Chapter 1

Malia Dawson

"We got a male early twenties, GSW shot multiple times, has severe damage to the tissue and organs, possible paralysis, bp 90/40," I said while rolling the patient through the ER doors. Continue helping push the stretcher into an empty room the doctors started telling the nurses what he needed after transferring the victim from the stretcher to the hospital bed. The victim had over 20 gunshot wounds, I was able to patch what I could but there were maybe one or two that was covered and completely drowned in blood. After giving the patient to the doctor I quickly turned away as I felt a tear drop escape my eyes. "NO, NO, NO. Not here go to the Rig, I'll handle the paperwork and everything here" my partner Tasha said after realizing what was happening. I felt like a toddler crying over a skinned knee, I felt like I had just been sent to my room or something. Nodding my head, I thanked her before turning away, the moment I stepped outside tears started pouring down my face, and still crying I was relieved I managed to make it to Rig without falling with my blurry vision. Normally none of this would affect me, I've handled gunshot victims before even with more bullet holes than this, so I didn't understand why this particular victim was affecting me.

Was it because the victim had just as many gunshot wounds as Sebastion did? Did just this one victim bring back excruciating memories of him? Was it a reminder of his death and that I wasn't completely over it and hadn't recovered from his death"? Was it because his anniversary is tomorrow? I knew I never would recover, heal yes but recover no. Sebastion was all I had and now I have nothing but guilt, regret, and heartbreak. After his death I couldn't deal, I fell into a dark depression, after months of bawling my eyes out, eating ice cream, drinking and getting high, and making bad decisions just to make myself feel numb, I had finally figured out a way I can still help people while preventing the same thing that happened to my brother to happen to someone else. It was an adjustment from being the ER doctor to becoming a paramedic, but I could no longer see myself as a doctor at least not the one I once was. After a few moments I wiped my face finally able to pull myself together, taking a glance around the back of the rig I realized we needed to restock on supplies. Feeling it was the least I could do since Tasha was taking care of the paperwork on my behalf, I was being unprofessional. Work was the last place I expected to be unprofessional. kicking myself after jumping out of the rig, I thought all my tears had already been shed and dried up but apparently, I was wrong. I didn't want anyone to see me like this, especially at work.

"Hey Mai, how you are doing? you okay now?" I heard Tasha say before I shook my head making my thoughts go away. Your mindset is the most dangerous place to be especially when you're going through something like this. Nodding my head yes "Hey I'm sorry about that I know that was unexpected and unprofessional I'm sorry I promise it'll never happen again." she shook her head No before giving me a hug. "Mai, you don't have to apologize I know what you've been through, I understand, and I know it's been a while, but certain different things can set off chain reactions, bringing back memories that'll shake the wrong way and it's okay trust me if you didn't cry, I would've cried for you hell I'd be worried if you didn't it's okay". letting me go she looked at me with a confronting reassuring sad smile then gave me a playful smile. "Hey, you know what I think?" I smiled "What?" I asked knowing exactly what she was thinking. "I think we deserve a night out on the town, we need fun, we need drinks, dancing and guys, we need to get fucked up." I laughed "Oh yeah, that's what you were thinking huh, well it seems like you were reading my mind" looks like we're having fun tomorrow night, I was happy about it, I needed this. "Great minds think alike, it's a date," Tasha said smiling before helping me grab some supplies. A few minutes later just as we finished restocking our radios sounded "Ambulance 16, we got a pile-up collusion on the Huntington bridge" Immediately hopping out and closing the back of the rig we jumped in the front making our way to the bridge.

I was exhausted just thinking about the long day I was about to have. it was my day off, but I had lots to do. From cleaning the house and walking my dog Lacy to going to Sebastian’s grave and ending the night with a hot warm bath along with a glass or two of wine while sitting by my fireplace watching one of my old-time favorites, Friends. Today was the 3-year Anniversary of my little brother's Sebastian death and even if it was at home, I was going to need a drink. Even though it's been years I could still feel the pain and hurt, reliving those memories as if I was still living that awful heartbreaking day. Sometimes I'm convinced I still am. As I continued to think about Leo and everything that happened that day, I could feel the teardrops hit my cheek as they blurred my vision and before I knew it, I was crying all over again. feeling the pain all over again as if it was on reply continuously in my head, it was like a pain that wouldn't go away or a nightmare you have every night. the moment I realized I was crying I knew from that point on it would be hard for me to stop crying. it was my fault if only I'd picked up the phone when he called me. if I did, I would've done everything I could to make sure he came back home, sent an ambulance, called someone, hell went my damn self, but I didn't, I ignored him when he needed me the most when it most mattered. I Failed him, I was the big sister I was supposed to protect him and look after him and I failed him. I still can't believe that he's gone.

