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The subtle act of not giving a fuck.
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2024-10-29 19:42:56Related chapters
Why the moon roars It stung.
TW: Suicide, self harm, negative thoughts. STEPHEN'S POVI gripped my pillow harder in my hands, my back aching from how long I've been in this position. I was resting against the headboard of my bed. And right now, I realised how uncomfortable and unnecessary the carvings and designs on the headboard are. They were too much, and were very stupid at this moment. My throat hurt from how much I'd been screaming in to the pillow, and my head was aching, but even with all these physical inconveniences and pain, none of them could compare to the feeling on my heart sinking even further down my body as my tears tainted my pillowcase like they never had before in my life. I buried my face further into the pillow, trying to bring up my knees closer to my chest so my knees could prop up the pillow in a better posture that won't have me crying from both my mismanagement of emotions, and from back pains. It didn't work, and the position only seemed to be getting worse, which fueled my tears.
Why the moon roars Saved by the bell.
STEPHEN'S POV By the time I came to consciousness, there was an apparent dull ache on my wrist — both of them. My fingers felt numb, and they struggled to move. I felt them twitch, digging into the linen of the bed I seemed to be on. My nails scratched the fabric irritably, the sound getting drowned out by the insistent beeping that I just noticed. I took in a shallow breath, letting the puff of air put shortly after as I struggled to make my eyes open. My eye lids fluttered pathetically, closing and opening up again rapidly and exposing my eyeballs to short bursts of light. I settled for squinting, as that seemed to be the only action that didn't cause me pain at this moment. My head was pounding, and I was starting to think this headache was a manifestation of a generational curse of some sorts. Jesus, who did I offend? Squinting seemed to help a bit, and soon I was able to open my eyes just enough to take a look around at my surroundings. I was lying down on a bed — but I had al
Why the moon roars About time.
STEPHEN'S POV I hated walking in front of others. It was honestly among the top list of things I hated doing. It wasn't anything personal or complicated, really, I genuinely just preferred walking behind people so I could watch their movements and such. It was all just a matter of being on guard all the time. Clyde was having none of that though, and I had a feeling that it was because he was worried that I would run away if he let me out of his sight for even a split second.He wasn't wrong though, but it wasn't like I would run away the exact second he turned; I would at least wait for a minute or so. Hell, I would plan it all out in my head first before I would actually run away. It wasn't that I was trying to run away from him exactly, I just didn't want to burden him in any way. Knowing him, the second we got back to my room, he would give me “the talk” and then I would be forced to sit through a, at least, three hours long lecture. I knew he would only do it because he meant
Why the moon roars Silencer
DEVINA'S POV “We're good to go, ma'am. Everywhere is clear.”I licked my lips, tightening the hold I had on the gun as I glanced at Denzel and readjusted my mask, determined to finish this quick and efficiently. It was my idea, after all. I opened the car door, getting ready to come down as Denzel did the same. “Good. Everybody start moving.”I adjusted the mask on my face, pulling the hood of my leather jacket up to hide my hair as well. Denzel and I walked step by step, and I tucked my gun between my jeans and my waist. It was uncomfortable there, but I could easily collect it if anything went wrong. Hopefully, nothing did though, because I only had the gun to threaten them, and the last thing I needed was to be forced to pull the trigger just because they were proving to be stubborn and wouldn't listen. Denzel and I made eye contact, and I could tell he gave me a gentle, soft and reassuring smile, although I couldn't really tell because he also had a mask on as well so maybe I
Why the moon roars Tense shot.
DEVINA'S POV I bit my nails, starting from my left thumb as I clenched my teeth on it until it stung. Tearing off the extension from my finger, I spat out the nail and moved on to the next — my middle finger. I wasn't a fan of biting off the nails of my index finger, or my pinky one either. That was gross. I preferred to stick to my thumb, my middle, and my ring finger. Those made the biting more comfortable and didn't make me have to arch my wrist in an odd angle. I was very much aware that biting your nails wasn't exactly the best of habits, neither was getting so frustrated that you'd pull on your hair until you'd accidentally tug quite a few strands off. I wasn't so much of an innate peasant that I didn't know that much. But, ultimately, I had to choose one of the two as a coping mechanism, and I wasn't so sure I wanted to be walking about and parading the streets while the blazing sun would shine on my bald head with an unforgiving heat. That seemed like a special kind of tortu
Why the moon roars Apology not accepted.
