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CHAPTER 12
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2024-10-29 19:42:56“Or else I’ll smack your arse so hard you’ll feel my hand there for a week.”
“Tempting.” I caught the thong and tucked it into my palm. “I happen to be fond of your spankings… And your hands.”
I laughed and ran out of my room. Ivan’s own quiet laugh followed me, and I flicked the kettle to boiling. Brits and their fucking tea.
He wrapped his arms around me from behind and buzzed his lips down my neck. “You’re a dirty, rotten tease, bitch.”
“And you’re awfully demanding.” I smiled and threw a teabag into a mug for him. I spooned coffee into the second.
“It’s hard not to be when you give in to every single one… Especially if handcuffs are involved.”
“Or ties. Or scarfs. Or maybe chains,” I teased.
“Chains, hmm?”
“Are you getting ideas now?”
He reached out and grabbed his tea. He curled his fingers around the mug handle. “Brenda,” he breathed close to my mouth. “All you have to do is exist and I get ideas. About yo
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I hid my smile and took my phone. “Seriously. Is she pregnant?”He shook his head. “After the last few days, thank god she isn’t. The day she does get pregnant, I’m going on a nine-month-long vacation. Now, before she marches over here and strings my balls from the pier, go to fucking Starbucks. I’m going to get Tylenol and a nap.”I got in my car, laughing loudly, and waved to him. I think I wanted to feel sorry for him, but he can be just as bad.When I arrived at Starbucks, and she gets in my car before I can even cut the engine.“Drive. Now. To your apartment,” she demanded, clicking her belt into place.“I thought—”“I need a tequila shot and a bottle of wine—something Starbucks can’t provide me. Foot down, Brenda.”She was lucky I always had tequila and wine
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I swallowed and opened the drawer. My words were caught in my throat, but I got the feeling that he didn’t want me to talk. He just wanted me to do.The bed creaked as I perched on the end of it and rolled the silky stockings up my legs.“Good girl. Leave your hair down. You have two minutes to get some shoes on and meet me outside.”The line cut out with those words, and my eyes widened. Two minutes?“Way to give a girl some warning, asshole,” I muttered, simultaneously brushing my hair and sliding my feet into some heels.I ran another layer of pink gloss across my lips, and after double-checking that my MIA cat had food in his bowl, I locked the apartment. Damn cat had been out somewhere for three days, probably humping a bunch of lady-cats in a desperate attempt for baby Anguses. Unfortunately for him, his balls were as
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"I’m the only one on my floor. It’s…convenient.” His lips curled at the corners.“Very much so.” Another sip. “And you have quite the uninterrupted view over Elliot Bay. Another convenience?”“I enjoy waking up to nature on a morning. It’s very pleasurable.” The inflection on the last word reached out and grabbed hold of me.“I’d imagine it is.”I sat back while the waiter removed our plates and offered us the dessert menu. Ivan politely declined, instead requesting the bill.“Tell me.” I leaned onto the table. “What else do you find pleasurable?”His jaw ticked, and he reached out to cup mine. “Beautiful blond women who wear lacy, navy lingerie and do as they’re told.”“How convenient,” I murmured, turning into his hand.
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I dropped my purse and slowly walked to him. My heels clicked against the marble kitchen floor, each clack strengthening my resolve.I stopped an inch away from him and looked up at him. The shadows play across his face, making the intensity of his expression scary and alluring at the same time.Slowly, I reached down to the hemline of my dress, and crossing my arms, I pulled it up and over my head.His eyes never left mine. Through every one of my movements, they were fixated wholly on my gaze.I reached forward and undid the buttons of his shirt one by one. I teased the material until it was completely free from his pants and stepped back, bringing him with me.“You,” I answered, opening the balcony doors with one hand. “I want you, Ivan. Every second of every day. If you knew how much, if you could see into the insanity inside my mind, you might have a
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“No, I’m an expert lock picker. Of course he did.” The door slamming followed her words. “What are you doing anyway? Why didn’t you answer your phone?”“I’m not alone,” he said flatly.“You’re not—oh! Oh, bollocks!”Oh, bollocks indeed. I was apparently about to meet Ivan’s sister and the only clean item of clothing I had was panties.Fanfuckingtastic.“Mm,” Ivan said. “Give me a minute.” He walked back through the door and closed it behind him. He leaned against it and covered his eyes with his hand. “Shit. I am so sorry. I swear she said Sunday.”“It’s okay,” I squeaked out.No. It’s not. It’s not fucking okay. Not at all. I am not ready to meet any of his family I didn’t already know.
