Chapter 4: Anything different

San Francisco

Veronica

It has been a three weeks since I started my therapy with Dr Fisher, and it was safe to say that I had seen a lot more progress than I had with all the other therapist combined. I felt this renewed zeal the fight my demons and win.

Cynthia and Diana couldn't have been happier. Never did a day pass without them mentioning how they were the catalyst for my change. Everytime they would laugh, acting like I owed them the world for linking me up with Dr Fisher, all I could do was smile and promise them gifts they knew I wouldn't give, at least not without an occasion. I never failed to give them details about each of my sessions because they were interested, but I never shared the budding feeling I had for Hunter. I knew they would be happy for me but I still didn't want to rush it incase it was something fleeting.

I thought the first and second meeting was a fluke, but come third meeting and everything was still the same. I wondered if he knew I spent most of my time with him checking him out, since I was supposedly an open book and all.

It's surprising that I found myself looking forward to seeing him everytime.

It was what made sitting with Grace bearable because every time I came around, Grace always looked at me like I was a pest to be gotten rid off. I didn't know why she didn't like me or what I did to deserve her scorn from day one and I refused to care. Grandma Lucinda would say, hate the haters.

"So, tell me how you feel when you're touched intimately?" He asked one session, completely immersed in his ceiling gazing, his hands behind his head.

One thing about talking to Hunter was that he made me feel like I could tell him everything. He didn't make me feel like every move I made was being scrutinized, to be used for profiling. Instead, he spoke like we were just having a friendly chat.

"Well, I feel the immediate need for them to remove their hands off me, as their touch makes my skin crawls.... When it takes too long, I have panic attacks."

He exhaled loudly, "On the night of the party, your friend covered your mouth, didn't that make you feel weird?"

"That touch wasn't intimate," I said as I recalled Miles putting his hand over my mouth.

"Okay.... And mine? Wasn't mine intimate?" He asked, his eyes still on the wall. It was safe to say that since we started our weekly meeting, Hunter has been nothing but professional with me. I didn't have much experience but I could tell he liked me, the problem was if he liked me a lot or if he was just attracted to me.

I mulled over that question, wanting to give him the truth.

"I want to believe I was feeling to embarrassed to panic." I supplied, blessing God for giving me that wisdom to evade saying the truth. The same truth that made me continue paying his exorbitant fee.

I don't feel repulsed by your touch...

"And you're sure ladies are not your thing? Have you really explored that to rule that option out?" He asked.

"Well, one time when I was desperate for a connection, I actually tried kissing a girl in college at a frat party, and I didn't like it. Prior to the rape I was always attracted to boys, so I guess I am still wired that way."

After my response, he proceeded to take his time, not saying anything for a long while. I knew he wasn't asleep so I kept quiet, knowing he takes his time to digest all that his patients tell him.

"Honestly answer me this question..." He suddenly said, making me jump up in shock. "Have you been attracted to anyone, recently?"

He took his eyes off the ceiling for this question. There was something about the way he did it that reminded me off my father; he also liked looking into people's eyes when he was searching for the truth. His rum colored eyes were focused on me like they could see all in my heart."

"Well..." I felt a blush spread far and wide my face as I contemplated what answer to give. "There's been a guy." I paused, looking shyly at him. Dr Fisher's response was to nod his head like I told him about the weather report, instead of a life changing news.

"Tell me more." He spoke softly and the encouragement I got in those three words made me say more than I planned.

"Nothing has happened yet... I just find myself wanting to be around him more, to talk to him, get to know him, and this is something I have never felt for anyone in a long long time. Honestly, I feel this deep attraction that I have never felt before, it makes me giddy and excited, but I am also scared because I don't know what could happen."

He released a breath in a way that made me think he understood me.

"Wouldn't you like to explore?" He asked.

"I obviously would want to....that is if he wants to with me." I was surprised I uttered that statement out. The air in the room became hot and charged as we acknowledged the attraction we had.

What Dr Fisher didn't say anything with his mouth, his eyes said for him. It drew me in, and I found I couldn't look elsewhere. It was such a deer caught in the headlight moment.

"How would you react if he told you he felt the same way?" My poor heart, that was already pounding in its cage, increased its pace. This was what I had been waiting a whole month for.

Just when I was about to say something, Grace came inside the room to inform Hunter our time was over, and that the next patient was already waiting. I could sense she was not comfortable with me around.

Hunter cleared his throat, which took my attention off Grace to him. He looked like what happened some seconds ago didn't happen. The ease and speed at which he switched, made me wonder if it was normal routine for him.

"Bring him in, Grace." He said softly, but we could hear the command in his words. Grace lingered a bit before she left to go do what she was told.

I stood to leave when he called my name.

"Miss Mills, do not forget the assignment I gave you."

I groaned loudly, making sure to roll my eyes so he would see I did not like what he told me to do, and he laughed.

"Go to the club tonight, and report back to me at our next meeting. Remember you are to dance with a stranger, there's no need to touch. No pressure, just that."

I bobbed my acquiescence and proceeded to leave the room, just as the next appointment walked down the hall towards me to get to the office.

"Have fun, Miss Mills." Were the last words he said. "Ensure you communicate the name of the club before you leave." I raised my thumb and then left.

-

Clubbing was not my scene for various reasons important to me and my peace of mind, that was why I had no idea how I would go about my assignment. It was pure coincidence Cynthia's friend from work, Linda, wanted to have a night out. It would have been foolish of me not to have tagged along. As I typed the name of the club to send to Hunter as directed, it occured to me that I could lie I went and he wouldn't know. And that was my plan, till I got a text message from him, telling me to take a selfie with the bartender and send it to him.