DEVINA'S POV I placed my hand on the old lady's thigh, squeezing it as I shuffled closer to her. She stared ahead, letting out a low whimper when our shoulders brushed even closer together. We were on the way back to the hotel so we could pack our stuff and get to the airport. I had texted Nightshade that we had gotten the woman and made sure the man didn't have the balls to say anything to the police — not like the police would've done anything to intervene that would actually affect us anyway — and he'd replied like the bossy bastard he was:Irritating Bitch 2:37am :Good.So you can do something right. Well done, my loveI already booked you a flight back for around 7amBaekalis’ mother is riding with the other menDo you understand? Me 2:38am :? Am I going to get on the flight alone then?? Jesus… Irritating Bitch 2:38am :No DevinaYour so slow Keep upDid he just type “you're” as “you”? I was poor and struggling, but certainly not illiterate. God, the way he typed someti
Why the moon roars Denial
STEPHEN'S POV Clyde sat down on the bed, gesturing to the chair behind me. I grabbed it and drew it closer to him, sitting directly opposite. We were facing each other, and like this, it was possible to see every one of each other's facial expressions. Clyde crossed his legs, putting one over the other as he laced his fingers together. He rested his laced fingers on his knee, leaning forward as he stared at me. “Stephen.” Clyde's posture, even though he was leaning, was still inhumanly straight as he addressed me, his tone filled with faux gentleness. “I think it's about time we talk everything out. Don't you?”I waited with laboured breaths for Clyde to start talking. He seemed to take much pleasure in building up the tension because he really did just stare at me for over a minute. I shifted in my seat awkwardly, the thin layer of fabric covering the foam of the chair wrinkling underneath my weight and making a weird sound. I brought my hands together, fiddling with my fingers i
Why the moon roars The only time we meet.
DEVINA'S POV “Dev.”“Devi.”I shuffled around, stretching my arm out to feel an empty space beside me. I grumbled under my breath, grabbing the closest thing to me. It was a pillow — or at least it felt like it — and I immediately wrapped my hands around it and clutched it tightly, burying my face into it so deeply that I was sure that my cheeks were squished against it. “Devina…”I nosed at the pillow, getting comfortable as I let myself get consumed by darkness. God, I was so tired. I really just wanted to sleep. “Babe!” I flinched, my whole body jerking so harshly that my head hit the head board. It was mainly made of foam and was soft overall, but the force I had used to hit my head against it made it hurt very very badly. My eyes immediately shot open, my hands abandoning the pillow as I cradled my head and winced, the part that had hit the head board throbbing. “Shit, I'm sorry, Devina. Are you okay?” I glared daggers at Denzel, sulking as he came to my side and removed my h
Latest chapter
Why the moon roars Let love lead us.
BAEKALIS’ POVI stood nervously in the dressing room, turning around so I was faced away from the mirror as I played with the rings that adorned my fingers. My wedding ring shone the brightest among them all, the gem glowing in a way that I had never seen before. It amazed me every single time. Sadly, this wasn't one of the special times that the glimmer managed to calm me down. “Sweetheart, you're overreacting. It's not that deep.”I snapped my neck around again to glare daggers at Natalia, folding my arms across my chest as she flinched at my look. She stared at me pointedly for a few more seconds before deciding to call me a bluff. She mirrored my look, hers accompanied with the same subtle eyebrow raise that Cyrus did all the time. “Mhm, don't look at me like that. You also know you're overreacting.” Natalia turned to look at Ardyn who was seated on the couch next to her, his attention fully directed at his switch.Clyde had finally gotten him one for his tenth birthday a few
Why the moon roars Beautifully.
DEVINA'S POVI sighed, soaking myself in the water even more as I let myself sink. My muscles were aching, and for the first time in a while, I felt relaxed. My face felt smooth, and my hair was neatly tied in a bun and my whole skin was tingling. Soft classical piano resonated around the room through the speakers situated at the four corners of the walls. The speakers were connected to my phone, and I genuinely wouldn't mind being murdered here. Sonata No. 14, “Moonlight” in C-Sharp Minor, Op. 27 No. 2: I. Adagio sostenuto. It was a particular favourite of mine ever since I had started listening to classical music. Which was, admittedly, only quite recently. Although, I didn't think my opinion about it being one of my favourites would be changing any time soon. I heard footsteps echoing from down the hall, sounding louder and louder as the owner of the two feet approached the bathroom. I only sighed louder, letting my eyes flutter close as I rested my head against the edge of t
Why the moon roars Awakened Evil.
Cyrus POV.The alpha rogue howled outside as if calling me, red filled my vision as I transformed, stepping over bodies as I made my way outside.The cool breeze blew our fur, his beady black eyes glinting wickedly in the moonlight. We both detransformed.“Ending your parents was just the beginning, I'll kill you then proceed to end the rest of your pathetic pack.”“Your father was a weakling who never deserved to rule.”“What's shocking is he had an even weaker son who succeeded in being a worse Alpha than he was.”I cut him off, sending an uppercut to his stomach as he lurched backwards, clutching his stomach.He lunged at me, his claws gleaming in the moonlight, I bent as low as I could, kicking him from under and sending him flying towards the entrance.He fell on the tiles with a large this, the stood up, limping as he wiped blood from his mouth, a sinister look in his eye as he transformed.I transformed too, slowly advancing towards him, howls and battle cries distant as his gre
Why the moon roars Let the Alpha face the hornets.
