My gaze fell on Nicholas' pants draped over the bed. The loose waistband was twisted into what looked like a crying face. The black phone peeking out from one corner seemed depressing.
In our married life, I valued both love and privacy. We respected each other's personal space and never touched each other's phones.
But earlier, I had already searched through his study. Would this make a difference?
I pulled out his phone and swiftly burrowed under the covers. I hid my head as well.
I was nervous.
Nothing good ever came out of going through your partner's phone. I was scared of finding evidence of his and Claudia's dalliance, but I was also afraid of finding nothing and becoming paranoid.
My teeth were chattering as I thought of the rosary beads he liked to wear.
Nicholas, what exactly were you hiding from me?
Whether it was my trembling hands or nervousness, I entered the wrong password several times.
At last, a message appeared on the screen: "Incorrect password. Please retry in 30 seconds."
Was I naive?
I could unlock his safe but not his phone.
With my pounding heartbeat in the background, I mentally went through all the passwords I could think of. My mouth was dry, and I was swallowing air while I counted down the seconds.
Five, four, three, two…
Suddenly, the blanket covering my head was lifted.
"What are you doing?"
Nicholas stood there, and his bare upper body was dripping with water. His eight-pack abs were on display.
He had a gray towel wrapped around his lower half. It gave me a tantalizing glimpse of his V-line which led to other parts of his body that sparked my imagination.
For the first time, I couldn't appreciate the sight of a handsome man after a bath. My attention was fully on his reaction to me holding his phone.
Clearly, he hadn't expected me to have his phone in my hands. He scowled at me and froze.
"Honey," I said softly. There was a guilty feeling eating at me. I was like a thief caught in the act. I didn't know what to say to break the awkwardness.
His Adam's apple bobbed as anger swirled in his eyes. "Ariana Jones!"
Nicholas reached for the phone. But thinking he was going to hit me, I instinctively dodged. One of us pressed the shutter button, and there was a "click" that echoed in the room at an inappropriate time.
On the screen, I had disheveled hair, tears welling in my eyes, and a deathly pale complexion.
It was hard to believe this was the same person who stood in front of the mirror. Just a few hours ago, I had felt like a seductress who could capture his soul.
Nicholas glanced at the phone, and his expression softened slightly. His voice carried a hint of teasing as he said, "What's this? Documenting your first time wearing lingerie for me?"
Only then did I realize my body was exposed. I blushed and threw myself into his arms. "I'm sorry."
I knelt on the bed and held onto his waist tightly while looking up at him with pleading eyes. "Honey, I want to do it."
Of the 26 years I had lived, Nicholas had been the center of my life for 20.
From the first time I laid my eyes on him from a distance, I had never looked away. My teenage thoughts were delicate, and I was deeply immersed in a fantasy of unrequited love.
I didn't want the faith in my life to crumble. I loved Nicholas with all my heart, and I wanted him to love me the same.
Nicholas raised his hand to stroke my head, and the hard lines of his jaw softened slightly. "I have to accompany Claudia for the time being. After that, I can consider bringing you on a trip."
I cautiously probed him, "How did Claudia get hurt? Why did she get admitted to the hospital in the middle of the night?"
"It's nothing. Just an old ailment."
In Nicholas' usually cold and firm gaze, I unexpectedly saw a hint of evasion. I felt a pang of disappointment. I knew he didn't want to tell me the truth.
"Will it just be the two of us?" I asked tentatively again.
Even our honeymoon included Claudia. Right after I married Nicholas, Claudia had fallen seriously ill, and the whole family was very tense at that time. They didn't tell me the specific cause of the illness.
Back then, to show my generosity and to gain favor with the in-laws, I agreed to their request to take Claudia with us abroad for treatment.
She was still underage at the time, and she was wary of me. She only wanted Nicholas to accompany her. Out of consideration for her illness, I didn't say anything.
But since then, Nicholas and I never traveled alone again. I now realized how unhealthy our marriage was and how there had always been a third person in our lives.
Nicholas hesitated.
"How about we take another honeymoon trip abroad? We should try for a baby. Frances is getting anxious," I pressed and upped the stakes.
Perhaps Nicholas remembered his past debts to me, or perhaps he thought of the tonic his mother had pumped him with. His brows furrowed and then relaxed, and finally, he nodded.
"Which country do you want to go to?" He helped me smooth out the hair around my neck, which caused a tingle in my heart. It was a mix of love and hate.
I put on a smile and mimicked Claudia's delighted, pleasing demeanor. "Of course, the first stop will be our own country. The destination is Coral Villa in Radiant City, right here in our bed!"
I leaped and hooked my arms around his neck. I kissed him fiercely as my legs entwined around his waist.
He kissed me back. His hands carefully cradled my hips, and we both tumbled onto the bed.
Finally, I was able to turn him on.
Nicholas came on strong, and my flimsy clothes came off swiftly. He grabbed my ankles with both hands and was about to take the next step when his phone buzzed.
"Nick!" A message popped up on the notification bar.
The pressure on my ankles increased, causing me some discomfort. He clearly noticed the message too.
Claudia then sent several images.
"Nick, do I look good? Quick, praise me!"
"Haven't you finished showering yet? When are you coming back?"
Claudia was always cheerful and enthusiastic. She always fired off messages like a machine gun.
Nicholas released me, but I didn't let him go. I hooked my legs around his waist.
"Don't go. Can't we continue?"
My voice was impossibly soft. I was doing everything I could to entice him.
His voice was hoarse as he pinched my thigh. "I'm not in the mood anymore."
The pain made me loosen my grip, and I watched him wrap a towel around himself and head downstairs to the walk-in wardrobe.
In this household, Claudia and I had different roles. She was the pampered darling of the family, the privileged child.
Meanwhile, as Nicholas' wife, I must act appropriately at all times, be gentle and virtuous, and "see the bigger picture."
In the past, if he had said something like that, I would obediently lie down and continue to dwell in the bitter emptiness and loneliness.
But once the seed of doubt had sprouted, it wouldn't stop growing unless something was proven.
Hurriedly, I chased after him barefoot.
What I saw in the walk-in wardrobe was shocking.
