Chapter 4

Fann turned the boat to aim them more towards the north. A wave rocked the hull more than it had in the previous direction. Eleanor, her arms still pinned in the shawl, squeaked as she pitched forward, her face landing on his kilt. The fabric of it slid over his legs and her face sunk between his thighs. He looked down at the top of her head, the image of what she could do there had his member stiffening so quickly that Fann cursed and dropped the oars into the boat so he could sit her back up before his member made itself visible to her. Silken waves of her hair slid over his hands and arms as he grasped her shoulders to lift her away from him. In the same movement, he tugged at the knot he'd put in the shawl behind her so that the garment came loose around her.

"Next time, catch yourself." She flinched away from his gruff tone and Fann ground his teeth. He watched her stretch her arms and rotate the knots out of her shoulders before drawing the shawl protectively around herself again. She looked out over the water, chewing on her lip. He knew he was a large man, and his wife very tiny. He was also a strong, gruff warrior, and she was used to the calm, quiet life found among women in an abbey. He had no want for Eleanor to fear him.

"I am sorry," he said, readjusting his plaid to keep his swollen manhood from her view while he rowed. "I am not accustomed to talking with lasses." She turned and looked up into his eyes.

"Do not tell me a man as beautiful as yourself has never been with a woman. He raised an eyebrow at her and watched the blush spread across her pale cheeks as she realized what she had just said to him.

"You have already forgotten that I have coupled with women who enjoyed it?" He teased, ginning as her face burned brighter. "Tavern wenches expect gruff men and loud voices," he explained, taking pity on her. "Well bread lasses, especially those who have been sequestered in an abbey, are not accustomed to the manners of warriors. I will try to remember to speak more softly to you."

The boat rocked again and Eleanor grasped the side with one hand to keep herself upright. "I suppose I do need the use of my hands to stay upright if the boat is going to rock like this. I was warmer tightly wrapped though."

"The sun will warm us soon enough. If you spread your feet apart rather than curling your legs under you it will help stabilize you as well. I realize it is not very ladylike, but it is more practical at sea, especially in a small boat."

"If we are too far south to get me home today, where will we spend this night?"

"In an abandoned croft a short way inland on a little used cove. We will have a warm hearth and hot meal shortly after we arrive. The next day we will travel inland to a castle where I am certain we will be welcome guests."

"You will hunt after rowing all day?"

"There is a net in the sack behind you. We will cast it out behind us this afternoon and catch plenty of fish by the time we reach the shore." Eleanor wrinkled her nose. "You don't like fish?"

"We ate a lot of fish at the abbey. Fried, stewed, smoked, salted, and in soup all winter."

"That would get tiresome."

"I know I should be grateful for the bounty of the waters. Having a full belly every day is never guaranteed, but still, I much appreciated it when travellers came to the abbey with rabbit or venison with them. Even duck. Anything for a break from the fishiness."

"The abbey had no animals?"

"Chickens and a few goats. The goats were mostly for milk and cheese. We ate chicken on occasion, and eggs often enough. But there was always fish. I often chose not to eat it, but there was never a day without the smell of fish in the kitchens."

Fann thought about the area around the croft. There had been remnants of a garden, though even if the inhabitants had left their crop behind there wouldn't be much there this early in the spring. Maybe some overwintered onion or carrot could be salvaged if they got there early enough. Wild berries would not be ripe yet. Perhaps there would be some young, edible ferns among the trees though.

"What have you eaten since leaving the abbey?"

"Fish. And it had to be fish. There were not even any bread or vegetables with it." Her stomach rumbled. "Last night Liam said he would hunt something for us to break our fast this morning. I didn't know what animals might be on such a small island, but I was looking forward to anything that wasn't fish. Even a seabird might have been palatable." Fann grimaced thinking of the lizard the man had been scurrying after and doubted she would have liked that any better than fish.

"I do not have meat for you, but you could have some of the bread and cheese in the satchel. Eat sparingly though, that must keep both of us until tonight."

"I will leave the food for you then, as you row and need your strength." Fann grinned at her.

"Break your fast, Eleanor. I have plenty of strength to spare. I do not want you so hungry that you grow faint on me." As if to prove his point, her stomach growled again.

"As you say."

Eleanor pulled the satchel out from the end of the small boat and opened the flap. There was a good amount of bread and cheese and a flask that likely held ale. She looked out at the sea as she nibbled her food.