So I made a new plan; go in, find bartender, snap, and go home to watch reruns of glee.

With that super plan in mind, I put on a chocolate brown wrap dress that practically had me looking like a present. I was going to just put my hair in a high ponytail, but Cynthia had other plans. Now, I had my hair literally let down, if only the figurative part was true. I put on the heart necklace my Grandma, Lucinda, bought for me as a graduation present.

"You look amazeballs!" Linda exclaimed. 

"Thanks Lin." I tried to smile. Deep down, I just wanted to cancel the whole thing, but I couldn't back down and I wanted to prove to Captain hotshot that I could make the effort to change.

After a series of breathing in and out, I left my room and together we all left for the club, driving Linda's car to the club that was roughly forty-five minutes from our apartment. On the drive to the club, Cynthia switched on the radio and then she and Lin proceeded to dance to Charlie xcx's boom clap, to Beyonce's run the world and many other girl empowerment songs like it was specially played for us. I joined in by shaking my head.

We got to the club, bypassing the line as Ryan, Linda's on and off again boyfriend came to get us.

The loud music we didn't hear from the outside, hit my ears as we stepped in.

Ryan took us to the VIP section, a spot we got thanks to his bartending cousin.

Paul was already seated, so I gave him a fist bump before Cynthia threw herself at him. I honestly tried to stay interested for an hour before I excused myself, slinging my dainty purse over my shoulder. Time to snap with the bartender and leave, the higher calling of glee over melted butter popcorn and Louise, too tempting to ignore.

After navigating myself through the pack of sweaty bodies on the lower floor, I successfully got to the bar. It didn't take long for a hot looking bartender, with heavily tattooed forearms, to come my way.

"What do you need, hot stuff?" He asked in what I assumed was his panty dropping voice that had zero effect on me. I mentally slapped myself, when I realized I was comparing it to Hunter's.

"One martini please!" I ordered with a polite smile.

"Anything else?" I was about to decline, when I remembered why I even came.

"Would you take a picture with me?" I asked trying my best to project excitement.

"For you dear, I'll probably snap nude." He chuckled in a way that probably would have had other girls glued to his side.

Keep your clothes on dude! I thought

His answering laugh made me realize I spoke out loud. He didn't seemed offended though as he leaned in to take the picture. He got so close to me, I began to feel a panic attack coming on.  I quickly snapped the picture as fast as I could, not even bothering to check if it was good and I drew back needing my personal space.

He turned to make my drink and I decided to bolt, I was half way out the door, already texting Cynthia to tell her I had to leave, when a hand touched me. From the strength, I knew it was a man and I turned to ask him to leave my hand. The face I saw wiped the emerging panic attack away.

It was a sight that turned all the Grey of the evening to Orange.

"Hunter!" I probably sounded too excited to see him, but I didn't care. He gave me that sexy smirk that I still hadn't gotten used too. "What are you doing here?" I asked, surprised he was here.

"I came here to check on you. I knew you'd run." He raised his voice, trying to talk to me over the loud music.

"I already snapped with the bartender." I was already in the process of opening my phone to show him, when he took it and kept it in his pocket.

"I saw all. You got the evidence but you didn't do the work." He frowned lightly and I felt bad.

"I am sorry. I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Maybe next time." 

"Not next time, now!" 

Confused, I asked, "With who? Look around you, who would want to dance with me?" I chanced a quick look around to prove my point.

"Me!" I turned slowly to find him watching me and just like that the room was gone and we were alone. He stretched a palm and I looked down at it, something about it vaguely familiar.

Why was I so attracted to this man? What about him made me lose my mind?

"Dance with me!"

Slowly, I placed my palm in his and it felt like I had done it before. As we got to the floor, the music changed and Nick Jonas' jealous starts to play. He didn't warn me before he gently pulled me to him, we were practically touching chests.

Thank you heels!

Without them, I wouldn't have gotten to his chin, the perfect height for our position.

 I waited for the uncomfortable feeling to come, but it didn't happen. It helped that he kept stroking his thumbs round and round my hip bone as he held me. I asked myself what hold he had over me that made me react differently, compared to the others before him. My breathing moved from steady to heavy as he continued his slow seduction. Our eyes were locked, and I wanted it to stay that way for a long time.

"Tell me, do you find my touch unbearable?" He asked with his lips at my ear and I shivered in response.

No, incase you didn't notice....

" I....I...." I just couldn't speak. This was the most I had felt to being turned on in years, and I was enjoying the feeling.

"So, this is all work right?"I whispered the question, trying not to answer his.

"Tell me, or I'll stop!" He demanded and stopped to prove his point, and I felt the loss of his thumbs.

"It feels amazing. Touch me again." And because I was wound tighter than a rope, I added, "please."

Just as his thumb returned to their spot, the song ended and Florida's wild one came on, which was a totally different tempo from Jealous. The disappointment I felt for not being able to slow dance with him anymore soon went away as Hunter proved he was all shades of fun, and he managed to convince me to dance.

After some few seconds of self consciousness, I lost myself in the song, bursting out weird moves that had people around us staring. After about close to forty minutes, dancing, we returned to the bar and I excused myself to use the ladies room.

On getting back, I saw Hunter was nowhere to be found. As I got to my spot, the bartender waved at me and came closer to me. The walls that I thought were down, speedily came up again.

"H-man said to give you this piece of paper, and your phone." He handed me the paper between his middle and index finger, and left while still smiling weirdly at me.

I waited till he had gone before I read what was on the note.

"Notice anything different?... Get ready to experience more." Was all it said.