January of 1996
Daegu, South Korea
It had been almost a year since Joo Ho left.
Kwanghee was the only left to ensure that Suho kept his part of the bargain.
For that one entire year, Suho worked double to finally make his dream come true.
With his friend Kwanghee' 's coaxing, he can finally fulfill his promise to his dad on his grave.
Taking that route meant working day in and out to develop his muscles, flexibility, and stamina.
Transforming from the slinky kid to a well-built soon-to-be athlete. Suho ever thought it would require so much hard work that he often went home dead tired.
Thud.
The door and walls shook, pictures and paintings tilted with every bang as if a giant was passing by.
"Suho, wake up, it's already noon," her mother Ji Hyo Kwang, better known as Mrs. Lee, called out, pounding against his door.
"You are going to be late again!"
Suho can see his mother in his mind with her curly hair and grumpy face.
Wearing her usual ensemble -- gray blouse and long brown skirt -- with right hand on hips and left side holding a pan shouting at the top of her voice early morning.
He knew she was exaggerating, but moms were always like that.
"Yes, Eomma," he called back to his mother. "One more minute."
"Suhoooo…" her voice thundered through their 2-door apartment enough to wake up even the bears in hibernation.
Being perched on the second floor has its advantages, especially in the morning when the street's full of strangers. They won't see the embarrassment on his face every single day.
"Yes, mom," yelling back. He raised his long, athletic arms to shield his eyes from the sun.
Tossing the blanket and pillows around.
Suho's hands and feet were flying in the air.
He groped for his clock near his bed, peeped at the time, "Oh no!" scrambling on his feet.
"Mom, do we have hot water in the shower?" shouting while pulling his towel from a nearby chair.
"Yes, and you better make it quick. If you're late again…"
Suho glanced again at the clock, "Oh, shit. How can 10 minutes pass by so quickly?" he bolted from his mattress, kicking everything to one side of the room.
Like any other school day, each day was a march towards the valley of death.
And unless he wanted grim reaper to fetch him early, Suho had to kick his butt to school. One more late, and he will surely be grounded for eternity, and all hell let loose at home.
"Yes, eomma," he sprang on his feet and dashed outside before a pan went flying into his room.
Just the tone of her mom's voice told him if he can stay a bit longer or if she's about to force open the door with a flying object in her hand.
He opened the door and saw his mom with a broom in her hands.
He instinctively dodged only to see her sweeping the floor full of bread crumbs.
Just the look of it, he already knew the culprit. Seeing the sun up, he stretched his arms and stifled a yawn and saw the broom flying to his direction.
If anything, he had learned from their usual morning routine was to become vigilant for any flying object.
Suho stretched his arms and caught the broom in a sweeping motion.
His reflexes in action, grateful for the months he spent on weight training.
"Wow, Oppa! You're good," his five-year-old sister, Naeun, cheered him on, and he winked at her. "One more time, one more time," she squealed.
Suho swirled the broom in the air, catching it with his other hand. For his sister, he was always the best and the funniest.
That's why he willingly obliged to her every whim.
Suho went straight to the bathroom, splashed his face with lukewarm water, rinsed his tangled hair while brushing his teeth all at the same time.
In less than 5 minutes, he's out and about.
Quickly putting in his long john that his mom insisted on buying under his blue dress trousers, he felt his muscle twinge in rebellion.
The time was ticking, so he put on his crisp white shirt, hung his tie on his neck, then wiggled in his vest and grey school jacket towel and pajamas scattered on the floor.
He always hated winter, having to put on several layers of clothes.
If he ever gets caught at school missing one, he's sure to score another day in detention with a thousand-word essay.
The sky was clear that day and no storm within the horizon.
When he opened the window, he felt an icy blast on his face waking up every tiny nerve in his body. Everything was a whiteout, and the temperature had dropped to -1° Celsius.
He looked at himself in the mirror one last time, brushing off the gray jacket with the school's logo before pinning his nameplate.
Naeun grinned from ear to ear, showing off her sparkly white teeth, as he stepped out of his room.
Her hands outstretched, his long black padded jacket and cap dangling on her arms. He bowed to her sister, who was as tall as his waist.
He gathered all his things and planted a kiss on her forehead and gave her a half-smile, his eyelid almost invisible.
As he stood up, his mom hit him right on the head.
"Mom, that's why I am getting dumber!"
"Stupid! Don't blame the broom. You're always dumb. Make this quick before this broom hits your butt."
