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CHAPTER 33

Author: Ivan
last update Last Updated: 2021-11-27 00:03:06

“It’s not too late,” Mish said. “You could still hire someone so we can just sit here and drink wine all night.”

“I’m with her.” I pointed in her direction and picked up a handful of ribbons. “I mean, look at these. How fiddly are they?”

Day studied it for a minute. She opened her mouth to speak, but my phone buzzing interrupted her. I pulled it from my pocket and a grin spread across my face when I saw Ivan’s name on the screen.

“Be right back,” I told the girls, skipping into Aaron’s office. “Hello?” I answered, a deep breath making me sound breathless.

“Hello yourself.” His voice wrapped around me like a blanket, and I closed my eyes to the sound of it.

“What took you so long to call?”

“My models are bitches. They kept the shoot running tw

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    I did the same with upstairs, not stopping until every bit of furniture was free of the constraints of the plastic. I didn’t stop until the leather seats were breathing freely and I was breathing harshly from the exertion. Then I sat, all the plastic removed, with nothing left to do. And the ache that disappeared in my fleeting hour of excitement was back. I sighed and leaned my head against the wall. Maybe I should call applicants for some of those interviews. I took the newly installed phone from the wall, sat at the bar, and dialed the first number. Within an hour, I’d left three messages and set up five interviews. I sat back, my foot tapping in front of me. It was the middle of the afternoon. I’d been there longer than I thought. No wonder my stomach was rumbling and in the early stages of digesting itself. I hadn’t eaten at all. I grabbed

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    He watched me as I approached him and pulled my shirt over my head. I threw it on the stool and turned to him. I tugged at his shirt and he lifted it off, dropping it on top of mine. He stood in front of me, not touching me, his chest moving at the same rapid pace mine was. “Are you asking me to fuck you on this bar?” he asked in a deep, ragged tone. I stepped forward and hooked my fingers over his belt. “That’s exactly what I’m asking.” Without replying, he pulled me over to one of the booths, the one closest to the door. I watched as he pulled down his jeans and pants, letting his cock spring free, and sat back on one of the leather chairs. “Come here,” he said, holding his hand out. I took it and he pulled me to him, rolling my jeans down my legs until I stepped out of them and my shoes. He pulled me on top of him and his cock rub

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    Deep breath.I opened the drawer and pulled the test out. My eyes were screwed shut. Aw, hell. Where were my lady balls?Mind you, if I had balls, I wouldn’t be staring at a stick covered in my urine.'Okay. Shit. Time to look.'I opened my eyes and looked at that motherfucking hourglass, which was flipping itself up and down, up and down.“You bitch,” I hissed.That had to had been three minutes! If not, it was sure as shit the longest two of my life.“Change. Change.” I chanted, over and over, staring at the tiny screen. “Change you ooooh shit. Oh. Shit.”Pregnant. 3+.I dropped the stick like it was giving me herpes.No no no no no no fucking no!I had the implant. How was this possible? I didn’t actually think I would be.Shit.There was a person inside me.

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    There was no way we could base us on our addictions. Not now. I had to let him say the words and I had to say them back, because they’re the truth, the reality, and we’ll need to hold on to them if we’re going to take our whirlwind relationship and make it into something stable enough for a child.If he even wanted to stay.I covered my mouth with my hand. What if it isn’t what he wants? After all, we’re not the ones who should be having a family. We’re nowhere near close to a forever kind of commitment.Well, we weren’t. A baby was about as forever as it gets. You won’t get anything more binding than that.And really… What do I know about Ivan aside from the menial things I’d asked in a fit of hazed addiction? We’ve never spoken about his life in London. I knew nothing about the guy. Not really.I pulled m

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    My chest tightened at his insinuation. “You’ll probably leave anyway when you find out,” I whispered insecurely.And there it was. The real reason I couldn’t tell him.I was too afraid that, once I said those words, those two tiny words, he’ll walk right on out the door and I’ll be alone.“What? I don’t…” He ran his fingers through his hair. “Stop fucking around and tell me!”My chest burnt with my hurried breaths. Oh hell. I feel sick.“Tell me!”“I’m pregnant!”My words ricochet off every surface. They echoed, ringing in my ears, until they finally peter out into silence.I was still standing there, my arms around my stomach, only then my eyes were on the floor. I couldn’t look at him. He was not talking. He was not moving. He was breathing th

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    “Way to ruin the moment, asshole.” I poked his chest.He laughed and wrapped his arms around me. “It was getting a little heavy in here. Thought the mood could do with lightening.”“Pregnancy and declarations of love will do that to an atmosphere, I guess.” I smiled against his chest. “We’ll be okay, won’t we?”He kissed the top of my head. “I promise. And if we’re not, we’ll keep trying until we are.”Ivan stared at me across my kitchen table. Contemplative, curious.“What?” I asked. “I can eat cheese spread on toast if that’s what you’re wondering.”He smirked. “No.”“Then what?” I picked up my juice.“Can we still have sex?”I spitted out my juice. “What?!”“You kn

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    “What… What is this?” I swallowed, looking at Ivan. He was grinning, but it was nervous. And I didn’t blame him. I wanted to know why he was standing next to an officiant and Aaron and Dayton. “How did you two—what? I don’t understand. Ivan, what the hell are you doing?” He laughed silently and stepped up to me. Then he took my hands in his and slowly linked our fingers. “Marry me,” he whispered. “Right now.” My lips parted and I shuddered out a breath. “For real? This isn’t a joke?” He shook his head. “Forever, Brenda. It’s only ever going to be you for me.” I looked over his shoulder at my best friend and her new husband. “But—they—” “Told me to,” he replied. “I like surprises, remember?” I opened my mouth, but how do you respond to the truth? I told him that once. “