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I could tell by his sigh that he waz rolling his eyes.“Jesus, Siz. I thought you said Sunday. Ever heard of calling ahead to confirm?”“In my defense, bro, you don’t usually have company the next morning.”Ivan stopped, rested a hand against the countertop, and rubbed his forehead.Mish snapped her head toward me with wide eyes. “No offense. Crap. I think I’m jet-lagged. I’m sorry.”“No worries,” I offered.“Okay.” Ivan turned and handed her a cup of tea. “You drink this, replace your brain-to-mouth filter, then for the love of my sanity, and go to fucking bed. The spare room is made up for you. I’ll take you out for dinner tonight.”“Okay.” Mish meekly took the tea. “Really, I’m sorry.”“It’s okay, honestly.”
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I laughed. “Shut up. Aren’t you supposed to be taking your sister for dinner?”“Yeah,” Mish said over his shoulder. She sat next to him. “Do you know his idea of dinner is Mc-fucking-Donald’s?”I chewed the inside of my cheek and noddes. “Um, yes.”“Hey, y’all want me to buy you dinner all the time, you gotta take the cheap stuff.”I stared at Ivan flatly. “Honey, we aren’t in Texas. Tuck your y’alls away and don’t bring them out again until you dress up as Woody from Toy Story for Halloween, okay?”Jack laughed loudly. “Hell, I’m gonna miss you, girl.”“Is this a Brenda Love Fest? I want in!” Lizzy cried, squeezing me tight.“Holy…crap!” I squeaked. “I’m only moving to a ba
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I wanted him to smile whenever he looked at me and I wanted his eyes to laugh when I’m an idiot and I wanted to feel the strength of the love he had for her directed at me.Do I want him to love me?It hurt. That question hurt so harshly in my mind. Mostly because I already knew the answer.Yes.I wanted Ivan to fall in love with me. I wanted him to fall so far that there’ll be no chance of him ever getting back up.More than that, I needed him to. I craved the idea of him loving me. I wanted to know that his skin buzzed at my touch. That my kiss ignited a fire inside him. That my voice is a soother to him. That being without me for even twenty-four hours is a completely inconceivable idea.Because I’m there. I’m teetering on the edge of the fall.“Brenda?” Ivan said softly.I looked at him. “Hm?”
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“What… What is this?” I swallowed, looking at Ivan. He was grinning, but it was nervous. And I didn’t blame him. I wanted to know why he was standing next to an officiant and Aaron and Dayton. “How did you two—what? I don’t understand. Ivan, what the hell are you doing?” He laughed silently and stepped up to me. Then he took my hands in his and slowly linked our fingers. “Marry me,” he whispered. “Right now.” My lips parted and I shuddered out a breath. “For real? This isn’t a joke?” He shook his head. “Forever, Brenda. It’s only ever going to be you for me.” I looked over his shoulder at my best friend and her new husband. “But—they—” “Told me to,” he replied. “I like surprises, remember?” I opened my mouth, but how do you respond to the truth? I told him that once. “
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His tongue swirled and skimmed across my body, tasting every inch of my skin. Each lick was like a blazing swipe of fire, searing into me, branding me to him. As Ivan travelled down across my stomach, he hooked his fingers in the sides of my shorts and pulled. “No knickers. Good girl,” he hummed against my hips. “Surprise.” My voice hitched as he pressed his lips to the top of my thigh. He smiled against my skin and removed my shorts completely. After discarding his own shirt, he bent down and bend my legs up. My chest rose and fell frantically, my breathing harsh. His fingers teased the inside of my closed thighs, working their way between them. But more than that, his breath on my pussy. Oh, god. I closed my eyes as he parted my legs fully and blew on me. I clenched everywhere, anticipation trembling in my legs. “This,” he murmured, kissing m
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“Because they like to fuck with you.” I smiled sweetly. “What did they talk about today?”His face darkened. “When I slept with my student.”My curiosity piqued. I’ve never actually asked about it—why he did it. No matter how much I wanted to, it never seemed like the right time. Besides, it was not dinner conversation, was it?“And?” I asked, trying not to show my interest.I failed, because he smirked and joined me at the table. “Brenda, if you want to know, just ask me. It’s fresh in my mind, funnily enough.”“Uhh. Okay. Why did you do it?” I looked at him now.“Honestly, it was a mistake. I’d met her sister a couple of times, and there was only a couple of years between them. They looked very alike. I arranged to meet her sister for a few drinks one night, but i
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“Without this bitch?” I shoved the IV forward.“No, you’re not taking it out. They only just changed the bag. You know they said they’ll take it out when it’s empty. Now sit down and wait a minute.”I sat in the chair he was just in and grumbled something I didn’t even understand. I didn’t actually think I said any words, just a bunch of awkward, annoyed sounds put together.Truth was, I knew I had to keep the IV line in. I knew I had to stay there until they say otherwise, but the problem with hospitals is that they’re not exactly relaxing. They’re too clinical and sterile. And boring. Completely boring.“Okay,” Ivan said, coming back in. “You can get dressed and come down to the shop with me.”“And how hard did you have to charm her for that?” I grunted, getting up.