"Ok, ok."
"Oppa, your lunch," Naeun called to her.
She was Suho's ray of sunlight in his house while his mom, the thunderstorm.
"Eomma," Suho stood at the entrance while putting on his shoes while juggling his bag and lunch on both hands, "I'm leaving."
"Go! You should have left ages ago," shouting from the kitchen in between steams from the pan. Mrs. Lee chuckled, shook her head, and gave a deep sigh. "When will you ever learn, you rascal?"
Suho pulled out the bicycle stashed under the stairs.
He stopped and peeked at his busy neighborhood and sped to Sanmyong High School. The road had been cleared the night before so students could walk and ride to school in just 10 minutes.
As he reached the front gate, he saw the school's security guard pulling the metal barricade.
"Wait, wait…" Suho pedaled faster, chest heaving gasping for air.
The 50-year-old security guard Kwangsoo stopped on his track, "You again?" the security guard said, "buzzer-beater, eh?!"
Suho smirked, "thank you, thank you."
"Suho, faster!" A voice shouted near the gate. Suho looked up to see Seo Kwanghee's hands on his knees, breathing heavily.
Kwanghee jumped right at the back as Suho pedaled closer to the entrance.
Luckily, they made it in time with a little coaxing of Old Man Gong -- Mr. Kwangsoo's pet name.
The school alarm buzzed in time as they stepped down from the bicycle.
High school students filled up the hallway, each one making their way to their classrooms.
Boys have a separate class from the girls, even if they're on the same level.
The two friends followed the rest of the kids waiting for the time when school's out. Nothing new, just the usual routine on an ordinary day.
Time ticked away fast that day.
The sound of the school bell was like music in Suho's ears.
Down the hallway, students were chattering, shouting, and laughing. Some kids burrowed their faces on the table while the rest grabbed their bags itching to step out into the open.
The corridor seems a bit empty without Joo Ho rushing in, taking him from the back. Everything was still fresh in his mind.
"Hey, don't forget our game this Friday, eh" Kwanghee nudged Suho breaking his reverie. "It's Kia vs. Hyundai," Kwanghee dribbled the ball, attempting a Jordan slam dunk, Suho rushed to block his shot.
"You bet," Suho grinned. "I'll go ahead." Suho walked towards the bicycle parking lot ahead of others.
"Hey, man. I'm thrilled you're back to your old self. If Joo Ho could have been here, he would've been happy."
"Yeah yeah..." Suho walked out, waving his hand in the air.
_______
eomma. (In Hangul: 엄마) = Mom
oppa 오빠 a word used by girls to address their older brother and even to older guys.
It was the first day of January 1996, the sky was brighter, and the nights were longer. The cloud loomed over the clear sky, and the sun was shining behind the clouds. Suho's feeling a different surge of energy he couldn't explain. Almost as if a dream is about to come true. He cycled, resembling a raging bull through the crowd of students, turning away from the deserted streets to the busy road. Cycling alone makes you a perfect target for onlookers waiting to beat the hell out of you. Finally, when the coast was clear, he slowed down. His bicycle screeched to a halt at the sight of a large moving van parked outside the house. Boxes were scattered on the road blocking any vehicle from passing through the one-way street. The men in the moving van's uniform carried the containers to the vacant house once occupied by Suho's friend, Joo ho. And he wondered if he could befriend the new occupants too. "Oppa, Oppa," a cute voice from a little girl cut through the stillnes
March 1996 Daegu, South Korea "Where's your brother?" Mrs. Lee fixed her gaze on Naeun, who was seated across the table. She shrugged her shoulders in response, concentrating on her favorite pancake in her hand. Mrs. Lee surveyed the second floor, from the kitchen to the living room in one sweep, with her brown almond-shaped eyes, looking for the suspect. Marching in full force, her brown skirt trailing behind her, she unbolted the door to Suho's room, which was surprisingly empty and clean. No trace of a human being existed. "Where could he be?" crossing her arms, brows wrinkled. Suho, Mrs. Lee noticed, had been acting weird for the last few weeks. "Is he possessed? Should I bring him to a shaman?" Sprinting towards the antic cabinet in the living room looking for a pamphlet. "No. Maybe the gods have heard my plea." Mrs. Lee looked up, spread her arms to the heavens, clasping her hands in sincere gratitude. Heaven knows how long she'd prayed for her son to snap out