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    His tongue swirled and skimmed across my body, tasting every inch of my skin. Each lick was like a blazing swipe of fire, searing into me, branding me to him. As Ivan travelled down across my stomach, he hooked his fingers in the sides of my shorts and pulled. “No knickers. Good girl,” he hummed against my hips. “Surprise.” My voice hitched as he pressed his lips to the top of my thigh. He smiled against my skin and removed my shorts completely. After discarding his own shirt, he bent down and bend my legs up. My chest rose and fell frantically, my breathing harsh. His fingers teased the inside of my closed thighs, working their way between them. But more than that, his breath on my pussy. Oh, god. I closed my eyes as he parted my legs fully and blew on me. I clenched everywhere, anticipation trembling in my legs. “This,” he murmured, kissing m

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    “Because they like to fuck with you.” I smiled sweetly. “What did they talk about today?”His face darkened. “When I slept with my student.”My curiosity piqued. I’ve never actually asked about it—why he did it. No matter how much I wanted to, it never seemed like the right time. Besides, it was not dinner conversation, was it?“And?” I asked, trying not to show my interest.I failed, because he smirked and joined me at the table. “Brenda, if you want to know, just ask me. It’s fresh in my mind, funnily enough.”“Uhh. Okay. Why did you do it?” I looked at him now.“Honestly, it was a mistake. I’d met her sister a couple of times, and there was only a couple of years between them. They looked very alike. I arranged to meet her sister for a few drinks one night, but i

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    “Without this bitch?” I shoved the IV forward.“No, you’re not taking it out. They only just changed the bag. You know they said they’ll take it out when it’s empty. Now sit down and wait a minute.”I sat in the chair he was just in and grumbled something I didn’t even understand. I didn’t actually think I said any words, just a bunch of awkward, annoyed sounds put together.Truth was, I knew I had to keep the IV line in. I knew I had to stay there until they say otherwise, but the problem with hospitals is that they’re not exactly relaxing. They’re too clinical and sterile. And boring. Completely boring.“Okay,” Ivan said, coming back in. “You can get dressed and come down to the shop with me.”“And how hard did you have to charm her for that?” I grunted, getting up.

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    I raised my eyebrows. “For once? So all the times I did what you wanted in bed don’t count?”His grin turned sexy. “You had to do that. We had an agreement.”“But they still count!”“When you’re better, you’ll have to remind me of how they count.” He curved his fingers around the back of my neck and kissed me. “Until then, though, you’re moving in with me.”“You already decided that.”“I know. But now I’m deciding again. And while you’re resting in bed, growing that beautiful baby and not vomiting all over my shiny toilet”—I punched his leg—“you can house hunt.”“House hunt?”“Yes. For us.”I blinked at him. “Um.”“Somewhere close to Day’s place.”

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    I nodded. “Will it hurt the baby?”“No, the illness itself won’t, but the dehydration can. Normally, I would listen in to baby’s heartbeat now, but since you’re so early, I probably won’t be able to pick it up.”I curled my fingers around Ivan’s and squeezed. Hard. “So what? How can you check?”“We’ll take you for an ultrasound at nine a.m. We took blood when you came in and I rushed the HCG results. The numbers put you at around nine weeks, so we’ll get a clear view of baby on the screen.” She stood. “The best thing you can do is get some sleep.”“I’ll try.”“And, Brenda?” She opened the door and stopped. “Don’t worry. Sickness is usually a good sign. It means you have high hormone levels and a healthy baby in there.”

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    “How the hell do you expect me to leave you? Look at you! I can’t walk out of here after seeing you like this! It goes against bloody everything in me to do that.”“But I told you I’d call if I needed you.” My head pounded and I closed my eyes. “You shouldn’t have been here in the first place, so just forget you ever came.” I pushed past him and pulled two Tylenol out of the drawer.And stared at the glass dumbly because I couldn’t fucking keep anything down.I threw the glass in the sink and it dropped with a smash. I rested my forehead against the fridge, the tears spilling over my eyes.“Brenda,” he whispered.“I’ve never been in so much fucking pain in my life. My head is thumping and my stomach hurts so bad, but there’s nothing I can do, because I can’t keep a single fuckin

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    Mark laughed. “I didn’t mean it so simply. I mean that, once a day, take thirty minutes for yourself and do something that’s you. It’s all about perspective, Brenda. If you allow yourself to make everything about him, it will be.”“It’s not about allowing myself. I can’t help it. He’s the center of my world. Hell, he’s the center of my whole damn universe, and all I can do is hold on to his gravitational pull while I spin out of control.”“You can help it. Of course you can. It’s your decision, and you have control because you’re aware of it. You’re in the position where you can grab your addiction by the balls and deal with it.”“Is that professional lingo, Doctor? Grabbing addiction by the balls?”He half-grinned. “If it’s not, it should be. It’s a very

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    All of it. For him. For me. For the baby.Without a second thought. Because we were more than addiction. It was hard to remember sometimes; we were stronger than the ties that bounded us in the beginning.We are not addiction. We are love in its strongest, purest form, no matter how wrinkly or rough it is. We are indestructible, and I truly believe that, one day, we’ll be able to weather any storm.Right now, we’re the eye of the storm. We’re the tornado touching down on the ground, and our relationship was in a whirlwind, destructive spin above us. If we try hard enough, we can slow the spin and the devastation.If we try hard enough, we can erase the storm and pave the way for the mess to be fixed.My bed dipped as I rolled over, yawning. I snuggled back into the covers and reached for the quilt. It felt like something hard, something warm, though. And

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