shrugged. “I haven’t…” he trailed off. I figured that he meant that he hadn’t played the guitar since his accident. He wanted to give it a shot today.

As I looked at Hunter’s handsome face, looking lost and confused, I thought that if only I could make him find a reason to live each day of his life, I would feel okay. I would probably gain back a little of the light I thought I lost. He didn’t deserve to be in this institution. He belonged in school, with pretty cheerleaders swarming in his circle, hoping to catch just a little of his attention.

“I’m starving,” I said. I opened the picnic basket, took out the cloth and placed it on the table. Then I took out the sandwiches and the bottles of water and cartons of juice he brought. “Who fixed all these?”

“I’m friends with the chef,” he answered. “He’s the only one who kept me happy in this place.”

I laughed. “I could understand that.”

“What did he put in there?”

I recited the contents of the basket as I took them out. I pulled out the last piece of item. I was surprised to find that it was a rose. I sucked in a deep breath.

“What is it?” he asked.

“A… flower. Rose to be exact,” I replied. “I think… he’s mistaken this for a date.”

Hunter fell silent for a while. Then he said, “Yeah. I didn’t ask, so it isn’t a date.”

There was an awkward silence that followed. I looked at Hunter and his face looked a little flushed. I haven’t been on a date before, and my mother never lived long enough to talk to me about it. Meredith wouldn’t know how to talk to me about boys. She didn’t even know how to talk to me about my mother. Imagine her opening up a topic about the birds and the bees!

I placed a box of apple juice and a sandwich in front of Hunter. “Bon appétit,” I said.

“Merci. Toi aussi.”

After eating, I fixed the table. Hunter tried to help, but I told him to stay put.

“Allison…” he started to argue.

“Hunter!” I said firmly. “You don’t have to prove anything to me. I am not judging you. I don’t pity you for not being able to move around as much as you possibly can. The only thing that I feel sorry for is… that you can’t see what a beautiful piece of heaven this place is… and I will always be thankful that you shared it with me.”

He fell silent. He drew in a deep breath, as if he was contemplating on arguing with me but decided not to. “Alright. Whatever suits you,” he murmured, finally leaving me to clean up the mess and putting the items back in the picnic basket.

“So… what’s with the guitar?” I asked. “You play before?”

He nodded.

I took the case and opened it. I found a beautiful guitar with a combination of black and violet gradient prints. I took it out and sat beside him.

I started strumming and then blending the strings to make sure each gives out the right sound.

“You don’t forget how to play,” I said to him. “Music comes from the heart. And your hands… know exactly what to do, even if you cannot see the strings.”

I started plucking the strings and produced a steady, melodic sound. Again, I remembered my stepdad. It was one of the things he taught me. Our favorite bonding moment would be to play guitar together.

Tears welled up in my eyes as I played our favorite piece.

Cats in the Cradle.

It was a difficult piece for me at first, but I got better with time. Like Hunter, I haven’t played the guitar since my stepfather lost his sanity.

Hunter listened to me intently. I didn’t sing. I just let the music take over my hands… the way I told Hunter to let it take over his. I was afraid that if I sing, my voice would tremble and I would start crying uncontrollably.

When I finished playing, he was shaking his head slightly.

“What?” I asked.

“You must be some kind of kick-ass chick, huh.” He beamed at me. “That was beautiful. I didn’t expect that you would know how to play—and really, really well. I haven’t met a girl who could play as good as you do. Most girls I knew would rather paint their nails, not break them by playing the guitar. Now, I’m challenged.”

I laughed. “Okay, Rockstar. Let’s see what you got.”

If before, he was reluctant to play the guitar again, now I could see the excitement on his face. He took the guitar from me and started feeling the strings, making sure he got all of them located. And then he started plucking the strings to play a familiar song.

‘Sweet Child O’ Mine.’

It was my turn to be dumbfounded. He may be blind now, and he feels like he has nothing left going for him… but his heart and his hands never forgot how to live. His guitar skills were beyond amazing.

I was smiling when he finished playing. He inclined his head to mine, turning his ear to me, as if he was waiting for something.

“What?” I asked, laughing. I know what he wanted and somehow, I wanted him to wait for it just a little while longer.

