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Chapter Eight
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2024-10-29 19:42:56I met his gaze as he let go and pulled away from me. I immediately felt empty and cold, and I pushed that feeling away as he rolled off the condom and discard it in the adjacent bathroom.
My gaze followed him as he dressed, and he turned to face me. “I'll go downstairs and get you some clothes.”
“Thank you,” I said softly as he walked away.
I felt exposed now that there was space between us. I stood up. I stood up and reached for the robe at the back of the door. Ivan returned just as I was wrapping it around my stomach. I grabbed my clothes from him and dash into the bathroom to change.
As I was removing my stockings, my hands tremble. What did I do? Doing with the same person twice is a major rule violation. It's only for one night. It has to be that way or else those pesky little strings will appear. They will bind you to the other person and...
I took a long, deep breath. Realistically, I knew my chances of ever seeing Ivan again were slim. I can tell Sheila that I was uneasy with his solo shooting style, and she will not book me with him again. And if I happen to see him on the street, I can just pretend I don't know him.
“Brenda? Are you okay?”
“Yep. Two seconds.” I pulled a hairband from the pocket of my jeans and gathered my hair into a ponytail before I opened the door. “What should I do with the underwear?”
“Give it to me. I’ll see it gets back to the right place tomorrow.”
“Okay.” I gave it to him.
What do I do now? It’s not like I can just say, “Well, thanks for the fvck. Bye!”
I stood by the door awkwardly as he packed away his camera. “Well, bye,” I said lamely.
Ivan looked up. “Do you need me to call you a cab?”
“No, I will drive, Thanks though.” I smiled and turned away.
“Hang on.” He crossed the room and pulled me into him, pressing his lips against mine. “One for the road,” he whispered with a smile.
I blinked at him and turned away without another word. Somehow, I made it down the stairs without running or falling, and I didn't breathe again until I was in my car.
I turned the radio up to drown out the mass of thoughts in my head as I drove away from the cottage, but it didn't work.
All I could think of is the way my lips are still tingling after his last kiss.
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I turned and looked at her. Aaron was standing behind her, his hand on her back, staring at Ivan. Dayton’s eyes were flicking between us.“It’s fine,” I answered, grabbing my keys from the bar. “Let’s go before I change my mind.”He watched me the whole time. Like he’s a predator stalking his prey, his eyes were fixated on me. They follow my every move, studying me, evaluating me…memorizing me.It’s unnerving. But it’s not uncomfortable. It’s not a sinister look or even remotely bad. It’s casual. Intense, but casual. No different than the way you watch the characters move across the stage at the theater.If only there weren’t something…in his gaze that set off a herd of butterflies in my stomach so strong that I can barely eat a thing. Most of my dinner is pushed around my plate, untouched except for the gentle prodding of my fork.Aaron asked for the
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“Oh, that parts. Still not believing you.” He released one of my wrists and dived his hand into my hair. “It came to my attention during dinner that you’re rather mouthy.”“I’m an independent woman. Being a sarcastic, mouthy bitch is an occupational hazard.”His laugh is low, and the way it shaked his body made his thigh rub against my core. I bite my lip again. Holy crap.“Ah, yes. The independent woman.” Ivan dropped his face and brushed a kiss against my jaw. “Vibrator and all.”My cheeks flushed. Why, oh why, did I have to mention the vibrator?He kissed his way down my jaw, his fingers flexing at both my wrist and the back of my head.“Ivan, get the fuck off of me.” Before I spontaneously combust because it’s getting damn hot out here.“Mouthy,” he whispered.He pressed his lips to mine before I could do anything about it,