CYRUS’ POV Baek switched between happy and depressed over the next fortnight. Her moods went from immense joy to overwhelming sadness in a matter of days. Her mother had holed herself up in her room ever since the night of the announcement. Thomas was cremated and his ashes were kept in a jar in Cynthia's room, the jar kept in a glass case which hung decoratively over her bed.We– especially I– were all worried for Baek, tiptoeing on eggshells around her all the time, careful not to upset her for fear she'd breakdown.“Hey,” I whispered softly, coming out the bathroom as I tightened the sweatpants which hung low on my waist.I went to her and softly kissed the top of her head, sitting behind her as I massaged her shoulders.“How are you holding up?” I asked, burrowing my fingers deeper into her shoulder, fighting the knots there.“It all still feels unreal. It's like trying to balance being the mother of twin newborns while mourning the death of my father and trying to be there for m
Why the moon roars Tit for Tat.
DEVINA'S POV“We have to strike now!” Nightshade boomed as he turned towards the pack of rogues…the same rogues who murdered Alpha Cyrus' parents.“Why? It's not the designated time yet. Our soldiers aren't fully trained yet and your top soldier just recovered from a fatal injury…”“I hardly think we are in any position to ‘strike now’.”“Oh, but we are dear Alpha. Cyrus' father in law was murdered in the same battle that my Denzel was wounded.”Your Denzel?“Combining the death of her father with the birth and kidnapping of her children, Baekalis is weak and emotionally unstable right now. And if she is, automatically her husband — Cyrus — is too.“Now is the perfect time to strike because they are so downcast and fucking disoriented.”“B-but–”“But what?!” Nightshade boomed, his voice echoing through the night, the distant cry of the birds echoing through the dense forest.“Lower your voice.” The alpha commanded, growling as he faced Nightshade.Nightshade sighed in exasperation, ru
Why the moon roars The Cloak.
Cyrus POV.I don't know how long I lay there, I turned my neck, the stiffness making it hard as I took in the bloodiness of my surroundings. I looked at Denzel again, his eyes were closed so just to be sure I pressed my ear to his chest.It rose and fell slowly, a calming rhythm to his breaths. I pressed a kiss to the tip of his nose as I stood up gingerly, stretching as I reached for a makeshift first aid box in the corner of the room. I poured alcohol on a semi-clean rag and silently apologised as I pressed the rag to his thigh. He winced and woke up, he saw me and his frantic eyes softened as he clenched my cloak. I slowly wiped the blood off the surrounding areas and cleaned his wound as best I could, I then tore an piece of my cloak and used it to wrap the injury.That would help for now.I snuggled into his chest, not caring whether nightshade would see us anymore. He groggily turned and pressed a kiss to my forehead, falling asleep quickly after. ~•~I slowly sat up, rubbing
Why the moon roars Tough as nails.
CYRUS’ POV I kicked the stone I had been fixated on for the past half hour away from me. Stephen had been gone for a while and we were all losing hope. Of course none of us said it directly, but with each passing day, our shoulders slumped more, we became more sluggish and the vigour which had been there days ago slowly died.I don't even know who was more affected by the kidnapping of Ciel and Lyra– me or Thomas, my father in law.I stood up, dusting myself off as Stephen rushed towards me, looking more anxious than usual if that was even fucking possible.“Cyrus, we need to move…now!” he ordered, rousing the others from their resting places. “What…why?” I questioned, rubbing my temple as I arched my back, the satisfying crack it made as I stretched.“The twins…I know where they are…” he trailed off, picking up his gun and putting out the fire he and Thomas had struggled to ignite mere hours before.My eyes shot open at that, my somewhat calm psyche thrown into another frenzy as b
Why the moon roars Devina’s request.
Devina's POV.The morning sunlight filtered softly through the heavy curtains, casting a warm, golden hue across the room. I was still half-asleep, drifting between dreams and reality, when I felt Devina stir beside me. Her warmth was a comforting presence, and I wanted nothing more than to stay wrapped up in her embrace, blocking out the dangers that waited beyond these walls. But even in this peaceful moment, there was an unspoken tension in the air, a reminder that our time together was always fleeting.I slowly became more aware of the world around me, the softness of the bed, the gentle rise and fall of Devina’s breath. But I kept my eyes closed, savoring the feeling of her fingers threading through my hair, the tender way she touched me. It was rare to see her like this—calm, unguarded, and not weighed down by the burdens she carried. I wanted to hold onto it, just a little longer.But reality had other plans.I felt her movements slow, the gentle strokes of her hand in my hair
Why the moon roars It takes two to tango.
As the door closed behind Nightshade, I let out a breath I hadn’t realized I was holding. The tension in my shoulders slowly unwound, though the heaviness in my chest remained. His presence was like a cold, suffocating fog that seeped into every corner of the room, and even after he was gone, the chill lingered. I walked over to the window, pulling back the heavy curtain to peer out into the night. The sky was pitch black, with no stars to offer comfort, just the same oppressive darkness I had grown accustomed to.I pressed my forehead against the cool glass, my breath fogging the glass as my thoughts spiraled. It was always the same when Nightshade left. Relief mingled with dread, the uneasy calm before the storm. I was his lover, his confidante, but only because I had to be. The mask I wore in his presence felt like a second skin, a permanent skin I could never fully shed. I was trapped in this role, suffocated by the lies I told myself and him. There was no escape, not without payi
