Chapter Two

 

 

One click and you’re done

 

A ray of sunlight broke through the mullioned window and cast a checkerboard of brilliant morning light across Tashi’s bed. She raised a hand to cover her face, eyelids fluttering for a while, then opening. She sat up and stretched her arms, taking in the familiar sounds of the cooing pigeons nesting above her window. For a moment, she couldn’t quite place the strange heaviness in her heart. She blinked several times to clear the veil of slumber from her eyes. Slowly, bits and pieces of the happenings of the previous night came back.

She had gone to bed late last night, and in her sleep-deprived state, she allowed herself a small hope that maybe all of last night was a bad dream, the product of her paranoia.

She held her breath and checked her phone. The last email on it was “If you don’t listen to what I tell you, I’ll mail your naked pictures to everyone who is even remotely connected to you professionally. I’ll destroy your career.”

The world around her faded to that tiny rectangle of her screen, alive with the gleaming reflection of the inferno of fear blazing in her eyes. The walls of the room felt like they were closing in – blurring her vision, leaving her no room to breathe.

In a gush, all the terrible memories came back. She sobbed, arms wrapped tightly around her shivering body.

There was nowhere to go — no place to hide her shame. She curled up in bed and faced the wall.

What was happening to her? How could she make it stop?

She took a breath. “Who the fuck are you?” she typed, pulling out the faintest wisps of courage and weaving them around her conscience like a shield. “I am not letting you blackmail me; do you get it? Do whatever you wish, but I swear I’m going to see you behind bars.”

She sent the message on an impulse, but the words sounded braver than she felt.

She took her phone and desperately looked up ways online to see if there was something she could do to ask for help in a situation like this without compromising her dignity.

Within seconds of sending her reply, she had another new email waiting. “If you try to contact the Police, I will bring you down with me. I might be behind bars, but the entire world would know what a shameless slut the innocent-looking Tashi Chotten is.”

She felt disgusted by his choice of words. Who was he to make comments about her body, about the choices she had made in the past? What gave him the right to call her a slut when he himself hid conveniently behind the mask of anonymity? Anger bubbling on the surface of her emotions, she typed. “Fuck you. You can’t do anything so extreme with just one picture. You’re bluffing – I know you have nothing more on me.”

His reply made her shiver. “If you want to take chances, first see how high the stakes are.”

Attached to the message, was a screenshot showing the thumbnails of several pictures of herself in different phases of her life – half-dressed or naked, always throwing a lusty look at the camera. There was a thumbnail of a video where she had two fingers between her legs. Tashi gulped. She remembered how the video ended – her masturbating furiously to an intense orgasm, moaning Akash’s name out loud. The other thumbnail was of a video of Akash fucking her while she lay on the bed, legs spread wide. She remembered this one too – how she had moaned and begged for him to go harder; and how, after an intense session of panting and grunting, he had pulled out and spilled his load on her belly. Akash’s face wasn’t visible as he was the one holding the camera while recording the video. But Tashi’s flushed face, her bouncing breasts and the curve of her waist and belly could be seen clearly throughout.

It was a screenshot of all the raunchy footage she had recorded when she was young, naïve, and blindly in love with Akash.

Something happened inside her mind. It was physical. She could feel as if large glass windows were shattering in the centre of her brain, and try as she might, she couldn’t stop the pain.

The thought that someone else had seen something so personal made her feel sick to the stomach. Her body felt like it was on fire and drenched in ice-cold water at the same time.

She screamed out in rage.

Just then, there was a sharp rap on her door.

She sat up, her heart beating fast.

It was only her mother. “Ashi dear, you woke up late today. I am happy that after so long we can have breakfast together. I have prepared duck-egg omelettes – for you. Get dressed and come out so we can eat before you leave for office.”

She took a few breaths to calm herself. “Mom,” she called out. “I’m working from home today – there is a lot of stuff for me to get done, so I’ll be busy all day. Don’t disturb me, I’m not hungry.”

Her mother sounded hurt when she said, “But dear, at least have some milk? It is bad for your health to work on an empty stomach.”

“Mom, leave me alone,” she said, exasperated. “I have lots of work.”

She heard a sharp intake of breath from outside and the sound of sandalled feet walking away. Tashi felt bad as she realised she had lost patience and shouted at her mother for no fault of hers. In her attempt to hide her trauma from the world, she had hurt the one person who considered having a meal with her daughter the highlight of her day.

She fell back on the bed, a fresh wave of sobs assailing her.

Looking at the screenshot through a veil of tears, Tashi realised how trapped she was - as if nothing she said or did would make any difference. But this was her shame – her punishment. Her mother didn’t deserve this uncalled for rudeness.