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I raised my eyebrows. “For once? So all the times I did what you wanted in bed don’t count?”His grin turned sexy. “You had to do that. We had an agreement.”“But they still count!”“When you’re better, you’ll have to remind me of how they count.” He curved his fingers around the back of my neck and kissed me. “Until then, though, you’re moving in with me.”“You already decided that.”“I know. But now I’m deciding again. And while you’re resting in bed, growing that beautiful baby and not vomiting all over my shiny toilet”—I punched his leg—“you can house hunt.”“House hunt?”“Yes. For us.”I blinked at him. “Um.”“Somewhere close to Day’s place.”
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I nodded. “Will it hurt the baby?”“No, the illness itself won’t, but the dehydration can. Normally, I would listen in to baby’s heartbeat now, but since you’re so early, I probably won’t be able to pick it up.”I curled my fingers around Ivan’s and squeezed. Hard. “So what? How can you check?”“We’ll take you for an ultrasound at nine a.m. We took blood when you came in and I rushed the HCG results. The numbers put you at around nine weeks, so we’ll get a clear view of baby on the screen.” She stood. “The best thing you can do is get some sleep.”“I’ll try.”“And, Brenda?” She opened the door and stopped. “Don’t worry. Sickness is usually a good sign. It means you have high hormone levels and a healthy baby in there.”
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“How the hell do you expect me to leave you? Look at you! I can’t walk out of here after seeing you like this! It goes against bloody everything in me to do that.”“But I told you I’d call if I needed you.” My head pounded and I closed my eyes. “You shouldn’t have been here in the first place, so just forget you ever came.” I pushed past him and pulled two Tylenol out of the drawer.And stared at the glass dumbly because I couldn’t fucking keep anything down.I threw the glass in the sink and it dropped with a smash. I rested my forehead against the fridge, the tears spilling over my eyes.“Brenda,” he whispered.“I’ve never been in so much fucking pain in my life. My head is thumping and my stomach hurts so bad, but there’s nothing I can do, because I can’t keep a single fuckin
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Mark laughed. “I didn’t mean it so simply. I mean that, once a day, take thirty minutes for yourself and do something that’s you. It’s all about perspective, Brenda. If you allow yourself to make everything about him, it will be.”“It’s not about allowing myself. I can’t help it. He’s the center of my world. Hell, he’s the center of my whole damn universe, and all I can do is hold on to his gravitational pull while I spin out of control.”“You can help it. Of course you can. It’s your decision, and you have control because you’re aware of it. You’re in the position where you can grab your addiction by the balls and deal with it.”“Is that professional lingo, Doctor? Grabbing addiction by the balls?”He half-grinned. “If it’s not, it should be. It’s a very
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All of it. For him. For me. For the baby.Without a second thought. Because we were more than addiction. It was hard to remember sometimes; we were stronger than the ties that bounded us in the beginning.We are not addiction. We are love in its strongest, purest form, no matter how wrinkly or rough it is. We are indestructible, and I truly believe that, one day, we’ll be able to weather any storm.Right now, we’re the eye of the storm. We’re the tornado touching down on the ground, and our relationship was in a whirlwind, destructive spin above us. If we try hard enough, we can slow the spin and the devastation.If we try hard enough, we can erase the storm and pave the way for the mess to be fixed.My bed dipped as I rolled over, yawning. I snuggled back into the covers and reached for the quilt. It felt like something hard, something warm, though. And