Would Liam go to her father's keep now, or travel the sea to try to find her? Did he know someone had come for her, or did he think she had left on her own? No, he'd know she couldn't leave without a boat. "He knows I can't swim," she muttered to herself, not realizing she'd spoken aloud.

"Most lasses can't," Fann said as if she had spoken to him. "It would require removing their dresses, which would anger their fathers, or in your case the nuns. I will teach you though if you wish."

"I beg your pardon?"

"To swim. I can teach you how. In the summer when the water 'tis warm enough. ‘tis a skill that could save your life and I believe everyone should learn how. I will be sure my bairns learn it as young as they are able, and I will encourage my wife to learn as well." She blushed, wondering how much of her thoughts she had spoken aloud and vaguely wondering why this man thought her father or Liam would allow him in the lake with her in nothing but her undergarments.

"Tell me about Liam."

"Why?"

"He did not seem to me to be the sort of man women swoon for so I wish to know why you want to be wed to him. Besides, talking fills the time. We have a lot of time to fill today. You said you like to talk, so talk to me. It will distract my mind while my body toils." She was quiet for so long that he thought she was refusing.

"I don't particularly want to wed Liam," she admitted at last. "He is always telling me my beauty astounds him and how he fell hopelessly in love with me the moment he saw me. I suppose that will make for an easier marriage than if he loved another. The nuns told me beauty is both a blessing and a curse, and it seems true enough. Beauty is fleeting, and I will not always look as I do now. There have been wealthy women who arrive at the abbey because their husbands had set them aside for a younger, more beautiful partner. If a man loves me for my looks, I will likely come to the same fate. As I grow soft and wrinkle with age will he take mistresses or will he set me aside completely? I would not want to be back in the abbey.”

“Why is that?”

“It is not a life I would choose."

"You said you would likely wed Liam. If you fear he only loves your beauty, why would you wed him?"

"I expect it unlikely another man would offer me the freedoms that Liam has. That is important to me, so if I assume he speaks honestly I think him a good choice.”

“Do you trust him?

Eleanor could not bring herself to answer that directly. “I know it is not really my choice to make. My father will choose my husband, despite what he promised. Liam was the first my father sent, the only so far, and I am to be wed this summer, on my next birthday, so I think that must mean Liam is the suitor my father favours most. I do not particularly object to anything about him, so I thought if he gave me the freedoms I want I could talk myself into liking him over time."

Fann thought on that for a moment. Liam had not looked to be a good hunter, nor a warrior. Physically he was of average height, his hair was sparse, and had

the slightly rounded middle that many English Lords possessed. It seemed likely he was titled and English. A titled Englishman might have been the old MacDonald's first choice for his heir. Fortunately for the clan, the king had gifted the land, title, and daughter to a Scottish warrior instead.

"How many men have been taken with your womanly beauty?"

"I think all that have seen me for as long as I can remember. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I

am certain that was the reason my father secreted me away to an abbey"

“What makes you say that?” She scrunched up her face and looked out at the sea.

“The first man I know for sure who wanted to wed me I saw just a few days after I arrived at the abbey. He stopped to leave a young woman in the care of the nuns when he noticed me tempting a kitten with a piece of fish. He asked Sister Margret if I was of age to wed. Sister Grace rushed me away so quickly that I barely heard the answer, but I did. She said I hadn’t had my courses. I knew she was aware that I had, so the next day I asked why she lied. She told me it wasn’t exactly a lie because I hadn’t yet had one at the abbey. She told me that was the easiest way she knew to get the man to leave without pressing for my hand. That was the day I figured out why my father had taken me to the abbey with such haste.”

“I don’t see the connection. You were already at the abbey when that man saw you.”

She was silent, looking out over the water for a while before she looked back at him. “I've never told anyone this story. It was late one afternoon when my nanny took me into the courtyard with my sister. I was feeling miserable, but the weather was good so we were going to sit and read under a tree. A small group of men rode through the gates and up to the courtyard. I recognized something about them then, though I’m not sure what it was now. Perhaps I knew them, but I am no longer certain. My nanny bid me to wave at the man who was looking our way. The way he smiled and nodded to me made my skin crawl. Then the group went into the keep. A short while later my father’s warriors were dragging the men out at sword point, practically throwing them down the front steps. I knew not why. At that same moment, my mother and two warriors came rushing out the side door. One of them grabbed our nanny the other and took my mother, sister, and me to the secret room behind the stairs. That night my father took me away. He said I would stay at the abbey for my safety. Once the sisters told me that a girl can be wed after her first monthly, I realized the reason must have involved the man he forced from the keep. It was a day past getting my first, and only my mother and my nanny knew it. I figured she must have told the man of my coming into womanhood and he had offered for me.”