“Oh come on!” he groaned in frustration.

Finally, I stood up from my seat and started clapping. I even put my fingers in my mouth to whistle. Yes, he was that good. He deserved an applause.

He stood up from his seat, too, and then he bowed. “Thank you, thank you!” After that, we both laughed… genuinely and heartily… like we both didn’t think we would still be able to play the guitar again.

He sat back on the bench and played another song. It was something that I knew as well. A smile crept into my face. I closed my eyes, and before I knew it, I was singing, “You got a fast car… I want a ticket to anywhere. Maybe we make a deal, maybe together we can get somewhere…”

That song touched me in many ways. I knew Hunter felt the same way too. At first, I thought it was quite ironic for him to play a song called ‘Fast Car’ when he lost so much in a car accident. But then again… that was a good sign, wasn’t it? Acceptance was always the first step to moving forward. Like playing ‘Cats in The Cradle’ was a form of acceptance on my part that things were never going back to the way they used to be, but that didn’t mean I won’t find happiness again.

When we finished, he turned to me. “You could make a career in show business, you know?”

“Why is that?”

“A kick-ass chick who can play the guitar and sing as well as you? Darned, you’re going places!” he praised.

“Well, so long as I don’t make live performances.”

“And why not?”

“I’m Scarface, remember?”

He set his guitar aside and reached up his hand to touch my cheek gently. “Hey…” he whispered. “I swear, someday, you will play and sing in front of a crowd and you will wow every single one of them.”

“Well, I hope you’ll be one of them.”

He nodded. “I may not be able to see you, but I sure would hear you.”

I sighed sadly when I pulled away from him. How I wish that would be true. That I wouldn’t be scared to show my scars in public and Hunter would be able to see me play.

It was almost five o’clock when we headed out of the woods. Meredith was coming to pick me up soon.

“Well, it was indeed a lovely day,” I said to Hunter. “I don’t think I’ve smiled more in the last couple of months.”

“Me too,” Hunter agreed. I stared up at him. He was looking at my face, although I know he couldn’t really see me behind his sunglasses.

“What’s the color of your eyes?” I suddenly got curious.

He didn’t answer. Instead, he slowly touched his sunglasses and perched it up his head. He stared down at me in probably the most mesmerizing blue eyes I had ever seen. They were expressive… as if they were meant to see through my soul. And they were framed with long dark lashes I didn’t think possible for boys at all.

Perhaps, if people would look closely, they would see that his eyes were cloudy due to the damage in his cornea. But from afar, no one would be able to tell that those beautiful, bright blue eyes… could see nothing but darkness.

“Blue,” I breathed.

I think I forgot how to breathe as I stared up at him. Hunter is... beautiful. Even without his eyesight… he was perfect.

“Allison…” he started. And I thought he sounded nervous. “Could you… I mean… tomorrow… umm… could you come back tomorrow? Spend… the day with me again?”

I blinked back and then I decided to tease him, “Hunter Vaughn… are you asking me out on a date?”

I really didn’t think he was. Because… how could he? He was beautiful even though he was blind. I’m not blind so I could see the monstrous-looking scars my stepfather left me. There was no way he’d be interested in me…

“Yes,” he replied. “Yes, I am.”

I stopped short, not really expecting that answer. “Umm… do you even know how I look like? I look horrendous,” I said. That was a lie. I didn’t really look horrendous if one could manage to look past my scar. I had long, dark brown hair and long dark lashes surrounded my hazel green eyes. Okay, maybe I didn’t look as bad as I wanted him to think, but with my scars, I was definitely no Barbie doll.

Hunter shook his head. “I may be blind, Allison. But believe me when I say that… I see you.” His voice was serious… sincere. “And you… look unbelievably beautiful to me. Like an angel sent down from heaven.”

I bit my lip because I didn’t want to cry. I didn’t get many compliments these days. So, when I did… it really touched me.

“Thank you,” I murmured.

He smiled. “So… is that a yes?”

“It’s an… ‘I’ll think about it,’” I teased. “Goodbye, Hunter.” I turned and headed to the parking lot where Meredith was watching me curiously.