Gritting her teeth, she decided she would do anything to shield her mother from the humiliation of it all.

But with the blackmailer having access to so much of her dark secrets, she couldn’t see a way out.

In a flash, multiple scenarios played in her head. What if her uncles found out? After her father had passed away when she was but a child, her mother’s brothers had helped raise her. Though on the face of it the family appeared content, Tashi had lost count of the nights she had gone to bed with an empty stomach, too sad to eat because of the harsh words of insult they had rained on her mother. They shamed her for being a widow, always questioning her decision of not remarrying and raising her daughter as a single parent. Oh, how pleased they would be when they found out the shame this daughter had brought upon her.

What if her colleagues saw these pictures? She couldn’t bear to imagine the trauma their looks of judgment would put her through. If these images were made public, would she be able to work anywhere again?

Would she be able to face the society with her head held high?

Bitterly, she realised the answer to all these questions was ‘no’. It would destroy her life when the world saw the images.

Shuddering at the thought, Tashi corrected herself – if the world saw, not when.

She wouldn’t let this be public. She would do whatever she could to appease the blackmailer so her reputation wouldn’t be damaged.

She picked up her phone and scrolled through the mails she had exchanged with the blackmailer since last night. “Show me a picture of what you’re wearing,” was his recurring demand.

Tashi turned on the camera on her phone and clicked a selfie of herself without showing her face – focussing only on the swell of her chest covered by the flowery nightgown she was wearing.

She held her breath and clicked ‘send’.

For a few hours hence, she received no new emails. She relaxed and stepped out of her room when she was called for lunch. Her mother was happily chatting away at how they could talk after so long, but Tashi could barely take part in the conversation. Her mind was in a whirl, replaying the events that had transpired since last night.

She was at a loss for how the blackmailer had gained access to her pictures. All traces of Akash had been deleted from her online presence back in college itself. She had made him swear on his mother that he too would delete all the incriminating evidence. Nevertheless, the only way these pictures could have been accessed was if he was behind this somehow. She wanted to confront him again, but his confusion last night at her accusations had sounded genuine. She didn’t dare approach the police because she had no experience in these matters and her opinion about them wasn’t positive. In fact, after her father had his accident when she was but a child, the police had harassed her mother for a long time before releasing his body for funeral rites. Also, what if the blackmailer was caught, but couldn’t be imprisoned because of lack of evidence? Wouldn’t he make her life worse?

Defeated, Tashi struggled through lunch and asked her mother to not make dinner for her as she was tired and would sleep early. When her mother refused to budge, she almost yelled, “Nothing will happen if I don’t have dinner for one day, okay? Please let me be.”

She shut the door on her mother’s crestfallen face and locked herself from inside.

Lying to people who trust you has become so easy, she thought with regret.

***

For the rest of the evening, Tashi had just lain on her bed. Not sleeping, but wishing she could. Thinking, but wishing she would stop. Not crying… but somehow wishing she could. She had drawn all the blinds shut, making her room as dark as her mood.

She had calmed the blackmailer down for the time being, it seemed, for he hadn’t contacted her after she had sent that selfie.

She turned on her laptop to get her mind off the present. Almost instantly, the screen pinged with a new email.

Anxious, she clicked on the attached image. It was a screenshot of an email draft addressed to all the employees of the company she worked in. Seven of her naked pictures were attached – it seemed the blackmailer had taken pleasure in selecting the raunchiest, most embarrassing photographs. Tashi cringed and closed her eyes, blinking back tears. The subject read “Sluttiest employee of the month award goes to…” The mouse pointer was hovering threateningly over the “send” button.

“Just one click and you’re done,” read the accompanying text. “If I don’t have a full-frontal nude of yours within five minutes, I will hit send.”

Her breath caught in her throat.

She looked away from the screen, filled with terror. There were hot tears of shame running down her face. All her facade of having kept him satisfied with the selfie earlier came crashing down. This time, the consequences are real; she thought. This time, I cannot get away from him.

She felt violated, bitter at the thought of being used for somebody else’s perverted pleasure.

Her heart was pounding violently against her chest. It was as if wave after wave of fear assailed her entire being and her stomach fell flat to the floor. There was a sharp pain shooting down her legs. She got so afraid that she sat down on the bed and took several deep breaths to calm herself.

The whirring of the fan above was uncomfortably loud in her ears - she shut them with both her hands and screamed in frustration, tears running down both her cheeks.

The time on the phone caught her attention. She had only two minutes left.

Tashi felt cold, as if she had ice running through her veins instead of blood. With trembling hands, she fumbled to undo the clasp of her dress at the back.

In a single, fluid motion, her nightgown fell down. It settled around her legs in a crumpled mess, leaving Tashi naked.

Exposed.