Unlike Suho and the other students, Hana would sit in silence and try to get the best seat in the house -- middle, in front of the teacher -- which kids avoid. During breaks, when students chatter, play or escape to a convenience store, the new girl buried herself in the books. Her voice is precious as a diamond, a rare commodity. Her effort to distance herself from others was futile. As boys would hover around her like bees trying to score nectar from the most beautiful flower in the garden. At night when the classes were over, she'd often walk the streets from the center to her house. Suho would pedal his bicycle tortoise-like, matching her pace. Sometimes she'd take the bus, and he'd follow the bus until the next bus stop. Days passed into weeks. The excitement and agitation crept through every vein in Suho's body. Downcasted at the thought of not seeing Hana every day to melodramatic anticipation of the new school year's promise. Suho wasn't after the academic com
"I am not fine. I know I said I was, but I'm not." Suho stared at the glass windowpane next to his study table. On his windowsill was an array of potted ornamental plants from his mom's garden. From Aloe Vera, Peace Lily, Lavender, and English Ivy, which Mrs. Lee explained how they cleansed the air he breathed. But none of those were creating any difference for him at that moment. All framed with a lace curtain, no one will guess the room was his. And no one could tell what he's going through either. That wasn't cool at all. Of all the people who could see me that day, why has it to be her? Cursing in between breaths. Across the street, he has a clear view of his neighbor's window, covered with a cerulean curtain. At night, the bright light in the room gave a silhouette of the enigmatic figure, dancing under the moonlight in the soothing song of The Swan Lake. In the morning, the curtains were drawn, and the owner grooved to the hit music of the 90s. Ace of Spade, MJ,
"Naeun, Naeun," he barked in between the door gap. "Come here for a second."
“Look at these pictures, unnie! This was Oppa when he was my age.” Nauen giggled as they browsed through old albums in the living room. “Oh! This is in Luneta Park, I’ve been there multiple times.” “Really?” Mrs. Lee asked. “Suho liked going to that park.” “Look, imo! This is me!” showing the picture of a small behind their family picture, holding a toy plane. “So, you’re the little girl Suho was talking about when he was younger. He kept looking for you whenever we went there.” “Me too. Cause I wanted to give him back his toy. It seems precious to him.” “It is. His father gave that to him.” “What a small world.” Hana left around 10 in the evening, carrying several Tupperware of food that Mrs. Lee packed for her. Suho watched the window across his room lit up. That’s when he knew she was home safe and sound. Filled with inspiration, he took out his sketchbook and began drawing what transpired that evening. Sketching Hana in full details as she smiled, played with Naeun
Autumn of 1996 Daegu, South Korea Time had hastily changed from weeks to months, from one period to the next. Evenings have a nip in the air as summer took a back seat. The temperature plummeted to 14 degrees Celsius as September kicked in. From the green scenery, hues of browns and oranges sweep the landscape to some extent, preparing its days for those long cold nights. Suho Lee had his hands full, as one astray dog increased to 6 in the last six months. At that rate, the spot under the stairs can no longer put up with their growing tribe. Hana and Suho scoured the entire neighborhood searching for a suitable place until they chance upon an abandoned old shack near the park, two stops away from where they live. They have also enlisted a temporary little helper, Naeun, Suho’s sister. With the help of their newest member, they named their small animal sanctuary Wonder pets. The bungalow-type house was deserted a few years back. After inquiring around, Suho and Hana
“Ya! Let go of her,” the young woman’s cry reverberated in the narrow alleyway. Suho flinched.He recognized her voice. And he can’t turn away because he promised to protect her at all costs.Shaking his head, he swung his bike around, searching for the sound. In the middle of the narrow lane was a schoolgirl with long wavy hair falling below her shoulder.Her purple backpack stood out, he can easily see it from afar. A dreamcatcher dangling by its side.It was indeed Hana. Not again, he whispered. No one was in sight as the alleyway was situated in the midst of two abandoned buildings. It’s an ideal location for a felony. Suho couldn’t identify who she was screaming at.So, he pulled down his cap, hiding his face from possible onlookers.He glided to where Hana was.Even from afar, he realized the danger she’s in. The situation crushed at him like a raging bull. In the middle of the pathway were 4 people — 3 boys and 1 girl.The group was notorious in wreaking havoc to their