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Cake. There were cake everywhere. Every-fucking-where. Normal cake, Chocolate cake, Cheesecake, Red velvet cake, Ooh, Red velvet cake… yummy. I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised. We are in a bakery, after all, but just the sight of all the cake is making me feel a little sick. I haven’t tasted a thing yet, but I’d bet I’ll be ready to vomit pretty damn soon if the platter in front of me is anything to go by. I eyed it warily, and Dayton nudged me. “It’s just cake.” “It’s a lot of cake. I mean, how many different types of cake are there?” She looked around the bakery. “A lot, evidently.” “Why do we have to try them all?” I picked up a chocolate cake sample and looked at the label. “Chocolate fudge cake! Well, we both know what that tastes like.” She grabbed my wrist before I could put it down. “Brenda, humor me, please?” I turned my face toward her. “Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha.” She tried to put an annoyed look, but the twitch of her
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WILD ADDICTION Chapter Eighty Seven
My lips formed a wide grin. “Okay. I think my need for information is sated. For now.” “Good. And now I guess we have to get to my gritty stuff, right?” I nodded. “I fessed up. Now it’s your turn.” “Okay.” He grabbed his mug of tea and drunk half of it before setting it back on the table. He settled his arms around me again, linking his fingers on my back, and looked up. “Let’s see… When we were little, Mish and Aaron were constantly following our parents around. They wanted to know every last bit of the business. My dad tried for about a year to get me interested, but I just didn’t care. I didn’t have the right head for it. “Then we got older, and while they started internships and work experiences, I started sleeping with girls. Yeah. I was that knobhead.” He laughed. “I studied photography at A-level in college just to make up the number of courses I needed to take and fell in love with it. It was so calm and quiet compared to my rowdy, devil-may-c
WILD ADDICTION Chapter Eighty Seven
He pulled on his pants and I grabbed some shorts and a T-shirt from my room. When I came back out, Ivan handed me a cup of coffee and grabbed his cup of tea. I smiled as we settled on the sofa, facing each other, my legs hooked over his. He tugged the coffee table closer so we could reach from this position. Then he wrapped his arms around me and linked his fingers behind my back.“Okay. Just…talk,” he said.“Um. Okay.” I settled my fingers against the top of his stomach. The lump in my throat was the only thing stopping bile coming up—I knew it. “Well, I went to my parents’ house yesterday. I needed to get out of the city to think. Of course, my batshit crazy nana was there, so I got more of an ass-kicking than I did thinking. But anyway, she made me realize that you have to face your fears if you’re ever going to get over them. So. Here I am. Fear-facing.”Ivan’s thumbs stroke my back gently, a
WILD ADDICTION Chapter Eighty Six
Tyler, sitting on the floor, his back against my door, throwing a tennis ball at the wall opposite him. One of his legs was bent up, the other stretched out. I watched him throw the ball, catching it one-handed every single time.I opened my mouth to talk to him, but he beat me to it.“I’ve been sitting here like a fucking idiot for about four hours. I have no idea why. At first, I thought you were in. Then I remembered you went out of town. Fuck knows where. No one will tell me where or why you went. So I sat down and started playing with this. Hit your neighbor’s door a few times. He invited me in, but I said I’d rather sit here. Got hungry and ordered pizza.” He knocked on the box next to him. “Sat here like a fucking teenage boy hung up on some girl he’s never gonna get.”My chest tightened when he looked at me. I’d never seen his eyes so empty, so dull.“That’s what I think. You know t
WILD ADDICTION Chapter Eighty Five
“I nearly lost my life!” I almost shouted. “How is that nothing? What if, next time, it’s worse? What if, next time, I do lose?”Nana’s face softened, but her eyes hardened. She leaned forward in her chair and pointed a wrinkly finger at me. “You listen to me, my girl, and you listen to me well. You’re not afraid of committing. You’re not afraid of hurting anyone. The thing you fear is weakness. It’s commendable, really, but also complete crap. The only person you’re hurting is yourself—and this boy. You’re stringing you both along because of your naivety. That’s what it is. What you are. Naïve. You think love pops up for every Tom, Dick, and Harry?”Her words stung.“It doesn’t. It isn’t something you can throw around. If you can sit there and tell me it wouldn’t kill you to walk away from him, then that’s exactly what you should do.&rdqu
