•4• Gerrard

I know I shouldn’t be feeling this way, but the mood in my office changes so drastically and so desperately and so... weirdly whenever my big brother comes over that I just can’t handle it. 

It’s so annoying that at this point, I’ve stopped trying to even spur on any kind of conversation. Because whenever I do, it fizzles out like a poor-quality firecracker. 

Even now, Keith just sits there, right in front of me as we hang out at the conference table in one of my offices, tapping his fingers on the table. He’s looking around the office as if he hasn’t already been here a thousand times, ignoring the elephant in the room as if that’s ever helped.

I sigh. “Keith, I’ve told you. I can’t be there for dinner next week. We have a party here at the office then.”

Keith shrugs. “You’re going to have to tell that to mum yourself, Gerr. I’m not going to be your messenger all the time.”

I pinch the bridge of my nose, about to say something when Bru cuts in. “Maybe we can go to your parents’ house after the party here, Gerrard?”

I throw her a halfhearted look. She throws me one back, and looks pointedly Keith’s way. 

I give in. This is probably one of those rare few opportunities where she gets to be around my big brother, and no matter how much I dislike family dinners, I just don’t have the heart to say no to Bru’s small ray of hope. 

I sigh again. “Fine. I’ll be there.”

Keith grins. “That’s more like it, kiddo.”

He pushes his chair back and gets up, and so do I. 

“See ya later, G,” he calls over his shoulder as he makes his way to the glass door, but just before he slips out, he turns. “And Gerrard?”

I know it’s something serious, and something bad, when he calls me by my full name. I brace myself, and from the corner of my eyes, I see Bru do the same. 

“I want to remind you that it’s a family dinner,” he tells me, his eyes briefly shifting to Bru, who glances down at her feet then. “Outsiders aren’t welcome.”

That was harsh, even by my standards. I open my mouth to tell him that, but he slips out of the room, and Bru stops me from doing anything. 

“I-I’ll talk to him, okay?” she says, her eyes pleading as she holds me in place. “Just don’t- don’t interfere, Gerrard. Please.”

I just shake my head at her as she rushes out after my brother. 

What’s even wrong with her, I just can’t begin to fathom.

But then I never could. Even in high school. Even when all three of us were the best of friends, because Bru has always been mad about my brother. And he used to like her, too, until one day, when the three of us graduated, he decided that Bru was better of without him. 

It was cruel to see him distance himself from her when he clearly liked her still. But ever since he opened his own garage shop, he decided Bru could do better. Way better. 

With someone like me. 

I could almost laugh at the stupidity of what Keith has suggested to Bru every time she's tried to talk to him. 

“You deserve better, B. Someone with a better job, someone who can give you what you deserve- more than that-- and that’s Gerrard. Not me. I’m just a mechanic. I can’t bear the thought of you realising that way down the line and hating me for ruining your life.”

And that’s how Bru-the-fashion-designer-yearner ended up joining my wannabe start-up. 

To stay closer to my brother. To try and make him see that she liked him. Not his job or what he did. 

And I know deep down Keith knows that. But then that fear of Bru supposedly realising that she could’ve done better keeps him away. 

I sigh, checking the doorway to see if Bru’s back. 

She isn’t. 

It makes me feel bad for her.

It makes me want to shake my big brother a good few times. 

Because can’t he see Bru’s in it for real? Can’t he see she’s in love with him and not his job? It almost makes me wish I had a girl like that who cared for me and not the money I earn or the name that comes with being with me.  Because any and every girl who’s ever wanted to be with me? She's only wanted to be with Gerrard Southerford, CEO of Southerford Inc. Not me. 

I walk over to the windows overlooking the city, feeling lost all of a sudden. I wish Keith would’ve accepted my offer as a partner in my company- in namesake at least- just so he’d feel worthy of Bru or whatever complicated shit he’s built up in his head. 

But all he’d said was, “I work in that garage because that’s my passion, Gerr. I need you to understand that.”

I pocket my hands at the thought. 

Five years Bru’s been after my brother, but he still won’t give himself a chance with her. And she still wouldn’t give up. 

I don’t want to, but I feel jealous of what they have. Of the love they share. Because all I’ve ever ended up with, as far as love is concerned, are phonies.