her miserable life

Ella's POV

I am Ella Royal, age 21.

You may misinterpret taking my surname 'Royal' thinking I pertain to the Royal family. Please, don't because I don't pertain to the Royal family or any family. I am an orphan brought up in an orphanage. Now you may be mystified about how I got 'Royal' surname in an orphanage right? So the thing is I was called 'Ella Royal' by the head miss of Orphanage, Miss Seema Nicole. 

When I was decent to comprehend things. I was anxious to know and once I went to her and inquired why did she call me Ella Royal.

She answered back bestowing sardonic smile "Because you were enticed to the orphanage like a newborn of Royal family," and she just chuckled. 

She believed she could mock at that hour. Though I was fierce to earshot her respond I had no other alternative beside just to stay calm and compel curve on my lips. 

Now I am out of the orphanage. No parents, no family no one at all. I am just a single piece whose heart has been broken into pieces not once but twice.

Yes, I was in a relationship in the past. When my first relationship languished, I went for another in hunt of love but it also didn't last long. The twist in my love story was my ex was sworn rival of each other.

Sounds amusing right? But I was clueless of it in the outset.

So take a turn deeming about how my past would be. I just want to flee away from it. So here I am in a new place, attempting to have a fresh beginning, but despite the innumerable struggle, I constantly languish.

And let me tell you about a habit I have picked since I came here. Every weekend I go to attempt suicide, and every time I fail because of that mysterious invisible man, who never discloses himself in front of me. So I always have to return back to my work the very next day. 

Sounds amusing right? Suicide on weekends and back to work the next day, but I have my justification. I am so dismal that I can't jeopardize taking leave from my work. I am not allowed to get any holidays except weekend. So I have to do it on my weekend. As I got this job with so much hardship and I cannot hazard to lose it.

So I just want to cease my dismal life which attempts fails every time. That mysterious invisible man, I don't know how he always oversees to save me no matter where I go.

*****

I strolled down the avenue contemplating about Rona. I now have begun to comprehend how ludicrous I was. Though I had my past it was not that agonizing contradicting to Rona. She was still struggling to survive and here I am so anxious to die. 

"Watch out Mademoiselle,"  when someone clutched my wrist and dragged me aside only then I learned, I was about to be knocked by a car. 

"Great... rescued again..." muttering underneath my breath, I darted at the person who happened to save me but the person left hesitantly. All I could see was his face with beard and I could notice nothing more as he left instantly.

"Forget it I am not going to gawk at a person who has a beard. Not at all. Yuck! I feel revolted with such person. I feel so unhygienic those who have a beard... God, what am I thinking?" I stamped my foot and strolled towards my tiny awful apartment.

I hiked upstairs and yes no elevator. How can someone like me afford an apartment with an elevator? Having an apartment was more than adequate for people like me. My apartment was on the third floor and I have to hike each and every stair.

As I reached my door I struggled to retrieve the key from above the meter box, standing on my toe and it was a tough task but nonetheless, I don't quit hiding my key there.

"Finally..." I sighed when I got the key, and hastily unlocked the door.

I stepped inside my apartment with attached kitchen plus bedroom, in one single room and a bathroom. No, no no living room, no dining room, no extra room for guest not at all. I have only one room and in fact, it is fit for me because it is just only me, a single piece.

Though, I have to dangle my Canvas on the bathroom door or, sometimes on the wall beside my bed.

Yes, canvas. I am fond of drawing. Not that I am a proficient artist but I do like to paint. I really really like a painting. 

So, the point is I have a tiny apartment which is small and cosy unless I have to struggle whenever I have to paint.

*****

"What? Only three pieces of bread, great very great.. dismal life doesn't seem to co-operate with me to give up the idea of suicide. If I ate this bread I have to go to work with an empty tummy tomorrow. I will just have water for tonight.

God, please let my salary rain tomorrow. If I don't get my salary then I have to die due to famine. And you know how I want to live," pouring water on the glass, I mumbled to myself.

I lied flat on my bed staring at the ceiling which I have been imagining to paint since so long but nothing was coming on my mind. 

"Uhuh... thinking about the painting,.I didn't get..." Before my sentence was complete there was a knock on my door. 

"Who could be in my apartment at this hour? Strange," thinking to myself I stepped to the door.

"Oh! there she is. Did I me mentioned you that Nurse Suzi lives next door. Yes, she is my neighbour who is now standing at the door of my tiny apartment."

"Um..you left in rush from the hospital. I didn't get a chance to give you this.." she passed me a canvas which was folded in a roll.

"Oh! yeah...Suzi I was just thinking about the canvas which I get after my mission languished suicide attempt thanks," I said, bluffing to be so excited getting the canvas

.
Now you will ask me who gave the painted canvas to me right? Well, it is the canvas which is always left beside my hospital bed by that mysterious invisible man. And let me tell you a secret you see I am taking this canvas from Suzi like I am so excited right? But I am not excited nor happy.

I am depressed. You tell me there is a man who saves your life always but never show up instead leaves a canvas behind which is painted but you don't understand the painting how would you feel depressed right?

"Um... okay then bye" Suzi stammered. She might be feeling awkward seeing me lost in thought.

She turned around and was about to leave. I thought something and called her out "Uh. Suzi..." She turned around immediately.

"Thanks," I said with a smile on my face.

"Umm,.. okay," she said as if she didn't understand why I said thanks because for the canvas I have already said thanks right?

She nodded and was about to turn, I resumed, "Thanks for talking about Rona and...I have relinquished the idea about Suicide. I will not do it again..and I..." 

Suddenly, Suzi embraced me tight like she was so much delighted for me. Why was she so caring about me? I was her nonentity. But honestly speaking I was feeling so ecstatic inside. I felt like my elder sister was embracing me in her warm arms.

When she pulled back she said, "I am happy you eventually made the right decision."

She then sauntered towards her apartment. I just stood smiling at her back. When she pushed the door of her room I was about to close my door but she suddenly swivelling her head towards me she said, "Uh. Ella would you love having a meal in my apartment. I will give you a treat..."

"Treat..?" I got bewildered. 

"Come on my neighbour has given up the idea of suicide. Probably, it is something to celebrate right?" She smiled at me.

"Um..no it's alright. I don't want to trouble you anymore," I disagreed even though my stomach was turning upside down due to appetite.

"No, trouble at all. I have baked extra cookies you can have it as well. I just feel sluggish sitting alone and dining. Come on foods are getting cold," she came towards me and gripped my wrist.

I felt nervous because I was never this close to anyone since I came to this city. See I haven't invited anyone to come to my apartment. I have become the sort of person who relishes the company of my own self.

"Wait... I will keep it and enrol you," I held up the canvas.

"Okay come soon I am waiting," she said and eventually withdrew my wrist.

I walked back to my apartment and placed the canvas on my bed. I walked back and forth. Why was I this nervous? See Ella your Ex has made you so wimp that you get apprehensive of socializing. Come on it's time to come out of your timorousness sentiments. Take a deep breath... 

"IN...OUT...IN... OUT," I said taking the breath.

"Ella can you hear me?.. what are you doing? I have served food already. Come on it's getting cold," I heard Suzi calling out for me behind the walls. Our apartment shares the same wall. So, we can hear each other if we talk loud.

"Yes, Coming..." I answered back in loud voice.
"You can do this Ella... You can," murmuring to myself I pulled the door and taking a deep breath for last time I strolled towards Suzi's apartment.