WILD ADDICTION Chapter Eighty Four
“You look like you have a face slapped with a wet fish,” Nana said. “Have you been salmon fishing?”“It’s not salmon season, Nana,” I replied. “And I don’t fish.”“Not salmon season? It flamin’ well is! A bit cold for July though. Hey, Steve. Put the heat on. I’m turning into a snowman.”I raised an eyebrow at Mom. “July? Nana, it’s March.”“No, it’s July. I specifically remember arranging my next visit here for July.”“Mother,” Mom said softly. “You did. We talked about it yesterday. You said you’d come back in July.”Nana blinked at her. “Oh. Did we?”Mom noded. “Yes. You said you wanted to come up in salmon season because you wanted fresh salmon.”Nana tilted her head to the side. “Oh. Oh, all right. That would explain the temperature. Still, get t
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“I don’t know his past and he doesn’t know mine.”“Because you’re refusing to talk about it. Yeah, we talk. Just because we’re guys doesn’t mean we don’t talk about this shit. I called him a hundred times with Dayton—he’s more like my brother than anything. I know how he feels about you, Brenda. He’s told me. And let me tell you if you’d asked me six months ago if I ever thought he’d be this serious about a woman, I would have laughed at you.” His lips twitch. “I did laugh when he told me. I thought he was kidding, but he isn’t.”“It’s not just a snap decision. I can’t clap my hands together and know. I’m not holding off to protect myself. I’m doing it to protect him.”“Ivan’s a big boy. He can protect himself. I’ve seen him do it several times.”I put my face in my hands then ran my finger
WILD ADDICTION Chapter Eighty Two
I stifled a yawn as I followed Aaron around the new bar. They landed back in Seattle minutes after Ivan and I did, and Day took one look at me and told Aaron to bring me there.She’d taken Ivan to get coffee, and I sworn, if she was pulling her matchmaking shit, I would kill her.“What do you think?” Aaron asked.I looked around the building. Then, it was carnage in there. Builders were everywhere. There was dust and wooden planks and whatever in every single possible place. But looking at the plans in my hand—Aaron’s vision—I saw it.“I think it’s gonna be the best damn cocktail bar in the city,” I said honestly.“Good answer.” He grinned. “It should be ready to go in two weeks. When do you have to tell Donny you’re leaving?”“I’ll go by when I leave here and tell him. I’ll give him a week’s notice then take a week off.”
WILD ADDICTION Chapter Eighty One
“I’m not afraid of relationships. I have an addiction to sex, not a phobia of commitment.” His words stung. They did. Right from my head to my toes. “But yes. That’s the main reason I never pursued a relationship in London. Everyone there knew who I was and what I was worth. Here in Seattle, well. I guess I just never found someone worth having a relationship for.” His gaze burning into me. “Until now,” he finished. “I wish I could be that girl.” My words were so quiet that they were practically a whisper. It was true. I wished I weren’t afraid. I wished I could tackle him with the impulsiveness I tackled Aaron’s new bar with. I wished I could throw every piece of bullshit away and gave him the thing he wanted because He deserved it. He deserved happiness. He deserved smiles and security and certainty. Something I couldn’t offer. Ivan reached across the table and linked his fingers through mine. He lifted our ha
WILD ADDICTION Chapter Eighty
I said nothing, letting the moment linger. Letting his words hover between us, embracing them, holding on to them…getting addicted to them. To the underlying current of power in every syllable. To the smooth way he strung them all together and the way he never stopped to take a breath. To the inflection in the word ‘yours.’ Addicted to the way he didn’t have to think for a second about saying them. Addicted to the way they were making me feel. Safe. Warm. Cherished. Protected. Owned. I took a deep breath that shuddered through my body. The combination of his breath mingling with mine and the tingle of his palm against my neck was heady and intoxicating. The dizzy from his words and the response they’d elicited inside me, I wanted to give in. I wanted to tell him yes. I wanted to tell him we could do that. That, despite our addictions, two opposite poles, we could make it work. But I didn’t. I couldn’t—because I