“There’s no turning back,” I admitted to myself after the horn honked right into my ears. I have been a lawyer for years, unaffected at even the most dangerous criminal, only to wither like a plant in front of Hana. The truth hurts that behind the shining half moon in the starless sky, she was at the dark unseen side. At that very moment, trying to reclaim her position only clouded with dark clouds.As the green light turned on, I pressed on the accelerator zooming past the hundreds of cars on the street. Driving further away from Gangnam, from the truth I can’t bring myself to admit. After an hour of mindless driving, it brought me to the same spot where broken hearts go. Found myself in Dongdaemun along the strips of tent bars where adults crashed after a hard day’s work. My sentiments may not even be far from them. In these cramp gray tent bars where alcohol and bar snacks were sold, we pour out our deepest regrets and l
Hana stood up, gathered her coat, her eyes fixated on the floor., and breathed heavily. “I’m sorry, Oppa.”“For what?” I asked, all the while clutching firmly at the armrest of my couch. Every vein popping out, restraining myself from doing something I might later regret.She turned around and, with heavy feet, sauntered towards the door without replying to my question.I Still have a lot of questions left unanswered. She can’t leave hanging again, can’t she? I cleared my throat, “Hana, why are you here?”She stopped on her track, “Nothing. Forget about it.” Her right hand on the doorknob, “Honestly, I don’t know where else to go but here. You’re the only one to who I can open up without any fear. Sorry for being delusional, thinking perhaps that could at least lend me an ear. But I guess that’s already in the past. I’m not in
“That’s not the Hana I know.” I watched her expression shift like the lioness to a stray cat in the wilderness. “I thought everything was going well for you. What happened?” I stopped asking the same question to myself. I don’t think I am the same Suho either, or am I? Why am I even questioning myself now?Hana tilted her head, blinked several times, her eyes focused on me. Then asked, “So, who is the Hana, you know?”I leaned back, rested my elbows on the armrest, interlaced my fingers, and looked at her. “The Hana I know is someone who knows exactly what she wanted and would do anything to get it. She’s an achiever who never stops until she’s satisfied and not when she’s tired.” I smirked, scanning her from head to foot. “You sound more like ME back in high school rather than the Hana I knew.”“Maybe we’ve switched souls,&rdq
The lioness came out of the den and caught me off guard. My heart palpitating, palms sweating, and throat dried from the thought. Our conversation still echoed in my ears.“Hello,” I answered in a low, intimidating tone. It was more than what I intended to do, not knowing who the other person on the other line was. Whoever it was has interrupted my peace and must pay for it. “Hello,” a woman’s voice reverberated through the other end of the line. Her voice brought chills to my bones. In an instant, a wind zapped me through a deep tunnel, the speed of lightning. One word was enough for my mind to be blown away.I leaned forward, unconsciously gripping the wooden arm of my chair, my knuckles turning crimson. I banished to a place where black clouds appeared on the horizon and fog blurs everything in sight. My mind whirling as I bit my lips. “Suho,” her sweet voice echoing through the dense mist. “Are you still there?” she asked. “Hana,” pausing in between, breathing after each
***Suho’s POV***November 4, 2005I started writing because I was happy. Today, I only write to feel amidst the depression.Exactly a year has passed. Ever since that day, November 4, 2004, my love vanished in thin air. But every detail was still vivid in my mind like it merely happened yesterday. The truth was it’s a memoir that should have perished like the seafoam. Yet, for some reason, the waves kept pushing back these foam to the shore.From the time we left Busan, everything went easily, better than what I imagined. Hana became busier than normal. Working two shifts for the pet store, running errands for Grandma Jung and eomma, and volunteering at the shrine.While I sat around waiting for the result of the bar exam, standing by for her to come home every day. Her busy schedule ended with bus dates. Every morning, we’d have breakfast, send her to work, and
“Was it all worth it?” Hana’s eyes shifted, watching the full moon from afar.The moonlight cast a warm glow over the sea turned bleak, hiding behind gigantic dark clouds swallowing it whole. It’s face hidden in the starless night. It was as if it’s sending a distress signal of impending danger.“Love is WORTH it. I’d rather be a heartbroken prince than a soulless creature on earth.” His voice steady but warm. He reached out for Hana’s hand and clasped it within his two hands.“Your hands are so warm,” she mumbled. Tears fell on Hana’s cheeks, leaning closer on his shoulders.Together, they watched the moon reveal its face once again. Dark clouds drifted away, creating a halo in the black sky.Suho pulled her up, walking hand in hand, next to the seashore towards their trailer van. Waves crashing in on their barefooted feet.“Ya! What are you