Chapter One

The Life I'm Now Living

Nina Hayes

I have no idea what is going on around me. I am not sure where--or what I'm doing, but one thing is for sure, I'm liking whatever this stranger's doing to me. At the current state of my mind, I do not care whoever he is, I did not dare listen to what my mind was saying. I only listen to what my body wants and needs. My body, my mind, everything is under his control. All I know is he's making me feel pleasure I haven't felt before.

My eyes are tightly closed and I am afraid that the moment I open them, everything will be gone. I panted at the sudden intrusion, my nails biting into his skin as I felt pain inside of me I haven't felt before. It feels like I'm being torn in half down there. I gripped the sheets and bit my lip hard, It felt so painful, yet amazing at the same time. The man above me is whispering comforting words in my ears while caressing my face and body at the same time, his every touch leaving a delicious tingling. What's happening to me?

It feels so good that I can't help but moan whenever he moves. Moans that I'm certain I'll be ashamed of whenever I think of it, but right at this moment, I couldn't care less. All I wanted was this man to go faster, to go harder and make me feel good. I didn't know how long, but I felt my body becoming sore and tired with his aggressive thrusts. All I can hear is my moan and whimpers and his groan of pleasure. When he was done, he slowly eased out of me and I felt empty, but too tired to do—say anything. 

I WOKE UP WITH A GASP and tried to calm my heart from beating so fast. Tears gathered in my eyes, but I'm crying. I just feel so sad and lonely because my nightmares wouldn't leave me alone. I wanted to shout, but nobody will hear it anyway. I tried to forget, I attempted to forget that moment of my life that messed up everything including me. I have never once forgotten the guy who took my virginity and cursed him every opportunity I get. There is not a single moment that I did not wish for his death and if ever there's a chance of me seeing him again, I will chop off his manhood and feed it to him.

I sighed and stood up. "Time to embark on a new day." I mumbled to myself robotically.

I sat down in front of a small worn out table and reached for the foil and put some powder into it before sniffing it. I closed my eyes and hummed to myself when I felt it entering my system. It calmed me and made me forget about my stupid dreams, like it always does. I stared into nothing and laughed, heh, seems like all I ever do now is laugh or cry by myself like a crazy woman. I wouldn't be surprised if I find myself in Asylum one of these days.

I looked at the clock and saw that it's almost time for work. I stood up and stepped inside my small and dingy bathroom. It looked like a public restroom, but it helps me bathe myself so high. Do I have any other option? I can always just imagine it to be a luxurious one. I switched into a fit black strapless top and red leather skirt that reached just below my ass. I gazed at myself in the old mirror and snorted. I look like a slut—oh wait, I am.

What used to be a beautiful pair of brown eyes now staring back at me with a pair of lifeless eyes. Lips that used to smile so much now always pressed into a thin line. Bags under my eyes, hollowed cheeks. Nina, do you even recognize yourself anymore? Tears threatened to flow down from my eyes, but like always, I just blink them away. There is no use in crying now, Nina. This is now the life you have. You cannot count on anyone but yourself. Your parents did not believe in you and abandoned you. Your friends who you thought you can count on turned their backs on you. You are on your own. 

I know, bitch. I answered my conscience. 

After getting ready, I exited out of my small apartment. I needed to find money so I could pay for it. I can feel my nosy neighbors looking at me again, I could feel the heat of their stares at my back. I can almost hear their judgement and laughter. Stares full of pity, annoyance, anger that makes me just roll my eyes. They need to get a life and just disregard me. Nobody wants to be like me, hell, I hate what I'm doing, too. It's not like I just woke up one morning and decided I want to sell my body.

"Whore!" I heard one of my neighbors shouts but I ignored it.

I'm too educated about them, just because I am a prostitute doesn't mean I will stoop to their level. I will not earn money to pay for my rent with them. I arrived at my usual spot just a few blocks away from a famous nightclub in town and waited for a customer. I looked around me and found some familiar faces, my rivals. Some of them sneered at me, perhaps because I am rather familiar with men than them. But not everyday is like that because you see, the competition here is tight.

After an hour of waiting an old car stopped in front of me. I stopped myself from scrunching up my face when he pulled down the window and saw an old man with a protruding stomach. Yep, definitely unlucky.

I put on my fake smile. Damn, I can't even think of the last time I smiled genuinely. "Hey, lover boy." Grandpa rather but I can't voice that one out.

He smiled, showing me his false teeth that made me cringe inside. "Hi, pretty lady. How much?"

"Ten bucks for a blow job, Fifty bucks for sex. I don't do bareback." I said in a very casual way like I'm just selling some candy and not my body and soul.

"Wow, that is a bit too much!" Great, a cheapskate one, too. I smiled in a very seductive way.

"You'll not regret every second of it."

He seemed to think for a while before nodding his head. I hopped inside his car and waved at my rivals goodbye, laughing a little inside. He took me to a cheap Motel and once inside, he wasted no time in devouring a young lady's body. I can't actually remember what happened because every time, my mind just went... blank and I always found myself gazing at the ceiling like a dead body. A broken and disgusting dead body.

But my mind is always nagging at me saying, "Remember every moment of this to remind yourself that you once lived a life like hell."

"Man, you're beautiful, but you're like a dead fish." The old man stated after and I actually thought he would not pay but he threw a hundred bucks on the bed. "I don't know what happened to you and I am not really one to judge 'coz I'm the one paying for a prostitute, but Miss, there is more to life than this. You are young and pretty. Do not waste that." He preached and shook his head before leaving.

What a hypocrite.

 I just stared at the door with the money clenched tightly in my hand. I never wanted to be like this, as well. Don't you think I tried to have a normal life? I tried countless times! I tried applying for local and even the lowest paying jobs, but I don't know how my Parents did it but they always mess up my chances. They threatened and paid every single company I applied to. Even the smallest ones. That is how much my Parents hated me and I eventually learned to hate them, too.

How could they do this to me? Their own daughter? I have lived a life worthy to be called their daughter, but one mistake and they treated me like a stranger, like an enemy. Right in the middle of the bed where a stranger used me, I sobbed. I sobbed with every pain I have as I clutched my breaking heart. I guess it just really hits me now because of what the old man said.

Just a few months ago, I'm having the best day of my life and now I'm going through the worst. I wanted to finish college and achieve my dream job. Marry the guy I love and have children. All of that is now impossible. No man will ever want a used woman like me.

 When I calmed myself down, I left the Motel, not caring about how my face looked like after all that crying. Who cares? I surely don't. I am sad and hurt. I am in pain and caring how I look is the last thing I should care about.

I walked and walked, not really knowing where I'm heading. My mind is blank, my eyes probably held no emotion. I was so out of it that I didn't hear a car honking until it nearly hit me. I screamed and my knees gave up on me. I clutched my heart and just stared at the car. I almost died! 

I closed my eyes and squeezed it tight when I felt my head spinning. Oh, now I remember. When was the last time I even consumed a decent meal?

"What the fuck, Miss? What the hell is your problem?! You could've died!" I heard a man shouting in anger.

I tried looking at him, but my vision is already fading. The last I remember before losing consciousness, is the pair of strong arms, catching me and lifting me up.