“I thought you had but two and ten summers.”

“That’s right.”

“How many men came to the abbey and asked for your hand?”

“After the first one, they said I was not to walk the halls where guests were and had to eat alone in my room or in the kitchen if men were in residence. They warned me that my beauty, though a gift from God, was also a burden that put me at great risk. Men called to me from outside the gate, but I was not permitted to even look towards them. I heard the sisters tell them I was sent to them because I was too daft to wed. It bothered me at first, but then I realized I didn’t like the way the men looked at me. I started spending less time in areas where I could be seen and hid my face with a hooded cloak when I could not. Still, some men would see me and I often heard them ask to speak with me, but it was rarely permitted."

"When did they permit it?"

"Only twice. First with an old man whose mind was failing. I was but four and ten and he thought me his ailing granddaughter. He cried and prayed for two days, begging the good Lord to let him speak with me before I died, even though I was hail as could be. He was unable to stand and his chest rattled with every breath, so the priest insisted he could do me no harm. Finally, they brought him to see me in the garden, hoping to give his mind peace. He smiled and held my hand all afternoon and talked about people I didn't know as if I should be glad to hear their news. I just sat in silence and listened. That night, he died in his sleep. It was as though he had been waiting to talk with his granddaughter. The nuns said it was good of me to have spent the afternoon with him and put his mind at ease so he would let his soul go free. Then more recently, they let Liam in."

"They left you alone with him?"

"Of course not! But he was allowed in the garden to walk with me."

"Did he lure you?"

"I know not what you mean."

"Did you kiss him?"

"No! He was a perfect gentleman."

"If he found you so beautiful that he fell instantly in love, how did he resist temptation?"

"There was no opportunity in the abbey, the sisters stayed near and kept a watchful eye. Sister Grace was usually right at my elbow. He was not even permitted to kiss my fingers. Then, after the barbarians had me he said we needed to wait for my monthly bleed so that it could be proven any babe I had was from my husband's seed."

Fann's oars stilled. He hadn’t planned to ask her yet, but the moment had arisen.

"Did the barbarians...hurt you." Eleanor put her head to one side and looked into Fann's dark eyes.

"Being hauled over a stone wall by the feet is not pleasant. Nor is being forced into a box. Barbarians are not known for being gentle.”

“But did they hurt you?”

“I ache in places I have never ached and I have a lump on the back of my head that throbbed for a couple of days and still bothers me at times. Bruises and cuts a plenty, but none that won't heal in a few more days."

"Did they...are you..." he scowled at his loss for words. He would hunt them down and tear them to pieces if they had forced themselves on her. How did he ask what needed to be asked with the tact of a gentleman? "Might you be with child?"

"No!” He rowed for a while, thinking back about the young lasses when they first arrived at court. Most didn’t have a clue what was going to happen. His oars stilled.

“Do you know what a man must do to get you with child?” Her lips popped open and she blushed the prettiest shade of red.

“They were not gentle or kind, but they did not lift my skirts." Fann nodded once and resumed rowing.

"If Liam cared so much for you, would he not have wed you to save you from disgrace even if you carried the bairn of a barbarian? And why were the two of you alone on that island?"

"Pardon?"

"Had I been courting you, then had to rescue you from barbarians, I would have returned us to the abbey and wed you immediately to see both you and the child provided for. In fact, I don’t even know you, but if you said you may be with child from the ordeal I would do the same this moment. A man who claimed to love you should have been willing to do so. He also should have kept a few others with him to be sure of witnesses. Do you not realize that as soon as he told your father he had been alone with you, you would have to wed him? It would matter not if you wanted to, nor if your father wanted you to, nor even if you were still chaste, nor if you had actually been promised to another. You were alone with him, completely unchaperoned."

"But nothing happened!"

"It matters not. If your father is so determined your clan live as the English you would have been married to Liam as soon as you arrived home in order

to save your reputation. English lasses are not permitted to sleep with a man before they are wed. They must be wed in a church first, and certainly before having a child. Fortunately, I was there watching. I know he slept on the opposite side of the fire."

“You were spying on us?”

“It is good that I did. I can provide witness for you that he was indeed a gentleman.”

If he had not been, he would be a dead man Fann thought, but he did not share that information with his wife.