By the time my tears stopped and dried up I had fallen asleep. I jumped out of my sleep at the sound of my phone ringing, I groaned at both the sound and bright light as I grabbed my phone and answered. "Hello" I sounded awful. "Oh, bitch did you just suck some dick or something? you sound like you just had your throat demolished in 50 different ways" Right away I knew that voice it was my partner from work Tasha, she was my work sister who was completely different outside of work, but then again who isn't right? At work, she was serious and had no filter, outside of it she was a party girl who didn't give a fuck and also didn't have a filter. My throat still hurt from the earlier but still I couldn't help but laugh "Nah bitch I just woke up and besides if anyone's throat that'll get destroyed while sucking dick it's you" We both laughed "Hey, what can I say it's a calling" she laughed before continuing "But any way you have 1 hour to take a shower and get dressed we're going clubbing tonight remember, I'll be pulling up in 1-hour bye I love you" She responded before quickly hanging up the phone, damn I was so tired when we got off work and so busy thinking about how busy I was I totally forgot about our plans. I needed some fun; I couldn't stay here all the time drowning in my sorrows if anything I needed fun and a different type of alcohol than wine to make sure it drowned and stayed down. The last thing I wanted to do was think, my brain was on overload. "how'd it get so late" I wondered once I realized it was dark outside. Fuck! I slept the entire day away and didn't get the chance to do anything I was supposed to. Looking at the time I decided to feed Lacy and take her for a walk really quickly, the other stuff I would do later.

After 15 minutes passed, I brought Lacy back inside and made sure she had enough food in her bowl before I left. I immediately rushed upstairs stripping all my clothes off leaving a trail of my clothes all through the house as I jumped in the shower. Before I knew it time had passed, and I was rushing to get ready. I hated rushing, either I always forgot something, or I didn't have enough time to fully get ready, to get everything right. I just barely made it in time before I heard a horn honk, that was too close but luckily, I was able to do everything. I wore a black sleeveless Criss cross bodycon dress with my hair in a half up half down style. Grabbing my purse and taking one last look in the mirror before saying bye to Lacy and heading out the door.

Daniel (Danny) Severide

I needed a drink, and I needed it yesterday. A late-night motorcycle ride is what I needed to clear my head. Actually, no Fuck that a bike ride won't help me tonight, there was something else I could do to relieve this tension, relieve the stress and I damn sure was going to make it happen. Tonight, I was getting fucked up. Whether a bar or a club I didn't give a damn, I just knew I was getting fucked up. From moving up from the lieutenant to the new captain of Squad 66, it's been an adjustment that I still hadn't gotten used to yet. I've been more stressed than usual. The drills, the paperwork, and what seems like twice as many calls and to add to that my lead paramedic Sophie had just left on maternity leave. The temporary replacements haven't been bad but most of them are still new and getting familiar with everything, besides trying to remember everyone's name is a task itself. No disrespect to them but I need someone that's been here for a few years that has the experience and won't freeze up when people's lives are at stake, someone who knows what they're doing and has no need to watch over them like children. Someone who's not only good at their job but whose name I could remember, a permanent person. Was that too much to ask?

I was off for the next few days so I wouldn't need to stress anymore about it until I get back, but I needed to get rid of the stress I'm feeling now. Cleaning and getting the house together could wait another day, but tonight was all mine. On my way home I hit up my boy Jarael to see if he was down to go to the club and just as I expected he had no disagreements in fact he was more surprised that I had asked first, normally he'd be the one to drag me outside. I'd be exhausted working 24 hours at the firehouse, I'd go home and I'm either fixing the house, doing chores, cleaning, or my favorite sleeping. I was meeting him at the club in a few hours so until then I was going home and getting a couple of hours of sleep, eating, and getting ready to have some fun. Something I hadn't done in a long time.

Just as I came in, I spotted my boy but instead of going straight to him I made a B-line to the bar, I needed that drink now! "I can't believe we've only been here for not even half an hour and you're already this tipsy" She laughed. I overheard one of the two girls say to their friend as they ordered another round after arriving at the bar. She had a cute laugh it was adorable. She had black hair, wearing it in a style that was both up and down, and wore a sexy black dress that showed her curves perfectly. She was stunningly beautiful and beyond sexy. The other girl that was tipsy had sandy brown hair wearing it in a ponytail and wore a red dress and was also beautiful. Once the girls got their drinks they danced through the crowd on their way to their table. "Danny, buddy you finally made it, I was starting to think you got lost or something" Jarael joked as I finally made it to the table after getting my drink. "Not a chance, had to get me one of these in me before I had to come and deal with yo stupid ass" I joked raising my beer and showing him my drink. "You gone need more than one if that's the case" I chuckled "Hell yeah ain't that the truth." We drank and talked and brought a few girls over and drank even more.

I wasn't drunk but I wasn't entirely sober either, I was a good six maybe seven beers in and was about to open another but before I could take another sip I needed to go to the bathroom. Just as I was about to open the door to the bathroom the door opened and revealed a woman wearing a black dress with her hair up and down. It was the woman from the bar earlier.