Two

High school was as rowdy as ever. Though the population of students  in school at such early hour was more than ever. No one is ready to leave the school so they took the test seriously. It's the best state school in town and no one is ready to let go of their friends. I struggled my way through the crowd, jostling in every direction. Here in Mcade high school, the punctual student is one who gets to her class before the door gets closed. It's always a struggle to get to class early cause of the crowd. 

Just as I expected, Emiliar was there at a far corner of the classroom. She has always been a very punctual student. More punctual than I can ever be. As soon as I began to walk towards her, I was slowed down by my own thoughts or better say my own guilt. I remembered how I had humiliated her , called her names the last time we spoke, for a stupid reason--she used her magic on me. I got annoyed and I swore never to speak to her again.

“Oh sweet God ” I whispered as I walked up to her , putting on the most tender gesture I could. 

My heart burned with sadness and fear and something else I could not discern. I've lost two great people in my life in just one day--some hours ago. And now, I'm about to sacrifice my ego to speak to a friend i swore never to talk to. But do my ego matter now? I'm going crazy and i need help.

“Hello Emiliar” I said as I reached her table.

She raised her eyebrows with a smile that got me wondering if she was ever angry with me. I felt a bit disappointed by her look.

“katty! How are you doing?” She smiled like I was a long-lost lover. We broke up just three weeks ago.

Don't  deceive me with a fake smile, I have to do what is right. I thought.

“I'm very sorry Emiliar, please forgive me” I apologized.

“I was never annoyed. It was my fault, Katty  ” Emiliar responded as loving and caring as ever. She still had that smile. She stroked my cheek with her knuckles. Sometimes i wonder if things ever get to her or maybe she doesn't think about anything.

 She blinked her eye continuously like she was searching something.

“Your neck? What happened? ”she asked me.

“long story ” I shrieked. She helped me to a seat by her side. I never wanted to cry but of course I could not control it.

“My sister and mum had an accident yesterday, they are dead Emiliar”  I cried.

“oh...” she embraced me. Her hug was warm enough to get the pain out of my head but it didn't.

“Arkishair? I'm so sorry ” she whispered as she shoved off the textbook on her desk.

I felt safe in her arms, like I was in Arkishair’s. My seventeen years old sister.

We let go of each other but her hands were still on my neck.

“And this?” she asked.

I felt embarrassed and at the same time annoyed with myself. Why did I ever try to kill myself. I will look like a weakling again. She can read my mind, why ask me? Must I go through the stress of saying it myself?

Well, I have to.

[Suicide] I sent to her and she got it clearly. Her eyeball bulged out in surprise.

“What?!” she spoke out “ you have always been a strong girl Katty, why this?”

Tears momentarily rolled down my cheek. Of course the right answer is I was strong once but now I'm  weak and I can't help it. 

“Look Katty ” she stared into my eye “I wish I understood how bad you feel  right now but you need to stay strong, I will be there for you forever Katty, i promise”  She promised and I believed in some way that surprised me. She has her own problems too,  how then can she ever be available?

She will never be available.

I looked around, students were rushing in from every corner of the classroom, picking seats. The examination will start soon.

“The exams” I said to her “I'm not prepared”

“It's no problem” she smiled.

[we have gifts katty] she sent to me and  I nodded back. At that moment I found one more reason to stay alive -- I have gifts.

#

After school, I narrated my dreams to Emiliar. She tried to convince me that they were my own imaginations. I could not argue ( I wasn't in the mood for arguments) so I let it pass. We parted ways at the bus stop.

Home was not where I wanted to go just then but I had to. It's my home and I have a father there.

Dad was back home when I got home. His golf beteemotor was parked in the lot. I assumed he was in the living room drinking and smoking (as usual) so I decided to walk in through the back door to avoid his troubles. I was shocked to death to find him there leaning on the door frame, thinking probably. I turned to go hoping he did not see me but they I heard his voice, raspy and hoarse as ever.

“Hey little witch”

I swung around to face him, not angry though. I'm used to that name already.

“come on forward” he commanded. I did not budge. Sometimes it pays not to always do what he says. I felt a rush of smoke invade my throat. I encouraged myself to stay strong.

“I promised to kill you. Why are you still here?” he yelled

For a moment, I felt proud of myself that I was never a coward as he has expected. Maybe-- just maybe, he could have a rethink about who he thinks I am.

“you can't kill me...” I wanted to add ‘dad’ but somehow it got hooked in my throat. I know why though-- I hate him with passion. Not my fault, he hated me first.

“Of course, I won't kill you little kid” he sneered at me

“Listen Katty, you're very useless to me. Well, I've got two life saving options for you.”  he stole a glance at me and then continued. “ One, you leave my house and never return or... I sell you off, you will make a good sex slave, trust me. ”

I smiled. This is not the first time he has said that to me. They're just mere threats.

“Is that a threat father?” I asked him.

“Shut up little house fly!” he roared.

I giggled. I was enjoying his taunts this time. Really, I might have looked like an house fly to him--he's drunk.

“I AM NOT YOUR FATHER!” he blurted out.

I never expected his words to hurt me but this time, it did. He's not my father? Then who is? 

Of course, he's drunk. I consoled myself.

“That a lie” I countered “ is it because mum is dead? Did I--”

“She is not your mother!” he threw a burnt cigar on my face. I ignored it.

“We were a happy couple” he continued in a tone that indicated pure bitterness. “ We found you two , a three year old and barely a month old, by our gate. Reba took you too in since we had no child. And we swore never to tell it to any of you. But I'll tell you little witch. Reba is dead! What else is remained of me. You? God forbid. ”

I swallowed hard. Those words had a lot of weight. I felt my world crashing right before my eye and somehow I felt a bit pity for him. He's not my father and he has the only person he had in this world.

“I'll leave” I said softly.

 He move away from the door providing way for me to pass. I took a last look at him.

“One last question ” I said.

He arched a brow “go on”

“Did you ever like my sister and I?”

“No” he blurted. “Never, it was Reba's decision not mine. I hate you with passion, Katty. Just go and never return.”

I wanted to ask “why?” or “where do I go?” but I knew it was not necessary to know. Or he just wouldn't  say anything more to me. I just had to leave, become the destitute I was supposed to be.